Movie Review: Loophole (2019)

December 29, 2018

Written by DanXIII

Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, director, producer, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

Better buckle up for this one boils n’ ghouls ‘cuz ol’ XIII has just had a lousy time in front of the boob tube and he’s going to bring you along on his pain parade!
Before I lose my shit; let me briefly tell you the plot to the upcoming film Loophole. Mankind has discovered the Hamanaro Strand, a piece of the genetic code that makes those that possess it violent criminals. This leads to mandatory testing for the gene, and the removal of those that have it from the society of decent folk…there’s also a conspiracy involving the UN and Satan. Okay, fair enough.
Enter college student Lexi Smith (Chloe Lukasiak) and her friend Emma (Gabrielle Valladares). These young ladies are tested and found to have an unusual genetic profile that may link them to Judas Iscariot. They are then caught up in a war between an angel Riley (Deven Bromme) and Satan’s pal Asael (Mark Shrader)…they are also caught up in roughly ninety minutes of faith based preaching unconvincingly disguised as a sci-fi thriller.
Look; religion and sci-fi/horror can go hand in hand with amazing results…pictures like The Exorcist or The Prophecy (Walken, not mutated bear variety) for example…but the secret there is to entertain while using religious themes, not to proselytize like your teaching Sunday School…a lesson Director Jenni Ivers could stand to learn fast because all Loophole does is beat you over the head with it’s message again and again and again…
I’m too lazy to create a zero skulls icon, but this film certainly would receive that exact rating. As it stands I’m giving it one skull because it was in focus and I could hear the dialog…



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