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Blu-ray Review: Godmonster of Indian Flats (1973)

After a whole mess of sheep, a cowboy (sheepboy?!!) in a furry vest playing the one armed bandit, rando joyriding, and four music changes (a heavenly chorus. some synthy fart noises, a brassy upbeat number, and some sort of stock score music) we get down to the real business with Godmonster of Indian Flats…namely that this film is batshit insane and possibly the product of a certified schizophrenic (or a director desperately trying to meet their run time…not a lot of difference really). Following all that we get a banjo band with a beatnik playing in a traditional old west saloon (like straight out of a John Wayne movie costumes and all)…and we finally get going on the story to this picture; namely that dude mentioned previous finds one hella fucked up newborn lamb (after he experiences a psychotronic freak out)…a find that is whisked away to the lab of scientific manly-man Dr. Clemens (E. Kerrigan Prescott…Christ, they just should have used the dude’s real name) and his ludicrously named assistant Mariposa (Karen Ingenthron…and for shits, why not take a drink every time Clemens says her name…especially if you want to experience severe alcohol poisoning before this flick is half over).

As he performs his research, Clemens discovers that the most likely cause for the mutation is the local leaking-ass phosphorus mine…regardless of what caused it, the thing lives, grows into a monster and goes on a rampage…as these things oft times do…but before that happens we get these head scratching and seemingly unrelated things; fortune telling, a stock footage laden parade, Native American legends, way too much sharpshooting, a dog funeral (in a church with a lil’ doggy sized coffin…adorable…but sad…adorasad!!…but with a twist…adorasadwist!!!), the most outrageously inappropriate cartoon music in a horror film since The Gonk, pies!…how the hell does this have nearly forty minutes left…

Godmonster of Indian Flats is one hell of a fucked up fright flick. It has almost no horror, very little creature (until late in the third act where that ramps up a bit…and for the record, I know the design of this beast takes a ton of heat, but I have always been a fan of it’s outlandish uniqueness), and is chock full of disparate elements so off-the-wall that they defy description (though I tried my best boils and ghouls…I tried my best…). For all of that, this is a film that any lover of Drive-In cinema absolutely must see! You simply will not believe what you are greeted with at any given moment; from anachronistic settings and costumes, to thick assed creatures, to an ending that will have you on your feet screaming “That certainly is a way you could end a movie!”

Following the experience that is the main feature, our pals at AGFA have saw fit to keep the momentum goin’ with some bonus features on this Blu! First up is Strange Sightings; a short film extolling the dangers of labelling someone a U.F.O. eccentric…along with some screamingly hilarious dialog debating ancient astronauts, military flying saucer reports, interviews with kooks and liars…err, I mean “experts” and “flying saucer abductees”, as well as random people on the streets (trust me being educated on space travel can make all the difference when presented with the opportunity to take a ride in a U.F.O.)…and I haven’t even mentioned the “Integratron”! This short is one of the most daffy, batshit pseudo-documentaries I have ever seen, and is actually worth the price of this release on it’s own!

Next comes School Bus Fires; a short doc about…well about school bus fires…narrated by someone doing their best Rod Serling, which is appropriate given the absolutely unbelievable nature of some of these fires, and the alternate dimension this was made in…a dimension of sight and sound where twenty five minutes was given to a subject that could have just been explained with “If your school bus catches on fire, exit the bus immediately”.

Following this comes White Gorilla…a short film about explorers in Africa (or someone’s backyard) encountering an ivory hued ape who battles a regular gorilla over a woman…thankfully no buses catch on fire in this one, but there is a danger of being labelled a “gorilla eccentric” present…

Next we get some creature feature trailers from the AGFA vaults…all of which would make fine Blu-ray releases in my anything but humble opinion!

Finally we get to the best extra this release contains; a second feature film presentation: The Legend of Bigfoot! TLOB concerns one man’s tireless quest to prove the existence of Bigfoot presented in documentary fashion (i.e. extensive stock footage with new narration played over the top, and “re-enactment” sequences). If you enjoy tall tales (or what is known as “bullshit” in the language of my people), countless minutes (I mean you could count them…I just didn’t feel like it) of animals doing animal things, hammy narration, and some fool prancing around in a questionable Sasquatch costume, then The Legend of Bigfoot is the film you’ve been waiting for! All kidding aside, this film is damn fun to watch and presents an engaging narration constructed from basically nothing…plus the sequences of the near Shakespearean romantic life of ground squirrels set to music that would be right at home at Ye Olde Ren Faire should not be missed…just make sure you have tissues handy (but please, leave your pants up this time…I beseech thee)!

With a brain shattering, deliriously nonsensical main feature, and extremely enjoyable bonus features, this release of Godmonster of Indian Flats is a can’t miss for lovers of creature features, filmed fever dreams, or the kind of films that put your parents off so much at the Drive-In that they got their “F” on and you were created!

 

 

 

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