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DanXIII

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Movie Review: Justine (1969 – Blue Underground 4K)

On the eve of his imprisonment within the formidable confines of the Bastille on charges of obscenity contained within his work, the notorious Marquis de Sade (played by actual lunatic Klaus Kinski) sets about jottin’ down the tit-filled tale of sisters Justine (Romina Power) and Juliette (Maria Rohm) raised in a convent. Speaking of said convent; with it’s funding run dry the sisters are soon out on their asses… and soon up to their asses (and beyond) in various manners of perverts all hungry for some of that sweet lovin’! Along the way, Juliette spends her days in a brothel pursuing a sapphic love affair with Claudine (Rosemary Dexter), while Justine becomes a maid at the local inn… but she gets canned after being wrongly accused of nixing the goods from one of the guests. After a brief fling with lesbian crime-lord Madame Dusbois (Mercedes McCambridge) and her horny hooligans, not to mention a murder plot, Justine falls in with

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DanXIII

Feb 10, 2023

AdaptationIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Bubba Ho-Tep (2002 – Scream Factory 4K)

Bubba Ho-Tep is a straight up classic in our beloved horror biz, and I simply refuse to believe that any of you fine fiends haven’t seen this flick; but before I get down to brass tacks and tell you if this latest release of the film is worth your hard earned dough, I’ll do the standard sub-standard sinister synopsis for ya… Elvis (Campbell) is alive and (un)well and residing in a nursing home (his “death” involved him changing places with an impersonator with a bad heart decades ago). While dealing with a life rapidly in decline and a defective pecker; ol’ E. also has to cope with soul eating, ancient Egyptian mummy that is stalking the halls of the facility he calls home. In order to end the menace, he teams up with a man that claims he is JFK (Davis), and together they embark on an epic, if arthritic, battle with evil incarnate in cowboy boots. Funny, surreal, and

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DanXIII

Feb 10, 2023

AdaptationComic Books/Graphic NovelsMoviesSci-Fi

Exclusive Clip From the Upcoming 4K release of The Return of Swamp Thing!

Our good fiends over at MVD Entertainment are set to unleash a ghoulishly gorgeous new 4K upgrade of Jim Wynorski’s 1989 muck and monster-packed, comic book-based spectacle The Return of Swamp Thing (which we reviewed right here)! In honor of said release, we have been given an exclusive clip to tantalizingly tease your eerie eyeballs! Check it out below and be sure to pick up your copy of The Return of Swamp Thing on February 7th!

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DanXIII

Jan 30, 2023

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Piggy (2022)

Heavy-set teen Sara (Laura Galán) spends her days toiling away in her parents butcher shop when she isn’t being bullied by the beautiful (on the outside) popular kids (one of whom was a former friend) who give her the nickname “Piggy”. So things basically suck, and after another round of harassment, this time poolside, Sara begins the long walk home with only the swim-suit on her back. Of course she’s hounded once again by the town idiots, but things are going to change quite quickly in that department… You see, our heroine has caught the attention of the local serial killer (Richard Holmes), who has kidnapped the girls that have been hassling our heroine… and Sara bears witness to the crime, and proceeds to clam right the fuck up about the whole affair, even as the town is sent into a frenzy that a madman is on the loose. Speaking of that madman, after some amateur sleuthing, Sara catches up

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DanXIII

Jan 21, 2023

AdaptationComic Books/Graphic NovelsMoviesReviewsSci-Fi

Movie Review: The Return of Swamp Thing (1989)

Something bizarre is going down in the bayou; there seems to be strange creatures stalking the swamps…and by strange I mean even weirder than our moss encrusted walking vegetable of a leading man; namely Swamp Thing his own damn self (once again played with heart and conviction by the late great Dick Durock)! Naturally the monsters are the result of the machinations of Swampy’s old nemesis, the mad doctor Anton Arcane (Louis Jourdan…reprising his role from the first film even thought he turned into a hedgehog beast and was destroyed at the end of the previous picture…1982’s Wes Craven helmed opus Swamp Thing), who is none to pleased our evergreen hero is still walking around handing out ass beatings to whatever mutant he comes across. Adding to the dynamics is the arrival of Anton’s beautiful step-daughter Abigail (Heather Locklear); a new age type that is really into plants (and by the end of the picture you can guarantee she wants

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DanXIII

Jan 21, 2023

IndieMoviesReviewsSci-Fi

Movie Review: 5-25-77 (2022)

Young Illinois native Pat Johnson (John Francis Daley) has one thing on his mind; sex. Well two things actually, because after seeing the work of special effects maestro Douglas Trumbull’s work for Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 sci-fi masterpiece 2001: A Space Odyssey, effects laden movies become Johnson’s primary passion! To that end he drags his friends into participating in all manner of ambitious backyard Super-8 sequels to some of his fav flicks including the likes of Jaws and Planet of the Apes… but his head definitely lies in the Hollywood hills… and thanks to a call from his well-meaning, and thankfully pushy mom he gets a chance to visit the studio where Trumball is working on the effects for Spielberg’s follow up to Jaws; 1977’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind! As fate would have it, Trumbull is not “in the office” that day… but our hero does get to talk to Spielberg himself, and eventually gets to see a work-print

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DanXIII

Jan 21, 2023

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Bermuda Island (2023)

After a lil’ shooty-shooty; a team of FBI agents capture arms dealin’ dastardly devil Diego (Noel Gugliemi) and proceed to load him on a civilian-packed plane headed down Puerto Rico-way… regardless of the threat of a major incoming storm and the chagrin of Air Marshall Jonas (Natural Born Killers’ Tom Sizemore). Naturally the plane experiences a patch of turbulence that sends the craft hurtling towards the ocean… more specifically the preternatural dead zone known as the Bermuda Triangle! Our heroes soon make it to an island where everything is puppies and rainbows… or cannibal monsters and a long-lived survivor to be more accurate… but will these folks ever stop bitchin’ long enough to face the threats at hand?!! Coming from Mahal Empire Productions; I expected Bermuda Island to be an action-packed, monster-filled, gore-splashed, rollickin’ romp… and it sure as shit was… so, I win! End of review. Okay, okay… here’s some more of my wicked words (by unpopular demand!)… Director

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DanXIII

Jan 21, 2023

IndieMoviesReviewsSci-Fi

Movie Review: Moonchild (1994)

In a dystopian future, armored masked guards chase a man named Jacob Stryker (Auggi Alvarez) all over hell and back in an industrial area. Why are they so pissed at our man Stryker? Well he escaped from an experimental prison center where hewas involved in something called Project: Moonchild… but before we learn just what that means for our hero he falls in with a group of heavily armed juvenile soldiers, their pit fightin’ pal Talon (Dave Miller), and their bad-ass leader Athena (Kathleen McSweeney) who decide to join him in finding his missing son and defeat the Solidarity who control the city. Meanwhile it is learned that our hero is a bio-engineered werewolf created to fight wars, and before long a group of bounty hunters (including a ninja, a cyborg, a mature lady named Medusa, and eventually a comely blonde lady) is set loose to bring him back to those that made him, resulting in explosive battles among the

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DanXIII

Jan 21, 2023

MoviesNews

Filmmaker Adam Freeman Set to Give Us Scream Dream!

Filmmaker Adam Freeman (Deadly Dealings) is set to bring his remake of 1989’s S.O.V. rock n’ roll shocker Scream Dream (directed by D.I.Y. horror-maestro Donald Farmer), and let me tell you cats n’ creeps, this one is going to melt your eyes and blow your mind! Here’s the official word from those responsible: “Lead singer Michelle Shock (Angel Bradford) has been accused of Devil worship by the media, they may not be too far off. When Michelle is replaced by Jamie (Jessa Flux), things get crazy as Michelle invokes a demon to take her revenge. As Jamie climbs the ladder of success she spirals into a world of nightmares!! We are giving you 80s vibes with big hair, pastels, holographic glittery clothes, glitter make up, and beautiful women!!” I can put a spin on that and tell you that Scream Dream is going to be Jem meets the ultimate Satanic Panic, and it’s going to rock!!! To donate to Scream

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DanXIII

Jan 20, 2023

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Night of the Tommyknockers (2022)

Meanwhile in the rootin, tootin ol’ West… A group of miners blast open a new section of the mine they work and unleash murderous, gold lustin’, zombie-like monsters known as Tommyknockers… which cuts their work day short, that’s for damn sure… Adjacent to that horror biz, The Dirt Gang, lead by a dude named Dirk (Richard Grieco), are haulin’ ass towards their next bank heist after fucking up the last one six ways to Sunday in a rather messy (read: fatal) fashion. They soon arrive at the eerily deserted town of Deer Creek; a town that should be busy as a basket of beastly bees thanks to it’s location next to a prosperous gold mine… but as you can guess, that sinister shaft is Ground Zero for those terrible Tommyknockers! Will the Gang survive to ride another day or will they end up Monster Chow… or brought to justice by bounty hunters… or die by revenge for their past deeds…

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DanXIII

Jan 11, 2023

DanXIII

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