Movie Review: Satan’s Cheerleaders is the Perfect Blend of Laughs and Lucifer!

November 30, 2017

Written by DanXIII

Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, director, producer, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

Satan’s Cheerleaders (god damn, that’s a great title…this flick has a lot to live up to) begins with our gorgeous gaggle of “rah rah” heroines frolicking on the beach as a porn soundtrack cum disco anthem, with a constant refrain of ‘all for one, and one for all’, assaults our ears like nobodies business (and for a real meta moment, the cheerleaders say the phrase as the soundtrack sings it). Anyway, run time eating assery ensues for a bit before we get down to brass tacks; namely the girls get taken on an unexpected detour on their way to the ‘Big Game’ by the school’s bedazzled denim shirt wearing janitor/bus driver, who just so happens to be in charge of finding that hoary ol’ chestnut, the virgin sacrifice required for some such skullduggery by the local Satanic cult (and judging by how these foxy ladies have acted in the previous thirty minutes of film, this may be a harder task than initially believed). Anyhow, eventually the ladies make a daring escape (by just driving away) and end up arriving at the house of the local sheriff (named B.L. Bubb…real f’n subtle there movie) and his wife (played by The Munsters‘ Yvonne DeCarlo) by way of advice from the local hobo (essayed by the legendary John Carradine)…you can guess where this is going, unless you are really stupid (which for the record I’m sure my lovely, beautiful readership is not)…but, just in case: our nubile protagonists are menaced six ways to Sunday by those Satanic sickos with nary a hope of escape in sight (well, there is one…but that’s a major plot point and there’s no way I’m going to be that a-hole)!
I’m not going to mince words with you cats n’ creeps; I loved Satan’s Cheerleaders to F’n hell and back! It’s campy, funny, chock full of good ol’ T&A and ’70’s supermarket paperback occultism, and is simply a demonic delight to view! Is it low budget and amateur? You bet your arcane ass it is, and that just adds to the picture’s charm. If there’s a nit-pickin’ negative to be had with this flick, it’s that a few scenes run a tad long, and the dialog within is repeated multiple times. I assume this was to pad things out to meet a mandated run time, but it’s a minor quibble for sure.
Now I would advise you to pick this up based on the entertainment value of the main feature alone, but there are some great bonus features included as well. First up, you get two audio commentaries; one with co-writer/director Greydon Clark and the other with director David DeCoteau and journalist David Del Valle. Clark’s commentary is engaging and absolutely packed with information on the film’s production…a top notch listen for sure, while DeCoteau and Del Valle provide a breezy conversation on their thoughts of the film and satanic cinema in general. Also included are a photo gallery, and an un-restored version of the film.
Bottom line; if you are looking for a fun as hell (literally), tongue-in-cheek fright flick loaded with ’70’s babes and equally ’70’s occultist trappings, then let me tell ya, you won’t find a finer example than Satan’s Cheerleaders!



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