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Blu-Ray

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Blu-ray Review: Golden Temple Amazons (1986)

A gaggle of surly (and mostly bare chested) Amazons ride up to a house and immediately murder a family (as one does)…well not all of the family; they let the young daughter, Liana, live and take her in as one of their own. Time passes and soon Liana’s (Analía Ivars) boobs too fly free in the breeze as she frolics with many a jungle animal, many of whom doubtless wonder how she gets her sky-high mega ’80’s hair to look so good, as I assume there isn’t a lot of Aquanet in the jungle. In time, Liana learns of her past…and why her parents were murdered (for the record her Father stole what passes for “gold” in this film, but is more commonly known as gold-colored tinfoil over rocks, from the Amazon’s hidden golden temple…which is some plywood covered with more of that damned foil…but I guess in a way it actually is gold…comedy gold that is). Our busty protagonist

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DanXIII

Sep 2, 2018

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988)

A military convoy passes through a small town haulin’ barrels containing corpses pickled in that heady cocktail patented by the Darrow Chemical Company known as 2-4-5 Trioxin. Of course one of the creepy containers bounces it’s ass right out of the transport and is soon discovered by two juvenile delinquents and their unwilling new recruit Jesse (Michael Kenworthy) right next door to the town graveyard. And as is always the way, those pint-sized heathens just have to fuck with the barrel (after locking Jesse in a mausoleum) which results in both the bad kids getting Trioxin down their pie-holes (and into the air surrounding the cemetery), and the dead returning to horrifying and hungry life! This makes life difficult for some grave robbers (James Karen and Thom Mathews returning from the first installment albeit as different characters) who immediately become accosted by those zany (and I do mean zany…more on that below) zombies. Soon it’s up to Jesse (Spoiler: he

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DanXIII

Aug 26, 2018

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Horror of Party Beach (1964)

Scientist Hank Green (John Scott) attends a beach party with his world class booze hound of a girlfriend Tina (Marilyn Clarke) while at the same time, some real asshole sailors chuck a barrel of leaking radioactive waste into the drink which contaminates the bones of long dead sailors on a sunken ship which causes them to fuse with marine life and become sea creatures with what looks like mouths full of Ballpark Franks…man, I just love fucking science…Meanwhile on the beach an unholy combo of The Beach Boys and Buddy Holly and the Crickets croon some do-woppin’ bullshit about making a left hand turn in a car then going to jail as the camera whip pans to a girl’s ass when a muscle bound hunk mentions hot dog buns. I may need to lie down before this is over… Anyway much making of the out occurs, some greasers show up and start some static, Tina is killed (although how she

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DanXIII

Aug 22, 2018

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Bram Stoker’s Shadowbuilder (1998)

A flock of Satanic priests summon a demon made of shadows and charge it with taking the soul of a young boy, Chris (Kevin Zegers) destined to be a saint. Without his soul that lil’ tyke will fling open the doors to hell with wild abandon and unleash all manner of destruction upon our big blue marble. Fret not though because pill-poppin’ Father Vassey (Mary Poppins…err, Michael Rooker), a cross between The Punisher and a preacher, is on the case and after puttin’ a murder on those cray-cray cultists does his damnedest to stop that preternatural blackness from taking his prize…but at least he has time on his side as our murderous monster begins working his way through the citizens of the town in which Chris lives leaving light adverse walking dead and folks(and the occasional dog or two) gone rabid, in his wake as he searches for his prey. Will Vassey, along with the town’s sheriff (Shawn Thompson) and

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DanXIII

Aug 6, 2018

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Desecration (1999)

Bobby (Danny Lopes) loses his mother while still an infant; an event which scrambles his eggs and leaves him off-kilter six ways to Sunday Bloody Sunday! Naturally he ends up inadvertently putting the murder on a nun via remote control airplane (as one does) which has the result of unleashing a supernatural hell upon the Catholic School, not to mention his devout Grandmother (played to the hilt by Irma St. Paule) he attends resulting in a nun sliced to ribbons by flying scissors, folks dropping into holes in the Earth that seemingly lead to hell, children’s toys falling from the ceiling, holy sisters becoming rather unholy…and then shit gets really, really weird! Will Bobby be able to survive this arcane assault, or will he become Hell’s newest poster child (and just what part does his dearly departed mother play in the supernatural scheme)?!! Directed with more atmospherics and fever dream imagery then one would deem humanly possible, writer/director/composer Dante Tomaselli

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DanXIII

Aug 5, 2018

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Addiction (1995)

Kathleen (Lili Taylor), a philosophy student livin’ in the concrete jungle of 1990’s Manhattan, is dragged into an alleyway one night by Casanova (Annabella Sciorra) and given a little love nibble…you know, the kind usually reserved for rabid wolves and the like. Of course the bite makes her sick to her shit, and it doesn’t take much to assume she’s turning into one of Dracula’s daughters (aversion to sunlight, thirst for human blood, et.al.). As Kathleen falls further into her new role as creature of the night and begins injecting blood from her victims directly into her veins before going the more toothy avenue. Will she be able to find herself as her being becomes drenched in blood? Filmed in stark black and white, which adds an air of cold grittiness (especially when photographs of human atrocity are inserted) and at times beautiful chiaroscuro (as echoed by the classical paintings on display), The Addiction is a visually arresting film to

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DanXIII

Jun 21, 2018

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Last House on the Left (1972)

I’m gonna come right out and lay some truth on you cats; The Last House on the Left was never one of my favorite Wes Craven fright flicks…but it has been well over a decade and a half since I last laid my eerie eyeballs upon it, so now that Arrow Video is unleashing a feature packed Blu-ray of ol’ Last House, let’s see if the ever shifting sands of time have mellowed my attitude towards this (admittedly classic) film… The Last House on the Left concerns the misadventures of young Mari Collingwood (Sandra Cassell) who heads out (after a bizarre conversation with her parents about her tits) to a concert by the wholesome sounding Bloodlust with her friend Phyllis Stone (Lucy Grantham)…a concert taking place in New York City…far away from her bucolic home. Meanwhile, the ultra villainous Krug (David Hess) and his kill krew have recently escaped from prison, and soon our comely protagonists find themselves in the

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DanXIII

Jun 10, 2018

ForeignMovies

Blu-ray Review: Shocking Dark (1989)

In Venice, after the amazing future year 2000, a toxic cloud hangs low killing all life. To make matters worse, there are hideous mutant creatures stalking the tunnels below the city…and they are turning people into monsters! In a totally original, completely unique bit of storytelling, a group of badass marines, a civilian woman (a scientist by trade), and a company man from the Tubular Corporation (a division of Radical Incorporated and Fuckin’ Awesome LLC) are sent in to investigate the infestation. What follows is Aliens…except for the ending, which inexplicably rips-off something else that you won’t believe! I’m going to go on the record here and state I don’t give a flying fuck how much director Bruno Mattei and Screen Writers Claudio Fragasso and Rossella Drudi stole from Cameron’s masterpiece; Shocking Dark is one hell of an entertaining fright flick in it’s own right, due mainly from a game performance from the legendary Geretta Geretta, fun creature suits, amazingly

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DanXIII

May 29, 2018

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Desolation (2017)

Abby (Jaimi Paige) and Sam (Toby Nichols), her teenaged Son, head out to the remote wilderness to scatter the remains of her husband with her best friend Jen (Alyshia Ochse) taggin’ along. Everything is pines n’ posies for our trio until a beardo-weirdo dubbed ‘The Hiker’ makes the scene and begins the ol’ stalk n’ slay business we laid down our shekels for after our heroes leave some wine bottles behind causing him to go rabid Woodsy. Desolation has some good things going for it. For starters, the tension remains razor sharp throughout much of the run time once The Hiker shows up…which of course is a major plus for a fright flick. Speaking of the H-man; I dug his silent routine…he never utters a word, lurks menacingly, and besides those aforementioned wine bottles, he has el zippo for motivation…he’s just there, ready to kill, and our protagonists are merely in the wrong neck of the woods at the wrong

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DanXIII

May 17, 2018

IndieMoviesParanormal

DVD Review: Soultangler (1987)

Crazed scientist Dr. Anton Lupesky has for some baffling reason created a drug that frees the soul from the body and lets it inhabit any given corpse, as long as it possess eyes. That sounds pleasant…but wait, it get’s worse. You see the drug also gives the user hellacious hallucinations and drives them batshit bonkers. While that bit of biz is going on, an intrepid reporter is hot on the Dr.’s heels as she feels he may have had something to do with the death of her father…but mostly she smokes a lot and randomly bangs on typewriter keys. Along the way we thrill to people wanting to rent videotapes, random serial killers, Lovecraftian pseudo-science, buckets and buckets of blood and gruesome gore, a jingle-jangle soundtrack, a zombie that appears to be practicing for the Cunnilingus Olympics, and most importantly rampaging Long Island accents! As baffling as it is brilliant, Soultangler is a film you just have to experience…preferably under

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DanXIII

Apr 16, 2018

Blu-Ray

More from Blu-Ray