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DanXIII

1,300 stories
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Last Starfighter (1984)

Our man Alex Rogan (Lance Guest) has got it tough all over; he longs to leave the small trailer park he calls home and stay true to his sweetheart, Maggie (Catherine Mary Stewart)… but the one-two punch of the local yokels on his ass 24/7, and being recruited to fight in an intergalactic battle against evil aliens is putting a serious dent in those plans, let me tell ya cats n’ creeps! How did Alex get the honor of becoming a real, live space cadet? Well, he’s really good at playing a video game that just so happens to be a test put in place by an alien conman named Centauri (legendary theater and film thespian Robert Preston) to find suckers that are willing to defend the galaxy from big-domed scenery chewing super villain Xur (a deliciously over-the-top performance from Norman Snow) and his leather-faced alien chums, who just so happen to own a meteor gun that launches those pains-in-the-asteroids

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 15, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Versus (2000)

Two escaped prisoners make their way through the woods, and soon meet up with a gang of over-the-top Yakuza and the woman they have kidnapped. Unbeknownst to them, the forest is home to the 444th portal to hell (the Portal of Resurrection to be precise), but the learn soon enough as a slight misunderstanding leads to some bodies hittin’ the floor… but they sure as shit don’t stay there! Prisoner KSC2-303 (Tak Sakaguchi) and The Girl (Chieko Misaka) escape the initial zombie fracas and flee deeper into those wicked woods but soon that verdant landscape is lousy with the walking dead, and escape may be impossible for our heroes and their gangster pursuers (not mention their occult-minded boss and the assassins he employs)! I’m not going to lie to you cats n’ creeps, Versus is a straight up mother fucking masterpiece! Ryûhei Kitamura (along with co-writer Yudai Yamaguchi) created the “all killer, no filler” (a real miracle considering this film

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 10, 2021
Horror Fuel

4K Ultra Review: Vigilante (1982)

Industrial repairman Eddie Marino (the great Robert Forster) has a real problem on his grease-stained hands. You see, his wife Vickie (Rutanya Alda) got slappy with a gang of denim-clad Warrior wanna-bes called The Headhunters, and they returned the favor by using her as a pin-cushion, and blasting the couple’s son Scott (Dante Joseph) to pieces with a double-barrel shotgun. To make matters worse, The Headhunters are cleared of the murder charge thanks to some legal loopholes, and in a bizarre twist of fate, Eddie actually goes to jail for assaulting the judge. All is not lost however, as Eddie’s steel workin’ pals are a covert group of vigilantes lead by tough-ass mother fucker Nick (the legendary Fred “The Hammer” Williamson), and when he gets back on the streets Eddie and the boys are going to bring serious bodily harm to every mother fucker that’s done him wrong! Coming from director William Lustig, Vigilante was his attempt at creating a

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 31, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Giant From the Unknown (1958)

In a small mountain town, animals are being slaughtered left and right… and it doesn’t take long for human corpses to make the scene either. But what’s behind this violence? Is it a bear? A mountain lion? No, those are too obscure for forest based killings. Naturally the answer is a giant mother fucking conquistador zombie resurrected by lightning. Local geologist Wayne Brooks (Ed Kemmer), along with archeologist Dr. Cleveland (Morris Ankrum) and his daughter Janet (Sally Fraser); a trio that simply oozes rock (literally for Wayne) n’ roll sex magic charisma, team the fuck up to put an end to this preposterous menace in an hour and seventeen minutes. I can’t even express how much I love a picture like Giant From the Unknown… it’s pure drive-in B picture comfort food that makes no sense (yet throws in some science shit to make it sound like it does), has an outrageous creature (played by Buddy Baer under make-up courtesy

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2020
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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Max Cloud (2020)

Video game wizard, and ultra-’90s teen Sarah (Isabelle Allen) is totally into the video game The Intergalactic Adventures of Max Cloud, so imagine her fuckin’ surprise when she is zapped into said game courtesy of one of it’s characters, The Space Witch (Jason Maza) where she takes up residence in the body of the ship’s chef, Jake (Elliot James Langridge). Now she must help Max (Scott Adkins) and Commander Rexy (Sally Collett) eliminate the threat of the outlandishly evil Revengor (John Hannah in a delightfully over-the-top role) and his henchwoman Shee (Lashana Lynch) and get back to Brooklyn circa 1990. Max Cloud is nothing if not imaginative, and co-writer (along with Collett)/director Martin Owen manages to squeeze every bit of production value out of the production with some fun and clever choices. The sets are colorful and fun (if limited), the actors all incredibly game (and actually funny… a true plus for a comedy, right cats n’ creeps?), the miniatures

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

DVD Review: Dragon Soldiers (2020)

In a story ripped from today’s headlines, a gaggle of folks turn up missing in the dense woods surrounding a small mountain town which ends up being the fault of a dragon. To combat this rather large pain-in-the-ass, the town’s mayor calls in an elite military squad who proceed to trek into those wicked woods and hopefully put an end to all of this legendary creature bullshit. So, these folks walk around, gettin’ their Predator on, while also dealing with a headstrong forest ranger (Arielle Brachfeld) and a death cult that worships the titular beastie. They also fight the dragon… eventually. With that synopsis you can guess what you are in for with Dragon Soldiers… and if you can’t I’ll tell ya! This is a well done, low-budget creature feature that knows damn well it’s Predator with Dragons and it doesn’t give a singular fuck… and you just know that everyone in front of and behind the camera was having

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Possessor (2020)

Tasya Vos (Andrea Riseborough… Mandy from the film of the same name) is an assassin with a twist, namely that she works for an organization that utilizes brain implants to inhabit the bodies of people close to her assigned target which makes the killing a tad easier than it would be otherwise. Things go along swimmingly… or as swimmingly as you’d expect, but shit goes majorly sideways with the quickness when our heroine gets the job of putting a murder on tech bigwig, and serious douche, John Parse (Sean Bean), and inhabits the mind of one Colin Tate (Christopher Abbott)… a dude that is both in a relationship with John’s daughter Ava (Tuppence Middleton), and is more resilient to implantation process than most. Soon a full-on battle for control begins between Vos and Colin with the success of the mission looking more and more in peril! First thing you should know about Possessor is that it’s directed by David Cronenberg’s

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

DVD Reviews: Moon of the Blood Beast (2019) and Tales for the Campfire 3 (2020)

One unexpected side effect of writing fright flicks for scads of years, and actually working in the horror biz, is that sometimes I’m called on to review something only to discover that folks are involved that I’ve worked with in one capacity or another. I always try and throw a disclaimer of some sort on those types of things, but honestly it’s becoming a lil’ too frequent, so soon I’ll begin to severely limit these types of reviews just to keep things square. To that end let me state, my reviews are always honest and upfront; but my scale of quality truly is unique. Let’s do a numbered list type of thing where I walk you through this shit… Yes, everything I review is sent to me for free in exchange for my honest thoughts. Yes, my thoughts are given with 100% honesty… but know this; I LOVE ultra-low budget horror (and exploitation), and if I feel something was made

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Day of the Pigs (2020)

A trio of lethal luchadores, El Apache (Tino Zamora), Manny (Manuel Ramirez), and Guero (Art Paul) by name, botch a robbery and find themselves well and truly on the lam. Their numbers soon reduced by one due to misadventure; our deadly duo find themselves in the home of a couple of lovely ladies, Starletta (Sparkle Soojian) and Violet (Nikki Curtis Jones) to be precise, that seem more than accommodating to our protagonists… that is until some supernatural shit hits the fan right quick! Full of grindhouse bravura, bad dudes, strange transformations, and femme fatales; Day of the Pigs does a hell of a lot to satisfy the ol’ terror tooth in it’s brief twelve minute runtime. Writer/Director Michael S. Rodriguez (along with Raul Cantu on story assist) brings quite the fully fleshed out concept to life in this one boils n’ ghouls and presents a world of larcenous masked madmen, southern belle witches, body horror, and most importantly… bacon, and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 22, 2020
Horror Fuel

Fear Crypt Unleash Two New Short Films!

Those delightfully devious devils over at the Fear Crypt Youtube channel have sent a deadly dup of sinister short films my way, and as such yours cruelly is going to give them the ol’ revoltin review treatment! First up we have Fused: Sarah (Sarah McGuire) has one hell of a nasty-ass skin condition, and that shit is spreadin’ faster than the town whore. Needless to say, her doctor (Jennifer Femiano) is baffled, and her paramour Cassie (Katie Rohlfing) is none to pleased by the disappearing act our heroine has pulled since this eerie epidermal nightmare has begun. Speaking of ol’ Cass; Sarah finally lets her in on the fact that she has been havin’ more blackouts than the town drunk (just what kind of town do I live in anyway?!!)… something she’s failed to inform her doc, and when Cassie offers to watch over her during one such unconscious episode she gets an eyeful of more than she bargained for!

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 9, 2020

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Last Starfighter (1984)

Our man Alex Rogan (Lance Guest) has got it tough all over; he longs to leave the small trailer park he calls home and stay true to his sweetheart, Maggie (Catherine Mary Stewart)… but the one-two punch of the local yokels on his ass 24/7, and being recruited to fight in an intergalactic battle against evil aliens is putting a serious dent in those plans, let me tell ya cats n’ creeps! How did Alex get the honor of becoming a real, live space cadet? Well, he’s really good at playing a video game that just so happens to be a test put in place by an alien conman named Centauri (legendary theater and film thespian Robert Preston) to find suckers that are willing to defend the galaxy from big-domed scenery chewing super villain Xur (a deliciously over-the-top performance from Norman Snow) and his leather-faced alien chums, who just so happen to own a meteor gun that launches those pains-in-the-asteroids

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 15, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Versus (2000)

Two escaped prisoners make their way through the woods, and soon meet up with a gang of over-the-top Yakuza and the woman they have kidnapped. Unbeknownst to them, the forest is home to the 444th portal to hell (the Portal of Resurrection to be precise), but the learn soon enough as a slight misunderstanding leads to some bodies hittin’ the floor… but they sure as shit don’t stay there! Prisoner KSC2-303 (Tak Sakaguchi) and The Girl (Chieko Misaka) escape the initial zombie fracas and flee deeper into those wicked woods but soon that verdant landscape is lousy with the walking dead, and escape may be impossible for our heroes and their gangster pursuers (not mention their occult-minded boss and the assassins he employs)! I’m not going to lie to you cats n’ creeps, Versus is a straight up mother fucking masterpiece! Ryûhei Kitamura (along with co-writer Yudai Yamaguchi) created the “all killer, no filler” (a real miracle considering this film

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 10, 2021
Horror Fuel

4K Ultra Review: Vigilante (1982)

Industrial repairman Eddie Marino (the great Robert Forster) has a real problem on his grease-stained hands. You see, his wife Vickie (Rutanya Alda) got slappy with a gang of denim-clad Warrior wanna-bes called The Headhunters, and they returned the favor by using her as a pin-cushion, and blasting the couple’s son Scott (Dante Joseph) to pieces with a double-barrel shotgun. To make matters worse, The Headhunters are cleared of the murder charge thanks to some legal loopholes, and in a bizarre twist of fate, Eddie actually goes to jail for assaulting the judge. All is not lost however, as Eddie’s steel workin’ pals are a covert group of vigilantes lead by tough-ass mother fucker Nick (the legendary Fred “The Hammer” Williamson), and when he gets back on the streets Eddie and the boys are going to bring serious bodily harm to every mother fucker that’s done him wrong! Coming from director William Lustig, Vigilante was his attempt at creating a

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 31, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Giant From the Unknown (1958)

In a small mountain town, animals are being slaughtered left and right… and it doesn’t take long for human corpses to make the scene either. But what’s behind this violence? Is it a bear? A mountain lion? No, those are too obscure for forest based killings. Naturally the answer is a giant mother fucking conquistador zombie resurrected by lightning. Local geologist Wayne Brooks (Ed Kemmer), along with archeologist Dr. Cleveland (Morris Ankrum) and his daughter Janet (Sally Fraser); a trio that simply oozes rock (literally for Wayne) n’ roll sex magic charisma, team the fuck up to put an end to this preposterous menace in an hour and seventeen minutes. I can’t even express how much I love a picture like Giant From the Unknown… it’s pure drive-in B picture comfort food that makes no sense (yet throws in some science shit to make it sound like it does), has an outrageous creature (played by Buddy Baer under make-up courtesy

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Max Cloud (2020)

Video game wizard, and ultra-’90s teen Sarah (Isabelle Allen) is totally into the video game The Intergalactic Adventures of Max Cloud, so imagine her fuckin’ surprise when she is zapped into said game courtesy of one of it’s characters, The Space Witch (Jason Maza) where she takes up residence in the body of the ship’s chef, Jake (Elliot James Langridge). Now she must help Max (Scott Adkins) and Commander Rexy (Sally Collett) eliminate the threat of the outlandishly evil Revengor (John Hannah in a delightfully over-the-top role) and his henchwoman Shee (Lashana Lynch) and get back to Brooklyn circa 1990. Max Cloud is nothing if not imaginative, and co-writer (along with Collett)/director Martin Owen manages to squeeze every bit of production value out of the production with some fun and clever choices. The sets are colorful and fun (if limited), the actors all incredibly game (and actually funny… a true plus for a comedy, right cats n’ creeps?), the miniatures

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

DVD Review: Dragon Soldiers (2020)

In a story ripped from today’s headlines, a gaggle of folks turn up missing in the dense woods surrounding a small mountain town which ends up being the fault of a dragon. To combat this rather large pain-in-the-ass, the town’s mayor calls in an elite military squad who proceed to trek into those wicked woods and hopefully put an end to all of this legendary creature bullshit. So, these folks walk around, gettin’ their Predator on, while also dealing with a headstrong forest ranger (Arielle Brachfeld) and a death cult that worships the titular beastie. They also fight the dragon… eventually. With that synopsis you can guess what you are in for with Dragon Soldiers… and if you can’t I’ll tell ya! This is a well done, low-budget creature feature that knows damn well it’s Predator with Dragons and it doesn’t give a singular fuck… and you just know that everyone in front of and behind the camera was having

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Possessor (2020)

Tasya Vos (Andrea Riseborough… Mandy from the film of the same name) is an assassin with a twist, namely that she works for an organization that utilizes brain implants to inhabit the bodies of people close to her assigned target which makes the killing a tad easier than it would be otherwise. Things go along swimmingly… or as swimmingly as you’d expect, but shit goes majorly sideways with the quickness when our heroine gets the job of putting a murder on tech bigwig, and serious douche, John Parse (Sean Bean), and inhabits the mind of one Colin Tate (Christopher Abbott)… a dude that is both in a relationship with John’s daughter Ava (Tuppence Middleton), and is more resilient to implantation process than most. Soon a full-on battle for control begins between Vos and Colin with the success of the mission looking more and more in peril! First thing you should know about Possessor is that it’s directed by David Cronenberg’s

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

DVD Reviews: Moon of the Blood Beast (2019) and Tales for the Campfire 3 (2020)

One unexpected side effect of writing fright flicks for scads of years, and actually working in the horror biz, is that sometimes I’m called on to review something only to discover that folks are involved that I’ve worked with in one capacity or another. I always try and throw a disclaimer of some sort on those types of things, but honestly it’s becoming a lil’ too frequent, so soon I’ll begin to severely limit these types of reviews just to keep things square. To that end let me state, my reviews are always honest and upfront; but my scale of quality truly is unique. Let’s do a numbered list type of thing where I walk you through this shit… Yes, everything I review is sent to me for free in exchange for my honest thoughts. Yes, my thoughts are given with 100% honesty… but know this; I LOVE ultra-low budget horror (and exploitation), and if I feel something was made

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Day of the Pigs (2020)

A trio of lethal luchadores, El Apache (Tino Zamora), Manny (Manuel Ramirez), and Guero (Art Paul) by name, botch a robbery and find themselves well and truly on the lam. Their numbers soon reduced by one due to misadventure; our deadly duo find themselves in the home of a couple of lovely ladies, Starletta (Sparkle Soojian) and Violet (Nikki Curtis Jones) to be precise, that seem more than accommodating to our protagonists… that is until some supernatural shit hits the fan right quick! Full of grindhouse bravura, bad dudes, strange transformations, and femme fatales; Day of the Pigs does a hell of a lot to satisfy the ol’ terror tooth in it’s brief twelve minute runtime. Writer/Director Michael S. Rodriguez (along with Raul Cantu on story assist) brings quite the fully fleshed out concept to life in this one boils n’ ghouls and presents a world of larcenous masked madmen, southern belle witches, body horror, and most importantly… bacon, and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 22, 2020
Horror Fuel

Fear Crypt Unleash Two New Short Films!

Those delightfully devious devils over at the Fear Crypt Youtube channel have sent a deadly dup of sinister short films my way, and as such yours cruelly is going to give them the ol’ revoltin review treatment! First up we have Fused: Sarah (Sarah McGuire) has one hell of a nasty-ass skin condition, and that shit is spreadin’ faster than the town whore. Needless to say, her doctor (Jennifer Femiano) is baffled, and her paramour Cassie (Katie Rohlfing) is none to pleased by the disappearing act our heroine has pulled since this eerie epidermal nightmare has begun. Speaking of ol’ Cass; Sarah finally lets her in on the fact that she has been havin’ more blackouts than the town drunk (just what kind of town do I live in anyway?!!)… something she’s failed to inform her doc, and when Cassie offers to watch over her during one such unconscious episode she gets an eyeful of more than she bargained for!

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 9, 2020
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