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DanXIII

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Movie Reviews: Ghoulies (1984) – MVD 4K/Blu-ray

Young Jonathan Graves (Peter Liapis) has just inherited his late father Malcolm’s (Michael Des Barres) estate and moved the hell on in with his girlfriend Rebecca (Lisa Pelikan). While exploring the arcane abode, the duo find an absolute ass load of Pappy Dearest’s Satanic paraphernalia, which quickly becomes an obsession with our hero… so much so he decides to invite guests (who you absolutely have to see to believe, and who’s ranks include Law & Order: S.V.U.‘s Mariska Hargitay) at his swingin’ new wave housewarming shindig to partake in an occult ritual… you know, just for funsies… right after some spontaneous breakdancing. And if you just said “awesome” to that, you’re already sold on this baby! However, said ritual appears at first glance to be a dud… but unbeknownst to one and all, one of his father’s homunculus demons, a titular Ghoulie if you will, is summoned forth. Meanwhile, Jonathan’s mood and life decisions grow ever shittier as he quits

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DanXIII

Sep 12, 2023

MoviesReviewsSci-Fi

Movie Review: The Giant Gila Monster (1959)/The Killer Shrews (1959) – Film Masters Blu-ray

Just outside of a small town, deep within a ravine, a gila monster has grown to enormous size (and magically became a bearded lizard which is in turn presented on miniature sets to simulate it’s large scale) where it promptly eats two folks sucking face out on Lover’s Lane. This causes the local teeny-bopper community to spring into action to assist the local sheriff (Fred Graham) in finding their chums, but even when their pal, ace mechanic/drag racer Chase Winstead (Don Sullivan, The Monster of Piedras Blancas) eventually locates the couple’s car and the mysterious damage it displays, no one expects a giant monster to be the cause… because they aren’t completely insane. The monster biz escalates however from attacks on cars and trucks, to trains… which finally gets people to start digging on the possibility of a dinosaur-sized lizard hissing it’s ass off all over town… Will Chase be able to save the town, and more importantly the sock

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DanXIII

Sep 10, 2023

ForeignMoviesParanormalReviews

Movie Review: City of the Living Dead (1980) – Cauldron 4K/DVD

New York City medium Theresa (Adelaide Aste) is up to her usual shit… namely conducting a séance when something goes dreadfully wrong… one of the participants, Mary Woodhouse (Catriona MacColl, 1981’s The Beyond and The House By the Cemetery… all parts of Lucio Fulci’s “Gates of Hell” trilogy, of which City of the Living Dead is the first part… though none of the films are connected except by general themes) up and dies of fright after she has a vision of a priest, Father Thomas (Fabrizio Jovine) hanging himself in a New England cemetery (or the closest Savannah. Georgia can come to faking it) as the dead rise. Enter: Journalist Peter Bell (Christopher George, star of stage, screen, and Juan Piquer Simón’s 1982 batshit slasher flick Pieces) who snoops into Mary’s case, only to find she is still alive just as she’s being buried! Before you can say “H.P. Lovecraft”, our heroes consult with Theresa and are soon off to

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DanXIII

Sep 10, 2023

ForeignMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Gangnam Zombie (2023) – WellGo USA Blu-ray

During the start of the Covid-19 pandemic, two dudes get the shit-hot (minus the hot) idea of robbing a shipping container down South Korea way. Once said container is pried open a feral cat leaps out and attacks one of the would-be criminals, who then turns into a flesh-hungry zombie-like creature (of the fast moving variety) before falling in the drink and floating un-merrily down the stream to the posh Gangnam district. This spells impending disaster for former Taekwondo ass-kicker now office worker Hyeon-seok (Ji Il-joo) and his officemate/unrequited crush Min-jeong (Park Ji-yeon), because guess who shows up at work (after some wacky hijinks accompanied by cartoon music, naturally)? It’s the cat attack dude… c’mon, did any of you actually get that wrong? Anyhow, he’s now in the building biting mother fuckers willy-nilly and creating even more of a monster-based mess, and the impossibly bitchy owner of the building has ordered the doors sealed shut so no one will associate

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DanXIII

Sep 10, 2023

ForeignMoviesReviewsSci-Fi

Movie Review: The Girl From Rio (1969) – Blue Underground 4K/Blu-ray combo

Arrogant ass/our hero/James Bond surrogate Jeff Sutton (Richard Stapley) arrives in Rio with a hot wad of stolen dough. This factoid becomes known to local crime-lord Sir Macius (George Sanders, the voice of the tiger Shere Khan in Disney’s 1967 animated adaptation of The Jungle Book) who sends out his masked assassins (one of many pieces of imaginative comic book style art design this flick possesses) to grab the cash, which puts the kibosh on his hot date with manicurist Lesley (Maria Rohm, a regular in the films of absolute legend Jess Franco… who just so happened to direct this film as well). Speaking of Lesley, she is in fact a resident of the retro-futuristic city Femina run by the female super-villain Sunanda (Shirley Eaton, whom you may remember covered in gold in 1964’s Bond flick, Goldfinger)… who just so happens to be assembling an army of women warriors (who dress as if they just walked out of an Alex

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DanXIII

Sep 9, 2023

ForeignIndieMoviesReviewsSci-Fi

Movie Review: Black Circle (2018) – Synapse Blu-ray

Every once in a blue moon I see a flick so incredibly difficult to write about that I’m nearly brought to tears… not because it’s a difficult task, but rather because someone has the goddamn balls to create a psychotronic mother fucking masterpiece and I’d rather all you like-minded cats n’ creeps would just watch the damned thing rather than reading my wicked words… and that is a thing of beauty and wonder indeed! If you didn’t heed my edict above and are still here, I’ll attempt to give you a rough sketch as to just what to expect story-wise from writer/director/genius Adrian Garcia Bogliano’s Black Circle… Celeste (Felice Jankell) is having a shitty go at things when her successful businesswoman sis, Isa (Erica Midfjäll), clues her in to a hypnosis record from the ’70s that has changed her life for the better. Incredulous, Celeste spins the platter nevertheless… and the results are third eye-opening to say the least! Further

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DanXIII

Sep 4, 2023

ForeignMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Tenebrae (1982) – Synapse 4K UHD

Horror scribe Peter Neal (American television mainstay Anthony Franciosa) has just released his newest novel, the eponymous Tenebrae, and is all set to promote the living shit out of it down Italy way. No sooner does he set foot on solid ground (okay, slightly after) when he’s grilled by mystery novel super-duper fan Detective Germani (Giuliano Gemma) and his partner, Inspector Altieri (Carola Stagnaro), about a recent murder of a young woman… a murder inspired by (and physically utilizing) the pages of Neal’s novel… along with a big ol’ straight razor; a real case of shave and a haircut, two tits… Much like potato chips, our mysterious madman can’t stop at just one, and before long the list of extinct lovely ladies murdered in various and sundry ways (all inspired by Neal’s wicked words, natch) gets rather lengthy indeed. This all makes Neal absolutely bonkers to solve the mystery himself… which leads to red herrings and head trauma… but doesn’t

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DanXIII

Sep 3, 2023

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: August Underground (2001) – Unearthed Films

Writer/director/producer/actor Fred Vogel’s 2001 found-footage free-for-all August Underground (co-written by Allen Peters) is light on story… in fact the entirety of the film’s 70 minute run-time can be summed up thusly: two serial killers on a spree of mayhem and murder film their exploits… but it’s in building that world… that depraved, disgusting world that this film shines. Our two main madmen are played by those aforementioned fellas… Vogel in front of the lens, and Allen behind it (and I’m sure plenty can be made of the psychological meaning behind the artist becoming one with their art)… and both uncredited for their performances… and the feature holds nothing back showing what these two rollicking rascals are up to, and what they are up to results in hard-to-watch, unflinching degradation and violence… so much so that you’ll swear you’re watching a real-deal snuff picture… and therein lies the genius of the piece. Along the way we are also “treated” to some

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DanXIII

Aug 19, 2023

IndieMoviesReviewsSci-Fi

Movie Review: The Abomination (1986) – Visual Vengeance Blu-ray

Why does The Abomination begin with a sizzle reel of the best bits of what’s about to come in the following 90 minutes? Fucked if I know presently, but it does… but they try and claim it’s a nightmare our hero Cody (Scott Davis) is experiencing… Following that we dive into the story proper… hahaha, just kidding… this time it’s another non sequitur (a lil’ stalk n’ slay number here featuring some of the footage we just experienced) as Cody details his grizzly actions to his doctor while quoting the bible and claiming to be controlled by a monster he dubs “The Abomination”. Okay, now we start the story, as we learn Cody’s ailing, televangelist-addicted mother, Sarah (Jude Johnson) is suffering from a nasty lil’ tumor… which she barfs up. Well, that “tumor” goes right ahead and crawls inside of our hero… which makes his workday and non-stop country-fried fuckin’ around come to a full, and phlegmy, stop. So after

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DanXIII

Aug 13, 2023

IndieMoviesSci-Fi

Movie Review: Repligator (1998) – Visual Vengeance Blu-ray

In a secret Government lab, Dr. Goodbody (legendary Scream Queen Brinke Stevens) conducts mind reading experiments that result in all manner of horny goings-on (the best kind, if we are being honest) before we cut to an opening title sequence highlighting some whimsical-ass music accompanied by PS1-level graphics… Thus begins Bret McCormick’s 1998 sci-fi farce Repligator, the only way it could… and will again! Following that we travel through more Government labs where all-manner of high-tech gadgets are being worked on involving everything from x-ray glasses to brain-washing to teleportation… and about that last bit; any that goes through the device comes through as an incredibly beautiful, totally horny (there’s that word again), woman (unless they are already an “ugly” woman… then they come out like the nerdy chick that gets “prom hot” in an 80’s teen comedy)!! Speaking of one of those newly-minted women, well… she ends up having sex after which she becomes a half-alligator/half-human hybrid, and her

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DanXIII

Aug 13, 2023

DanXIII

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