Movie Review: The Tooth Fairy (2018)

As family and friends gather on a failing rural farm, we learn that years previous they managed to capture an evil witch (the Tooth Fairy…I don’t even fucking know), and imprison her in the barn by way of sugar and dangling candy canes (sounds ridiculous, and it is…but you lot all know I dig on the absurd, so well played movie…well played). Well that seemingly fool proof prison is thwarted when a drifter simply opens the door and frees the wicked bitch of the west (after she chisels some of his teeth out of course). This results in her stalking and granting dark wishes (in exchange for teeth ‘natch) to the sad sack family…now, can they dispatch her once more and get on with their dreary lives?
First the positives to be had with the Tooth Fairy. For starters, the dreary setting (always overcast and completely remote) is full atmosphere and a suitable aesthetic choice for the tale of a witch/tooth hunting it’s emotionally vulnerable (more on that below) human prey. Speaking of that lil’ creepy creature; I enjoyed her; she has a face like a plate of moldy mashed potatoes, can change shape in order to make her victims more pliable in giving up their teeth to have their darkest desires granted, and skulks and slinks around the farmhouse in suitably off-putting fashion. But, all isn’t teeth n’ roses (it’s a thing) in the land of the Tooth Fairy my creeps…
The main problem with Tooth Fairy is there’s way too much talky and way too little teethy. The interplay between the principals, and their fucked-up family dynamics is slow going at best, and really goes on and on delaying the fun times to be had with the titular beast. It’s like the makers of this wanted to make a family drama, but then got high as balls and decided that what this melodrama needed was a rampaging tooth fairy (as one does). It really bogs the momentum down, and while not poorly acted, just isn’t enough to keep one engaged for the film’s nearly ninety minute run time.
So Tooth Fairy; it ain’t bad, it ain’t great…it just sort of is, but the eponymous creature is worth a view so there’s that at least…