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DanXIII

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Movie Review: Extra Terrestrial Visitors (1983) – Severin Blu-ray

A fiery explosion in space results in a meteor that is sent hurdling towards Earth. Meanwhile down on the ground, a young boy named Tommy (Óscar Martín, who appears to be having the time of his life) witnesses the meteor hurtling towards our beloved globe (in a sequence that proves the sound department on this one has zero clue what a kitten sounds like) while some dudes, poachers by disgusting trade, ass-around in the nearby day-for-night forest. Well, said dudes do both the fucking around, and the finding out as they encounter that meteor and the eggs it contains… eggs that are hatching! Because all of that was moving along at a good clip, we cut to rock n’ roll Rick (Ian Sera) who provides a song about fast cars sung with the lowest amount of energy possible before he and his pals trek off to the woods for some rest and relaxation. How does all of that tie together?

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DanXIII

May 20, 2023

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

Box Set Review: Danza Macabre Volume One – Severin Films Blu-ray

Our fiendish friends over at Severin Films have gathered up four Italian gothic horror films, slapped them in a (beautifully embellished) box, and unleashed them on our arcane asses under the title of the Danza Macabre collection. Let’s feast our putrid peepers on what this set has to offer one by fright-filled one! Disc One brings us 1964’s The Monster of the Opera: This flick opens with a banger of a scene in which a vampire chases a young woman in a nightgown before trapping her behind an invisible wall and trying to dispatch her with a pitchfork! Flash forward and dynamic theater director Sandro (Marco Mariani) has moved his troupe of actors, dancers, and mimes into an abandoned theater despite being warned explicitly not to do so by the caretaker of the joltin’ joint, Achille (Alberto Archetti) by name, who witnessed the ghoulish goings-on mentioned up yonder! As the arsty and fartsy goes on, it becomes ever more obvious

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DanXIII

May 20, 2023

MoviesReviewsSci-Fi

Movie Review: Invaders From Mars (1953) – Ignite Films Blu-ray

Junior astronomer Davey MacLean (Jimmy Hunt looking between 9 and 39 depending on the angle) is awakened one night by a thunderstorm only to witness a glowing green flying saucer land behind a large hill next to his house where it promptly sinks deep within the earth. The next morning David’s father, George (Leif Erickson in a performance that goes from lovable goof to violent, moody, secretive monster with shocking ease) heads out to investigate the hill, but comes back as a complete prickus, and soon David’s mother Mary (Hillary Brooke), his neighbor, the local constables, and more fall victim to the cosmic evil buried deep in the sand. Thankfully Dave has two erstwhile allies, Dr. Pat Blake (Helena Carter) and Dr. Stuart Kelston (Arthur Franz… who insists on pronouncing “mutants” as “mewt-ants”), and these cats manage to call in the military (thanks to the magic of stock footage) which leads to a full-scale operation being launched against those menacing

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DanXIII

May 7, 2023

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Unwelcome (2022)

Maya (Hannah John-Kamen, whom you may remember from 2018’s superhero romp Ant-Man and the Wasp, but she’s been in an ass-load of other cool stuff) and Jamie (Douglas Booth) are more than ready to get the fuck out of Dodge after being accosted by thugs, so off they trot to the safety and serenity of the Irish countryside where absolutely nothing can ever go wrong. Once there they move into the home bequeathed to J-Dawg by his recently croaked aunt… but the country home comes with a warning; honor the old ways and pay tribute to the mysterious Redcaps rumored to haunt the land every day, or there will be unspecified static heading their way! Of course our heroes forget that shit Day fuckin’ One, and the town drunk is spirited away by those creepy Caps… but of course the body-count doesn’t stop there and before you can say “Guinness” our protagonists are up to their asses in goblins, psychotic

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DanXIII

Apr 29, 2023

MoviesReviews

Movie Review: Cocaine Bear (2023) – Universal Blu-ray

Back in ’85, an ass-load of that White Gold is hucked out of a plane down Appalachia way where it is partially consumed by a black bear. As fate would have it, the intended recipient of that shipment gone very fuckin’ astray, one Syd White (Ray Liotta), is none to happy about his drug’s current whereabouts, so he entrusts some of his best men; his constantly crying, recently widowed son Eddie (Alden Ehrenreich) and the put-upon, though decidedly more competent Daveed (O’Shea Jackson Jr.) to bring that coke back right quick! Of course that bear has been tearing anyone within paws reach a new asshole, so retrieving those bags o’ fun will be a bit dicey for our “heroes”… and when you add in a lovelorn Park Ranger (played by prolific character actress Margo Martindale to comedic perfection), a cache of stab-happy pop art punks, kids playing hooky, and an intrepid out-of-town flatfoot (Isiah Whitlock Jr.) that task goes from

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DanXIII

Apr 23, 2023

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Drowning by Numbers (1988) – Severin 4K

Three women named Cissie Colpitts (who the fuck knows, I men they are related so there’s that… anyway, they’re played by Joan Plowright, Juliet Stevenson, and Joely Richardson… the last of whom you cats n’ creeps may remember from 2019’s Nick Cage starring Lovecraft adaptation, The Color Out of Space) become involved in the ol’ murder biz after Cissie (watch the movie to see which one!) catches her lout of a hubbie havin’ a skin-slappin’ case of the naked horneys with a younger lady! After a post-coital drowning via bathtub, said louse of a spouse is done for, Cissie and the other Cissies manage to cover it up thanks to a hot-to-trot coroner, Madgett (Bernard Hill) by name, who is promised sexual favors for his help but is left perpetually blue in the balls. Before long, the other Cissies’ get sick of the married life with similarly deadly results, and ol’ Madgett is called upon time and time again with

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DanXIII

Apr 15, 2023

IndieMoviesReviewsShort Films

Short Film Review: Real Cool Time (2023)

Rock musician Devin (Lanae Hyneman) has fallen on some hard ass times… mentally anyway. After a disastrous European tour, Devin has retreated to a lw-rent apartment to seclude herself from the world ostensibly to work on material for a follow up to her bands successful debut album, but really she wallows in sadness and does her best to look like a burnt out shell of a woman. She’s pretty successful at that as well. While developing that skill-set she is interrupted by pushy journalist Juliya (Alice Shen) who demands Devin give her the scoop on what really went on across the pond. Her pain-in-the-assness pays off, and she gets her wish… and you can bet the freaky farm that the answer is much more than just truck loads of beastly booze and fistfuls of drugs. Supernatural shenanigans ensue! Writer/director Matthew Packman (who also helmed 2020’s vampire revenge flick Morbid Colors which I reviewed right here) returns to the gritty city

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DanXIII

Apr 5, 2023

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Three Between the Sheets (1983 – 1985 – Severin Blu-ray)

Did you dig on Skinemax and The Playboy Channel in the early ’80s? Well, if you answered “yes” then you will surely recognize a few of the flicks contained in Three Between the Sheets; the new collection from Severin showcasing softcore shenanigans from such material’s cable television Golden Age! First up in the collection comes 1984’s Ecstasy: Director Peter Binnes (Franc Luz) and his actress wife Val (Kingdom of the Spiders’ Tiffany Bolling, who also posed in the pages of Playboy, who produced this film) have just won the ultimate prize; the “Film Critics Award”, which is definitely given to a movie by people… perhaps “critics” even. Anyway, never one to sit idle, ol’ Pete decides to get a new picture rollin’ with a script courtesy of ex-thespian Belinda (Julie Newmar,best known for playing one of three Catwomen to face off with Adam West’s Batman on TV screens in the mid to late ‘60s)… but no one is willing to

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DanXIII

Mar 25, 2023

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) – Dark Sky Films 4K

For those that have previously missed out on one of the greatest fright flicks ever created: After a series of grizzly news accounts, and an opening narration courtesy of Night Court‘s John Larroquette, set the scene we are introduced to a group of groovy teens including Sally Hardesty ( Marilyn Burns) and her far less groovy, uber-annoying, wheel-chair bound brother Franklin (Paul A. Partain), who are on a road trip across Texas. Along the way the gang picks up a deranged hitchhiker, who’s hobbies include self-harm and photography, and after (eventually) kicking his ass the fuck out of their van they discover that they are low on gas. Unfortunately for them, the local station is plum out so off they go to explore a nearby abandoned house (which is a shitty idea in the best of times… let alone when there are creepy locals and a spate of grave-robbing going down)… a house that’s unfortunately home to a cannibal clan

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DanXIII

Mar 18, 2023

IndieMoviesReviews

Box-Set Review: Wings Of Disaster: The Birdemic Trilogy (2010 – 2022)

Have you ever watched a film… let’s say Alfred Hitchcock’s 1963 avian-terror based suspense masterpiece The Birds for instance…and say to yourself “Shit, I could have made that.”? Here’s a cautionary tale on why that may be fucking dumb as shit. Severin’s (via their Intervision label) new box-set; Wings Of Disaster: The Birdemic Trilogy deals with the output of writer/director James Nguyen who definitely thought “Shit, I could have made that.” or some variation thereof… and he did, three times over… but of course his level of success varies slightly than Hitchcock… Kicking off the set is 2010’s Birdemic: Shock and Terror which is indeed about killer birds, but equally it’s about driving around town as a sweeping score you may find in a heartfelt ’80s drama serenades your eerie earholes. It’s also about how not to mic your film as the sound quality is all over the map… oh and what is a light meter used for again? Anyway,

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DanXIII

Mar 11, 2023

DanXIII

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