Blu-ray Review: Guns (1990) and Do or Die (1991)

September 17, 2019

Written by DanXIII

Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

I have a lil’ something different for you cats n’ creeps today; a look at two Blu-rays put out by Mill Creek Entertainment featuring some pure exploitation gold!

Guns (1990): Juan Degas, the infamous Jack of Diamonds (C.H.I.P.S.’ Erik Estrada in a rare villainous role) is back in action, and he has a plan to run guns down Molokai way. Thankfully L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents Donna (Dona Speir, reprising her role from other flicks in the Malibu Bay series) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez), are on the case and ready to get naked and fire missiles at shit nearly non-stop, so good luck to ya Juan.

I know the two burning questions plaguing your fevered brain: Is there a federal agent in this that’s also a magician/assassin (played by legendary television performer Chuck McCann who steals the entire picture in my opinion), and does Danny Trejo (Machete) play a Chinese dude? The answer is “yes” to both, naturally.

Also in the plus column are the fact that remote controlled boats deliver beers and bombs, there are roughly 4, 568 explosions and bare breasts on display, and there are a pair of assassins that cross dress as a means of disguise and make for two of the most unbelievably non-feminine folks to ever stride across the Earth… yet the characters in the film seem to fall for the ruse completely.

Along with the main event; our chums over at Mill Creek Entertainment have included some fun archival bonus content as well featuring: an intro to the film from Sidaris (featuring Julie Strain’s ever-exposed breasts), a lively and info-packed audio commentary featuring Sidaris and his wife Arlene (who produced the picture), and a collection of behind-the-scenes footage from a variety of Sidaris’ films. Also included are trailers for all of Sidaris’ Malibu Bay flicks.

If Guns is your intro to the wild, wacky world of Sidaris, I bid you welcome; this is one of his prime cuts… full of all the flesh n’ fury (and dopey songs… I always forget to bring those shits up) you can expect from his entire oeuvre!

 

 

 

Also released this month comes:

Do or Die (1991): Evil businessman Masakana ‘Kane’ Kaneshiro (Pat Morita… yup, Miyagi his own damn self) arrives on Molokai with a wild hair up his ass to throw L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents Donna (Dona Speir) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez) into a most dangerous game which will have them attempting to survive a gauntlet of assassins.

As one would expect; this thing is wall-to-wall bosoms, baddies, and booms (like explosions, not visible microphones… this is professional exploitation after all). We also get some (read: a shit-ton of) filler, including prolonged sequences of Hawaiian dancing, an air show for remote controlled planes (always a real crowd-pleaser among males over the age of 50 named Herb), geriatrics balls-deep into shiatsu, and a musical performance courtesy of series regular Cynthia Brimhall that features one of the shittiest songs ever recorded (Herb would doubtless dig this as well). Also included: baseball bombs, Pat Morita fucking, and ninja. I love you Andy Sidaris wherever you may be in the universe.

As with all of the Sidaris releases from Mill Creek to date, this Blu also features an intro to the film from Sidaris, a great info-packed audio commentary featuring Sidaris and his wife Arlene, a collection of behind-the-scenes footage from a variety of Sidaris’ films, and trailers for all of Sidaris’ Malibu Bay flicks.

Ridiculous, over-the-top, and completely entertaining; Do or Die is another gem in Sidaris’ Malibu Bay series and will satisfy exploitation lovers like few pictures can!

 

 

You May Also Like…