Short Review: IT… the uhhh… let’s say Adult Version

October 12, 2019

Written by DanXIII

Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, director, producer, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

Look this shit isn’t going to be for everyone, and is so far beyond NSFW (the film reviewed, not the actual revoltin’ review… well, I mean it’s gonna contain my normal number of “fucks” but they’ll be referring to actual fucking for the most part) that if you have a major stick up your ass about such things you should just move on to ghoulish greener pastures… any way, on with the show!

When you think of Pennywise what is the first thing anyone thinks of… go on, I’ll wait… naturally, it’s a spinner making sweet, sweet love to her big ass boyfriend!

IT Wants Her Small Tits (this one just had to have a fetish… I mean beyond Stephen King inspired pornography that is), stars Anna Mae (clever name) who, has a nightmare where she finds herself balls deep in Derry, and you just know that creepy clown will show his face… and he does, but before you can say “I really dig my man ‘Wise, just maybe not in that way…” our heroine wakes up to find it was all a dream before finding comfort (read: straight up fucking) in the lovin’ arms of her boyfriend (Jmac).

To be honest, the opening nightmare-set shots of this film look absolutely great; all moody monochromatic, rainy day goodness, with just the “pop” of that famous bright yellow raincoat to draw interest.

The sex itself is the exact opposite; brightly lit… in case you were wondering… and you fuckin’ were, believe me!

The only thing I would have changed here would be to have ol’ Anna wearing one of those Monster Squad “Stephen King Rules” shirts before the “action”; that woulda got a nice chuckle before the fuckle (that’s a reviewer term us pros use).

Now that I’m thinking about this, there has to be more of these. I mean The Tommyknockers wouldn’t even need a name change… or how about Salem’s (lickin’ a) Lot… I could write these things in my sleep I tells ya!

Anyway, if you want to see a porn clip with King overtones, you probably already checked out of this review to search it out… speaking of which, you can find this clip right over at Team Skeet (for Exxxtra Small subscribers only), who graciously let yours cruelly lay his putrid peepers on this!


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