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DanXIII

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Short Film Review: Real Cool Time (2023)

Rock musician Devin (Lanae Hyneman) has fallen on some hard ass times… mentally anyway. After a disastrous European tour, Devin has retreated to a lw-rent apartment to seclude herself from the world ostensibly to work on material for a follow up to her bands successful debut album, but really she wallows in sadness and does her best to look like a burnt out shell of a woman. She’s pretty successful at that as well. While developing that skill-set she is interrupted by pushy journalist Juliya (Alice Shen) who demands Devin give her the scoop on what really went on across the pond. Her pain-in-the-assness pays off, and she gets her wish… and you can bet the freaky farm that the answer is much more than just truck loads of beastly booze and fistfuls of drugs. Supernatural shenanigans ensue! Writer/director Matthew Packman (who also helmed 2020’s vampire revenge flick Morbid Colors which I reviewed right here) returns to the gritty city

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 5, 2023

Movie Review: Three Between the Sheets (1983 – 1985 – Severin Blu-ray)

Did you dig on Skinemax and The Playboy Channel in the early ’80s? Well, if you answered “yes” then you will surely recognize a few of the flicks contained in Three Between the Sheets; the new collection from Severin showcasing softcore shenanigans from such material’s cable television Golden Age! First up in the collection comes 1984’s Ecstasy: Director Peter Binnes (Franc Luz) and his actress wife Val (Kingdom of the Spiders’ Tiffany Bolling, who also posed in the pages of Playboy, who produced this film) have just won the ultimate prize; the “Film Critics Award”, which is definitely given to a movie by people… perhaps “critics” even. Anyway, never one to sit idle, ol’ Pete decides to get a new picture rollin’ with a script courtesy of ex-thespian Belinda (Julie Newmar,best known for playing one of three Catwomen to face off with Adam West’s Batman on TV screens in the mid to late ‘60s)… but no one is willing to

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 25, 2023

Movie Review: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) – Dark Sky Films 4K

For those that have previously missed out on one of the greatest fright flicks ever created: After a series of grizzly news accounts, and an opening narration courtesy of Night Court‘s John Larroquette, set the scene we are introduced to a group of groovy teens including Sally Hardesty ( Marilyn Burns) and her far less groovy, uber-annoying, wheel-chair bound brother Franklin (Paul A. Partain), who are on a road trip across Texas. Along the way the gang picks up a deranged hitchhiker, who’s hobbies include self-harm and photography, and after (eventually) kicking his ass the fuck out of their van they discover that they are low on gas. Unfortunately for them, the local station is plum out so off they go to explore a nearby abandoned house (which is a shitty idea in the best of times… let alone when there are creepy locals and a spate of grave-robbing going down)… a house that’s unfortunately home to a cannibal clan

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 18, 2023

Box-Set Review: Wings Of Disaster: The Birdemic Trilogy (2010 – 2022)

Have you ever watched a film… let’s say Alfred Hitchcock’s 1963 avian-terror based suspense masterpiece The Birds for instance…and say to yourself “Shit, I could have made that.”? Here’s a cautionary tale on why that may be fucking dumb as shit. Severin’s (via their Intervision label) new box-set; Wings Of Disaster: The Birdemic Trilogy deals with the output of writer/director James Nguyen who definitely thought “Shit, I could have made that.” or some variation thereof… and he did, three times over… but of course his level of success varies slightly than Hitchcock… Kicking off the set is 2010’s Birdemic: Shock and Terror which is indeed about killer birds, but equally it’s about driving around town as a sweeping score you may find in a heartfelt ’80s drama serenades your eerie earholes. It’s also about how not to mic your film as the sound quality is all over the map… oh and what is a light meter used for again? Anyway,

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 11, 2023

Movie Review: Project Wolf Hunting (2022)

After a contingent of Korean criminals extradited from the Philippines gets blown sky-high by a mad bomber, the decision is made to move the next load of no-good-niks via cargo ship to a private dock in Busan. While the overall plan is unconventional, the journey gets stranger by the second as the doctor on board is acting suspicious as all fuck, some of the ship’s crew have been replaced by gang members, and there’s a pseudo-zombie, code-named Alpha (Train to Busan‘s Gwi-hwa Choi) below decks… Before you can say “absolute shit-show” things become an absolute shit-show with (most of) the criminals engaging in a bloody (think gallons upon gallons) coup… but that previously mentioned “most of” leads to more tension as the more peaceful of the evil-doers find themselves at odds with their much, MUCH more psychotic brethren, and all are at odds with the remaining police force. Then Alpha, created decades ago by the eponymous Project who had hopes

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 11, 2023

Box-set Review: Violent Streets – The Umberto Lenzi /Tomas Milian Collection (1974 -1978)

Those delightful devils have become criminally minded and have gathered five of director’s Umberto Lenzi’s (Nightmare City, Cannibal Ferox) crime flicks, all featuring actor Tomas Milian, and eleased them in one handy-dandy box-set aptly called Violent Streets – The Umberto Lenzi /Tomas Milian Collection. Things kick off with 1974’s Almost Human: Giulio (Milian) is a bank robber who gives zero fucks when it comes to being a murderous lunatic. It’s that last bit that finds him kicked soundly from his bank robbing gang straight into his girlfriend Iona’s (Anita Strindberg) abode. Human Sponge is super effective! Soon Giulio spies comely Mary Lou (Laura Belli), a girl that comes from a Richy Rich type of sitch with Daddy Dearest owning the company Iona works for no less, and gets the brilliant idea to throw together a lil’ gang and kidnap the heiress in the hopes of collecting a giant ransom. There’s a huge fuckin’ fly in the ointment however as Inspector

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 5, 2023

Movie Review: Born to Fight (1989) – Severin Blu-ray

Snake venom drinking, ex-Vietnam prisoner of war Sam Wood (Brent Huff of Cop Game, which I reviewed right here) spends his days… well, he seems to just sleep a lot and piss people off merely by existing… oh, and he looks like a Bayou Billy cosplayer, which given the difficulty of that game would go along way to adding towards the hostility leveled against him… Anyway, Sam is hired by documentarian Maryline Kane (Mary Stavin) to head back to the camp he was brutally tortured in for a series of interviews in exchange for which he’ll be paid an ass-load of cash. Once there Maryline’s crew is immediately attacked and killed by Vietnamese soldiers, and Sam finds out he was played like a chump and Maryline’s real goal is to rescue her military father who has become a P.O.W. as well… the same general that refused to rescue Wood’s comrades in ‘Nam. The promise of more money smooths that shit

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 4, 2023

Movie Review: Attack Force Z (1981) – Severin Blu-ray

P.G. Kelly (Mel Gibson) is the leader of a small group of special forces operatives charged with rescuing survivors of a downed plane located on a heavily Japanese occupied island during World War II. These are grim motherfuckers one and all, and they certainly aren’t above getting their hands very, very dirty in order to complete a mission… even if the blood they spill is from one of their own! As the men soldier on in their quest they take up with local farmer cum resistance fighter Lin (prolific Taiwanese actor/director Koo Chuan Hsiung) and his daughter Chien Hua (Hong Kong actress/singer/director Sylvia Chang) who prove to be valuable allies in a place where they are in short supply! Will Kelly and his men complete this seemingly suicidal mission, or will they succumb to the menace of the Japanese troops that surround them on all sides? Attack Force Z is a strange picture… Well, not strange in it’s narrative… this

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 4, 2023

MovieReview: Double Target (1987) – Severin Blu-ray

After a slew of assassinations against military personnel, the boys in camo do the only thing they possibly can; namely call in beer guzzlin’, male model-type/ex-commando Bob Ross (Tarzan the Ape Man/Ator the Fighting Eagle‘s Miles O’Keeffe) to create happy little accidents of extreme violence on those responsible! The only problem with that request is that it stands in the way of his primary life goal; namely retrieving his son from Vietnam, where he was forced to stay after the war… a goal he has attempted to fulfil by blowing shit sky-high with a rocket launcher fired from a helicopter. Fortunately for the narrative, Ross is soon convinced (i.e. forced) by the asthmatic, and ludicrously named, Senator Blaster (Halloween‘s Donald Pleasence) and his own personal Col. Trautman, Col. Waters (Mike Monty) to undertake the assassination investigation back in his old ‘Nam stomping grounds, a task he has five days to complete or he’ll be left to rot! The job totally

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 3, 2023

Movie Review: Cop Game (1988) – Severin Blu-ray

Do you dig on hard rockin’ tune-age playing over non-violent b-roll stock footage of the Vietnam War? It doesn’t matter, Bruno Mattei’s Cop Game kicks things off in exactly that way! Following that, we begin our tale in the final days of the war… which appear to have stretched on all the way to the late ’80s if the clothes, hairstyles, and vehicles present are to be believed. Into that anachronism steps macho mother fucker Morgan (Strike Commando 2‘s Brent Huff) and his equally match-oh pal Hawk (Max Laurel, whom you may remember as the creature Zuma from the 1985 film of the same name) who are called into service to investigate the assassination of a high rankin’ military man by a gang of heavily armed and masked soldiers. Said investigation sends our heroes into a world of slow-motion gunfire-based destruction (and a shit-ton of it too), overly-long nightclub dance routines, car chases involving no actual cars (more on that

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 25, 2023

More from DanXIII

Short Film Review: Real Cool Time (2023)

Rock musician Devin (Lanae Hyneman) has fallen on some hard ass times… mentally anyway. After a disastrous European tour, Devin has retreated to a lw-rent apartment to seclude herself from the world ostensibly to work on material for a follow up to her bands successful debut album, but really she wallows in sadness and does her best to look like a burnt out shell of a woman. She’s pretty successful at that as well. While developing that skill-set she is interrupted by pushy journalist Juliya (Alice Shen) who demands Devin give her the scoop on what really went on across the pond. Her pain-in-the-assness pays off, and she gets her wish… and you can bet the freaky farm that the answer is much more than just truck loads of beastly booze and fistfuls of drugs. Supernatural shenanigans ensue! Writer/director Matthew Packman (who also helmed 2020’s vampire revenge flick Morbid Colors which I reviewed right here) returns to the gritty city

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 5, 2023

Movie Review: Three Between the Sheets (1983 – 1985 – Severin Blu-ray)

Did you dig on Skinemax and The Playboy Channel in the early ’80s? Well, if you answered “yes” then you will surely recognize a few of the flicks contained in Three Between the Sheets; the new collection from Severin showcasing softcore shenanigans from such material’s cable television Golden Age! First up in the collection comes 1984’s Ecstasy: Director Peter Binnes (Franc Luz) and his actress wife Val (Kingdom of the Spiders’ Tiffany Bolling, who also posed in the pages of Playboy, who produced this film) have just won the ultimate prize; the “Film Critics Award”, which is definitely given to a movie by people… perhaps “critics” even. Anyway, never one to sit idle, ol’ Pete decides to get a new picture rollin’ with a script courtesy of ex-thespian Belinda (Julie Newmar,best known for playing one of three Catwomen to face off with Adam West’s Batman on TV screens in the mid to late ‘60s)… but no one is willing to

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 25, 2023

Movie Review: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) – Dark Sky Films 4K

For those that have previously missed out on one of the greatest fright flicks ever created: After a series of grizzly news accounts, and an opening narration courtesy of Night Court‘s John Larroquette, set the scene we are introduced to a group of groovy teens including Sally Hardesty ( Marilyn Burns) and her far less groovy, uber-annoying, wheel-chair bound brother Franklin (Paul A. Partain), who are on a road trip across Texas. Along the way the gang picks up a deranged hitchhiker, who’s hobbies include self-harm and photography, and after (eventually) kicking his ass the fuck out of their van they discover that they are low on gas. Unfortunately for them, the local station is plum out so off they go to explore a nearby abandoned house (which is a shitty idea in the best of times… let alone when there are creepy locals and a spate of grave-robbing going down)… a house that’s unfortunately home to a cannibal clan

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 18, 2023

Box-Set Review: Wings Of Disaster: The Birdemic Trilogy (2010 – 2022)

Have you ever watched a film… let’s say Alfred Hitchcock’s 1963 avian-terror based suspense masterpiece The Birds for instance…and say to yourself “Shit, I could have made that.”? Here’s a cautionary tale on why that may be fucking dumb as shit. Severin’s (via their Intervision label) new box-set; Wings Of Disaster: The Birdemic Trilogy deals with the output of writer/director James Nguyen who definitely thought “Shit, I could have made that.” or some variation thereof… and he did, three times over… but of course his level of success varies slightly than Hitchcock… Kicking off the set is 2010’s Birdemic: Shock and Terror which is indeed about killer birds, but equally it’s about driving around town as a sweeping score you may find in a heartfelt ’80s drama serenades your eerie earholes. It’s also about how not to mic your film as the sound quality is all over the map… oh and what is a light meter used for again? Anyway,

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 11, 2023

Movie Review: Project Wolf Hunting (2022)

After a contingent of Korean criminals extradited from the Philippines gets blown sky-high by a mad bomber, the decision is made to move the next load of no-good-niks via cargo ship to a private dock in Busan. While the overall plan is unconventional, the journey gets stranger by the second as the doctor on board is acting suspicious as all fuck, some of the ship’s crew have been replaced by gang members, and there’s a pseudo-zombie, code-named Alpha (Train to Busan‘s Gwi-hwa Choi) below decks… Before you can say “absolute shit-show” things become an absolute shit-show with (most of) the criminals engaging in a bloody (think gallons upon gallons) coup… but that previously mentioned “most of” leads to more tension as the more peaceful of the evil-doers find themselves at odds with their much, MUCH more psychotic brethren, and all are at odds with the remaining police force. Then Alpha, created decades ago by the eponymous Project who had hopes

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 11, 2023

Box-set Review: Violent Streets – The Umberto Lenzi /Tomas Milian Collection (1974 -1978)

Those delightful devils have become criminally minded and have gathered five of director’s Umberto Lenzi’s (Nightmare City, Cannibal Ferox) crime flicks, all featuring actor Tomas Milian, and eleased them in one handy-dandy box-set aptly called Violent Streets – The Umberto Lenzi /Tomas Milian Collection. Things kick off with 1974’s Almost Human: Giulio (Milian) is a bank robber who gives zero fucks when it comes to being a murderous lunatic. It’s that last bit that finds him kicked soundly from his bank robbing gang straight into his girlfriend Iona’s (Anita Strindberg) abode. Human Sponge is super effective! Soon Giulio spies comely Mary Lou (Laura Belli), a girl that comes from a Richy Rich type of sitch with Daddy Dearest owning the company Iona works for no less, and gets the brilliant idea to throw together a lil’ gang and kidnap the heiress in the hopes of collecting a giant ransom. There’s a huge fuckin’ fly in the ointment however as Inspector

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 5, 2023

Movie Review: Born to Fight (1989) – Severin Blu-ray

Snake venom drinking, ex-Vietnam prisoner of war Sam Wood (Brent Huff of Cop Game, which I reviewed right here) spends his days… well, he seems to just sleep a lot and piss people off merely by existing… oh, and he looks like a Bayou Billy cosplayer, which given the difficulty of that game would go along way to adding towards the hostility leveled against him… Anyway, Sam is hired by documentarian Maryline Kane (Mary Stavin) to head back to the camp he was brutally tortured in for a series of interviews in exchange for which he’ll be paid an ass-load of cash. Once there Maryline’s crew is immediately attacked and killed by Vietnamese soldiers, and Sam finds out he was played like a chump and Maryline’s real goal is to rescue her military father who has become a P.O.W. as well… the same general that refused to rescue Wood’s comrades in ‘Nam. The promise of more money smooths that shit

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 4, 2023

Movie Review: Attack Force Z (1981) – Severin Blu-ray

P.G. Kelly (Mel Gibson) is the leader of a small group of special forces operatives charged with rescuing survivors of a downed plane located on a heavily Japanese occupied island during World War II. These are grim motherfuckers one and all, and they certainly aren’t above getting their hands very, very dirty in order to complete a mission… even if the blood they spill is from one of their own! As the men soldier on in their quest they take up with local farmer cum resistance fighter Lin (prolific Taiwanese actor/director Koo Chuan Hsiung) and his daughter Chien Hua (Hong Kong actress/singer/director Sylvia Chang) who prove to be valuable allies in a place where they are in short supply! Will Kelly and his men complete this seemingly suicidal mission, or will they succumb to the menace of the Japanese troops that surround them on all sides? Attack Force Z is a strange picture… Well, not strange in it’s narrative… this

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 4, 2023

MovieReview: Double Target (1987) – Severin Blu-ray

After a slew of assassinations against military personnel, the boys in camo do the only thing they possibly can; namely call in beer guzzlin’, male model-type/ex-commando Bob Ross (Tarzan the Ape Man/Ator the Fighting Eagle‘s Miles O’Keeffe) to create happy little accidents of extreme violence on those responsible! The only problem with that request is that it stands in the way of his primary life goal; namely retrieving his son from Vietnam, where he was forced to stay after the war… a goal he has attempted to fulfil by blowing shit sky-high with a rocket launcher fired from a helicopter. Fortunately for the narrative, Ross is soon convinced (i.e. forced) by the asthmatic, and ludicrously named, Senator Blaster (Halloween‘s Donald Pleasence) and his own personal Col. Trautman, Col. Waters (Mike Monty) to undertake the assassination investigation back in his old ‘Nam stomping grounds, a task he has five days to complete or he’ll be left to rot! The job totally

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Mar 3, 2023

Movie Review: Cop Game (1988) – Severin Blu-ray

Do you dig on hard rockin’ tune-age playing over non-violent b-roll stock footage of the Vietnam War? It doesn’t matter, Bruno Mattei’s Cop Game kicks things off in exactly that way! Following that, we begin our tale in the final days of the war… which appear to have stretched on all the way to the late ’80s if the clothes, hairstyles, and vehicles present are to be believed. Into that anachronism steps macho mother fucker Morgan (Strike Commando 2‘s Brent Huff) and his equally match-oh pal Hawk (Max Laurel, whom you may remember as the creature Zuma from the 1985 film of the same name) who are called into service to investigate the assassination of a high rankin’ military man by a gang of heavily armed and masked soldiers. Said investigation sends our heroes into a world of slow-motion gunfire-based destruction (and a shit-ton of it too), overly-long nightclub dance routines, car chases involving no actual cars (more on that

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 25, 2023
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