The Convent begins with some bad-ass schoolgirl-type named Christine beating up some nuns and immolating a convent in 1960 as Lesley Gore croons You Don’t Own Me… and if you can’t dig on that you are reading the wrong column baby…
After that cheek-slappin’ bit of awesome we segue to the modern day of 2000 or so, where a group of frat-types, a cheerleader, and a goth girl looking for a place to party just so happen to settle on the burnt-out remains of that eponymous abode… but they aren’t alone as a group of half-assed Satanist-wannabes also are practicing their Hot Topic deviltry!
Before long the spirits of the no-good nuns that used to inhabit the convent start possessing our party-hardy protagonists and all hell breaks loose… literally.
Will our heroes be able to survive that unholy night… maybe with the help of a now adult Christine (Adrienne Barbeau, Escape From New York, The Fog, Swamp Thing) they can keep their asses Satan-free for a bit longer…
Coming from director Mike Mendez (Big Ass Spider!, Satanic Hispanics) and screenwriter Chaton Anderson (who also acted in and co-produced the picture), The Convent absolutely rocks… and it rocks hard!
Filled to the beastly brim with blacklight enhanced demons, neon blood, gore, more gore, fun cameos (Coolio and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2‘s Bill Mosely as you’ve never seen them), and big laughs (intentional ones at that), The Convent flies by at a brisk pace and never fails to entertain! Hell, I didn’t even mention the motorcycle action (this is a film that gets maximum bang for it’s buck!)…
With all of that monstrous mayhem flashing before our eerie eyeballs, the cast better be up to the task of holding our gore splashed attention, and thankfully they do! Everyone here is solid, but my fav performances were provided by David Gunn and Kelly Mantle as Saul and Dickie-Boy, the absolute pinnacle of absolute idiocy that is the satanic duo, the Lords of Hell.
Also, it must be said that while I was anticipating a mere cameo from Barbeau, she instead delivers one of the most ass-kicking performances of her long career, and absolutely owns the third act of the flick.
As for the narrative, it’s as uncomplicated as it should be and contains nods to such classic fright flicks as Night of the Demons, Evil Dead 2, and Bava’s Demons, while still managing to be it’s own brand of splendid trashy fun… and as you longtime readers know, all of that equals an amazing time parkin’ your ass in front of the tube indeed!
You’ll be parked there even longer if you dive into the selection of special features on this Synapse 4K release!
Things kick off with an archival “behind-the-scenes’ featurette (including quick glimpses of the amazing effects work being created) followed by an entertaining and informative modern day look (hosted by Mendez) at locations utilized for filming both The Convent and Mendez’s debut film, Killers), a deleted scene (you’ll easily see why this one was cut), and a selection of gore outtakes (there’s a fire gag in there as well).
After that we get a still gallery (which includes excellent looks at the film’s demons in all their ghoulish glory), the film’s electronic press kit (which includes the film’s trailer as well as interviews with Mendez and Anderson), and a duo of promotional trailers.
Additionally we get two commentaries; one a cast and crew affair that takes us through the film in often hilarious detail, and the other an uproarious conversation with the Lords of Hell of all people!
Also included is a Blu-ray edition of the film with all of the extras mentioned above… but for the record my review utilized the 4K version, and I can attest that the transfer is rather awesome especially in regards to the eye-popping color palette featured in this film
Full of blood, beasts, and belly laughs, The Convent is a supernatural shocker sure to please gore-hounds to no end!
