Movie Review: Ouija Shark (2020)

June 4, 2020

Written by DanXIII

Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, director, producer, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

Jill (Steph Goodwin) was all set for a day of waves and rays with her pals, but those mother fuckers were more ghost than Casper… who she could easily communicate with, because she finds a Ouija board while at the beach.

Eventually her friends let her know they are in fact at a pool, where Jill brings the board… and with a strict “fuck you” they start using that beastly board, and as is so often the case, they summon a ghostly great white shark that begins eating them as it flies around the woods… you know, you mother fuckers would be surprised at the amount I whisper “What the fuck?” to myself at this job…

Anyway, as you can tell, this production is ridiculous, it knows it is, and it manages to be damn entertaining to boot… not always the case in these “here’s a preposterous shark-centric idea, we can fill in the details later” productions that seem to be a dime a demon’s dozen at the ol’ Wal-Mart these days.

So why is it entertaining? Well, for one, the shark is front and center in all of his rubber puppet glowing glory and I love the bastard… who cares how technically proficient it’s executed; he’s there, he’s chompin’ cute girls, and flying around the woods with wild abandon… and I loved every second of it.

Second, while not the most seasoned thespians that have ever graced the screen, the cast seems incredibly game, and their heart appears to be fully into the production as does director Brett Kelly… and the screenplay courtesy of David A. Lloyd is a fast-moving, tongue-in-cheek affair that manages to provide one outrageous idea after another.

On the technical end, and from a filmmaker perspective, Ouija Shark does a great job of getting the most bang for whatever bucks it had… but if you go into this expecting Spielberg you’re ass is going to be well and truly chapped. This is ultra-low budget filmmaking, but it looks and sounds really damn good… another plus in this one’s favor!

In the negative column, this isn’t going to win any awards for length… I mean that award doesn’t even fuckin’ exist, but if it did… IF… IT… DID… Anyway this film runs an hour and three minutes before credits. I think that’s the perfect length to make a film like this an enjoyable experience, but someone, somewhere may bitch about it, so there it is.

All in all, Ouija Shark lives up to the nonsense of the concept and has an absolute ball with it in the process, and I’d wager you cats n’ creeps will enjoy it as well if you dig on the crazier side of our beloved horror biz!



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