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DanXIII

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Movie Review: Vidar the Vampire (2017)

Pity poor Vidar…be-sodden with an eternally “ill” Mother and at the mercy of a Draconian Christian community, our hero has led an overbearingly monotonous existence keeping up the family farm while trying to conform to societal norms. Seeking escape, Vidar begs Jesus for salvation, looks at a Playboy, dreams of a naked demoness (a dream in which he sees himself as a vampire…that’s foreshadowing for ya), wakes up and smokes a cig, and heads to his barn where a vampire Jesus appears and forces our hero to give him a beej…which turns him into a creature of the night…a bloodsucker who also regularly attends therapy to figure out what condition his condition is in. Dammit Vidar, you are one mother fucker of a film!! Moving on, Vidar begins a debauched journey into all of life’s (and afterlife’s) pleasures with that demon Jesus (there’s the ultimate dichotomy for you) egging him on all the way! Can our hero find his humanity

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DanXIII

Jun 14, 2018

Movies

Blu-ray Review: The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)

A family, comprised primarily of attractive parents Mike (Martin Henderson) and Cindy (Christina Hendricks) and their slow pitch loving bro of a son (Lewis Pullman), heads out on a road trip to deliver their bitchitude sufferin’ daughter Kinsey (Bailee Madison) to her new boarding school, where it is hoped she’ll turn her wicked ways around post haste. There is a problem with this plan however when the family makes a scheduled stop at a trailer park to spend the night with some relatives…though the park seems as deserted as the local cineplex during a showing of Solo (my reviews will be timeless…timeless I tells ya!). Well it turns out there a few folks still kicking around; namely The Man in the Mask (Damian Maffei), Pinup (Lea Enslin), and Dollface (Emma Bellomy)…a trio of mass murderin’ psychos ready to get down and dirty with the horror biz on our dysfunctional antagonists! What follows is a blood splattered night of never ending

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DanXIII

Jun 13, 2018

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Beyond the Grave (Porto dos Mortos – 2010)

In a post apocalyptic landscape a lone black clad lawman (Rafael Tombini) wanders in search of vengeance against an outre adversary; a demonically possessed serial killer (inspired in no small way by Stephen King’s great creation Randall Flagg). Along his journey our hero takes up with two teenage castaways who tag along on his dark mission, fights monsters and magic, and attempts to retain some semblance of his humanity as he stares further into the abyss of both his quest and the world he inhabits. Highly reminiscent of the D.Y.I., punk rock aesthetic of early ’90’s genre film trailblazers such as Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino, Beyond the Grave presents a story that takes well established tropes and puts a slight spin on them, along with a kinetic energy that ends up being a bit like Mad Max meets Phantasm…a world of grim policemen in muscle cars fighting zombies and magic in dilapidated industrial districts and sprawling bucolic landscapes. Speaking

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DanXIII

Jun 12, 2018

ForeignMovies

Blu-ray Review: The Bloodthirsty Trilogy (1970 – 1974)

No doubt inspired by the success of Hammer Film’s Dracula series, as well as the popularity of the Gothic soap opera Dark Shadows, Japanese movie maestros Toho (of Godzilla fame) decided to get in on the vein drain biz, the result of which are the three film’s I’ll be turning my eerie eyeballs on today! The Vampire Doll (1970): On your standard dark and stormy night, Sagawa (Atsuo Nakamura) returns from abroad and heads to the home of his fiance Yuko Nonomura (Yukiko Kobayashi)…a home that would give Barnabas Collins the fucking creeps no less (at times realized with a fantastic miniature in exterior scenes). Once there, Yuko’s mother; the ultra eerie Shidu (Yôko Minakaze) informs Sagawa his love has died. He opts to spend the night and of course has nightmare visions of his lost love…visions that are soon revealed to be reality resulting in Sagawa’s disappearance. Enter Sagawa’s sister Keiko (Kayo Matsuo) and her fiance Hiroshi (Akira Nakao)

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DanXIII

Jun 11, 2018

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Last House on the Left (1972)

I’m gonna come right out and lay some truth on you cats; The Last House on the Left was never one of my favorite Wes Craven fright flicks…but it has been well over a decade and a half since I last laid my eerie eyeballs upon it, so now that Arrow Video is unleashing a feature packed Blu-ray of ol’ Last House, let’s see if the ever shifting sands of time have mellowed my attitude towards this (admittedly classic) film… The Last House on the Left concerns the misadventures of young Mari Collingwood (Sandra Cassell) who heads out (after a bizarre conversation with her parents about her tits) to a concert by the wholesome sounding Bloodlust with her friend Phyllis Stone (Lucy Grantham)…a concert taking place in New York City…far away from her bucolic home. Meanwhile, the ultra villainous Krug (David Hess) and his kill krew have recently escaped from prison, and soon our comely protagonists find themselves in the

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DanXIII

Jun 10, 2018

IndieMovies

Movie Review: Darkness Reigns (2017)

Darkness Reigns begins at with the world Premier of Darkness Reigns (meta as fuck, yo!), at which the film’s sad sack Director seems incredibly reticent to talk about it. We then switch to some found footage style behind-the-scenes of the film within the film’s creation which eventually leads to cast and crew taking up residence in a haunted hotel (different from a horror hotel…much less necking with ghouls), and folks become used and abused by a demonic force that goes apeshit on ’em six ways to Sunday…and may have ties to someone on the crew! Also Casper Van Dien shows up and plays himself…also meta A.F (and seriously, this dude doesn’t age, which may be a paranormal event in and of itself). I was surprised by how much I enjoyed Darkness Reigns. The found footage aspect was handled incredibly well, the characters were actually fun to watch (including a game performance from the aforementioned Van Dien) with a very noticeable

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DanXIII

Jun 9, 2018

IndieMovies

Movie Review: The Lighthouse (2016)

Thomas Griffith (Mark Lewis Jones) and Thomas Howell (Michael Jibson) are two men, one a former brawler and one a religious man with a dark past respectively, charged with keeping a Welsh lighthouse up and running on a small isolated rock of an island in 1801. Neither man likes the other too much so that makes things a bit rough, but nothing compared to what happens when a big ass storm (official meteorological term if ever there was one) leaves them stranded on the island for weeks longer than their provisions could provide for. What do they do to compensate, why drink their asses off and begin to slide down the slippery slope of complete batshit lunacy…then an event occurs that makes things get impossibly more out of control. Just to get it out of the way; if you are expecting over-the-top thrills and chills with The Lighthouse, you definitely are going to come away disappointed. This is basically two

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DanXIII

Jun 7, 2018

News

Movie Review: Bus Party to Hell (2017)

After a cold open where Tara Reid decapitates a dude in a top hat (honestly, we are off to a very promising start) we get into the meat and potatoes of Bus Party to Hell…namely a group of attractive, horny, drunks head out across the desert in a party bus (we also get nudity within the first five minutes…that’s two for you movie…keep the momentum going) while a few miles away Tara returns to battle mummies (as a woman’s top flies off..,is it legal to marry a film, ‘cuz I think I want this one in my life forever). Anyway, as fate, and fright flick tropes, would have it, our raunchy revelers are soon waylaid by a group of Satanic cannibals after that cacophonous conveyance of theirs breaks down. Trapped inside the bus with death lurking just outside, can our hard partyin’ protagonists survive the night? As you can tell by my enthusiasm above, I am pretty into what Bus

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DanXIII

Jun 6, 2018

ForeignIndieMovies

Movie Review: Night of the Virgin (2016)

Uber-nerd Nico (Javier Bódalo…in an impressively cartoonish performance) is dead set on losing his virginity on New Year’s Eve…and it seems like that is precisely what will happen when he encounters Medea (Miriam Martín) a Super Coug on the prowl who invites him home to her ultra filthy, bug infested apartment (but hey, any port in a storm, amirite?). Once there he engages in awkward dancing, gets a lesson in the history of the Nepalese Goddess Naoshi, and finds a cup of period blood in the bathroom…which he tastes (all as one does). Before long, Madea’s recently estranged boyfriend, Spider (Víctor Amilibia) arrives at her door demanding entrance after being whipped into a frenzy by some fake fuckery…and there he remains as blood mixes with semen (don’t ask…but there is underwear involved) and we discover that a child must be born to Naoshi via Madea or all life will end…but that may be a bit complicated as she is starting

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DanXIII

Jun 4, 2018

ForeignMovies

Blu-ray Review: The Mimic (2017)

Hee-yeon (Jung-ah Yum) moves with her family to the Korean countryside following a family tragedy (namely the disappearance of her son) that has taken a toll on their mental state (as you would imagine such a thing would). Everything seems simple enough with the bucolic life, but soon a body is found within a brick wall deep in the woods while simultaneously a mute waif shows up who Hee-yeon takes in…this is not going to go well. Anyway, soon the child begins perfectly mimicking the voice of our heroine’s daughter and acting like a complete weirdo (okay, this kid is strange right from the get-go). Before you can say “boo” the ol’ paranormal activity in the house goes from “zero” to “fucked up” and the already strained family relations become even worse. Can our protagonists survive the outre attack, or will their reality come crashing down?!! Filled with slick cinematography, a suitably drab color pallet, and strong acting (in particular

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DanXIII

Jun 3, 2018

DanXIII

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