Move over, Jaws: The Revenge. Step aside, Sharknado. There is a new king of cinematic trash, and it is swimming straight out of the bargain bin of 2022. Somehow, a cinematic masterpiece swam under our radar a few years ago, but we are here to correct that grave injustice. Introduce yourself to Sharkula. Yes. Sharkula.
The Premise (If You Can Call It That)
Written and directed by B-movie legend Mark Polonia, this zero-budget masterpiece answers the age-old question: “What happens when Count Dracula decides to turn a great white shark into a vampire?”
The plot—and we use that word incredibly loosely—goes like this: Count Dracula’s curse infects a shark, which then starts terrorizing a local tourist town. But wait, it gets better. There is a whole coven of caped, pale vampires hiding out on the docks, actively helping the shark survive. It’s a deadly trail of CGI carnage, terrible green screens, and rubber fins.
The Cast
The filmmakers didn’t even try to hide who they were ripping off. The character names are a direct, shameless copy-paste from Bram Stoker’s classic novel:
| Actor | Character | Role in the Madness |
| Jeff Kirkendall | Dracula | The Count himself, looking like he bought his cape at a Spirit Halloween store. |
| Kyle Rappaport | Renfield | The bug-eating sidekick, presumably doing his best with what he was given. |
| Jamie Morgan | Mina | The classic heroine, trapped in a movie she definitely didn’t audition for. |
| Tim Hatch | Arthur | The brave hero. |
| James Kelly | John | Jonathan Harker, but with significantly less budget. |
Why You Need to Watch It
This movie is so aggressively awful that it circles all the way back around to being pure entertainment gold. It features some of the worst special effects in human history, acting that deserves an award for sheer audacity, and a premise that makes absolutely no logical sense.
If you want to turn your brain completely off and laugh until your stomach hurts, you’re in luck. Sharkula is currently streaming on Prime Video and Tubi. Grab some popcorn, lower your expectations to zero, and dive in.
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