Sumuru (Goldfinger‘s Shirley Eaton) is one deadly woman, she’s also a near-comic book styled super-villain hell bent on replacing the powerful male leaders of the world of the Swinging Sixties with her cadre of her murderous all-girl army, members of whom kill men with their thighs for kicks!
One such attempt of Sumuru’s evil plan leads to a threat being made on the life of the leader of Sinonesia, President Boong (played by noted lunatic Klaus Fuckin’ Kinski) which results in horny C.I.A. operatives Nick West (George Nader) and Tommy Carter (Frankie Avalon sans beach, blanket, and bingo) being called in to investigate by by the head of British Intelligence, Sir Anthony Baisbrook (Wilfrid Hyde-White, whom you may remember from the original Battlestar Galactica, or that Star Trek-ass second season of Buck Rogers).
Our (occasionally) hammered heroes are hot on the case and travel from Europe to Hong Kong where they are soon up to their asses in the machinations of Sumuru and her randy revved-up legions… machinations which include: a forced change of allegiance, slow, awkward chase sequences (notice the word “car” is absent), and Sumuru gettin’ down and dirty with one of our heroes via fucking (even though she has members of her troops exterminated for doing the same)… to name but a few.
Boong may want to hire a couple more security details…
Because comparisons are fun and useful for getting an idea across quickly, The Million Eyes of Sumuru is like an alternate universe production where the makers of the ’66 Batman show got a wild hair up their ass to do a James Bond picture… it’s loaded with corny, at times terrible “comedy”, is extremely visually pleasing (the film features secret underground sci-fi laboratories, and ass-kicking henchwomen dressed to the nines in Asian-inspired, comic book-worthy costumes toting semi-automatic weapons), and there’s a dubious miniature (with explosion).
Adding to the surrealist insanity at hand are the performances which feature: Eaton eatin’ the scenery as a sexed-up, (distaff) Dr. Doom level evil-doer, Hyde-White classing up the joint while simultaneously keeping things tongue-in-cheek, and Nader and Avalon who play kinda crappy (in the human being department) characters who remain sort of charming (and at times actually comedic) despite their sexist, rum-soaked, motor-mouthed selves… but, as anyone familiar with my revoltin’ reviews could probably guess, my favorite performance is of course Herr Kinski in an unbelievable whirlwind of wigs, secret identities, and completely absurd behavior that is clearly from some other picture that he was filming in his mind… it’s confusing, amazing, hilarious, and subtly terrifying… I’d throw fuckin’ roses at the screen if I had some on hand…
Spicing all of the above up considerably is the film’s score which mostly consists of a suitably chaotic, yet infinity jazzy, combo of blaring horny horns, jingle-jangle electric guitar, and pounding bongos… trust me, it’s precisely what should be accompanying this.
Also amazing is that the filmmakers went totally Avant Garde as the blooper reel is left in the actual film which features slipping extras and flubbed lines… chef’s kiss on that one…
Speaking of things usually found in bonus materials on affairs such as these, this release from Blue Underground boasts two brand-spankin’ new audio commentary tracks; one courtesy of Film Historians David Del Valle and Dan Marino, and the other from Film Historians Nathaniel Thompson and Troy Howarth. Between the two, the film’s production is covered in detail with plenty of facts and anecdotes that are more than well-worth a listen for fans of the film.
The film’s theatrical trailer is also present.
Additionally this release contains a Blu-ray version of The Million Eyes of Sumuru, which features the above mentioned special features as well as a killer feature-length documentary on the legacy of the flick’s director, Lindsay Shonteff (new to this release), a poster & still gallery, and the Rifftrax version of the film.
Pulpy, full of exotic locales, and packed with lascivious and lethal ladies, The Million Eyes of Sumuru is fun, funky, and freaky all at once… and that spells a wicked winner in my beastly book!
P.S. Blue Underground has also released a nifty 4K/Blu-ray combo of the sequel to The Million Eyes of Sumuru, Jess Franco’s The Girl From Rio, which I reviewed right here!
