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DanXIII

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Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Deadsight (2018)

One of those mysterious, zombie-causing viruses the kids are so into these days has ripped (chewed?) the bucolic community of Grey County a new asshole. Enter: Ben Neilson (Adam Seybold), a (pretty much) blind dude who comes to in an ambulance without fuck-all of a clue that the world has devolved into an undead orgy. Of course the tension mounts as Blind Ben goes a-stumblin’ from one bitey mess to another, before crossing paths with Mara Madigan (Liv Collins…who also co-wrote the flick), a preg-o po-po. Together the duo make a go of surviving not only those pesky gut-munchers, but also the (understandably) trigger happy townsfolk. Look; I’ll be the first to admit that the zombie apocalypse genre has gotten more play than the town whore in a one whore town…but dammit; Deadsight is pretty fuckin’ killer! Director Jesse Thomas Cook along with Writers Collins and Kevin Revie have created a monsterpiece of deliberately paced mounting tension. Speaking of that

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 3, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Dark Side of the Moon (1990)

In 2022, the crew of the Spacecore 1 (named after the first volume of the world’s foremost sci-fi themed porno film…okay, maybe not) are sent on a mission to repair a nuclear powered satellite floating above the moon. One p. hair later it appears as if the ol’ S.C. 1 is a rather huge hunk of shit of a spaceship (no matter what the ships fine A.F. female robot says), and our hapless heroes are stranded near the dark side of the moon. As if that wasn’t daunting enough, a derelict space shuttle floats by, and our crew decides to investigate the craft…only to find it’s crew missing; except for one very suspicious corpse. Speaking of that stiff; they bring it back to Spacecore 1 where it is soon revealed to contain some ancient star-borne evil…among other mysteries that spell one hell of an unpleasant voyage for our heroes! Truth be told, I had never even heard of The Dark

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 3, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Beast in Heat (1977)

During the final days of World War II; top Nazi scientist Dr. Ellen Kratsch (Macha Magall) gets a wild hair up her ass to create a horny as-all-fuck Neanderthal (Salvatore Baccaro) that humps it’s victims to death. What practical wartime application could this have? None…but Nazis are always up to ridiculous horseshit, so why should this film be any different? Anyway, some partisans from a nearby Italian village are causing those goose-steppin’ lunkheads some static, so the Ratzis naturally round-up every woman they can find (while shooting old ladies and babies) and systematically torture them to quell that pesky uprising. Along the way we are treated to some of the classic hits as only The Beast in Heat can do them including; Luger blast to the va-jay, tons of naked flesh (both female and male, because unlike actual Nazis, this flick is all about feel-good equality…or something like that), crappy-ass stock footage, people emoting during torture with the exuberance of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Night of the Creeps (1986)

In 1959, some naked-ass alien bastards chuck an experiment from their spacecraft which crashes on Earth…where some young lovers, Pam and Johnny believe it is a falling star. As her date investigates, Pam is murdered by an ax-wielding maniac on the loose (that her ex-beau police officer Ray Cameron warned the duo about earlier in the evening). Meanwhile Johnny is infected by an alien slug that hops down his throat…so the night is pretty much a bust for both of them. Flash forward to 1986, and college students Chris (Jason Lively) and J.C. (Steve Marshall) try and join a douchey fraternity to impress Cynthia Cronenberg (Jill Whitlow), the woman of Chris’ dreams. In order to complete that task, our heroes are tasked with stealing a corpse and placing it in front of a rival fraternity…which they fuck up in spectacular fashion when they free Johnny’s cryogenically frozen body…which isn’t as dead as everyone would hope. Soon Johnny has released his

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 29, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: American Horror Project: Volume 2 (1970 -1977)

A few years back, those freaky fiends at Arrow Video released a collection of three lesser-seen fringe fright flicks under the name American Horror Project: Volume 1. As you can tell by the title of this review, they have gone done and released a new collection of weird ass shit, and it’s up to your’s cruelly to take the ol’ deep dive and see what these putrid pictures are all about! First up we get: Dream No Evil (1970): An orphan girl spends her days keepin’ the faith that her daddy dearest will re-appear and sweep her away. Well that shit doesn’t come to pass; but she does get adopted and joins a revivalist Preacher in his carny existence. A few doomed romances later, and our heroine finds her daddy all right…laid right out on the mortician’s (who is also a pimp…because…well…) slab. Anyway, her grief resurrects him and he goes on a murder spree as one does. On the

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 26, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Nightmare Cinema (2018)

Five strangers end up in an abandoned theater where a strange projectionist (the one and only Mickey mother fuckin’ Rourke) shows them some fright flicks that contain each of their deepest fears. Thus begins Nightmare Cinema; the latest arcane anthology that weaves five terror tales balls deep in the ol’ horror biz! The first story is titled The Thing in the Woods (directed by Alejandro Brugués) and it begins with us thrown directly into the third act of a slasher picture already in progress. Our spunky final girl is on the run from the wicked Welder (and his implements of bodily harm) who has managed to kill nearly all her friends. Unfortunately for that masked maniac, our heroine is more than capable of putting up quite the fight…and then something turns this already pitch-perfect stalk n’ slay pastiche into a real thing of beastly beauty. Full of great grizzly gore, excellent shifting of paradigms, and an ability to bring some

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 24, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Universal Horror Collection Volume 1

Ol’ Scream Factory are unleashing a slew of second tier terror tales featuring two of the grand champions of the horror biz; Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff in one handy package dubbed Universal Horror Collection Volume 1. The set contains four fearsome features which I will be setting my eerie eyeballs on post haste! First up comes: The Black Cat (1934): Young newlyweds Peter (David Manners) and Joan Alison (Julie Bishop), are on their honeymoon in Hungary, where they meet the most Hungarian of Hungarians Dr. Vitus Werdegast (Béla Lugosi), who explains he’s been locked up for 15 years in a Siberian prison and is travelling to visit an old friend; one Hjalmar Poelzig (Boris Karloff), an Austrian architect. Soon all become stranded at Poelzig’s art deco mansion, where Werdegast accuses ol’ P-dawg of stealing his wife while he was in prison, and just for shits (and because his terrified of pussies) kills his host’s black cat…good thing Poelzig has

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 22, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Ghosts of Mars (2001)

Lieutenant Melanie Ballard (Natasha Henstridge) and a cadre of Mars cops are called out to a remote mining colony to pick up a prisoner, one Desolation Williams (Ice Cube), and transport him back to civilization…and more thorough incarceration. Once there they discover that nothing is left of the colony but mutilated corpses. Our heroes all have their theories as to what happened, but the simplest explanation eludes them…centuries old space lizard ghosts have possessed the miners and turned them into some sort of primal street gang lead by Big Daddy Mars (Richard Cetrone)…you know, like any other given Tuesday. Of course this makes survival a bit dicey for our heroes, but thankfully Desolation’s hard-ass pals show up to form an uneasy alliance making Operation: Save Ass a smidge more doable. I’m just going to come out and say it; Ghosts of Mars takes waaaay more shit from horror hounds than it deserves. While admittedly not one of John Carpenter’s best

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 16, 2019
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: After Her (2018)

Hailey (Natalia Dyer) and Callum (Christopher Dylan White) are best buds who make an excursion to the woods…woods where Hailey has discovered some strange object that she decides to keep…what could go wrong? Fuckin’ plenty, that’s what. You see, after that fateful day, ol’ Hay-hay is never heard from again…but she haunts Callum’s dreams like a pro. Flash forward five years Callum returns home and ends up continuing the search for his long lost friend…which brings him back to those wicked woods, and in contact with that outre object mentioned up yonder…which rends reality apart! Let me tell ya; Writer/Director Aly Migliori has created one hell of a fantastic piece of psychotronic cinema with After Her! Filled to bursting with missed phone calls, strange artifacts, and metaphysical/cosmic ponderings…this short film is everything a fan of H.P. Lovecraft or Silent Hill could love…but the story presents an extra layer when it adds in a dash of J.M. Barrie to the mix

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 14, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Frankenstein Created Woman (1967)

Baron Frankenstein (the legendary Peter Cushing) is resurrected from the dead (what a twist!) by his colleague Dr. Hertz (Thorley Walters) as part of an experiment involving the retention of one’s soul over a specified period of death (science…dodgy…making my…brain seize). So what does ol’ Franky-baby do when he’s up and about? Well he goes out for dinner…yeah, not really what I was expecting either…but eventually he gets up to the devil’s business we paid for as Hertz’s assistant Hans (Robert Morris) is wrongfully accused of murder and executed…which causes his girlfriend, the lovely yet disfigured Christina (Susan Denberg) to commit suicide…and the doomed lovers become the Baron’s next pet project. Soon ol’ Chrissy is back among the living; her face fixed, her hair now blonde (science!), and her subconscious packed fat with Hans’ soul…and this comely lass is hellbent on murderous revenge! Now you may wonder how a Frankenstein pic will fair with nary a stitched together man-monster shamblin’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 13, 2019

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Deadsight (2018)

One of those mysterious, zombie-causing viruses the kids are so into these days has ripped (chewed?) the bucolic community of Grey County a new asshole. Enter: Ben Neilson (Adam Seybold), a (pretty much) blind dude who comes to in an ambulance without fuck-all of a clue that the world has devolved into an undead orgy. Of course the tension mounts as Blind Ben goes a-stumblin’ from one bitey mess to another, before crossing paths with Mara Madigan (Liv Collins…who also co-wrote the flick), a preg-o po-po. Together the duo make a go of surviving not only those pesky gut-munchers, but also the (understandably) trigger happy townsfolk. Look; I’ll be the first to admit that the zombie apocalypse genre has gotten more play than the town whore in a one whore town…but dammit; Deadsight is pretty fuckin’ killer! Director Jesse Thomas Cook along with Writers Collins and Kevin Revie have created a monsterpiece of deliberately paced mounting tension. Speaking of that

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 3, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Dark Side of the Moon (1990)

In 2022, the crew of the Spacecore 1 (named after the first volume of the world’s foremost sci-fi themed porno film…okay, maybe not) are sent on a mission to repair a nuclear powered satellite floating above the moon. One p. hair later it appears as if the ol’ S.C. 1 is a rather huge hunk of shit of a spaceship (no matter what the ships fine A.F. female robot says), and our hapless heroes are stranded near the dark side of the moon. As if that wasn’t daunting enough, a derelict space shuttle floats by, and our crew decides to investigate the craft…only to find it’s crew missing; except for one very suspicious corpse. Speaking of that stiff; they bring it back to Spacecore 1 where it is soon revealed to contain some ancient star-borne evil…among other mysteries that spell one hell of an unpleasant voyage for our heroes! Truth be told, I had never even heard of The Dark

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 3, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Beast in Heat (1977)

During the final days of World War II; top Nazi scientist Dr. Ellen Kratsch (Macha Magall) gets a wild hair up her ass to create a horny as-all-fuck Neanderthal (Salvatore Baccaro) that humps it’s victims to death. What practical wartime application could this have? None…but Nazis are always up to ridiculous horseshit, so why should this film be any different? Anyway, some partisans from a nearby Italian village are causing those goose-steppin’ lunkheads some static, so the Ratzis naturally round-up every woman they can find (while shooting old ladies and babies) and systematically torture them to quell that pesky uprising. Along the way we are treated to some of the classic hits as only The Beast in Heat can do them including; Luger blast to the va-jay, tons of naked flesh (both female and male, because unlike actual Nazis, this flick is all about feel-good equality…or something like that), crappy-ass stock footage, people emoting during torture with the exuberance of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Night of the Creeps (1986)

In 1959, some naked-ass alien bastards chuck an experiment from their spacecraft which crashes on Earth…where some young lovers, Pam and Johnny believe it is a falling star. As her date investigates, Pam is murdered by an ax-wielding maniac on the loose (that her ex-beau police officer Ray Cameron warned the duo about earlier in the evening). Meanwhile Johnny is infected by an alien slug that hops down his throat…so the night is pretty much a bust for both of them. Flash forward to 1986, and college students Chris (Jason Lively) and J.C. (Steve Marshall) try and join a douchey fraternity to impress Cynthia Cronenberg (Jill Whitlow), the woman of Chris’ dreams. In order to complete that task, our heroes are tasked with stealing a corpse and placing it in front of a rival fraternity…which they fuck up in spectacular fashion when they free Johnny’s cryogenically frozen body…which isn’t as dead as everyone would hope. Soon Johnny has released his

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 29, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: American Horror Project: Volume 2 (1970 -1977)

A few years back, those freaky fiends at Arrow Video released a collection of three lesser-seen fringe fright flicks under the name American Horror Project: Volume 1. As you can tell by the title of this review, they have gone done and released a new collection of weird ass shit, and it’s up to your’s cruelly to take the ol’ deep dive and see what these putrid pictures are all about! First up we get: Dream No Evil (1970): An orphan girl spends her days keepin’ the faith that her daddy dearest will re-appear and sweep her away. Well that shit doesn’t come to pass; but she does get adopted and joins a revivalist Preacher in his carny existence. A few doomed romances later, and our heroine finds her daddy all right…laid right out on the mortician’s (who is also a pimp…because…well…) slab. Anyway, her grief resurrects him and he goes on a murder spree as one does. On the

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 26, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Nightmare Cinema (2018)

Five strangers end up in an abandoned theater where a strange projectionist (the one and only Mickey mother fuckin’ Rourke) shows them some fright flicks that contain each of their deepest fears. Thus begins Nightmare Cinema; the latest arcane anthology that weaves five terror tales balls deep in the ol’ horror biz! The first story is titled The Thing in the Woods (directed by Alejandro Brugués) and it begins with us thrown directly into the third act of a slasher picture already in progress. Our spunky final girl is on the run from the wicked Welder (and his implements of bodily harm) who has managed to kill nearly all her friends. Unfortunately for that masked maniac, our heroine is more than capable of putting up quite the fight…and then something turns this already pitch-perfect stalk n’ slay pastiche into a real thing of beastly beauty. Full of great grizzly gore, excellent shifting of paradigms, and an ability to bring some

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 24, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Universal Horror Collection Volume 1

Ol’ Scream Factory are unleashing a slew of second tier terror tales featuring two of the grand champions of the horror biz; Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff in one handy package dubbed Universal Horror Collection Volume 1. The set contains four fearsome features which I will be setting my eerie eyeballs on post haste! First up comes: The Black Cat (1934): Young newlyweds Peter (David Manners) and Joan Alison (Julie Bishop), are on their honeymoon in Hungary, where they meet the most Hungarian of Hungarians Dr. Vitus Werdegast (Béla Lugosi), who explains he’s been locked up for 15 years in a Siberian prison and is travelling to visit an old friend; one Hjalmar Poelzig (Boris Karloff), an Austrian architect. Soon all become stranded at Poelzig’s art deco mansion, where Werdegast accuses ol’ P-dawg of stealing his wife while he was in prison, and just for shits (and because his terrified of pussies) kills his host’s black cat…good thing Poelzig has

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 22, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Ghosts of Mars (2001)

Lieutenant Melanie Ballard (Natasha Henstridge) and a cadre of Mars cops are called out to a remote mining colony to pick up a prisoner, one Desolation Williams (Ice Cube), and transport him back to civilization…and more thorough incarceration. Once there they discover that nothing is left of the colony but mutilated corpses. Our heroes all have their theories as to what happened, but the simplest explanation eludes them…centuries old space lizard ghosts have possessed the miners and turned them into some sort of primal street gang lead by Big Daddy Mars (Richard Cetrone)…you know, like any other given Tuesday. Of course this makes survival a bit dicey for our heroes, but thankfully Desolation’s hard-ass pals show up to form an uneasy alliance making Operation: Save Ass a smidge more doable. I’m just going to come out and say it; Ghosts of Mars takes waaaay more shit from horror hounds than it deserves. While admittedly not one of John Carpenter’s best

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 16, 2019
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: After Her (2018)

Hailey (Natalia Dyer) and Callum (Christopher Dylan White) are best buds who make an excursion to the woods…woods where Hailey has discovered some strange object that she decides to keep…what could go wrong? Fuckin’ plenty, that’s what. You see, after that fateful day, ol’ Hay-hay is never heard from again…but she haunts Callum’s dreams like a pro. Flash forward five years Callum returns home and ends up continuing the search for his long lost friend…which brings him back to those wicked woods, and in contact with that outre object mentioned up yonder…which rends reality apart! Let me tell ya; Writer/Director Aly Migliori has created one hell of a fantastic piece of psychotronic cinema with After Her! Filled to bursting with missed phone calls, strange artifacts, and metaphysical/cosmic ponderings…this short film is everything a fan of H.P. Lovecraft or Silent Hill could love…but the story presents an extra layer when it adds in a dash of J.M. Barrie to the mix

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 14, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Frankenstein Created Woman (1967)

Baron Frankenstein (the legendary Peter Cushing) is resurrected from the dead (what a twist!) by his colleague Dr. Hertz (Thorley Walters) as part of an experiment involving the retention of one’s soul over a specified period of death (science…dodgy…making my…brain seize). So what does ol’ Franky-baby do when he’s up and about? Well he goes out for dinner…yeah, not really what I was expecting either…but eventually he gets up to the devil’s business we paid for as Hertz’s assistant Hans (Robert Morris) is wrongfully accused of murder and executed…which causes his girlfriend, the lovely yet disfigured Christina (Susan Denberg) to commit suicide…and the doomed lovers become the Baron’s next pet project. Soon ol’ Chrissy is back among the living; her face fixed, her hair now blonde (science!), and her subconscious packed fat with Hans’ soul…and this comely lass is hellbent on murderous revenge! Now you may wonder how a Frankenstein pic will fair with nary a stitched together man-monster shamblin’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 13, 2019
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