Movie Review: Aquaslash (2019)

June 22, 2020

Written by DanXIII

Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, director, producer, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

Man, the student body of Valley Hill High have it made, what with throwin’ a bash at Wet Valley, a nearby water park. Sure the park is way past it’s prime; but it still manages to serve as a spot where water slides and coke (snorted off a girl’s rockin’ rack no less) can be enjoyed in equal measure!

Of course there’s a bit more to the plot including a love triangle involvin’  Tommy (Paul Zinno), Kim (Lanisa Dawn) and Josh (Nicolas Fontaine)… who’s pappy just so happens to be gettin’ horizontal with the wife of the owner of Wet Valley.

Oh, there’s also a maniac puttin’ the murder biz on our hapless heroes via sabotaging the slides and turning them into more of a death trap than they were to begin with…

See how it took me a long-ass time to get to the slasher shit? Well, buckle up because Aquaslash takes longer to get where it’s going than my wicked words… by a country mile!

You see, I’m not sure if the folks behind this just wanted to make an ’80s style sex-comedy but just ran out of the stuff and decided they’d dip their balls in the horror biz in the final reel for shits, but it makes for an uneven viewing experience to say the least.

For what it’s worth, the teen frolic hoo-ha is well handled, and isn’t too far off from what you’d get in fare such as Screwballs or Joysticks; lots of partying, some tits, some booze, braindead, yet funny, comedy… you lot know the drill… but this pic is advertised as horror, and for nearly 3/4 of it’s runtime it’s antics and bullshit with very few scares, until…

The last 15 minutes of this film are so fuckin’ rad-ass awesome, that you forget it took like an hour to get to them!

Those aforementioned sabotaged slides? Well, they get gussied up with razor-sharp blades that really have a way of dismantling the human body, and it’s all realized by some truly show-stopping special effects courtesy of an outfit called Blood Brothers FX (who also worked on the incredible Turbo Kid). the sequences are well worth both your time and the price of admission.

In the end, I think writer/director Renaud Gauthier should have pulled a From Dusk ’til Dawn with Aquaslash… advertised it strictly as an ’80s sex-romp… given it a generic title like Wet Dreams, or some such shit… then just totally fucked up the audience when things get full on gorehound in the finale.

As it stands, Aquaslash is still a fun picture… just temper your expectations as to the amount of the ghoulish goods on display.



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