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DanXIII

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Movie Review: Thinner (1996) – Scream Factory Blu-ray

Corpulent lawyer Billy Halleck (Robert John Burke, Dust Devil, Robocop 3) spends his days drinking smoothies in an effort to shed some pounds, fucking that up by eating massive quantities of food, and getting mafioso-types off the hook legally… while not starring at the asses of the more comely members of the group of wandering Romany folk that have rolled into town. Speaking of those folk, Billy manages to run over one of them with his car while getting a blow job from his wife, Heidi (Michael McDowell)… and since he’s buddy-buddy with The Man he gets off scot-F’n-free… but not before the tribe’s elder, Tadzu (Michael Constantine), touches Billy. Before you can say “Slimfast” ol’ Billy-boy begins shedding pounds lickety-split, even though he hasn’t curbed his eating a damn bit… and get this, other folks the Elder touched have been afflicted with horrible maladies six ways to Sunday! Will are hero find a way to remove the curse, or

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DanXIII

Jan 27, 2024

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: A Creature Was Stirring (2023) WellGo USA Blu-ray

Nurse Faith (Chrissy Metz) lives with her daughter Charm (Annalise Basso, Oculus), who suffers from an unnamed malady that requires her to soak in a tub filled with ice cold water in order to keep her ever-rising body temperature down… when she’s not locked in her room behind a rather imposing door. While that biz is going down, Missionary Liz (Scout Taylor-Compton, Rob Zombie’s Halloween) and her brother Kory (Connor Paolo) just break right on in to Faith’s house seeking shelter from the snowstorm that rages outside. Eventually they end up being invited, begrudgingly, to stay… but not before Faith fucks up Kory’s leg with a spike-studded baseball bat. I guess it’s always good to keep a steady supply of potential victims around, because as the title of the film would suggest… or more accurately flat-out tells you… there’s a creature roaming this feature, and it’s a real demonic doozy and a fuckin’ half, believe you me! Who will survive

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DanXIII

Jan 27, 2024

DocumentariesForeignIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Cuadecuc Vampir (1971)/Umbracle (1972) – Severin Blu-ray

Jess Franco made himself an adaption of Bram Stoker’s classic fang bang terror tome Dracula back in 1970 (refresh your memory on that release, the Christopher Lee starring Count Dracula, right here) and hired Spanish filmmaker Pere Portabella to film a lil’ behind-the-scenes action for what was supposed to be turned into a documentary concerning the film’s creation… but it wasn’t and here we are… Instead, Portabella conjured forth 1971’s Cuadecuc, Vampir; a black and white, hour-and-change, nearly silent (there is ambient (frequently not very) musical accompaniment, and closing remarks from Lee however) experimental film that certainly does present a fly-on-the-wall glimpse (no matter how impressionistic) into the film’s production along with it’s own loosey-goosey narrative. To that end we get a visual tone-poem showcasing cast and crew toiling away… and it is a fascinating, if unconventional viewing experience. Additionally, viewing Franco’s footage in stark, crisp (sometimes purposefully over-exposed) chiaroscuro gives it that classic Universal monster movie vibe! But wait,

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DanXIII

Jan 26, 2024

AdaptationBooksMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Silver Bullet (1985) – Scream Factory 4K/Blu-ray Combo

What do you get when you combine Corey Haim, Gary Busey, werewolves and The King of Horror himself? Horror fans will immediately guess 1985’s fright flick Silver Bullet. And non-horror fans… well I have no idea what they would think… and what the hell are they doing on this website anyway? Anyway, Scream Factory have unleashed a 4k/Blu-ray combo release of Silver Bullet, and yours cruelly is going to slap his putrid peepers upon it! In the quaint small town of Tarker’s Mills nothing exciting seems to happen… until the murders begin that is! Enter: Marty Coslaw (Corey Haim, The Lost Boys), a wheelchair (a motorized number which just so happens to be named Silver Bullet) bound lad who lives with his family… including his beloved (by Marty only) freeloading drunk of an uncle, Red (Gary Busey) smack dab in the middle of The ‘Mills. Being an ‘80s movie (based on an ‘80s book… novella, whatever… it’s Stephen King’s 1983-released

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DanXIII

Jan 20, 2024

ForeignMoviesReviews

Movie Review: México Bárbaro II (2017) – Unearthed Films Blu-ray

Being the forgetful fiend that I am, yours cruelly oft forgets that our pals South of the Border can deliver the gory goods among the best of them… and Unearthed Film’s new Blu-ray release of arcane anthology México Bárbaro II (the follow up to 2014’s México Bárbaro) reminded me with a nice, big, bloody open-handed slap right across my putrid puss! Let’s put our eerie eyeballs on the sinister segments that comprise this fright flick one by one and see just what makes this picture tick! La Leyenda De Juan Soldado: Coming from writer/director Abraham Sánchez; our first yarn concerns a soldier by the name of Juan (Uri Meza), who is accused of rape and left to die in the desert by his commanding officer. The thing is, our hero is innocent… so naturally the denizens of hell give him a chance to settle the score with those that wronged him! Entertaining, fast-paced, and full of a pseudo-EC Comics vibe

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DanXIII

Jan 20, 2024

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Blood Feast (2016) – Synapse 4K

Back in the far-flung past of 1963, Godfather of Gore Herschell Gordon Lewis unleashed Blood Feast; a blood-soaked tale of an Egyptian caterer who serves up feasts of human flesh, upon unsuspecting drive-in goers, and the world of horror films got that much more extreme. As is the case in the horror biz, it was high time for the picture to get the ol’ remake treatment ‘round 2016 courtesy of writer/director Marcel Walz (along with co-writer Philip Lilienschwarz)… and it’s this version that got the deluxe 4K treatment recently thanks to the fine fiends over at Synapse Films. Moving the action from Florida to Paris, our tale follows Fuad Ramses (Robert Rusler, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge) who have transplanted his wife Louise (Caroline Williams, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2) and daughter Penny (Sophie Monk, The Hills Run Red) to France where he has established a restaurant that serves homesick American tourists authentic diner food. Sounds solid

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DanXIII

Jan 16, 2024

ForeignMoviesReviews

Box Set Review: Cushing Curiosities (1960 – 1974) – Severin

You know what’s better than a flick featuring good ol’ Peter Cushing? A flick featuring Peter Cushing you haven’t seen 3,457 times! To that end Severin’s new boxset, Cushing Curiosities; a 6 disc collection of Cushing-starring rarities will fit that bill nicely indeed! The whole shebang kicks off with 1960’s Cone of Silence… Cushing stars as pilot Clive Judd; a douche-par-excellence that has nothing better to do than fuck with an investigation into a fatal airline disaster. Why would he do that you may ask? Well, he kinda-sorta had everything to do with it and he’s sweating that shit in a major way. Defending the pilot of the doomed craft, Captain George Gort (Bernard Lee) by name, is Captain Hugh Dallas (Michael Craig)… but how pure are his motives what with his being in a romance with Gort’s daughter, Charlotte (Elizabeth Seal)? Directed by Charles Frend (Scott of the Antarctic,The Cruel Sea), Cone of Silence is a solid courtroom-centric thriller

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DanXIII

Jan 13, 2024

ForeignMoviesNews

Richard Glenn Schmidt Gets Down with Murder and Mad Men in Giallo Meltdown 2

If you dig on my style of revoltin’ reviewin’ then let me clue you in on the latest book of fright flick commentary from my putrid pal Richard Glenn Schmidt; Giallo Meltdown 2! Unsurprisingly (unless you are incredibly dense or incredibly easily surprised), Giallo Meltdown 2 is the sequel to Richard’s 2015 beastly book of spaghetti shockers, Giallo Meltdown, and continues the author’s trademark stream of consciousness reviewing style! To add to that, picture sitting around the ol’ terror tube with a group of fiendish friends watching a seemingly endless parade of Italian crime thrillers while everyone offers up their thoughts on the picture at hand often to hilarious effect… this is that shit right there, but in book form! Of course I have already slapped my eerie eyeballs over each and every wicked word of this vicious volume, and it gets my sinister seal of approval both for fans of the genre looking for suggestions for film’s they may

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DanXIII

Jan 5, 2024

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: The Fifth Thoracic Vertebra – Indiepix DVD

When you sit down to The Fifth Thoracic Vertebra, the debut feature from South Korean Director Park Sye-young, you may think you are settling in to a take on George Barry’s 1977 killer bed flick, Death Bed: The Bed That Eats. Since both features contain killer beds… or more specifically in this film’s case a killer mattress… but the two experiences couldn’t be more different. While Death Bed is a more conventional horror movie, The Fifth Thoracic Vertebra is a melancholy, though completely bizarre, treatise on loneliness and emotion. Following the life cycle of a creature born of fungus that inhabits a mattress owned originally by a couple in a rather crummy relationship, the narrative moves from owner to owner (usually after it feeds on someone), allowing us to experience their sad existences. All of that packs quite an emotional punch that in a conventional drama would be almost overbearing in it’s depressive aesthetic, but since this is ostensibly a

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DanXIII

Jan 4, 2024

IndieMoviesReviewsShort FilmsThriller

Short Film Review: Guest 2 (2023)

Remember like four years ago when I clued you beautiful cats n’ creeps in about writer/director Finn Callan’s sinister short Guest? Probably not, but click that highlighted text and you can catch right the hell up! Now that all of that biz is out of the way, let’s dive in to Callan’s follow up, the appropriately titled Guest 2; a longer (but still “short” in the “it’s not quite feature length” sense) deeper dive into the wicked world established in the frightful first go-around! Siblings Jill (Jennifer English) and Ethan (Simon Bigg) are tasked with setting up a support group confab, but E-Dawg has been shirking those responsibilities and sequestered himself in his room. Fed up with such bullshittery, Jill runs the group solo-style and becomes acquainted with with Mia (Natasha Biggs), a woman dealing with severe loneliness and isolation. Unfortunately for Jill, Mia hasn’t been suffering as all alone as she thinks… and soon the preternatural presence, the eponymous

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DanXIII

Jan 3, 2024

DanXIII

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