Blu-ray Review: Cosmoball (2020)

March 20, 2021

Written by DanXIII

Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

In the future, the galaxy’s greatest form of entertainment is Cosmoball; a form of space soccer involving athletes that can teleport from all ends of the universe and beyond!
Enter: Anton, a scruffy teen from Earth who lives in a candy colored (more on that in a bit my cats n’ creeps) slum with his sick mother (who’s illness is the result of Earth’s moon being cracked into pieces after a collision with an alien spacecraft)… a mother who’s medicine the family can not afford… and his ass hates him some Cosmoball, let me tell ya!
Well it sucks to be Anton, because it is soon revealed that he can teleport (thanks to some alien interference from a menacing alien scientist Cherno and his equally alien, but beautiful, daughter Valaya (Mariya Lisovaya)… yeah, there’s a lot going on here, all of it involving, and get this… aliens, and aliens that want ot use Anton’s DNA to conquer the universe), so he’s quickly recruited into Cosmoball where he proves to be a protege at the spacey sport.
Soon our boy is up to his ass in trouble as he attempts to save his mother, win the game (and learn it’s true nature), and try to keep himself from being ripped a new one from Cherno!
Picture if someone smashed Guardians of the Galaxy and Empire Pictures’ Arena together to create a new flick, and you’d be pretty on the money as to what you will receive when you set your ass down to watch Well Go USA Entertainment’s new Blu-ray release of Russia’s latest sci-fi flick Cosmoball.
For nearly two hours director Dzhanik Fayziev dazzles the ol’ eerie eyeballs with so much vivid color, explosions, fights, high-speed sports, adorable (and toy-friendly) droids, and oh-so-fucking-many alien creatures that this film put a smile on my face 666 miles long!
Now make no mistake, this can be a bit “on the fly” narrative wise, and I’m sure the writers of this pic sat down and just threw stuff at the wall and picked the coolest of the cool concepts… and ran with them with nary a thought to how it all ties together. I for one adored this, and made the film seem like it was created by a child having a wild time with their favorite action figures, but your mileage may vary if you dig on a tight narrative.
Bottom line; Cosmoball is pure comic book escapism dialed up to eleven and should prove irresistible for super-hero obsessed youngsters, or those that enjoy breathtaking sci-fi spectacle!



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