For months, horror fans have been tracking Eli Roth’s latest dairy-themed nightmare, Ice Cream Man. The burning question: Is this a sweet summer treat, or is it as painful as brain freeze? Having just survived it, I’m happy to report that it’s exactly what you expect—for better and for worse. Here’s my mostly spoiler-free review.
Set in a picture-perfect, sun-drenched summer resort town, the film taps into the ultimate childhood betrayal: What happens when the neighborhood ice cream man starts serving up soft-serve laced with pure, homicidal madness?
Feral Kids and Paper Hats
Forget about cavities. The local youth eat this tainted dairy and immediately descend into a state of feral, violent insanity. Playing our twisted dessert vendor is Ari Millen (Orphan Black), who gives off some genuinely spectacular “stranger danger” vibes and anchors the movie with a deeply creepy performance.
Millen is backed by a solid ensemble, including Dylan Hawco, and a trio of actors Roth brought over from Thanksgiving (Karen Cliche, Shiloh O’Reilly, and Charlie Story). Benjamin Byron Davis (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3) also stars. We sat down with him for a chat about the film; you really should check it out. He discusses not only his role, but also the film, best described as “bat shit crazy.”
But let’s be honest: you aren’t buying a ticket for the character development. There is a subplot about a brother and sister, but it’s mostly just scaffolding to hold up the slaughter.
The Assignment
When you see Eli Roth’s name on a marquee, you know the assignment: blood, guts, and relentless brutality. Just look at Hostel, Cabin Fever, and The Green Inferno (my personal favorite Roth movie). It’s his whole thing. On that front, Ice Cream Man delivers a double scoop. The movie is essentially one continuous, non-stop kill scene featuring everything from weaponized popsicle sticks to children enthusiastically bashing their teachers’ heads in.
To enjoy this movie, you need to pack a dose of suspension of disbelief. The adults in this town have the survival instinct of a melted popsicle. If a rabid nine-year-old comes at you with a sharp object, you fight back, right? Not in this universe. The parents and teachers practically line up like willing sacrifices, causing any semblance of realism to exit the chat completely. But that’s okay. We both know you’re not here for that.
The Verdict
The best thing about Ice Cream Man is its ending. If you’re expecting a neat, happy bow, go ahead and melt that dream away right now. Roth makes a bold, bleak choice for the finale that genuinely works. While the door is left open for an inevitable sequel announcement, I honestly hope they leave it alone. Not every horror flick needs a franchise. And at a time when Hollywood turns out sequel after sequel just for the cash, some legacies should be left alone before they are run into the ground and the original tainted by the sequels’ failure. But that’s just my opinion. I mean, look what happened to the Jaws, Saw, and Amityville franchises. I digress.
The Bottom Line: If you’re an Eli Roth devotee, you’re getting exactly what you paid for: unhinged brutality, creative gore, and blood-drenched chaos. Just leave your brain—and maybe your appetite—at the door when Ice Cream Man hits theaters on August 7. Watch the trailer below for a taste of what’s to come. And get your tickets now!
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