Confession time: I’m a die-hard Jurassic Park fan. We’re talking shirts, PJs, even official dinosaur toys for my dogs. So, it genuinely hurts me to say this, but the latest entry, Jurassic World: Rebirth, left me feeling as lost as a goat in a T-Rex paddock.
The Same Old Song and Dance
The movie, now available on Digital and VOD, picks up where Dominion left off. It stars Scarlett Johansson as Zora Bennett, a covert operative sent to snag some dino DNA. As you’d expect, chaos erupts, a family gets caught in the mix, and everyone ends up stranded on an island with hungry dinosaurs.
And that’s pretty much the plot. We’ve seen this movie seven times now, haven’t we? While the formula has worked before, it has become stale. Even with original Jurassic Park writer David Koepp back on board, the story felt painfully predictable. I was hoping for something fresh, but it was just a recycled plot from start to finish.
Dumb Dinosaurs and Generic Villains
Let’s talk about the bad guys. The human villain, Martin, is as bland as unseasoned chicken. He’s just a generic money-hungry douche. The real disappointment, though, is the D-Rex. I mean, what is that thing? It’s clumsy, it’s deformed, it has a big ass ol’ forehead, and it’s not even a little bit scary. I couldn’t take it seriously, which is a big problem for a movie like this.
Then there’s the plot hole that really irks me. The movie makes a major point of saying that dinosaurs can’t survive in much of the world anymore, yet the kid decides to take her pet dinosaur off the island anyway. It’s a move that basically signs its death warrant, and it’s just one more example of the sloppy writing that plagues the film.
The Verdict
While the special effects are great and the aquatic dinosaur scenes were a blast, Jurassic World: Rebirth is ultimately a letdown. It’s a formulaic flick that repeats the same messages about human greed and playing God, all while recycling a tired plot. The cast, despite some great performances from Mahershala Ali and Jonathan Bailey, couldn’t save the film, and Scarlett Johansson’s character felt stiff and uninspired. It came across that she would rather be anywhere than in this movie.
If you’re a die-hard fan like me, you’ll probably watch Jurassic World: Rebirth anyway. It’s out now on VOD. But maybe go in with lowered expectations.
