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DanXIII

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Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Attack of the Demons (2019)

In a serene mountain town down Colorado way in the early nineteen nineties, a Halloween-set music festival is interrupted by a demonic paranormal event… namely some devious devil makin’ the scene and turning revelers into full on monster mother fuckers via his spraying crimson issue! Meanwhile, re-united high school chums Natalie (Katie Maguire), Jeff (Andreas Peterson) and Kevin (Thomas Peterson), find their lil’ catch up sesh seriously interrupted by the aforementioned supernatural shenanigans. To that end, those cats decide to high-tail it to Jeff’s uncle’s pad; an abode fortified by some serious survivalist accoutrement… but alas that gear ultimately does jack fuck-all to slow the pace of that insidious invasion! As fate would have it, a demonologist named Stuart (August Sargenti) enters the picture and fills our heroes in on how to end this beastly bullshit… but can they actually pull it off before the whole wicked world falls victim to these arcane assholes?!! Possessing (pun intended) a style and

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DanXIII
Nov 22, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Deathcember (2019)

The latest horror anthology to hit the sinister scene, Deathcember, presents to us a literal arcane avalanche of terror tales (presented via an advent calendar wrap-around), most with a Christmas theme… and let me tell ya; this is one wicked whopper of a fright flick as it clocks in at an oh so brief two hour and twenty three minute runtime! It would be impossible, and really fuckin’ long, to take you through each and every segment presented here… oh fuck it; I’ll give it a (sorta brief) go… First up we get Dominic Saxl’s A Door Too Far; the neo-Brother’s Grimm-like tale of a greedy boy that can’t keep to eating just one piece of his advent calendar chocolate a day with dire results, followed by All Sales Fatal, Michael Varrati’s tale of a Karen named Claire (genre stalwart Tiffany Shepis) gone berserk… well more berserk than normal, Christmas on a contamination-riddled spaceship in Lazar Bodroza’s Aurora, Florian Frerichs’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 19, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Lake Michigan Monster (2018)

Lake Michigan Monster concerns the adventures of Captain Seafield (Ryland Brickson Cole Tews, who also co-wrote/directed the picture); a man obsessed with the monster he believes killed his father in the shallow depths of Lake Michigan… though the details of said event are rather mutable in our hero’s constantly shifting narrative. Anyhow, that slap-happy seaman assembles a crack team to find and dispatch the beast… a team who’s ranks include: sonar expert Nedge Pepsi (Beulah Peters), weapons master Sean Shaughnessy (Erick West), and former N.A.V.Y. (Nautical Athletes and Venture Yunit) man Dick Flynn (Daniel Long). Of course Seafield is pretty much a complete moron, and his epic plans, which feature such grandiose titles as ‘Operation Master Baiters’ and ‘Operation Naughty Lady’, are pretty much a complete bust from the get-go; but still he soldiers on no matter how many monsters and madmen (besides himself) stand in his way! Lake Michigan Monster is an insane love letter to late ’50s/early ’60s

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 13, 2020
Horror Fuel

4k-Ultra Review: Daughters of Darkness (1971)

After doing the eloping bag; mod young couple Stefan (John Karlen) and Valarie (Nordic beauty Danielle Ouimet) haul ass to a posh, yet deserted, seaside hotel… but more on them in a bit. Also arriving at said hotel is none other than that long-living, glamorous Hungarian countess, Elizabeth Bathory (yup that one, here portrayed by Delphine Seyrig) and her protege, Ilona (the stunningly gorgeous Andrea Rau)… and what do you know; bodies (of virgins no less) begin to be found around town drained of blood! Getting back to ol’ Stefan, this mother fucker has some deep, dark secrets of his own such as a serious sadistic streak, and the fact that the mother he seeks approval from regarding his marriage is in fact his homosexual lover! Making things a bit dicey for Liz is the fact that every old fart in town remembers her visiting decades before, and looking exactly the same as she does now… including a retired policeman

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 12, 2020
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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Patrick Still Lives (1980)

Patrick (Gianni Dei) is sent into a coma courtesy of some asshole hucking a bottle into his puss from a passing van, and finds himself a resident of his father’s remote, posh spa where he lays in a bed in a room bathed in Bava light; his eyes permanently open (and the soundtrack cranked to ‘Theremin Hootenanny Mix’ full fuckin’ blast). Speaking of Patrick’s eyes; they seem to appear before some of those that stray past his room… and those floatin’ outre orbs contain nothing but malice… and perhaps just a dash of the hornies… Before you can say; “Boy howdy, there sure are a lot of naked tiddies in this film”, we learn that Patrick can make people do his telepathic bidding, plus he can hike up a lady’s skirt with his vast mental abilities (which is perhaps the truest representation of what someone would do with mental powers that I’ve ever seen committed to film)… How is all

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 11, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Train to Busan Presents: Peninsula (2020)

Remember ol’ Train to Busan, the story of a father trying hard as fuck to get his daughter to her mother via train during a zombie apocalypse? That one had suspense, human drama, and plenty of gut munchers, and seemed like a breath of fresh air among the fetid pile that is the over-saturated zombie film genre. That brings us to Train to Busan Presents: Peninsula, the follow up to that aforementioned fright flick, and while the zombies remain, little else from the first go-around remains. In a prologue set during the time of the first film, we get a touch of that ol’ magic from the first film as South Korean Marine Captain Jung-seok (Gang Dong-won) tries unsuccessfully to flee the zombie menace along with his sister and her family (only her husband and the Captain survive), on a boat that is soon overrun with the infected. Flash forward four years, and Chul-min (Kim Do-yoon), that previously mentioned husband

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 11, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Sleepless Beauty (2020)

Mila (Polina Davydova) has found herself well and truly in some dire fuckin’ straits; she’s been abducted and placed inside a cell, she’s tortured physically and mentally on the regular, and most importantly, denied sleep. When she is allowed a rest period she gets a happy helmet slapped on her noggin which gives her a virtual reality dose of pure nightmare fuel… and all of the above is live streamed to a gaggle of internet trolls that lap it up with a spoon! All of this has to do with the group who abducted our heroine’s plans for some of that good ol’ assassination biz, but what part will Mila play in this, and can she be rescued before she completely succumbs to madness?!! Director Pavel Khvaleev (working from a screenplay courtesy of Aleksandra Khvaleeva) manages to make Sleepless Beauty a cut above most torture porn fright flicks. For one thing; this is more psychological torture than physical, so those

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 9, 2020
Horror Fuel

DVD Review: Ebola Rex (2020)

After a brief intro from horror hostess Malovia: The Queen of Screams, we jump right into a dinosaur getting knocked over by an explosion, followed by an in-depth conversation on snack foods. I think it’s safe to say we are off to the races here boils n’ ghouls… So yeah; a T-rex is ripping a city a new asshole, and the military are surprisingly helpless against it… I mean I get it; how much experience could they possibly have with such things… anyway, that T-rex? The mother fucker is riddled with full blown ebola, so if you thought this thing was a menace before, you better look the fuck out now bud! This is straight up silly ridiculousness and I really fucking enjoyed it. The entire thing seems unscripted and filmed after whoever on screen just smoked up (in some cases this is literally shown… Mike Ferguson I salute you sir) and went to town… you know that’s a good

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 7, 2020
Horror Fuel

DVD Review: The Beast Beneath (2020)

An earthquake in a small desert town unleashes an ancient beast that then goes on to terrorize said town like a mother fucker. That’s the premise of the latest from prolific writer/director Dustin Ferguson, The Beast Beneath; a throwback to the creature features you’d find all over network TV in the wake of Jaws. Now make no mistakes, this is a lower budgeted feature, so straight up you get padding with long credit sequences and some shots that go on for a bit more than they should. Also some of the acting is spotty… but it’s nice to see turns from legendary scream queen Brinke Stevens and Kung-fu flick mainstay Mel Novak on display. If you are a fan of my column that those types of technical issues don’t mean jack and or shit to your’s cruelly, and I know it doesn’t to a number of you cats n’ creeps as well… what matters to me is: is the story

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 7, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Relic (2020)

Ol’ Edna (Robyn Nevin) mafes like a banana and splits, her daughter Kay (Emily Mortimer) and granddaughter Sam (Bella Heathcote) arrive at her remote rural home and begin piecing together that Edna’s dementia has increased a thousandfold. Edna soon reappears, but has no idea of where she has been (or isn’t allowed to say) which bothers Kay six ways to Sunday, even though Sam is over the moon to have her nana back safe and sound. Of course this is a fright flick, and Edna soon becomes all fired up which leads Kay and Sam to believe there may be a strange presence behind her actions (and the strange sounds and dreams they experience just add fuel to that fire)! Just to get the elephant in the room out of the way; Relic does that thing I can’t stand; namely leaving us to guess if what is happening is supernatural in origin, or the results of Edna’s condition (until it

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 7, 2020

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Attack of the Demons (2019)

In a serene mountain town down Colorado way in the early nineteen nineties, a Halloween-set music festival is interrupted by a demonic paranormal event… namely some devious devil makin’ the scene and turning revelers into full on monster mother fuckers via his spraying crimson issue! Meanwhile, re-united high school chums Natalie (Katie Maguire), Jeff (Andreas Peterson) and Kevin (Thomas Peterson), find their lil’ catch up sesh seriously interrupted by the aforementioned supernatural shenanigans. To that end, those cats decide to high-tail it to Jeff’s uncle’s pad; an abode fortified by some serious survivalist accoutrement… but alas that gear ultimately does jack fuck-all to slow the pace of that insidious invasion! As fate would have it, a demonologist named Stuart (August Sargenti) enters the picture and fills our heroes in on how to end this beastly bullshit… but can they actually pull it off before the whole wicked world falls victim to these arcane assholes?!! Possessing (pun intended) a style and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 22, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Deathcember (2019)

The latest horror anthology to hit the sinister scene, Deathcember, presents to us a literal arcane avalanche of terror tales (presented via an advent calendar wrap-around), most with a Christmas theme… and let me tell ya; this is one wicked whopper of a fright flick as it clocks in at an oh so brief two hour and twenty three minute runtime! It would be impossible, and really fuckin’ long, to take you through each and every segment presented here… oh fuck it; I’ll give it a (sorta brief) go… First up we get Dominic Saxl’s A Door Too Far; the neo-Brother’s Grimm-like tale of a greedy boy that can’t keep to eating just one piece of his advent calendar chocolate a day with dire results, followed by All Sales Fatal, Michael Varrati’s tale of a Karen named Claire (genre stalwart Tiffany Shepis) gone berserk… well more berserk than normal, Christmas on a contamination-riddled spaceship in Lazar Bodroza’s Aurora, Florian Frerichs’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 19, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Lake Michigan Monster (2018)

Lake Michigan Monster concerns the adventures of Captain Seafield (Ryland Brickson Cole Tews, who also co-wrote/directed the picture); a man obsessed with the monster he believes killed his father in the shallow depths of Lake Michigan… though the details of said event are rather mutable in our hero’s constantly shifting narrative. Anyhow, that slap-happy seaman assembles a crack team to find and dispatch the beast… a team who’s ranks include: sonar expert Nedge Pepsi (Beulah Peters), weapons master Sean Shaughnessy (Erick West), and former N.A.V.Y. (Nautical Athletes and Venture Yunit) man Dick Flynn (Daniel Long). Of course Seafield is pretty much a complete moron, and his epic plans, which feature such grandiose titles as ‘Operation Master Baiters’ and ‘Operation Naughty Lady’, are pretty much a complete bust from the get-go; but still he soldiers on no matter how many monsters and madmen (besides himself) stand in his way! Lake Michigan Monster is an insane love letter to late ’50s/early ’60s

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 13, 2020
Horror Fuel

4k-Ultra Review: Daughters of Darkness (1971)

After doing the eloping bag; mod young couple Stefan (John Karlen) and Valarie (Nordic beauty Danielle Ouimet) haul ass to a posh, yet deserted, seaside hotel… but more on them in a bit. Also arriving at said hotel is none other than that long-living, glamorous Hungarian countess, Elizabeth Bathory (yup that one, here portrayed by Delphine Seyrig) and her protege, Ilona (the stunningly gorgeous Andrea Rau)… and what do you know; bodies (of virgins no less) begin to be found around town drained of blood! Getting back to ol’ Stefan, this mother fucker has some deep, dark secrets of his own such as a serious sadistic streak, and the fact that the mother he seeks approval from regarding his marriage is in fact his homosexual lover! Making things a bit dicey for Liz is the fact that every old fart in town remembers her visiting decades before, and looking exactly the same as she does now… including a retired policeman

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 12, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Patrick Still Lives (1980)

Patrick (Gianni Dei) is sent into a coma courtesy of some asshole hucking a bottle into his puss from a passing van, and finds himself a resident of his father’s remote, posh spa where he lays in a bed in a room bathed in Bava light; his eyes permanently open (and the soundtrack cranked to ‘Theremin Hootenanny Mix’ full fuckin’ blast). Speaking of Patrick’s eyes; they seem to appear before some of those that stray past his room… and those floatin’ outre orbs contain nothing but malice… and perhaps just a dash of the hornies… Before you can say; “Boy howdy, there sure are a lot of naked tiddies in this film”, we learn that Patrick can make people do his telepathic bidding, plus he can hike up a lady’s skirt with his vast mental abilities (which is perhaps the truest representation of what someone would do with mental powers that I’ve ever seen committed to film)… How is all

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 11, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Train to Busan Presents: Peninsula (2020)

Remember ol’ Train to Busan, the story of a father trying hard as fuck to get his daughter to her mother via train during a zombie apocalypse? That one had suspense, human drama, and plenty of gut munchers, and seemed like a breath of fresh air among the fetid pile that is the over-saturated zombie film genre. That brings us to Train to Busan Presents: Peninsula, the follow up to that aforementioned fright flick, and while the zombies remain, little else from the first go-around remains. In a prologue set during the time of the first film, we get a touch of that ol’ magic from the first film as South Korean Marine Captain Jung-seok (Gang Dong-won) tries unsuccessfully to flee the zombie menace along with his sister and her family (only her husband and the Captain survive), on a boat that is soon overrun with the infected. Flash forward four years, and Chul-min (Kim Do-yoon), that previously mentioned husband

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 11, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Sleepless Beauty (2020)

Mila (Polina Davydova) has found herself well and truly in some dire fuckin’ straits; she’s been abducted and placed inside a cell, she’s tortured physically and mentally on the regular, and most importantly, denied sleep. When she is allowed a rest period she gets a happy helmet slapped on her noggin which gives her a virtual reality dose of pure nightmare fuel… and all of the above is live streamed to a gaggle of internet trolls that lap it up with a spoon! All of this has to do with the group who abducted our heroine’s plans for some of that good ol’ assassination biz, but what part will Mila play in this, and can she be rescued before she completely succumbs to madness?!! Director Pavel Khvaleev (working from a screenplay courtesy of Aleksandra Khvaleeva) manages to make Sleepless Beauty a cut above most torture porn fright flicks. For one thing; this is more psychological torture than physical, so those

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 9, 2020
Horror Fuel

DVD Review: Ebola Rex (2020)

After a brief intro from horror hostess Malovia: The Queen of Screams, we jump right into a dinosaur getting knocked over by an explosion, followed by an in-depth conversation on snack foods. I think it’s safe to say we are off to the races here boils n’ ghouls… So yeah; a T-rex is ripping a city a new asshole, and the military are surprisingly helpless against it… I mean I get it; how much experience could they possibly have with such things… anyway, that T-rex? The mother fucker is riddled with full blown ebola, so if you thought this thing was a menace before, you better look the fuck out now bud! This is straight up silly ridiculousness and I really fucking enjoyed it. The entire thing seems unscripted and filmed after whoever on screen just smoked up (in some cases this is literally shown… Mike Ferguson I salute you sir) and went to town… you know that’s a good

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 7, 2020
Horror Fuel

DVD Review: The Beast Beneath (2020)

An earthquake in a small desert town unleashes an ancient beast that then goes on to terrorize said town like a mother fucker. That’s the premise of the latest from prolific writer/director Dustin Ferguson, The Beast Beneath; a throwback to the creature features you’d find all over network TV in the wake of Jaws. Now make no mistakes, this is a lower budgeted feature, so straight up you get padding with long credit sequences and some shots that go on for a bit more than they should. Also some of the acting is spotty… but it’s nice to see turns from legendary scream queen Brinke Stevens and Kung-fu flick mainstay Mel Novak on display. If you are a fan of my column that those types of technical issues don’t mean jack and or shit to your’s cruelly, and I know it doesn’t to a number of you cats n’ creeps as well… what matters to me is: is the story

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 7, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Relic (2020)

Ol’ Edna (Robyn Nevin) mafes like a banana and splits, her daughter Kay (Emily Mortimer) and granddaughter Sam (Bella Heathcote) arrive at her remote rural home and begin piecing together that Edna’s dementia has increased a thousandfold. Edna soon reappears, but has no idea of where she has been (or isn’t allowed to say) which bothers Kay six ways to Sunday, even though Sam is over the moon to have her nana back safe and sound. Of course this is a fright flick, and Edna soon becomes all fired up which leads Kay and Sam to believe there may be a strange presence behind her actions (and the strange sounds and dreams they experience just add fuel to that fire)! Just to get the elephant in the room out of the way; Relic does that thing I can’t stand; namely leaving us to guess if what is happening is supernatural in origin, or the results of Edna’s condition (until it

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 7, 2020
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