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4k-Ultra Review: Daughters of Darkness (1971)

After doing the eloping bag; mod young couple Stefan (John Karlen) and Valarie (Nordic beauty Danielle Ouimet) haul ass to a posh, yet deserted, seaside hotel… but more on them in a bit. Also arriving at said hotel is none other than that long-living, glamorous Hungarian countess, Elizabeth Bathory (yup that one, here portrayed by Delphine Seyrig) and her protege, Ilona (the stunningly gorgeous Andrea Rau)… and what do you know; bodies (of virgins no less) begin to be found around town drained of blood! Getting back to ol’ Stefan, this mother fucker has some deep, dark secrets of his own such as a serious sadistic streak, and the fact that the mother he seeks approval from regarding his marriage is in fact his homosexual lover! Making things a bit dicey for Liz is the fact that every old fart in town remembers her visiting decades before, and looking exactly the same as she does now… including a retired policeman

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DanXIII

Nov 12, 2020

Comic Books/Graphic NovelsMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Mallrats (1995)

Geek’s geek Brodie Bruce (Jason Lee), a comic book loving video game enthusiast, is dumped by his girlfriend Rene (Shannen Doherty) and decides to spend the day at his happy place, the local mall. Along for the ride are his equally jilted normie pal TS Quint (Jeremy London), who’s girlfriend Brandi (Claire Forlani) has bailed on a planned vacation to appear as a last minute contestant on her father’s (the legendary Michael Rooker) game show which just so happens to be filming at said mall. Soon our heroes are on a mission to win back their respective ladies’ affection along with the help of high-as-fuck slackers Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (writer/director Kevin Smith), TS ex Gwen (Joey Lauren Adams), and even some sage advice from Stan Lee himself! As a follow up to the previous year’s Clerks, I always felt Mallrats was a big misstep, and time hasn’t changed my opinion… but there is definitely a lot to

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DanXIII

Oct 20, 2020

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Cold Light of Day (1989)

Presenting the murder biz of one Cranley Gardens serial killer, named Denis Nielsen in real life but having the handle of Jorden March (Bob Flag, sporting one hell of a wig) here in a move that just screams “We ain’t payin’ shit to use this asshole’s real name”, and his hapless (seriously, this dude just kills people… he doesn’t really know why he does it, the cops never really figure it out, and besides a drop of childhood trauma the film never really seems to give a damn either) journey through a wicked wonderland of diabolical dismemberment. Speaking of which, the gritty pseudo-real aesthetic that permeates this fright flick is undoubtedly the greatest asset it possesses, as it’s gritty, unpolished visuals give the affair (an endless parade of picking up male victims that won’t be missed, followed by the hoary ol’ chestnuts of sex and murder… all of which are presented in an unglamorous, nearly mundane manner) a near documentary

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DanXIII

Oct 16, 2020

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Warning From Space (1956)

Flying saucers from the planet Paira, which lies on the opposite side of our sun, appear in the skies over Tokyo. The occupants of these craft, a race of human-sized cyclopean starfish, are hellbent on warning mankind about their eminent destruction at the hands of a runaway celestial body, Planet R by name. The big problem with all of this is that humans will doubtless be up to their tits in fear over giant starfish from space and won’t listen to their apocalyptic info, so our friendly buddies from beyond the stars transform one off their own into the likeness of a comely nightclub singer. To that end they attempt to contact a Japanese egghead that’s developed a potent new energy source which they hope to use to construct a big ass bomb that will blow that pesky planet to pieces thus saving Earth and Paira… but before any of that can happen, the scientist is kidnapped by enemy agents

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DanXIII

Oct 1, 2020

IndieMoviesParanormalReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: The Deeper You Dig (2019)

Ivy (Toby Poser, who also co-wrote and co-directed along with John Adams) is a psychic who has lost her supernatural spark, but the show must go on if her teen daughter Echo (Zelda Adams) is gonna eat, so she just kind of wings it going forward. Speaking of Echo, drunk driver Kurt (the aforementioned Adams) swerves to miss a deer and instead gets Echo under his wheels. This of course forces him to throw Operation: Save Ass into high fuckin’ gear, and he chucks Echo in the back of his truck and heads off to cover up his crime! With Echo missing, Ivy goes all-in on re-opening her third eye to solve the mystery… meanwhile ol’ Kurt is dealing with the vengeful ghost of Echo! The Deeper You Dig manages to convey both Ivy’s journey, and Echo’s horror biz in a way that makes for a film part tripped-out spirit quest, and full on ghost story supernatural shocker with neither

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DanXIII

Sep 28, 2020

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: ivansxtc (2000)

ivansxtc begins the only place it could; the end. You see star Hollywood agent Ivan Beckham (30 Days of Night‘s Danny Huston) has died of lung cancer, which shocks his co-workers who would have bet that his demise would have been from the absolutely bonkers amount of drugs n’ booze he quaffed on the regular. Speaking of that wild life, we see Ivan’s last days laid bare via flashback ya dig… and what days they were; full of high-stakes Peter Weller-focused wheelin’ and dealin’, static from his girlfriend Charlotte (Lisa Enos), family and client drama… and of course plenty of full on illicit substance fueled hanky-panky! A raw as hell blend of Hollywood excess and Tolstoy’s The Death of Ivan Illyich, ivansxtc posses an almost documentary feel, and that brings us closer to the titular character’s swirling insanity than we may be comfortable with. Shot on digital video by Bernard Rose (most famous for fright fans from his 1992 cinematic

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DanXIII

Sep 28, 2020

MoviesReviewsThrillerTrue Crime

Blu-ray Review: Dahmer (2002)

Remember when mother fuckin’ Hawkeye played (literal) man-eater Jeffrey Dahmer? Yeah, me freakin’ either… but he did, so here we are! The long and the short of Dahmer goes as follows: going out of his way to prove he’s no Willy fuckin’ Wonka, chocolate factory worker Jeffrey Dahmer (Jeremy Renner) prowls Milwaukee, Wisconsin, for young male victims to turn into brain dead (and eventually dead dead) sexual playthings. Along the way, he reminisces about earlier murder biz, and his relationship with his pappy (Willard himself, Bruce Davison) who thinks something is off about his boy, but isn’t sure just what. It’s non-stop spills and thrills as we learn just what this serial killin’ scamp was up to before his ass got thrown in the hole forever and a day… Besides boasting a gritty, almost grindhouse style (in terms of aesthetic if not on screen carnage) the main draw to this flick is the performance of Renner who manages to make

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DanXIII

Sep 9, 2020

MoviesReviews

4K Ultra HD Review: Flash Gordon (1980)

Before I begin jawin’ about the movie itself, I feel it appropriate to share some thoughts on Flash Gordon. If you aren’t interested in such things… or having your’s cruelly uncharacteristically lay his soul bare, just skip down a bit. Anyway, back in December of 1980, my desire to see Flash Gordon was at an almost unbelievable level…and my parents blew my mind and agreed to drive me, and the prettiest girl in the second grade who agreed to be my date, many towns over (yes, I grew up in the literal middle of nowhere) to see the film… but mother nature had other plans; and a nor’easter (to those not in the know; Upstate New York has about 14 months of winter per year… at least it did back then) kept us in town, and Altman’s Popeye was what it had to be (and for the record, that is a charming film and a ton of fun… but it

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DanXIII

Sep 6, 2020

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Split Second (1992)

In a fucked-up, flooded, “future” (the film is set in 2008) London; cigar chomping, black clothing connoisseur and all around shit-kickin’, out of control bad ass Detective Harley Stone (Rutger Hauer) searches for the serial killer that put a murder on his partner three years prior. As Stone investigates further, and the body count rises, he discovers he has a psychic bond with the killer… oh, and that the maniac in question is, in fact, a ten-foot tall alien monster! Comprised of a wet, grimy future, an over-the-top anti-hero, and a slavering alien beast, Split Second would be right at home in the pages of legendary long-running British comic book series 2000 A.D. (home to Judge Dredd), so if you dig on that, you’ll know exactly what to expect from this film, ambiance-wise. Hauer absolutely steals the show as Stone, a man who’s every statement is a clench jawed one-liner or or outrageously macho slogan. He’s a walking cartoon character;

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DanXIII

Aug 27, 2020

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Cecilia (1983)

After some establishing shots featuring zooms on statue penis (as one would naturally expect), we get down to brass tacks; namely the arrival of brat-ass Cecilia (Muriel Montossé) to her home… well almost; before she gets there she teases her driver by getting naked, a game she often plays with the help, who understandably hate it. To that end they’ve orchestrated a revenge; namely raping the woman of the house (all set to bouncy electric organ music that makes things a whole hell of a lot more peppy than you’d anticipate), but their plan backfires like a mother fucker, because she is in to such things, and if anything it gets her horny level over 9,000. Soon our heroine is up to her oft-exposed breasts in raunchy socialite sex parties that offer all manner of delicious debauchery that gets ever-more frenzied. This is cool and all, but how will her relationship with her diplomat husband, André (Antonio Mayans), fare when

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DanXIII

Aug 25, 2020

MVD Entertainment

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