Severin, by way of their always amazing Intervision label, have released a collection of film’s involving a man named Cliff Tremlow called Bloody Legend: The Complete Cliff Twemlow Collection…
Who is Cliff Twemlow? I have no idea, but thankfully this collection includes a documentary that will answer that question… but I’m watching that last as those types of things often contain copious amounts of spoilers and ruin the best bits of the film’s featured within…
Things kick off here feature film-wise with 1982’s Tuxedo Warrior…
Unlikable fucker/white tuxedo aficionado Cliff (For Your Eyes Only’s John Wyman) runs The Omega Bar down Zimbabwe-way… a real dive that plays home to all manner of shady types, Cliff included.
Cliff’s life is turned upside down right quick with the reappearance of two old flames in his life, sassy-ass Sally (Holly Palance, The Omen… who is absolutely eating up every ridiculous thing her character has to say) and married blonde gambler Lisa (Carol Royle, who’s dialog often seems to be words that are put together because they sound nice rather than make any amount of sense, yet at the same time they remain relevant to whatever scene she’s in… it’s baffling yet fascinating), who’s addiction has gotten both her and her husband Wiley (Hawk the Slayer himself, John Terry) in some truly deep shit.
The brunt of the film is made up of that lusty triangle… but there’s some bullshit involving stolen diamonds which brings heat from the local fuzz as well… oh and don’t forget Cliff is overseeing construction of a dam…
Did I mention Cliff’s pet monkey Crap-Shoot and its incontinence?
I mentioned the words baffling and fascinating up yonder in regards to dialog, but in all honestly those adjectives apply to every aspect of Tuxedo Warrior.
The dialog (which springs from the minds of director/screenwriter Andrew Sinclair and Twemlow) is absolutely over-wrought and under-baked… and usually completely, maddeningly bat-shit nonsensical… but it’s so stunningly off-center that it gives the entire production a surreal vibe that I’m sure was accidental yet greatly appreciated.
The cast seems along for the ride, with the aforementioned Palance both going for the gold and realizing what she’s saying is outrageous, Royale seemingly handed script pages with her dialog out of order yet dazzlingly committed to her role, and Wyman continuing the dichotomy that is Tuxedo Warrior in a performance both off-putting and endearing… as he’s absolutely destroying a break room after receiving a break-up letter via courier from Lisa one moment, fucking around on every woman in his life the next, then ultimately playing a capable hero-type.
While we are talking actors, look for appearances from Ken Gampu (Cannon’s King Solomon’s Mines adaptation), George Barrows (Robot Monster), and Roy Boyd (The Wicker Man)…and of course Twemlow himself as mysterious ass-kicking bouncer Chaser who sounds like he has strep throat.
Of note are the film’s utilization of the natural splendor of Zimbabwe with breathtaking sunsets, local wildlife, and Victoria Falls adding immeasurably to the picture’s scope.
Extra features accompanying all that is Tuxedo Warrior include the film’s trailer, a gag reel, and a series of silent outtakes concerning fucking.
Next up is 1982’s G.B.H. (Grevious Bodily Harm)/Mancunian Man…
Local crime boss Keller (Jerry Harris, The Assassinator… which was brought to us by this film’s director, David Kent-Watson) is making life hell for local night club owners, and Murray is worried his joint will be next to fall under Keller’s shakedown.
Enter: Murray’s former bouncer and the only man that can stand up to the mob, Steve Donovan (Twemlow), a.k.a. The Mancurian who is enlisted by Murray to do just that… after a bit of slow-motion, slightly homoerotic jogging set to generic “rock music”.
As asses shake upon the dance floor and Steve and his work cohort Chris (Brett Sinclair, The Eye of Satan… more on that one later) compete to see who can get the most trim… eventually Keller shows up and the expected violence begins to ensue.
The fighting and fucking continue, but will Manchester’s club scene ever be the same?!
G.B.H. let’s you know The Mancunian is a badass; not only because he punches people like it’s going out of style, not only because he has copious amounts of sex, not only because he has a rip-off Eye of the Tiger theme-tune… well, it’s actually a combination of all of those things.
Of course a huge factor in selling that machismo overload is Tremlow (who also wrote and composed the score) who takes a an arrogant, violence prone character and presents him with a touch of depth, a sense of humor, and a charm that makes him an endearing tough guy.
Adding to the fun to be had with G.B.H. is that good ol’ shot-on-video jank, some bloodshed, impressive stunts which escalate in intensity as the narrative progresses, and limited sound effects that repeat ad nauseam during every fight scene.
Special features for G.B.H. include an alternate opening title sequence, a teaser and trailer for the film, a TV segment on the making of Twemlow’s Jaws knock-off The Pike, and a promo trailer for another Twemlow project, Mason’s War, an an informative audio commentary featuring movie historian David Flint and actor Brian Sterling-Vete that includes plenty of first hand anecdotes on the film’s production.
Also included is a pre-release version of the film that runs an additional fifteen minutes with the same extras minus the audio commentary track.
Following that we have 1983’s espionage flick Target Eve Island…
Operative William Grant (Brett Sinclair… just one of many returning faces from G.B.H.) is called in when Professor Lindenbrook (Kay Harris) is kidnapped and spirited away to the Caribbean, along with the secret information she possesses.
Turns out she is being held by American gangster Harry Filipino (Jerry Harris in another entertaining, over-the-top gangster role) and the Russians are anxious to get their hands on what the Prof. Is holding so Grant will be up to his ass in double-agents, karate-krazed henchmen, mobsters and local muscle!
Returning director David Kent-Watson is still chock full of that glorious S.O.V. aesthetic, but things have broadened considerably as far as production value is concerned. This time we get a helicopter/car chase, explosions, car scrapyard action, a trip to Barbados (including plenty of local flavor), and a far more adventurous (and fun!), James Bond on a budget story-line than what was found in the small-time crime-centric, mostly nightclub-bound world of G.B.H.
Speaking of that flick, this film features a leading role for G.B.H. co-star Sinclair, and he’s charming as our budget matinee James Bond… but fans of Twemlow being front and center in G.B.H. will be sad to note that he’s featured in a much diminished co-starring role this go around (hearkening back to his cameo role in Tuxedo Warrior, character name and all… and once again he wrote the picture).
Things are still padded here and there as characters occasionally take extended strolls, slow motion creeps in for no good reason, and stock footage of the US invasion of Grenada (shades of Roger Corman on that maneuver) is used liberally in the feature’s third act.
Repeating fight noises return here as well, but this time it’s the (one) sound of what may be two blocks of wood being conked together that makes appearance after appearance.
Special features for Target Eve Island include an audio commentary from actor Sterling-Vete and producer Martin De Rooy, two trailers, a collection of rushes, a short Grenada tourism video, alternate credits, and an audio commentary outtake.
On the same disc is 1984’s The Ibiza Connection…
Twemlow stars as hard-drinking, abusive, macho-ass movie director/womanizer Wolf Svenson, a man that isn’t afraid to do bare-chested stunts to show the actors how shit is well-and-truly done, or manhandle his young wife for showing too much ass poolside.
For all of his beastly bravado, Wolf still has his creative balls in a sling thanks to his manipulative weasel of a producer, Gino (Twemlow regular Max Beesley Snr.), who forces the director to work with his superstar actress wife, Jane (Fiona Fullerton, A View To a Kill)… who also happens to be Wolf’s ex-wife!
Before long, Wolf begins to lose his cool… but no matter how crazy he gets it’ll be hard to top the murder plot concocted by Gino to off their leading man, Brett Young (Brett Sinclair, again), who Gino knows is having an affair with Jane.
Additionally Wolf still has the hots for Jane as well, and Gino isn’t thrilled about that, so his continued existence is far from guaranteed…
The first thing you’ll notice… and the most screamingly hilarious part (as you will see, that’s really saying something)… about Howard Arundel’s The Ibiza Connection is the absolutely fucking preposterous dubbing… the outlandish voices, the cartoony accents… all breathtakingly hilarious, and all completely, thoroughly amazing (special mention to whomever provided the voice for another Twemlow regular, John Barry, who delivers a slightly sped-up, more nasal Paul Lynde impression that makes any scene it appears in a scream).
Truth be told there’s other hilarity to be had here thanks to the Ibiza theme song that plays throughout the film… unbelievably cheesy, delightfully listenable… dammit, there’s also a New Wave tune called something like Human Automobile that simply must be heard as well…
Shit, almost forgot about the ridiculous (more than usual) use of slow motion… and the New Wave (again), raunchy synth-scored, dance number/runtime padding featuring a robot Stan Lee clone and someone doing a Pizzazz from The Misfits (Jem, not Glenn) cosplay.
Additionally, the use of a giant henchman, Zychon (Paul Hennessey), by Gino gives the proceedings an unexpected movie serial/comic book villain vibe.
So far, this is my favorite of the set… over-the-top, creative/ridiculous in it’s narrative, always fun… just awesome low-budget gold that successfully overstretches its means and never fails to entertain fans of the genre… it’s us, I’m talking about all of us…
Special features include a highly listenable, info-packed commentary featuring David Flint and director Arundel, and a lengthy selection of Brett Sinclair’s behind-the-scenes home movies that provide a fascinating glimpse into the film’s production!
Moving on we get 1985’s African Run…
Chaser (Twemlow) is back… the Tuxedo Warrior version… speaking of which…
This movie is Tuxedo Warrior, just with some new footage plunked down to expand Twemlow’s character and give more time to that whole diamonds biz… footage that is of a wildly different image quality than was shot for TW I might add.
Special features include the ability to watch the newly created footage on it’s own, and a cool alternate credit sequence accompanied by test footage for the same.
This disc also contains 1986’s Moonstalker…
As a bit of set up; Cliff Twemlow also wrote horror novels, and this werewolf fracas is the first adaptation of one of those novels we get here (minus the fishy Pike footage on a previous disc).
Teens are getting eaten by some kind of monstrous animal in jolly ol’ England, and New York City journalist Kelly O’ Neill (Cordelia Roche) and legendary big game hunter Daniel Kane (Twemlow) are thrown together to investigate the creepy case.
As the off screen monster murders increase, our heroes develop a relationship of sorts and spend long stretches of time with a pair of comedy relief drunken Irish hunters and animal-named hooligans in the interest of padding out that runtime.
Speaking of which, a good deal of screen-time is given to local wilderness wandering dark poet Wilbur Sledge (Darryl Marchant) whom may know more about the beast than most… but will his help be enough for our heroes to tame the beast at large?!
As you may surmise from that sinister synopsis above, Moonstalker (also impractically known as Predator: The Quietus) features a shit-ton of talky-talk and the slightest of pussy hair’s worth of werewolf action… which in my opinion is kind of a shame considering that the practical creature effects are a ton of fun with a unique design… and what monster-lovin’ mother fucker could ask for anything more?!!
Also incredibly fun is the performance of the aforementioned Marchant who wanders the wicked woods and quotes arcane verse in a manner equal parts Gary Numan and Boris Karloff… he’s great and I can’t believe this was the dude’s only film appearance…
Special features include an audio commentary from writer Flint and actor Sterling-Vete, an alternate title sequence, Moonstalker’s trailer, a promo for the film The Blind Side of God, and a showreel of Harris footage.
The next disc brings us 1986’s The Hitman (a.k.a. The Assassinator)…
Twemlow regular John Saint Ryan goes from character actor to leading man as Chris McCall, a family man with a rather large secret; he’s a contract killer for a clandestine organization doing shadow work for the British Government.
Work life becomes a bit too much when some bad intel results in Chris putting the murder on an innocent man, but even though he vows to leave the life, he just keeps getting pulled right back in.
For instance, a mysterious former agent named Stewart (Ronald Lacey, Raiders of the Lost Ark) is very eager to hire McCall for a hit down Malta-way… but, our troubled hero is not interested.
Stewart is not having any of that, so he kidnaps McCall’s wife, Alex (Bonnie Sandison), in order to ensure our protagonist completes his assignment; the execution of McCall’s boss, Colonel Bradley (George Murcell)!
Full of fun twists and turns/double-crosses and an engaging espionage plot, David Kent-Watson’s (working from a screenplay from Saint Ryan himself) is a punchy, low-budget (yet still, a trip to Malta was pulled off, plus a fine explosion or two, and even a car chase!) action romp filled with great performances.
Saint Ryan is really damn excellent as a man haunted by what he’s become, and Lacey seems to be eating up his villainous role with a sizable spoon. Also solid is the turn from Sandison who plays McCall’s imperiled wife as a strong woman not about to shrink from her kidnappers.
Look for cameos from Twemlow regular Jerry Harris (performing some of his stand-up comedy act) and Twemlow himself as a secret agent.
Additionally the Malta locales makes this pic fun to look at, and add a ton of production value to the shot on video affair… and the ending goes hard as hell, so kudos on that fuckin’ one!
Special features here include an alternate credit sequence and the film’s trailer.
Also on this disc is 1987’s The Eye of Satan…
Now we’re fucking talking… we got David Kent-Watson in the director’s chair once again, Twemlow behind the typewriter… and front and center before the camera… and the story contains just the type of supernatural shenanigans (with action flick spice) that really satisfy the creepy cravings of S.O.V. junkies like myself!
The narrative is all over the damn place and involves Christine (The Ibiza Connection’s Ginette Gray), a gangster’s daughter who is having an affair with Pappy’s Middle Eastern, arms dealer rival, Camille (another appearance from John Saint Ryan… we’ll get back to him in a bit)… but the lovey-dovey isn’t for long as Camille uses her as a hostage in a revenge plot against her father for an arms deal (not surprising given Camille’s profession) gone wrong.
Christine escapes her captors however, and her father hires a buff badass named Kane (Twemlow) to be her bodyguard… and besides being incredibly violence prone and not adverse to walking around completely nude… lives in a rather awesome, and totally metal, living space/unholy temple that he shares with his pet black panther!
Kane also happens to be a disciple of ol’ Satan, and he’s got the funky robes and glowing green eyes to fuckin’ prove it pal!
When he isn’t guarding Christine/strutting his junk around with conviction.. or choking her out when she doubts his ties to the preternatural… our man Kane is shooting up funerals, murdering priests, and ending fellow practitioners of the Dark Arts via all manner of haunted house antics!
He’s also not afraid to brutalize a policeman (or anyone really)… oh and he’s impervious to bullets… look, Kane is a complicated dude…Will anyone be able to survive the one man Satanic army that is mother fuckin’ Kane? Can I stop saying Kane… apparently not.
The Eye of Satan is absolutely flat-out amazing in oh so many ways…
For starters we have Twemlow, saying his comic book super-villain dialog through gritted teeth while he makes his nudity everyone’s problem… and absolutely commanding the screen in a manner suitable to the crazy material at hand!
And while actors are on the tip of my terror tongue, lets get back to Saint Ryan as the Middle Eastern Camille… he’s just the normal Saint Ryan, who looks like Sean Connery… surely a nod to Connery’s bold portrayal of the Egyptian/Spaniard Ramirez in 1986’s Highlander…
There is also impressive use of an ornate church location that adds greatly to the overall atmosphere of the flick as does the gloom of dilapidated, industrial Manchester under cloudy, late-Autumn skies… it’s a great vibe that adds to the spooky fun of the piece!
Extra entertainment is to be had via a sequence where Kane warps around the room… sometimes in his Satanic robes, sometimes completely nude… but both in the same scene… and a thug that looks like both past and present day Axl Rose simultaneously…
Special features accompanying The Eye of Satan include a selection of deleted scenes and bloopers, and a duo of trailers for the picture.
This feature is absolute gold, and worth the price of admission alone…
The next disc in the collection begins with 1989’s Firestar: First Contact…
Space Patrol member John D Trooper (Twemlow, who naturally wrote the pic as well… and is once again joined by director David Kent-Watson) patrols the inky depths of space in the hot-shit spaceship The Firestar… exploring space and shit in the fantastic future year of 2022.
Things begin to go south however when Trooper and his partner/commander of The Firestar, Captain Bremner (Oliver Tobias, The Stud), go a bit off the handle when dealing with an encounter with an alien pointy object.
This truly enrages their superior, Commodore Vandross (Charles Gray, The Rocky Horror Picture Show), who soon releases Bremner from his command and sends Trooper back out on The Firestar… now under the command of hard-assed Captain Donnor (John Wyman, whom you may remember from Tuxedo Warrior).
Once space-bound, the crew soon encounter another sharp thingy… but when they destroy it, a small creature is revealed!
Before you can say Ridley Scott’s 1979 masterpiece Alien (it takes a while), the creature evolves into an absolutely violence-crazed menace, and it’s up to The Mancunian and his rag-tag crew to try and stop this eerie extra-terrestrial before he turns them into space hamburger?!!
This is exactly what an Alien pastiche starring Cliff Twemlow should be… fun, slightly padded, and ambitious… oh, and violent!
As is usually the way, we have a Manchester nightclub… but this one is a “future” version… I mean it isn’t, but there is a robot bartender… whom the characters speak to utilizing one word, “Beep”, delivered as monotone as possible… it’s but a small portion of the fun to be had with Firestar: First Contact let me tell ‘ya… and I’m gonna too!
For starters, this film is filled with plenty of low-tech model work (this is always a plus for me, though you may feel differently), some impressive sci-fi scenery (though the inclusion of a Lazer-Tag like establishment may hold some clues there… look cool either way), and a sweet laser gun here and there!
The whole affair is also benefited by a somewhat Predator looking beast… minus the dreads, and with a slightly different mouth set-up… oh, and it’s dark green in color… regardless, it’s practically realized and is a huge amount of good times.
Along with that bad-ass beastie, we also get a solid selection of gore effects as well… again practically realized… that are suitably juicy and gruesome!
On the character end of things, I believe the award should go to Michele Norfolk as the digitized-face of the ship’s computer, Venus, who is completely out-of-control in nearly every scene she is in.
In the odds and ends department; we get kimono-ceremony filler, an appearance from Twemlow familiar face Brett Sinclair, and… most importantly… Cliff once again manages to find time to fuck.
Special features present include a deleted fight scene, and the film’s trailer.
Also present on disc two is Tokyo Sunrise, also from 1989… at least what there is of it… namely a twenty-plus minute collection of scenes for an unfinished Twemlow project that involves a pop-star (Laura Brannigan, as opposed to say real ‘80s pop-star Laura Branigan), poisoned soda, and an evil Japanese organization.
Though brief, the footage features Twemlow bedding two women (not simultaneously), Cliff demolishing a host of evil henchmen, a grenade launcher, and Wilhelm screams used multiple times within one scene.
Bonus material collected here includes a bit of a “making of” taken from the doc we’ll be discussing below, two promo reels, and a collection of bloopers and outtakes.
Striding on, the next disc contains 1991’s G.B.H. 2: Lethal Impact… in two versions no less…
Manchester’s nightclub life remains relatively the same… right down to Keller (a returning Harris) up to his old tricks, thugs are messing up the joints, and the youth are getting hooked on drugs and forced to film porno flicks thanks to a new scumbag in town.
Thankfully Donovan (Twemlow) has awakened from his slumber to go about his day kicking ass, biting off noses, and drinking a coffee… and he gets an even more violent hair up his ass when a tip from Heller, of all people, reveals Donovan’s niece has been featured in a raunchy reel or two.
As Donovan gets on the case, he learns his niece was so ashamed of the skin-flicks that she offed herself… which makes our hero even more of a powder-keg as he walks cock-sure down Revenge Road!
G.B.H. 2 is exactly what you want from a sequel to G.B.H.; which is to say it’s filled with heaps of ass-kicking as Donovan unleashes a one man tsunami of vicious violence against anyone and everyone even remotely involved in the seedy shit going down.
We also get splashes of over-wrought pontificating and some truly quality cheesy one-liners that just make the pot that much more sweet.
Also adding to the gut-punchin’ goulash at hand is Bad Weekend… an unfinished short film intended to be a TV pilot, and a longer version of G.B.H. 2 as mentioned previously.
Following that we get a disc containing two “exercise” vids… one being 1992’s Fitness Over Forty, which, and you better sit down for this, contains workouts for people over 40 (one of whom is Twemlow), and a greasy rubdown collection in the form of 1993’s The Art of Nude Massage.
Moving on we get a CD featuring a smattering of Twemlows musical creations…
Now after reading all of the above, you know you are in for a wild n’ wooly viewing experience from Twemlow’s cinematic catalog… but how did our Mancunian hero get these productions realized, and what drove his artistic pursuits?
Well of that and more is answered with the documentary I mentioned about a billion words ago…
Said film, Jake West’s (Razor Blade Smile, Evil Aliens) Mancunian Man: The Legendary Life of Cliff Twemlow, is an unfiltered look into Cliff’s life and presents a journey both inspiring and heartbreaking, but countered often by Cliff’s group of familiar thespians who present an absolute mother-load of humorous anecdotes that present a picture of just what it was like being involved in Twemlow’s productions.
A lot of the aforementioned “heartbreaking” elements involve Cliff’s inability to get most of his projects released to the public along with a marked ability to focus financial attention on elements of production that weren’t exactly crucial… plus a chasing of youthful appearance that led to a dark path for our hero.
Extras here include an hour of additional footage, a tour of some of the Manchester locations integral to Cliff’s creative output, a look at Cliff’s Swedish producers, a detailed look at the production of the biggest missed opportunity of Twemlow’s career; The Pike, a trio of Q&A sessions from various showings of Mancunian Man, the film’s trailer, and an extensive image gallery.
Violent, funny, and full of heart, the films of Cliff Twemlow are not to be missed by both lovers of underground cinema, and those that have the dream to make their own damn movie!
