Movie Review: Talon Falls Falls Short of Being a Slasher Classic

November 20, 2017

Written by DanXIII

Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, director, producer, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

A group of attractive folks head out on the road to a rural locale and are murdered one by one. What am I watching? Wrong Turn? The Hills Have Eyes? Nah, we both know it’s the new fright flick Talon Falls (unless you can’t read…wait, if you can’t read how did you get this far?!!)…an exercise in torture porn tedium! And were off to the races…
So, yeah…teens, road, hick town…you get the drift. So what is the unique Mcguffin here? Why how about the fact that once in town the gang of goofs decide to attend the local haunted attraction full of grizzly exhibits that seem a touch too real. Before you can say The Houses October Built (1 and 2),  our heroes are systematically bound, gagged, and eliminated by a gang of hulking psychos. Who will survive, and what will be left of them and all that…
Well, let’s try and find something nice to say about Talon Falls.  Oh, I know! It’s really short…like under an hour and fifteen minutes with credits (though it seemed much, much longer). Also, the cast is admittedly good, and none of the main characters made me want to punch my TV like in some of these things. Also, some of the hulking maniacs had a nice aesthetic, the gore is well done, and the film is very well shot and scored. There…always some positives, right my creeps?
As for the negatives; while short this film seems to drag and drag. Maybe it’s the by the numbers story, the torture porn (of which I am not a big fan), or the fact that the film is basically an extended chase sequence. Either way, I found it tired rather quickly. And that is the whole problem, Talon Falls just isn’t unique enough to rise severed head and shoulders above the 4, 567 other slasher flicks released this month. It is what it is and that’s all that it is.
While the movie failed to light a fire under my ass, there are a few bonus features to examine on this DVD release including: a trailer and a behind the scenes featurette. Well, at least the underwhelming feeling is consistent throughout.
If you have to see every single stalk n’ slay effort the horror biz has to offer, than give Talon Falls a go, but to everyone else you can get your tricks n’ treats elsewhere.


For more on Talon Falls, head here.

Share This Article

You May Also Like…