Reviews

Honest horror reviews of films, series, games and books — no hype, no spoilers, just whether it is worth your time and your nerves.

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IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Parts Unknown (2018)

Parts Unknown focuses on a family of wrestlers; huge-ass Hermann (William DeCoff), annoying-as-fuck wimp-ass Harvey (Alexander Hauck), crazy-ass Kitty (Sarah Michelle), Kitty’s rival/best friend Lacey (Lizzie Havoc), and hunky outsider Karl who’s hobbies include getting wasted as all fuck and bitching about their now non-existent wrestling careers. That would all be fine-and-dandy, but life becomes hard for these folks when Harvey kills a cop… and Karl shoots himself and undergoes a body melt. Okay, pretty dicey territory, but I’m sure they can survive this. Oh, but I forgot to mention… that ex-cop mentioned above was tossed into a nearby swamp by our “heroes” and is soon back in revenge-bent spirit format… oh and there’s a lizard headed swamp demon that Lacey decides to appease via dopey dudes she lures to their doom. Yeah, we got a wickedly weird one here cats n’ creeps. Let’s get the obvious and negative horse shit shoveled right quick, shall we? First things first, in

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DanXIII

Jul 8, 2020

MoviesReviewsShudder

Movie Review: The Beach House (2019)

Emily and Randall, two outrageously attractive young people (portrayed by Liana Liberato and Noah Le Gros respectively) flee ye olde rat race to vacay at a beach house owned by Randall’s kith and kin. Sound relaxin’ amirite cats n’ creeps? Well it ain’t, because another couple, Jane (Maryanne Nagel) and Mitch (Jake Weber), have parked their asses there as well. Despite their gaps in age, the two couples shoot the shit, ingest some edibles… just normal gettin’ to know ya bullshit. Speaking of normal, nearly every event that happens after that point is decidedly not that thing, as a mysterious fog envelopes the island bringing with it rapidly mutating sea life, alien pods, and some good ol’ body horror; as those that breathe deep on the island begin to undergo unearthly transformations! The Beach House could best be described as Cronenberg by way of Lovecraft, but with a faux modern coat of paint. Now, let’s focus on that “faux” part

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DanXIII

Jul 6, 2020

MoviesNewsReviewsTrailers

Movie Review: ‘Relic’ Tackles The Horrors Of Dementia In Unique, Terrifying Way

Normally, when I review a movie I try not to give away too many spoilers. This time, I feel like it’s necessary to do the movie justice. Consider this a warning. Directed by Natalie Erika James who co-wrote the film with Christian White, Relic‘s official synopsis reads as: “A daughter, mother, and grandmother are haunted by a manifestation of dementia that consumes their family home.” The synopsis does not do the film justice. Yes, Relic is a horror movie, but it is also so much more. It is a commentary about the horrors of dementia and the terrifying process of a loved one losing themselves and becoming a husk of who they once were, as well as the toll the disease takes on the entire family. Imagine slowly losing who you are, losing your memories and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it. That’s scarier than anything any film could really capture, but somehow Relic comes close. The entire

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Kelli Marchman McNeely

Jul 6, 2020

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Useless Humans (2020)

You know what can fuck up a birthday party six ways to Sunday? If you said “aliens” you are both fuckin’ insane, and just the right kind of audience for the flick covered in today’s review; Useless Humans! As I mentioned above; it’s birthday time for our hapless hero Brian (Josh Zuckerman), and his bestest pals are throwing him a bash to celebrate turnin’ the big three oh! Drinkin’ and generally ass-foolery ensue until an alien antagonist crashes the shin-dig… and this creepy creature has one mood; completely pissed-off! Now instead of flip-cup and bong rips, it’s going to be a night of saving the fuckin’ world from a threat beyond the stars! Useless Humans has a lot going for it boils n’ ghouls! First of all, the ensemble cast assembled for this silly sci-fi fracas is top-notch; they’re funny, engaging, and they get you to care about their plight… which is good considering the craziness of their sitch! Speaking

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DanXIII

Jul 6, 2020

MoviesNewsProductReviews

Review: HorrorPack Continues To Deliver The Goods

While many people dread the end of the month, I look forward to it. Want to know why? That’s when my HorrorPack subscription box comes in every month. Who wouldn’t look forward to getting four mystery horror Blu-rays? Every month a box arrives filled with 4 Blu-ray or DVD, including one limited edition, or a special movie. June’s box includes: 2010’s James Wan directed hit Insidious, which spawned a franchise. The frightening flick centers on a family who seeks to prevent evil spirits from trapping their child in a realm called “The Further.” Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Lin Shaye, and Leigh Whannell star. The Belco Experiment (2016) In this action-packed movie, a twisted social experiment sends eighty workers locked in their high-rise corporate office sends co-workers into a bloody rampage. Double Salvation 2-pack starring Paul Bettany at his most biblical and badass. In Priest (2011), Bettany stars as a priest who disobeyed church law to hunt down vampires who kidnapped

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Kelli Marchman McNeely

Jul 2, 2020

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Solid Metal Nightmares: The Films of Shinya Tsukamoto

Shinya Tsukamoto is one of cinema’s most daring auteurs, willing to tackle any number of dark subjects through a multitude of genres, and Arrow Video’s new box set; Solid Metal Nightmares: The Films of Shinya Tsukamoto will surely show you that in spades! Starting things off, Disc 1 (of 4 total) contains Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989), Tetsuo II: Body Hammer (1992), and The Adventure of Denchu-Kozo (1987). Tetsuo: The Iron Man features Tomorô Taguchi as a businessman that has the misfortune of committing vehicular homicide on the metal fetishist (Tsukamoto, who as you will see acts in nearly all of his films), a strange vagrant that is slowly becoming more machine than man… a condition he can spread like a disease as our hero soon comes to realize, as not only is he becoming a cyborg (complete with a whirling drill for a cock) but those around him are too… and they are out for his blood… or oil…

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DanXIII

Jul 2, 2020

MoviesReviewsThriller

Movie Review: Scarred (2016)

Lets cut right to the chase, and lay down the plot for ol’ Scarred in a nasty nutshell; masked lunatic Jonah has a wild hair up his arcane ass about killing the beautiful people… so naturally a gaggle of photogenic victims arrive on the scene to help ol’ Joltin J fill his kill card with the quickness! So right off the bat you just know what you’re in for with this fright flick; namely boobs and bloodshed… and indeed Scarred delivers on that front with ghoulish gusto… unfortunately the folks these sinister shenanigans happen to aren’t the most interesting or endearing protagonists out there in stalk n’ slay land, but they look good and do what’s required of them; namely be scared shitless and scream a lot (and that’s my way of saying the actors do their best with the material given). Who is interesting however is Jonah, our masked maniac of the hour; who comes complete with a tragic

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DanXIII

Jun 27, 2020

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Inferno of Torture (1969)

In nineteenth century Japan, Yumi (Yumika Katayama) is balls deep in trouble with a capital “T” and that stands for “loan shark”. Okay, it doesn’t, but a loan shark is on her ass for debts owed. To that end she accepts a job as a geisha… or so she thinks, as it soon becomes obvious she’s workin’ the ass trade. Yumi ain’t exactly wild about that fact, but in her position she doesn’t have much of a choice. Another thing she has no say in is the tattooing her madam, Otatsu (Mieko Fujimoto), forces the women in her employ to get to appear more exotic to the high paying Caucasian clientele. Said tattooing is administered by Horihide (Teruo Yoshida), whom Yumi develops a relationship with much to Otatsu’s chagrin. This makes Yumi’s life even more of a living hell, as does the arrival of a rival tattooist that wants to make her body his canvas! Directed by Teruo Ishii, Inferno

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DanXIII

Jun 26, 2020

ForeignMoviesParanormalReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Mad Fox (1962)

Down Medieval Kyoto way, the skies are ablaze with a fucked-up, ill-omen, phenomenon… a phenomenon that sets the royal palace on it’s collective, superstitious, arse. To that end, the Court Astrologer, Yasunori, is summoned to the palace, but as he journeys forth, he gets himself an incurable case of the murders. Come to find out, Yasunori’s wife is a bit of a black widow, and now that her hubby is tits up, she can focus on her paramour Doman (Shinji Amano). And since the deadly duo seem to have a knack for bumpin’ folks off, they also kill Yasunori’s adopted daughter for shits n’ grins. Fortunately, her main-squeeze Yasuna (Hashizô Ôkawa) escapes their evil clutches… but he’s half-way to Crazy Town when he’s waylayed by bandits. Naturally he’s rescued by masked fox spirits, as is so often the case, and his destiny will never be the same! The Mad Fox is a delirious hodge-podge of kabuki theater, stagey sets, period

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DanXIII

Jun 26, 2020

Reviews

Movie Review: Yummy

Belgian zombie movie Yummy knows what it is — a gore-spattered romp light on originality but heavy on action — and delivers its splatter-filled contents with a cleverness and some dark humor that lifts it above the pack of also-rans in the living dead genre of cinema. Though the film never quite goes all in on trying to induce belly laughs, it has a wicked edge to it and is ultimately a fun thrill ride. Alison (Maaike Neuville) is a young woman who wants to get breast reduction surgery because her current F-cup size leads to copious unwanted attention. Her mother Sylvia (Annick Christiaens) accompanies her to also get some work done, and Alison’s boyfriend Michael (Bart Hollanders) — a former medical student who dropped out because he is afraid of blood — volunteers to drive them to an Eastern European plastic surgery clinic. As the ladies are being prepped for their surgeries, Michael makes a horrifying discovery, which quickly

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Joseph Perry

Jun 25, 2020

Reviews

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