CategoryReviews
Honest horror reviews of films, series, games and books — no hype, no spoilers, just whether it is worth your time and your nerves.
3,432 stories
MoviesReviews
Before the five minute mark of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark; the titular character (portrayed by Cassandra Peterson) is groped by her new boss… and then she proceeds to quit her shitty job, and push that grabby bastard right through a desk. This is because Elvira kicks major ass… and guess what, so does this film! After the aforementioned bad touch; Elvira plans on taking her act (which seems to vary from Horror Host to Vegas showgirl… and some unholy combination of both) to Vegas… but her prospective producers are demanding a large sum to put on her show… and with her source of income now in the zero range, that ain’t gonna happen. Luckily our heroine gets a telegram informing her that her Great-Aunt Morgana has gone tits up, and Elvira is set to score big in the will; so she loads up her creepy caddy (the Macabre-mobile by name) and drives off to Fallwell, Massachusetts, where shortly after
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MoviesReviewsThriller
A group of attractive people manage to mow down a kid while doing the ol’ DWI bag and then find themselves stalked and slayed by a maniac wearing a burlap sack over his head. It’s like Jason Voorhees knows what you did last summer with The Wake. To elaborate, after our “heroes” murder said child, they are invited to his wake by his mother, and for some outrageous reason they actually go, only to be drugged and bound within a house lit only by blue lighting (seriously…every. damn. scene. Blue, blue, blue…). The group then slowly (and I mean slowly…more on that in a bit) meander around the house and occasionally have a go-around with the dude in the sack mentioned previous. Let’s start with a few nice things to say about The Wake. Let’s see…there were a few unexpected elements that added a bit of freshness to this somewhat pedestrian affair; namely, the dude driving the car actually admits
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesReviews
Zombie Presidents reawaken to kill obnoxious teens…that seems like a premise that would be both deleriously fun and near impossible to F up, right? Well… Presidents Day (yeah, no comma here) begins with your stereotypical teen cardboard cutouts (jock, nerd, strong woman et. al.) getting ready to head to a cabin in the woods™ (Jesus H. Christ…there has got to be a place to film as cheap as this hoary ol’ chestnut…). Before I continue with the story at hand, I have to mention that these folks play their roles so over-the-top that it becomes rather grating, rather quickly…just like the obvious “wink, wink, ain’t we clever” self aware film making present here as well. Anyway…kids arrive, zombie Presidents rise from their graves to kill them (why, who the F knows)…and that’s about it. Oh, John Wilkes Booth shows up, and if you have even a third grader’s knowledge of U.S. History you will be able to assess his role
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IndieMoviesParanormalReviews
The first thing you’ll notice when you sit down to watch Ghost Note is that the film makers behind this fright flick actually had an original idea (will wonders never cease?). Don’t believe me? Dig this preternatural premise my creeps; Teen with ‘tude Mallory is left to her own devices when her family pisses off to Hawaii leaving her sour ass behind. So what’s a girl to do with all of that free time? Why, go nosing around in the attic and uncovering a family secret…namely that her late grandfather attempted to exorcise a demonically possessed mass murdering jazz musician but instead just imprisoned his spirit within the home decades previous. She also goes jogging…oh, and eventually unleashes that murderous musician to begin his happy-go-lucky homicide spree once again. Ghost Note does a lot of things right. First of all, the visual aspect and origin of our main monster, Eugene by name, is fun and unique enough to set it
Continue reading →
MoviesReviewsThriller
Hey cats n’ creeps; you lot ever wished someone would make a modern day horror remake of Shakespeare’s Macbeth? Me either, but someone did it, and it’s my job to watch it and talk about, so off we fuckin’ go… The long and the short of Stained goes as follows: Jane Macbeth (Arielle Brachfeld who also wrote the film along with Edward Gusts) is a nice enough if slightly fractured young woman… but her husband John (Gusts), is the exact opposite; shrewd, ambitious… a real go-getter. Together they have a picture perfect life, a nice home, and a chance at upward mobility… but it’s that last one is where things start to fall apart, ya dig? You see, John’s boss screws him out of a promotion, so that naturally leads to John going absolutely batshit and dippin’ his balls in the murder biz… well, that’s one way to get ahead in business. Understandably, this causes some slight problems with ol’
Continue reading →
MoviesReviews
JAWS is one of the most iconic fright flicks of the sinister seventies, and as is befitting a creature classic like this, Universal Pictures Home Entertainment is givin’ the auld toothy fellow the 4k Ultra treatment… which I just so happen to have in front of my eerie eyeballs as we speak… err, read… whatever… For the none of you that are unfamiliar with JAWS, the story can be boiled down as follows: the beachfront summer destination of Amity up New England way is having a bit of trouble as the summer season nears, and with it the big July 4th celebration… people just keep getting eaten by a rather large shark; not exactly what you’d expect from a small Maine town. Naturally the town’s mayor is not going to let common sense get in the way of the almighty dollar, and he’s prepared to let things go on as usual (an opinion only bolstered by the discovery and elimination
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesReviewsThriller
Russ Washington (played by the film’s writer/director Hunter G. Williams) is a successful dude who has it all… including a truly fucked-up dark side that often causes him to be balls deep in sex and drugs, and not in the fun way… plus he’s a prize-winning dick on top of it. All of this begins having a major effect on his relationships and ability to function within the web of lies he’s spun and he soon begins a downward spiral that leads him to the titular “madness within”. Will Russ get his shit together, or will these personal demons lead him further into his psychotic ways? The Madness Within has some major things going in it’s favor. Firstly, triple threat Williams is a solid and engaging actor that gets you to actually care about Russ, no matter how deplorable his actions become… and that’s no small feat! Speaking of Williams, the dude knows how to make a shot, that’s for
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesReviewsThriller
Lucy (Sam Valentine) schleps to France for the funeral of an uncle she’s never even laid eyeballs upon. Once there she doesn’t meet any family, but rather the creepy-ass and pissy Vicar of Borley (Jude S. Walko) provides her “greeting”… and by “greeting” I really mean “list of strict as balls rules to follow during her stay”. Speaking of family, after that funeral mentioned up yonder, our heroine starts gettin’ chumy with the local gravedigger, J.P. (Dylan Kellogg), who tells her of her family’s rather unsavory history which results in Sam beginning to loose her ever-lovin’ fucking mind as she experiences strange dreams and hallucinations. Now is this a growing evil presence, or has Sammy gone looney fuckin’ tunes. Dean Cain ensues. The Incantation, if you haven’t guessed by now, has it’s essence entrenched in full on Gothic thriller territory; you get the secluded location populated by a young woman with no idea of the dark secrets that hide in
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesParanormalReviews
Poor Mike (Ace Young); his wife Jessica (Sarah Pribis), has pulled ye olde vanishing act somewhere in the vicinity of Clinton Road, New Jersey, U.S. of mother fuckin’ A.! Well the only thing to do is gather up some comrades… in this case Sarah’s sister Isabella (Katie Morrison), Michael’s new girlfriend Kayla (Lauren LaVera), their friend Gianna (Erin O’Brien) and her psychic boyfriend Begory (Cabin Fever‘s James DeBello), and the voice of cynicism that is oft-required in supernatural tales, Mikey’s buddy Tyler (Cody Calafiore)… and head down to Clinton road and solve that mystery once-and-mother fuckin’-for-all! Of course this leads to plenty of horror biz cliches including sex in the woods, strange noises that cause the group to separate to investigate, and even that hoary ol’ chestnut; “the creepy forest ranger” (Carlos Leon)… and don’t forget the ghosts! And it’s that familiarity that leads to some of this pictures biggest faults. There is absolutely nothing in Clinton Road that horror
Continue reading →
MoviesReviews
Four friends, Kip (Chris Cimperman), Megan (Anna Shields), Grace (Catharine Daddario) and Tommy (Thomas Brazzle), decide to get away from the ol’ rat race and hoof it to one of those secluded cabins (this one located in upstate New York) we all know and love, with the idea of guzzlin’ booze being of the upmost importance. But that plan goes to shit right quick as their car breaks down en route… but a chance meeting with a bizarre drifter named Thomas (Dylan Grunn) results in their car getting fixed, and the trip resumes with Thomas now in tow… and we are off to the races cats n’ creeps! After some good ol’ drunken antics, a photo of the group turns up… but no one knows where it came from, or who took it as everyone present is in the picture… and soon more strange pictures of the group appear… as does an old man (John Willoughby Noble) who claims to
Continue reading →
More from Reviews
MoviesReviews
Before the five minute mark of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark; the titular character (portrayed by Cassandra Peterson) is groped by her new boss… and then she proceeds to quit her shitty job, and push that grabby bastard right through a desk. This is because Elvira kicks major ass… and guess what, so does this film! After the aforementioned bad touch; Elvira plans on taking her act (which seems to vary from Horror Host to Vegas showgirl… and some unholy combination of both) to Vegas… but her prospective producers are demanding a large sum to put on her show… and with her source of income now in the zero range, that ain’t gonna happen. Luckily our heroine gets a telegram informing her that her Great-Aunt Morgana has gone tits up, and Elvira is set to score big in the will; so she loads up her creepy caddy (the Macabre-mobile by name) and drives off to Fallwell, Massachusetts, where shortly after
Continue reading →
MoviesReviewsThriller
A group of attractive people manage to mow down a kid while doing the ol’ DWI bag and then find themselves stalked and slayed by a maniac wearing a burlap sack over his head. It’s like Jason Voorhees knows what you did last summer with The Wake. To elaborate, after our “heroes” murder said child, they are invited to his wake by his mother, and for some outrageous reason they actually go, only to be drugged and bound within a house lit only by blue lighting (seriously…every. damn. scene. Blue, blue, blue…). The group then slowly (and I mean slowly…more on that in a bit) meander around the house and occasionally have a go-around with the dude in the sack mentioned previous. Let’s start with a few nice things to say about The Wake. Let’s see…there were a few unexpected elements that added a bit of freshness to this somewhat pedestrian affair; namely, the dude driving the car actually admits
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesReviews
Zombie Presidents reawaken to kill obnoxious teens…that seems like a premise that would be both deleriously fun and near impossible to F up, right? Well… Presidents Day (yeah, no comma here) begins with your stereotypical teen cardboard cutouts (jock, nerd, strong woman et. al.) getting ready to head to a cabin in the woods™ (Jesus H. Christ…there has got to be a place to film as cheap as this hoary ol’ chestnut…). Before I continue with the story at hand, I have to mention that these folks play their roles so over-the-top that it becomes rather grating, rather quickly…just like the obvious “wink, wink, ain’t we clever” self aware film making present here as well. Anyway…kids arrive, zombie Presidents rise from their graves to kill them (why, who the F knows)…and that’s about it. Oh, John Wilkes Booth shows up, and if you have even a third grader’s knowledge of U.S. History you will be able to assess his role
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesParanormalReviews
The first thing you’ll notice when you sit down to watch Ghost Note is that the film makers behind this fright flick actually had an original idea (will wonders never cease?). Don’t believe me? Dig this preternatural premise my creeps; Teen with ‘tude Mallory is left to her own devices when her family pisses off to Hawaii leaving her sour ass behind. So what’s a girl to do with all of that free time? Why, go nosing around in the attic and uncovering a family secret…namely that her late grandfather attempted to exorcise a demonically possessed mass murdering jazz musician but instead just imprisoned his spirit within the home decades previous. She also goes jogging…oh, and eventually unleashes that murderous musician to begin his happy-go-lucky homicide spree once again. Ghost Note does a lot of things right. First of all, the visual aspect and origin of our main monster, Eugene by name, is fun and unique enough to set it
Continue reading →
MoviesReviewsThriller
Hey cats n’ creeps; you lot ever wished someone would make a modern day horror remake of Shakespeare’s Macbeth? Me either, but someone did it, and it’s my job to watch it and talk about, so off we fuckin’ go… The long and the short of Stained goes as follows: Jane Macbeth (Arielle Brachfeld who also wrote the film along with Edward Gusts) is a nice enough if slightly fractured young woman… but her husband John (Gusts), is the exact opposite; shrewd, ambitious… a real go-getter. Together they have a picture perfect life, a nice home, and a chance at upward mobility… but it’s that last one is where things start to fall apart, ya dig? You see, John’s boss screws him out of a promotion, so that naturally leads to John going absolutely batshit and dippin’ his balls in the murder biz… well, that’s one way to get ahead in business. Understandably, this causes some slight problems with ol’
Continue reading →
MoviesReviews
JAWS is one of the most iconic fright flicks of the sinister seventies, and as is befitting a creature classic like this, Universal Pictures Home Entertainment is givin’ the auld toothy fellow the 4k Ultra treatment… which I just so happen to have in front of my eerie eyeballs as we speak… err, read… whatever… For the none of you that are unfamiliar with JAWS, the story can be boiled down as follows: the beachfront summer destination of Amity up New England way is having a bit of trouble as the summer season nears, and with it the big July 4th celebration… people just keep getting eaten by a rather large shark; not exactly what you’d expect from a small Maine town. Naturally the town’s mayor is not going to let common sense get in the way of the almighty dollar, and he’s prepared to let things go on as usual (an opinion only bolstered by the discovery and elimination
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesReviewsThriller
Russ Washington (played by the film’s writer/director Hunter G. Williams) is a successful dude who has it all… including a truly fucked-up dark side that often causes him to be balls deep in sex and drugs, and not in the fun way… plus he’s a prize-winning dick on top of it. All of this begins having a major effect on his relationships and ability to function within the web of lies he’s spun and he soon begins a downward spiral that leads him to the titular “madness within”. Will Russ get his shit together, or will these personal demons lead him further into his psychotic ways? The Madness Within has some major things going in it’s favor. Firstly, triple threat Williams is a solid and engaging actor that gets you to actually care about Russ, no matter how deplorable his actions become… and that’s no small feat! Speaking of Williams, the dude knows how to make a shot, that’s for
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesReviewsThriller
Lucy (Sam Valentine) schleps to France for the funeral of an uncle she’s never even laid eyeballs upon. Once there she doesn’t meet any family, but rather the creepy-ass and pissy Vicar of Borley (Jude S. Walko) provides her “greeting”… and by “greeting” I really mean “list of strict as balls rules to follow during her stay”. Speaking of family, after that funeral mentioned up yonder, our heroine starts gettin’ chumy with the local gravedigger, J.P. (Dylan Kellogg), who tells her of her family’s rather unsavory history which results in Sam beginning to loose her ever-lovin’ fucking mind as she experiences strange dreams and hallucinations. Now is this a growing evil presence, or has Sammy gone looney fuckin’ tunes. Dean Cain ensues. The Incantation, if you haven’t guessed by now, has it’s essence entrenched in full on Gothic thriller territory; you get the secluded location populated by a young woman with no idea of the dark secrets that hide in
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesParanormalReviews
Poor Mike (Ace Young); his wife Jessica (Sarah Pribis), has pulled ye olde vanishing act somewhere in the vicinity of Clinton Road, New Jersey, U.S. of mother fuckin’ A.! Well the only thing to do is gather up some comrades… in this case Sarah’s sister Isabella (Katie Morrison), Michael’s new girlfriend Kayla (Lauren LaVera), their friend Gianna (Erin O’Brien) and her psychic boyfriend Begory (Cabin Fever‘s James DeBello), and the voice of cynicism that is oft-required in supernatural tales, Mikey’s buddy Tyler (Cody Calafiore)… and head down to Clinton road and solve that mystery once-and-mother fuckin’-for-all! Of course this leads to plenty of horror biz cliches including sex in the woods, strange noises that cause the group to separate to investigate, and even that hoary ol’ chestnut; “the creepy forest ranger” (Carlos Leon)… and don’t forget the ghosts! And it’s that familiarity that leads to some of this pictures biggest faults. There is absolutely nothing in Clinton Road that horror
Continue reading →
MoviesReviews
Four friends, Kip (Chris Cimperman), Megan (Anna Shields), Grace (Catharine Daddario) and Tommy (Thomas Brazzle), decide to get away from the ol’ rat race and hoof it to one of those secluded cabins (this one located in upstate New York) we all know and love, with the idea of guzzlin’ booze being of the upmost importance. But that plan goes to shit right quick as their car breaks down en route… but a chance meeting with a bizarre drifter named Thomas (Dylan Grunn) results in their car getting fixed, and the trip resumes with Thomas now in tow… and we are off to the races cats n’ creeps! After some good ol’ drunken antics, a photo of the group turns up… but no one knows where it came from, or who took it as everyone present is in the picture… and soon more strange pictures of the group appear… as does an old man (John Willoughby Noble) who claims to
Continue reading →
