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DanXIII

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Blu-ray Review: Night Killer (1990)

Claudio Fragasso’s Night Killer begins the only way it possibly could; in Virginia Beach…oh, and also with ultra-raunchy music, a herkin’-jerkin’ dance routine, and a flabbergasted dance choreographer who seems to have forgotten 90% of her lines (and who’s death scene seems to be played to the cheap seats located somewhere in Antarctica…and please keep an eye on the dancers who strike a pose as her body hits the floor) there’s also a tit or two, blood, and a killer in a rather awesome monster mask. We are off to a rock solid start here boils n’ ghouls… Cut to suburbia where writer Melanie Beck (Tara Buckman) spends her days eating ham sandwiches, fondling her naked breasts, and over-reacting to phone calls (on a telephone who’s ring sounds like a parakeet swallowed a laser gun) from a dude with the most preposterous voice ever committed to film…as one does. Speaking of phone calls, she soon receives a ringy-dingy from our

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DanXIII

Jul 5, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Robowar (1988)

When an experimental war cyborg named Omega-1 (who’s voice is like a soothing combo of a Speak n’ spell and Mel Tillis) goes completely off it’s tits; a top flight group of military hard-asses named B.A.M. (Bad Ass MotherFuckers…and no; I didn’t make that up) lead by Maj. Murphy Black, also known as Killzone (Reb fucking Brown…Yor himself) is called in to neutralize that murderous machine in the jungle hell it has holed up in…one problem though; the “cyborg” part is on a need to know basis, and the powers that be feel that B.A.M. doesn’t need to know. It soon becomes obvious to our cast of the high school production of Predator that they are not dealing with a rogue guerrilla as they’ve been told and it’ll take every amount of balls and bullets they possess to survive this mission! Filled with more testosterone than a rather large container containing testosterone, billions of bullets and pew-pew lazers, a nifty

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DanXIII

Jul 5, 2019

IndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Movie Review: Dolls (2019)

Ol’ Robert (Thomas Downey) is having a bit of a tough go; he’s a struggling children’s book author who’s mother has bought the farm. Naturally he moves right on into Mommy Dearest’s home along with his ass-pain of a daughter, Sammy (Trinity Simpson). He’s also drunk off his ass a lot of the time, and his wife has left him. This is our hero folks… Anyway, Boob (that is a type-o I simply refuse to fix because this dude is a chump through and through) and Sam soon discover a trio of diabolical dolls that keep moving location around the house seemingly of their own accord. Soon (and by that I mean after a loooong fucking time…see below) the dolls get up to the devil’s business, but will you give a damn when they do? Like fast paced fright flicks where things actually happen? Well “fuck you” says Dolls as most of this film concerns bickering family members treating us

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DanXIII

Jul 4, 2019

Music

Music Review: Dante Tomaselli’s Out-of-Body Experience (2019)

Maestro of the macabre, Dante Tomaselli, returns with another full on sensory experience designed to transport your consciousness beyond the veil of reality in the form of his latest CD release; Out of Body Experience. While most known as a diabolical director of nightmare inducing, surrealist fright flicks, Dante can put the terror tickle on the ol’ ivories as well…and the spell he weaves at his sinister synths is every bit as full of arcane ambiance as his monstrous motion pictures. While Tomaselli’s previous releases (Nightmare, The Doll, Scream in the Dark, and Witches respectively), Out of Body Experience has more of a melodic approach and tells a semi-autobiographical story of Tomaselli’s childhood (circa the years 1979 – 1982) in the video game saturated suburbia many of us called home in our youth. Hidden among the various tunes (17 in total) are tones that could easily have come from a vintage arcade cabinet or home console; and the effect this

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DanXIII

Jul 4, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Hi-Death (2018)

Here it comes boils n’ ghouls; another arcane anthology that will assault our putrid peepers with a multitude of fun-sized fright flicks! Let’s see how Hi-Death stacks up, and if it’ll contain more hits than misses… The obligatory wrap-around segment comes in the form of Terror Tour (written and directed by Brad Sykes) which features two comely lasses taking a horror based tour of L.A. while watching a series of tremble inducing tales along the way. In my opinion these are always the most superfluous of segments in these things, and this gets the job done okay. First up comes Anthony Catanese’s Death Has a Conscience; which tells the story of hardcore music fan and addict (of the fictional drug Spit) Erin (Jensen Jacobs) who decides to come down in a rank-ass motel room. Sounds prosaic enough, except the ol’ Grim Reaper makes the scene to have a heart to heart with our heroine! I enjoyed this one quite a

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DanXIII

Jul 4, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Landing Lake (2017)

A group of techie-types, Mike (Lee Ravitz), Phil (Franck Assi), Ann (Emma Bown) and Georgie (Victoire Vecchierini) to be specific, are tasked with fixin’ up a downed satellite transmitter. Sounds as thrilling as watching paint dry. Thankfully there’s more to this terror tale, as soon our heroes run afoul of some shady sorts when they are detoured to partake in a rescue mission involving a downed plane…a plane that has crashed next to a lake that is releasing transmissions that affect the mind and time itself. But all is not as it seems, as who…or what…ever is sending those sinister signals has a ghoulish game to play, and the stakes…and reward may well tear those involved apart! Looking for a nice, straight forward fright flick that makes perfect sense? Well, fuck you, because Landing Lake, the debut film from writer/director Cesare P. Libardi di K (who also produced and edited the film) has an insane-o aesthetic that is easily on

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DanXIII

Jul 4, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Deadsight (2018)

One of those mysterious, zombie-causing viruses the kids are so into these days has ripped (chewed?) the bucolic community of Grey County a new asshole. Enter: Ben Neilson (Adam Seybold), a (pretty much) blind dude who comes to in an ambulance without fuck-all of a clue that the world has devolved into an undead orgy. Of course the tension mounts as Blind Ben goes a-stumblin’ from one bitey mess to another, before crossing paths with Mara Madigan (Liv Collins…who also co-wrote the flick), a preg-o po-po. Together the duo make a go of surviving not only those pesky gut-munchers, but also the (understandably) trigger happy townsfolk. Look; I’ll be the first to admit that the zombie apocalypse genre has gotten more play than the town whore in a one whore town…but dammit; Deadsight is pretty fuckin’ killer! Director Jesse Thomas Cook along with Writers Collins and Kevin Revie have created a monsterpiece of deliberately paced mounting tension. Speaking of that

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DanXIII

Jul 3, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Dark Side of the Moon (1990)

In 2022, the crew of the Spacecore 1 (named after the first volume of the world’s foremost sci-fi themed porno film…okay, maybe not) are sent on a mission to repair a nuclear powered satellite floating above the moon. One p. hair later it appears as if the ol’ S.C. 1 is a rather huge hunk of shit of a spaceship (no matter what the ships fine A.F. female robot says), and our hapless heroes are stranded near the dark side of the moon. As if that wasn’t daunting enough, a derelict space shuttle floats by, and our crew decides to investigate the craft…only to find it’s crew missing; except for one very suspicious corpse. Speaking of that stiff; they bring it back to Spacecore 1 where it is soon revealed to contain some ancient star-borne evil…among other mysteries that spell one hell of an unpleasant voyage for our heroes! Truth be told, I had never even heard of The Dark

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DanXIII

Jul 3, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Beast in Heat (1977)

During the final days of World War II; top Nazi scientist Dr. Ellen Kratsch (Macha Magall) gets a wild hair up her ass to create a horny as-all-fuck Neanderthal (Salvatore Baccaro) that humps it’s victims to death. What practical wartime application could this have? None…but Nazis are always up to ridiculous horseshit, so why should this film be any different? Anyway, some partisans from a nearby Italian village are causing those goose-steppin’ lunkheads some static, so the Ratzis naturally round-up every woman they can find (while shooting old ladies and babies) and systematically torture them to quell that pesky uprising. Along the way we are treated to some of the classic hits as only The Beast in Heat can do them including; Luger blast to the va-jay, tons of naked flesh (both female and male, because unlike actual Nazis, this flick is all about feel-good equality…or something like that), crappy-ass stock footage, people emoting during torture with the exuberance of

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DanXIII

Jul 1, 2019

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Night of the Creeps (1986)

In 1959, some naked-ass alien bastards chuck an experiment from their spacecraft which crashes on Earth…where some young lovers, Pam and Johnny believe it is a falling star. As her date investigates, Pam is murdered by an ax-wielding maniac on the loose (that her ex-beau police officer Ray Cameron warned the duo about earlier in the evening). Meanwhile Johnny is infected by an alien slug that hops down his throat…so the night is pretty much a bust for both of them. Flash forward to 1986, and college students Chris (Jason Lively) and J.C. (Steve Marshall) try and join a douchey fraternity to impress Cynthia Cronenberg (Jill Whitlow), the woman of Chris’ dreams. In order to complete that task, our heroes are tasked with stealing a corpse and placing it in front of a rival fraternity…which they fuck up in spectacular fashion when they free Johnny’s cryogenically frozen body…which isn’t as dead as everyone would hope. Soon Johnny has released his

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DanXIII

Jun 29, 2019

DanXIII

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