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Horror Fuel

CD Review: Killection Lordi (2020)

Lordi; those monsters of metal have entertained us hard rockin’ horror hounds for years… I mean these mother fuckers were created for us, by one of our own… and they are glorious ghouls one and all (and come the fuck on; how can you not adore a rippin’ guitar solo performed by a mummy)! Now, I know there are some of you out there who may not know just who, or more appropriately what, the fuck I am talking about, so here’s a lil’ visual aid… Friggin’ wild, right? Well let me tell ya, they play music as flat out awesome as they look… but after a myriad of albums containing creepy collections of cacophonous creations, Lordi may have topped themselves with their latest offering; Killection an alternate reality greatest hits from many decades the band never actually existed in… The key here cats n’ creeps is variety! Over the length of 15 terror tracks we get a heady mix

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 11, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Thorns for Flowers (2016)

Psychic Leo (Vance Clemente) is hired by the local po-po to help them solve the slight problem they have with a maniac ripping women walking home alone at night new assholes six ways to Sunday. As he tries to determine just who will be next, Leo meets Catherine (Samantha Strelitz) who has been voted “Most Likely to Die Next”, and quickly falls in love with her. This would create obvious problems in and of itself, but their kissy-kissy is really going to be put to the test after the discovery of a preternatural hole in the ground that’ll really test their mettle but good! Written and directed by Anthony de Lioncourt, Thorns for Flowers is a bit of an all things for everyone affair. You get some drama, some thriller, some occult, a love story… and it’s a period piece (circa the ’70s to be percise) on top of all of that. So does it blend all of these ingredients

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 10, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Snatchers (2019)

Warner Bros. Home Entertainment provided me with a free copy of the Blu-ray I reviewed in this blog post. The opinions I share are my own. Sara (Mary Nepi) thinks she’s hot shit; it’s senior year in high school and she’s finally become one of the in-crowd (thanks to completely giving up everything that made her unique), had a lil’ of the ol’ in n’ out with her bohunk boyfriend, Skyler (Austin Fryberger), and got her self a little alien bun in the oven, as those wacky-ass teens oft do amirite? Anyway, ol’ Sara gives birth with the quickness, and some sort of symbiotic beastly bug rockets from her socket… a bug that immediately goes on an unreasonably violent killing spree. Soon it’s up to Sara and her former best friend and nerd’s nerd Hayley (Gabrielle Elyse) to figure out how to stop her offspring from destroying the entire town! First of all, Nepi and Elyse make for a truly

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 10, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Not For Resale (2020)

Look, I’ll lay it on the line; physical media may soon go the way of the dinosaur, and that is kind of bullshit if you ask your’s cruelly. Anyway, I’m not alone in this… just take a gander at the number of boutique labels providing horror hounds with the titles they crave on Blu-ray these days. Well, ‘lo and behold video game fans have the same fuckin’ desire which brings us to Not for Resale… Not for Resale, the new documentary from Kevin J. James, takes us on a tour of independent video game stores still keeping the lights on by wheeling n’ dealing in the relics of the golden age of physical cartridges and disks that transported us to the realms of our most fantastic dreams… and speaking of dreams, these shops may soon become obsolete thanks to the aging out of the customer base; but damn it if the folks behind these cultural meccas of geekdom won’t give

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 10, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: My Bloody Valentine (1981)

One fateful Valentine’s Day up Nova Scotia way, a mine explosion killed a bunch of dudes because those in charge of making sure shit like that didn’t happen were partying hardy at the local holiday dance. As fate would have it, one man, Harry Warden by name, survived the explosion and went on to go on a murder spree of those involved in the disaster… and that stone cold mother fucker warned the town to never have another Valentine’s Day dance again, or else! 20 years later a group of “young” miners gets a wild hair to hold another dance, and to the surprise of absolutely no one, Harry (or a copycat) makes the scene and begins dispatching folks in ultra-violent ways (more on that ghoulish goodness below). Naturally the dance gets the ax, but our heroes decide to hold a secret party (who’s main attraction seems to be the large number of hot dogs on hand) at the coal

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 9, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: FLCL: Progressive/Alternative (2018)

Warner Bros. Home Entertainment provided me with a free copy of the Blu-ray I reviewed in this blog post. The opinions I share are my own. The original FLCL (pronounced “fooly cooly”… just go with it) was a completely batshit insane coming of age tale featuring a young dude named Naota just trying to get by in the city of Mabase… too bad an alien named Haruko runs his ass over with her vespa, smacks him with her super charged guitar, and discovers a portal in Naota’s head can unleash robots created by Medical Mechanica. See what I mean by “batshit”? But under it all this was the story of a kid who was forced to grow up too fast coming to terms with his lost youth in order to become a well-adjusted adult. Flash forward twenty years, and we now have not one, but two sequel series, Progressive and Alternative by name (both available on one handy-dandy Blu-ray release

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 5, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Panther Squad (1984)

The New Organization Of Nations, or N.O.O.N. if you are one of those sick, sick bastards that need to abbreviate things… has a wild hair about winning the space race… too bad the terrorist group Clean Space have gone all commando and began causing static for N.O.O.N. up to and including kidnapping a lady astronaut. N.O.O.N. is N.O.N.E. too thrilled about this turn of events, so they bring in Ilona (Sybil Danning), leader of the all-girl ass-kickers known as The Panther Squad… you know, they of the skimpy costumes, bedazzled and exclusively worn with bikinis underneath… to rip Clean Space a new asshole! Boobs, bloodshed, and a motorcycle with a cute as balls duckie painted on it follow in equal measure… oh, and there’s a laser gun in there too because fuck yeah, that’s why! Coming from those paragons of cinematic top-shelfery, Eurocine (who also brought us the equally batshit insane Zombie Lake), Panther Squad is an absolute scream of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 3, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Exit (2020)

Steve (Billy James Machin) and Michelle (Leonarda Sahani) book an apartment in the city. sounds prosaic enough, but the establishment’s owner Russell (Tony Denham) has double booked that mother fucker and a second couple Christophe (Christophe Delesques) and Adrienne (Charlotte Gould) plan on poppin’ a squat there as well. But ol’ Russ cooks up a solution with the quickness; they can share the space tonight and he’ll comp a second apartment the next day. Crammed in that room, our heroes get down to brass tacks… mainly feeling all tense and shit, but some drink n’ drugs cure that… but with that comes some mind games and fuckin’… and that hoary ol’ chestnut; brutal violence. So, who will survive long enough to take advantage of Russell’s gratis pad? Featuring a vibe akin to ’70s cinema, and some lighting that will give giallo fans some tightness in the crotch of their collective trousers, Exit is a fascinating anomaly in the horror biz

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 31, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Teacher Shortage (2020)

Ten years ago, a bullied student kills herself in the school bathroom with a lil’ jagged glass to the throat routine… Fast forward a decade, and at said institution, that alliterative muv-fuck Sue Steel (Debra Lamb) is throwing her annual shindig for her peers in Ye Olde English Department at her pad. Things are a bit strained at the soiree for sure… but shit is going to be a tad more tense right quick, as a maniac has crashed the party, and that right bastard is lugging around a yearbook from ten years previous! The main thing Teacher Shortage has going for it is writer/director Troy Escamilla’s love of ’80s slasher flicks (which also provides us with a negative as well, but we’ll get to that shit in due time boils n’ ghouls)… my dude digs on the genre the most, and it shows… it also gives the film a great deal of heart, which goes a loooong way with

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 30, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Edge of the Axe (1988)

Bizarre-ass motorcycle ridin’ computer expert Gerald (Barton Faulks), and his equally off-putting pal Richard Simmons… wait… what the fuck now? Anyway, this Richard Simmons (Page Mosely), is an exterminator by trade… though philanderer is his main occupation, and he spends his time with Ger-bear trying to score some trim, drinking beer, playing video games, and finding corpses left in the wake of a masked lunatic on a kill spree/pig bothering sesh. Soon ol’ Jerry hooks up with a comely video game lovin’ barmaid named Lillian (Christina Marie Lane)… but our heroine has a past; as a little squirt, she pushed her cuz off a swing set and fucked him up but good, and my dude just got sprung from the nuthouse! Before long, the chase is on to figure out the killer’s identity and end his reign of terror… and no one is quite what they seem! Edge of the Axe is a surreal, pseudo-giallo that really delivers an off-kilter

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 29, 2020

More from #review

Horror Fuel

CD Review: Killection Lordi (2020)

Lordi; those monsters of metal have entertained us hard rockin’ horror hounds for years… I mean these mother fuckers were created for us, by one of our own… and they are glorious ghouls one and all (and come the fuck on; how can you not adore a rippin’ guitar solo performed by a mummy)! Now, I know there are some of you out there who may not know just who, or more appropriately what, the fuck I am talking about, so here’s a lil’ visual aid… Friggin’ wild, right? Well let me tell ya, they play music as flat out awesome as they look… but after a myriad of albums containing creepy collections of cacophonous creations, Lordi may have topped themselves with their latest offering; Killection an alternate reality greatest hits from many decades the band never actually existed in… The key here cats n’ creeps is variety! Over the length of 15 terror tracks we get a heady mix

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 11, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Thorns for Flowers (2016)

Psychic Leo (Vance Clemente) is hired by the local po-po to help them solve the slight problem they have with a maniac ripping women walking home alone at night new assholes six ways to Sunday. As he tries to determine just who will be next, Leo meets Catherine (Samantha Strelitz) who has been voted “Most Likely to Die Next”, and quickly falls in love with her. This would create obvious problems in and of itself, but their kissy-kissy is really going to be put to the test after the discovery of a preternatural hole in the ground that’ll really test their mettle but good! Written and directed by Anthony de Lioncourt, Thorns for Flowers is a bit of an all things for everyone affair. You get some drama, some thriller, some occult, a love story… and it’s a period piece (circa the ’70s to be percise) on top of all of that. So does it blend all of these ingredients

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 10, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Snatchers (2019)

Warner Bros. Home Entertainment provided me with a free copy of the Blu-ray I reviewed in this blog post. The opinions I share are my own. Sara (Mary Nepi) thinks she’s hot shit; it’s senior year in high school and she’s finally become one of the in-crowd (thanks to completely giving up everything that made her unique), had a lil’ of the ol’ in n’ out with her bohunk boyfriend, Skyler (Austin Fryberger), and got her self a little alien bun in the oven, as those wacky-ass teens oft do amirite? Anyway, ol’ Sara gives birth with the quickness, and some sort of symbiotic beastly bug rockets from her socket… a bug that immediately goes on an unreasonably violent killing spree. Soon it’s up to Sara and her former best friend and nerd’s nerd Hayley (Gabrielle Elyse) to figure out how to stop her offspring from destroying the entire town! First of all, Nepi and Elyse make for a truly

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 10, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Not For Resale (2020)

Look, I’ll lay it on the line; physical media may soon go the way of the dinosaur, and that is kind of bullshit if you ask your’s cruelly. Anyway, I’m not alone in this… just take a gander at the number of boutique labels providing horror hounds with the titles they crave on Blu-ray these days. Well, ‘lo and behold video game fans have the same fuckin’ desire which brings us to Not for Resale… Not for Resale, the new documentary from Kevin J. James, takes us on a tour of independent video game stores still keeping the lights on by wheeling n’ dealing in the relics of the golden age of physical cartridges and disks that transported us to the realms of our most fantastic dreams… and speaking of dreams, these shops may soon become obsolete thanks to the aging out of the customer base; but damn it if the folks behind these cultural meccas of geekdom won’t give

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 10, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: My Bloody Valentine (1981)

One fateful Valentine’s Day up Nova Scotia way, a mine explosion killed a bunch of dudes because those in charge of making sure shit like that didn’t happen were partying hardy at the local holiday dance. As fate would have it, one man, Harry Warden by name, survived the explosion and went on to go on a murder spree of those involved in the disaster… and that stone cold mother fucker warned the town to never have another Valentine’s Day dance again, or else! 20 years later a group of “young” miners gets a wild hair to hold another dance, and to the surprise of absolutely no one, Harry (or a copycat) makes the scene and begins dispatching folks in ultra-violent ways (more on that ghoulish goodness below). Naturally the dance gets the ax, but our heroes decide to hold a secret party (who’s main attraction seems to be the large number of hot dogs on hand) at the coal

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 9, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: FLCL: Progressive/Alternative (2018)

Warner Bros. Home Entertainment provided me with a free copy of the Blu-ray I reviewed in this blog post. The opinions I share are my own. The original FLCL (pronounced “fooly cooly”… just go with it) was a completely batshit insane coming of age tale featuring a young dude named Naota just trying to get by in the city of Mabase… too bad an alien named Haruko runs his ass over with her vespa, smacks him with her super charged guitar, and discovers a portal in Naota’s head can unleash robots created by Medical Mechanica. See what I mean by “batshit”? But under it all this was the story of a kid who was forced to grow up too fast coming to terms with his lost youth in order to become a well-adjusted adult. Flash forward twenty years, and we now have not one, but two sequel series, Progressive and Alternative by name (both available on one handy-dandy Blu-ray release

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 5, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Panther Squad (1984)

The New Organization Of Nations, or N.O.O.N. if you are one of those sick, sick bastards that need to abbreviate things… has a wild hair about winning the space race… too bad the terrorist group Clean Space have gone all commando and began causing static for N.O.O.N. up to and including kidnapping a lady astronaut. N.O.O.N. is N.O.N.E. too thrilled about this turn of events, so they bring in Ilona (Sybil Danning), leader of the all-girl ass-kickers known as The Panther Squad… you know, they of the skimpy costumes, bedazzled and exclusively worn with bikinis underneath… to rip Clean Space a new asshole! Boobs, bloodshed, and a motorcycle with a cute as balls duckie painted on it follow in equal measure… oh, and there’s a laser gun in there too because fuck yeah, that’s why! Coming from those paragons of cinematic top-shelfery, Eurocine (who also brought us the equally batshit insane Zombie Lake), Panther Squad is an absolute scream of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 3, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Exit (2020)

Steve (Billy James Machin) and Michelle (Leonarda Sahani) book an apartment in the city. sounds prosaic enough, but the establishment’s owner Russell (Tony Denham) has double booked that mother fucker and a second couple Christophe (Christophe Delesques) and Adrienne (Charlotte Gould) plan on poppin’ a squat there as well. But ol’ Russ cooks up a solution with the quickness; they can share the space tonight and he’ll comp a second apartment the next day. Crammed in that room, our heroes get down to brass tacks… mainly feeling all tense and shit, but some drink n’ drugs cure that… but with that comes some mind games and fuckin’… and that hoary ol’ chestnut; brutal violence. So, who will survive long enough to take advantage of Russell’s gratis pad? Featuring a vibe akin to ’70s cinema, and some lighting that will give giallo fans some tightness in the crotch of their collective trousers, Exit is a fascinating anomaly in the horror biz

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 31, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Teacher Shortage (2020)

Ten years ago, a bullied student kills herself in the school bathroom with a lil’ jagged glass to the throat routine… Fast forward a decade, and at said institution, that alliterative muv-fuck Sue Steel (Debra Lamb) is throwing her annual shindig for her peers in Ye Olde English Department at her pad. Things are a bit strained at the soiree for sure… but shit is going to be a tad more tense right quick, as a maniac has crashed the party, and that right bastard is lugging around a yearbook from ten years previous! The main thing Teacher Shortage has going for it is writer/director Troy Escamilla’s love of ’80s slasher flicks (which also provides us with a negative as well, but we’ll get to that shit in due time boils n’ ghouls)… my dude digs on the genre the most, and it shows… it also gives the film a great deal of heart, which goes a loooong way with

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 30, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Edge of the Axe (1988)

Bizarre-ass motorcycle ridin’ computer expert Gerald (Barton Faulks), and his equally off-putting pal Richard Simmons… wait… what the fuck now? Anyway, this Richard Simmons (Page Mosely), is an exterminator by trade… though philanderer is his main occupation, and he spends his time with Ger-bear trying to score some trim, drinking beer, playing video games, and finding corpses left in the wake of a masked lunatic on a kill spree/pig bothering sesh. Soon ol’ Jerry hooks up with a comely video game lovin’ barmaid named Lillian (Christina Marie Lane)… but our heroine has a past; as a little squirt, she pushed her cuz off a swing set and fucked him up but good, and my dude just got sprung from the nuthouse! Before long, the chase is on to figure out the killer’s identity and end his reign of terror… and no one is quite what they seem! Edge of the Axe is a surreal, pseudo-giallo that really delivers an off-kilter

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 29, 2020
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