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Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Crypsis (2019)

Harker Island is deep in the sinister soup, as the wicked woods that cover the local are seemingly home to one hell of a creepy creature. Unfortunately for them, a group of city slickers make a bet to see who can make it through a camping trip on the island… and the expected result ensues; namely that maniacal monster begins ripping them a new asshole free of charge! Crypsis is a creature feature with a lot going for it. Leading the plus pack is the fact that this fright flick wastes precious little time getting to the monster-based stalk n’ slay action we came for. This is a tense, fast paced thrill ride with plenty of peril for our heroes to endure. Speaking of our heroes, while they aren’t the most well-defined of characters, they are a likable bunch of ball busters that manage to make us care if they get out of this monstrous mess with their hides intact.

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 3, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Wrinkles the Clown (2019)

Good ol’ Wrinkles the clown came to our attention back in 2015 when a video of him scaring the shit out of a young girl went viral A.F. Come to find out, the dude hired his services out to parents to terrify their misbehaving children which had all the attention and backlash that you could imagine; some were excited about the service, others wanted that creepy clown dead… and naturally among the youth he became an urban legend, and one you could actually reach by phone. The videos continued to appear, and his legacy grew as his services began to be viewed as child abuse… because you know, it fuckin’ is. Of course Wrinkles is pragmatic about the whole affair, and considers his reign of terror to be “just a job”, and doesn’t feel bad about what he does in the slightest. That’s right, we get to hear from Wrinkles himself, who in reality is an old homeless dude who

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 2, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Addams Family Strokes (2019)

If you are like me, you may not have given much thought about the Addams Family fucking, but since we live in a glorious modern age, someone has… and filmed it, so here we are! First things first, the clip is actually called Addams Family Orgy, and it begins like an episode of the series we all know and love with Morticia ( the gorgeous Audrey Noir) clipping the flowers off from rose stems in her sitting room. Enter Gomez (Eric John) who begins espousing his love for his wife which leads to oral… typical Addams goings-on, amirite? Of course Fester ( Dick Chibbles) gets wind of the action and begins licking props and doing a stealth fap as one would do in polite society. Meanwhile Wednesday (the adorable Kate Bloom) is performing some sort of light bondage/sex magic routine with Pugsley (Juan “El Caballo” Loco) which is witnessed by Thing who rats the dastardly duo out to Gomez who

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 2, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Tammy and the T. Rex (Unrated Cut)

After one of the most unbelievably shitty faux Alice Cooper tunes ever recorded by… someone, we get down to brass fuckin’ tacks as Tammy (Denise Richards), or ‘Tanny’ as the beginning credits call her, is reticent to start a new relationship with jock Michael (the late Paul Walker) after coming of an abusive ‘sitch with her violence prone ex… an ex which damn near kills Mikey in a brawl. Thankfully for our strapping young lad, and dinophiles everywhere, local evil genius Dr. Wachenstein (Terry Kiser; Bernie himself in a role that could graciously be called slightly over the top) has a robot Tyrannosaurus lying around and he slaps Michael’s brain inside of that revoltin’ reptile. T.Rex Mike then goes on a crusade to both woo Tammy and fight evil. Based on a true story. Tammy and the T. Rex is a self-aware slice of cinematic insanity that absolutely must be seen to be believed. You have performances so broad they

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 2, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Furies (2019)

“High school student” Kayla (Airlie Dodds, who is an excellent actress, but she ain’t passing for a teenager no matter what the script says) and her gal-pal Maddie (Ebony Vagulans) find themselves in some diabolically dire straits after they are kidnapped and dumped in a forest where they are to be sport for a gaggle of guys in monster masks. Kayla must team up with the other captives on the island to try and overthrow the masked maniacs and free her friend… preferably with her hide intact. Look, The Most Dangerous Game adaptations and pastiches are a dime a demonic dozen in the ol’ horror biz, and to that end, The Furies is definitely one of those, but does it do anything to stand (severed) head and shoulder above the pack? The most obvious thing on display is a feminist take on the material. Writer/director Tony D’Aquino offers up female characters that have to become the strongest of the species

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 2, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Mermaid Down (2019)

Two salty sea men (I just keep ’em cumming, eh boils n’ ghouls?) sit around yappin’ about mermaids as so many of us do. Well, this gets to that, and these bastards not only catch a mermaid (Alexandra Bokova), but they cut her goddamn tail off too… like seriously, who does that? A rando dude, Dr. Beyer (Burt Culver), comes to her rescue… kind of, as he doesn’t seem to be much better than her captors ,and takes her to the psychiatric hospital where he works as a psychiatrist for disturbed young women. The other patients don’t really get on with our former fish heroine (who has grown legs by the by), especially when she does shit like jumping in a pool like a lunatic and expecting her tail to return. Let me tell you lot, our heroine better try and make nice because the whole gaggle are in deep fuckery territory as the good doc is up to some

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 2, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Return to Horror Hotel (2019)

Here it comes cats n’ creeps, the latest arcane anthology to hit the horror biz; Return to Horror Hotel, a fright flick comprised of four fearsome terror tales! First out of the gate comes Sleep Tight: Disparate strangers take up temporary residence at a rundown hotel… we have a bitchy, slutty, drunken (the classic trio beloved by all!) aunt and her two young charges, a bodybuilder obsessed with his physical form, and strangely enough, two folks who’s legs are horribly infected and turning into oozing nightmares. What do all these fine folks have in common? Why they all have to contend with beastly bed bugs who have gobbled up that muscle man’s steroids and mutated! Best part, that couple with the leakin’ legs; they grind up those creepy crawlies and sell the powder as a potent drug! This is one hell of an off-the wall yarn, and a solid start to this collection… it’s like trailer park William S. Burroughs,

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Two Evil Eyes (1990)

Two Evil Eyes is an arcane anthology divided into two halves (it’s all there in the title folks), both directed by legendary horror directors (George A. Romero and Dario Argento for those keepin’ score at home) and based on the writing of Edgar Allan Poe (The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar and The Black Cat respectively). Let’s kick out the jams with Romero’s joint, shall we? Jessica Valdemar (Adrienne Barbeau) is what one would call “a reluctant shit-heel”; sure she’s conspiring with Dr. Robert Hoffman (Ramy Zada) to bilk her dying husband, Ernest (Bingo O’Malley) out of his vast fortune via hypnosis… but she doesn’t feel great about it, until the dough begins to be well in hand that is. As fate would have it, Ernest buys the farm, so Bob and Jess chuck his dead ass in a large freezer in the basement and carry on with the Devil’s business… which you’d imagine would go smoothly, but

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Oct 30, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Man of a Thousand Faces (1957)

Lon Chaney was one of the undisputed greats in our beloved horror biz for his legendary performances as Quasimodo in 1923’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and as the titular character in 1925’s The Phantom of the Opera. So integral a part of the industry was Chaney that in 1957 Universal made a biopic and that brings us to today’s revoltin’ review of Man of a Thousand Faces! Born to deaf/mute parents, ol’ Lon has a tough go of it… but, he doesn’t let it get him down as he goes on to be a top vaudeville performer with a knack for taking on multiple characters with ease. Along for the ride is his pregnant wife Cleva (Dorothy Malone) who upon discovering our hero’s parent’s condition completely loses her shit and becomes one of the most annoying individuals in the known universe (seriously, you’ll be begging Lon to leave her ass in the dust at every turn). Life at home

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Oct 27, 2019
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Ida (2019)

Ida (Kerstin Jannerup Gjesing) is a cherubic tyke that is getting some serious static in her life thanks to some dreadful dreams of a monster that has it out for her. Her mother, Leonora (Molly Blixt Egelind), assures her that there are no monsters… as she herself battles the demon in a bottle; I’m talkin’ booze boils n’ ghouls! Let me tell you lot; this sinister short really plays with ya! This thing enters some dark, psychologically fucked-up territory and smacks you right in the gut, while playing out in sun dappled rooms full of bright, cheery color. It’s that dichotomy that makes the entire affair so damn unsettling… well, that and the fact young Ida has no skills to help her cope with the horrors of her dreams and her reality. Speaking of Ida, Gjesing is one hell of a fantastic actor who’s tender age belies her acting prowess, and Egelind as her beleaguered mother is no slouch either

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Oct 26, 2019

More from #review

Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Crypsis (2019)

Harker Island is deep in the sinister soup, as the wicked woods that cover the local are seemingly home to one hell of a creepy creature. Unfortunately for them, a group of city slickers make a bet to see who can make it through a camping trip on the island… and the expected result ensues; namely that maniacal monster begins ripping them a new asshole free of charge! Crypsis is a creature feature with a lot going for it. Leading the plus pack is the fact that this fright flick wastes precious little time getting to the monster-based stalk n’ slay action we came for. This is a tense, fast paced thrill ride with plenty of peril for our heroes to endure. Speaking of our heroes, while they aren’t the most well-defined of characters, they are a likable bunch of ball busters that manage to make us care if they get out of this monstrous mess with their hides intact.

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 3, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Wrinkles the Clown (2019)

Good ol’ Wrinkles the clown came to our attention back in 2015 when a video of him scaring the shit out of a young girl went viral A.F. Come to find out, the dude hired his services out to parents to terrify their misbehaving children which had all the attention and backlash that you could imagine; some were excited about the service, others wanted that creepy clown dead… and naturally among the youth he became an urban legend, and one you could actually reach by phone. The videos continued to appear, and his legacy grew as his services began to be viewed as child abuse… because you know, it fuckin’ is. Of course Wrinkles is pragmatic about the whole affair, and considers his reign of terror to be “just a job”, and doesn’t feel bad about what he does in the slightest. That’s right, we get to hear from Wrinkles himself, who in reality is an old homeless dude who

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 2, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Addams Family Strokes (2019)

If you are like me, you may not have given much thought about the Addams Family fucking, but since we live in a glorious modern age, someone has… and filmed it, so here we are! First things first, the clip is actually called Addams Family Orgy, and it begins like an episode of the series we all know and love with Morticia ( the gorgeous Audrey Noir) clipping the flowers off from rose stems in her sitting room. Enter Gomez (Eric John) who begins espousing his love for his wife which leads to oral… typical Addams goings-on, amirite? Of course Fester ( Dick Chibbles) gets wind of the action and begins licking props and doing a stealth fap as one would do in polite society. Meanwhile Wednesday (the adorable Kate Bloom) is performing some sort of light bondage/sex magic routine with Pugsley (Juan “El Caballo” Loco) which is witnessed by Thing who rats the dastardly duo out to Gomez who

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 2, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Tammy and the T. Rex (Unrated Cut)

After one of the most unbelievably shitty faux Alice Cooper tunes ever recorded by… someone, we get down to brass fuckin’ tacks as Tammy (Denise Richards), or ‘Tanny’ as the beginning credits call her, is reticent to start a new relationship with jock Michael (the late Paul Walker) after coming of an abusive ‘sitch with her violence prone ex… an ex which damn near kills Mikey in a brawl. Thankfully for our strapping young lad, and dinophiles everywhere, local evil genius Dr. Wachenstein (Terry Kiser; Bernie himself in a role that could graciously be called slightly over the top) has a robot Tyrannosaurus lying around and he slaps Michael’s brain inside of that revoltin’ reptile. T.Rex Mike then goes on a crusade to both woo Tammy and fight evil. Based on a true story. Tammy and the T. Rex is a self-aware slice of cinematic insanity that absolutely must be seen to be believed. You have performances so broad they

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 2, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Furies (2019)

“High school student” Kayla (Airlie Dodds, who is an excellent actress, but she ain’t passing for a teenager no matter what the script says) and her gal-pal Maddie (Ebony Vagulans) find themselves in some diabolically dire straits after they are kidnapped and dumped in a forest where they are to be sport for a gaggle of guys in monster masks. Kayla must team up with the other captives on the island to try and overthrow the masked maniacs and free her friend… preferably with her hide intact. Look, The Most Dangerous Game adaptations and pastiches are a dime a demonic dozen in the ol’ horror biz, and to that end, The Furies is definitely one of those, but does it do anything to stand (severed) head and shoulder above the pack? The most obvious thing on display is a feminist take on the material. Writer/director Tony D’Aquino offers up female characters that have to become the strongest of the species

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 2, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Mermaid Down (2019)

Two salty sea men (I just keep ’em cumming, eh boils n’ ghouls?) sit around yappin’ about mermaids as so many of us do. Well, this gets to that, and these bastards not only catch a mermaid (Alexandra Bokova), but they cut her goddamn tail off too… like seriously, who does that? A rando dude, Dr. Beyer (Burt Culver), comes to her rescue… kind of, as he doesn’t seem to be much better than her captors ,and takes her to the psychiatric hospital where he works as a psychiatrist for disturbed young women. The other patients don’t really get on with our former fish heroine (who has grown legs by the by), especially when she does shit like jumping in a pool like a lunatic and expecting her tail to return. Let me tell you lot, our heroine better try and make nice because the whole gaggle are in deep fuckery territory as the good doc is up to some

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 2, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Return to Horror Hotel (2019)

Here it comes cats n’ creeps, the latest arcane anthology to hit the horror biz; Return to Horror Hotel, a fright flick comprised of four fearsome terror tales! First out of the gate comes Sleep Tight: Disparate strangers take up temporary residence at a rundown hotel… we have a bitchy, slutty, drunken (the classic trio beloved by all!) aunt and her two young charges, a bodybuilder obsessed with his physical form, and strangely enough, two folks who’s legs are horribly infected and turning into oozing nightmares. What do all these fine folks have in common? Why they all have to contend with beastly bed bugs who have gobbled up that muscle man’s steroids and mutated! Best part, that couple with the leakin’ legs; they grind up those creepy crawlies and sell the powder as a potent drug! This is one hell of an off-the wall yarn, and a solid start to this collection… it’s like trailer park William S. Burroughs,

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Two Evil Eyes (1990)

Two Evil Eyes is an arcane anthology divided into two halves (it’s all there in the title folks), both directed by legendary horror directors (George A. Romero and Dario Argento for those keepin’ score at home) and based on the writing of Edgar Allan Poe (The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar and The Black Cat respectively). Let’s kick out the jams with Romero’s joint, shall we? Jessica Valdemar (Adrienne Barbeau) is what one would call “a reluctant shit-heel”; sure she’s conspiring with Dr. Robert Hoffman (Ramy Zada) to bilk her dying husband, Ernest (Bingo O’Malley) out of his vast fortune via hypnosis… but she doesn’t feel great about it, until the dough begins to be well in hand that is. As fate would have it, Ernest buys the farm, so Bob and Jess chuck his dead ass in a large freezer in the basement and carry on with the Devil’s business… which you’d imagine would go smoothly, but

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Oct 30, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Man of a Thousand Faces (1957)

Lon Chaney was one of the undisputed greats in our beloved horror biz for his legendary performances as Quasimodo in 1923’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and as the titular character in 1925’s The Phantom of the Opera. So integral a part of the industry was Chaney that in 1957 Universal made a biopic and that brings us to today’s revoltin’ review of Man of a Thousand Faces! Born to deaf/mute parents, ol’ Lon has a tough go of it… but, he doesn’t let it get him down as he goes on to be a top vaudeville performer with a knack for taking on multiple characters with ease. Along for the ride is his pregnant wife Cleva (Dorothy Malone) who upon discovering our hero’s parent’s condition completely loses her shit and becomes one of the most annoying individuals in the known universe (seriously, you’ll be begging Lon to leave her ass in the dust at every turn). Life at home

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Oct 27, 2019
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Ida (2019)

Ida (Kerstin Jannerup Gjesing) is a cherubic tyke that is getting some serious static in her life thanks to some dreadful dreams of a monster that has it out for her. Her mother, Leonora (Molly Blixt Egelind), assures her that there are no monsters… as she herself battles the demon in a bottle; I’m talkin’ booze boils n’ ghouls! Let me tell you lot; this sinister short really plays with ya! This thing enters some dark, psychologically fucked-up territory and smacks you right in the gut, while playing out in sun dappled rooms full of bright, cheery color. It’s that dichotomy that makes the entire affair so damn unsettling… well, that and the fact young Ida has no skills to help her cope with the horrors of her dreams and her reality. Speaking of Ida, Gjesing is one hell of a fantastic actor who’s tender age belies her acting prowess, and Egelind as her beleaguered mother is no slouch either

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Oct 26, 2019
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