I had heard good things about writer-director Bartosz M. Kowalski’s new horror film Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight so I decided to give it a try.
The movie centers on a group of teens who have been sent to a remote camp in the woods because of their addiction to technology, phones, computers, gaming, YouTube, etc… Of course, when you take a bunch of teens into the woods on a camping trip things are bound to go wrong. When a cannibal killer discovers the group he begins picking them off one by one.
If imitation is the biggest form of flattery, then this movie is a love letter to slashers. What I saw was a mishmash of bits of and ideas from horror classics, including Friday the 13th, Wrong Turn, Scream, Hatchet, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, and more. And It’s filled to the brim with basic horror troupes.
Every character is right out of the horror handbook, a virgin, a geek, someone who thinks they’re more of a badass than they really are, the quiet loner, a teen struggling with their sexuality, a slut, a pothead, etc. Nothing new there. Hell, one character literally lays out the rules of horror movies and of course, the group instantly goes into action doing each of them. Sex, check, splitting up, check, going where they don’t belong, check. UGH. It is sooo predictable.
The characters are lackluster. In an attempt to be realistic (I think), what we get is basic dumbed-down characters with very little personality. And Jesus, they’re stupid. Oh, let’s go inside this killer’s house with no weapons and poke around! Seriously?
And can we talk about the villain? Ever wondered what a slow, dumb, bloated version of Victor Crowley would look like? Watch this movie and you’ll find out.
The origin story is a little creative though. I’ll give them that even though it was an odd choice.
When it comes to the movies’ horror, I never blinked an eye. Even the jumpscares are weak. It’s just not scary.
The source of the film’s title is revealed in a scene as the title of a children’s book that the villain’s mother read to him and his brother as children. Okay, so what does a story about a witch have to with this movie? Nothing.
Now that I’ve expressed my feelings about what I didn’t like, let’s talk about what I did like. I’ll start with the cinematography which was nice. The movie looks good and the special effects, which appeared to be 90% practical, were good, especially when it came to the chopped up bodies and gore. That’s all I’ve got.
Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight isn’t a completely awful movie. Hell, you might even enjoy it. But don’t go into expecting to jump out of your seat or see something new. It’s now streaming on Netflix.
