Movie Review: Witches in the Woods (2019)

April 19, 2020

Written by DanXIII

Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, director, producer, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

A gaggle of goofs from UMASS, all of whom are engaged in a love triangle… even though some of them don’t realize it quite yet, head out for a weekend on the ski slopes. Fate however has other plans for our heroes, and one logging truck accident and it’s resulting detour tosses these folks balls-deep into Strandedville: Population: These Assholes.

Of course this bit o’ bullshit goes above and beyond the threat of hypothermia, as seemingly supernatural occurrences send both tempers and neck hairs sky high. Will our protagonists be able to survive this arcane assault… and is all what it seems deep within those wicked woods?

With Witches in the Woods, director Jordan Barker and screenwriter Christopher Borrelli try to add some new wrinkles to the well-trod road of “kids in the woods encountering pure evil” genre us horror hounds set on such a high pedestal, and to that end they succeed, but there are still some hiccups along the way.

On the positive side, the cast is rather solid, and the complex relationships and emotional turmoil they experience… not related to the ghoulish goings-on  is pretty gosh-darn fucking engaging, and we grow to care about these geezers, even if their role is simply to increase this fright flicks body count.

Adding to the fun are some effective red herrings, world building, and twists that will have you guessing just what in the unholy hell is going on right up until said revelation is brought to light… and therein lies a major negative with Witches in the Woods.

In the clutch, this putrid picture just doesn’t manage to stick the landing. Sure things end in a rather okay-ish manner, but my lord could this sinister story been made even more effective if things went in a demonically different die-rection (though I’m not going to elaborate any further as you should draw your own conclusions as you experience the flick for your own damn selves).

Bottom line: Witches in the Woods is a well acted and constructed dive into our beloved horror biz, but ultimately the story fails to fully satisfy.



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