Chain-smoking action movie star Tony (Jeff Rector) has got it tough… he’s losing steam in his career, his girlfriend Daphne (Griffin Drew, The Bare Wench Project 2: Scared Topless) alternates between being mega-horny (okay, that really shouldn’t be a “problem”) and totally self-absorbed, and he keeps getting mental flashes of topless cavewomen.
In order to calm the raging storm inside him, Tony heads to the local museum where he learns of the existence of a strange valley where various prehistoric beasts and primitive people live… a valley he is able to access thanks to a bizarre talisman.
Once in that vicious valley, Tony immediately looses his return ticket home talisman to some cavemen, encounters dinosaurs… some of which are surprisingly adept at removing women’s tops… and meets the comely Hea-Thor (Denise Ames), leader of a tribe of beautiful cave-babes that broke away from the Neanderthal numbskulls that swiped our hero’s arcane amulet.
Will Tony be able to get his stone back, head home, and possibly enjoy a cigarette in peace… or will he remain trapped in that time-lost location with all those cavewoman just a-lustin’ after him…
What writer/director Donald F. Glut (who has written for Gen X classic cartoons such as Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends, G.I. Joe, and The Transformers… as well as creating more crotch-pleasing fare as The Mummy’s Kiss and Countess Dracula’s Orgy of Blood) has created one hell of a goofy throwback to prehistoric pictures of decades past (think the Raquel Welch starring One Million Years B.C., or Amicus’ Burroughs adaptation The People That Time Forgot) with Dinosaur Valley Girls.
Packed fat with corny dialog, cheap costumes, and a couple of songs that you have to hear to believe, this flick never takes itself seriously (though the proceedings are given a bit of an air of class thanks to a cameo from Blacula himself, William Marshall), and therein lies it’s charm.
And charming it is, with the sexual content rather chaste (though the naked breast content is through the roof at times), the actors incredibly game (even the aforementioned Marshall and Trilogy of Terror‘s Karen Black… also look for a cameo from Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine’s Forrest J. Ackerman), and the dinosaurs a groovy blend of practical puppetry and stop-motion animation!
As mentioned up yonder this prehistoric pandemonium features a duo of songs from Glut himself with the star of the show being Jurassic Punk which comes complete with it’s own show (and story) stopping dance number and lyrics that would be at home on a pre-history focused PBS kids show.
Special features on this Visual Vengeance release start off with a duo of audio commentaries from Glut (One a new conversation moderated by author/screenwriter C. Courtney Joyner, the other an archival chat) that takes us through the nuts n’ bolts of what it took to get Dinosaur Valley Girls on the screen.
This is followed by a lengthy interview with Glut (and a tour of his extensive dinosaur ephemera collection), an archival “making of” featurette, a collection of deleted scenes, the film’s original promotional trailer, and a PG-13 cut of the picture.
Additionally we get a collection of actress audition reels, an absolutely absurd music video program hosted by a dinosaur featuring Glut’s songs about prehistoric beasts (this is worth the price of admission alone), lyric videos for Glut’s songs from the film, two videos of an Asian lady dancing around Glut’s house and backyard, storyboards, extensive image galleries, and the Visual Vengeance trailer for the film.
Also included in the package are a double-sided sleeve, a folded mini-poster, and a VHS rental-inspired sticker sheet (along with a Dinosaur Valley Girls sticker).
Fun, delightfully ridiculous, and full of fur bikinis and ferocious beasts, Dinosaur Valley Girls is tongue-in-cheek, pulpy entertainment through and through!
