Welcome to Horror Fuel’s Horror Short of the Week, where we take a look at the best scary shorts you can watch for free online. This week we present Fist of Jesus!
The Jesus of Nazareth featured in the Hebrew Bible was always a rather passive fellow. Sure, there was the odd temple courtyard whip attack, and a table upturning or two, but old J.C. was generally a pretty chill dude. So for us heretics and sinners looking for a cooler kind of savior, Fist of Jesus portrays the Son of Man as the kind of Lord worth worshiping; a zombie slaying, sandal wearing, sword-fish wielding badass.
After a disastrous attempt to waken the deceased where he succeeds just a little to well, it’s up to Jesus send the undead masses back to the hell he rose them from. Accompanied only by the cowardly judas, a whole lot of fish, and some of the most impressive practical effects this side of early Peter Jackson, the Son of God’s got a lot of work to do.
It’s not a very complicated film, and one that, stretched beyond 13 minutes, would almost certainly border on tedium (although this hasn’t stopped the creators from trying to make a feature film, titled Once Upon a Time In Jerusalem since 2012). But there’s nowhere else you’re going to find a wild-eyed Jesus beating cowboy zombies to death with a cross, so there’s that. The effects as well are frankly just astounding, visceral and vibrantly colored as any of the gore masterpieces of old. If Hershel Gordon Lewis went to bible camp as a teenager, he might very well have made this movie.
I’d be interested to see what a feature-length Fist of Jesus film would be like, but currently I’m perfectly content with these 13 minutes of messiah smackdown.