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DanXIII

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Movie Review: Into the Dark: I’m Just F*cking With You (2019)

Larry (Keir O’Donnell); a neurotic, extremely germophobic man, on the road to a wedding he has no desire to attend, books a room at the seedy Pink Motel and Lounge where the establishments bartender cum receptionist Chester (Hayes MacArthur) continuously engages him in bouts of April Fools ballbustery. Anyway, Larry eventually checks in and heads to his room to have a wank at photos of the bride to be (which someone films from the ventilation duct above). You see, our hero had a past relationship with the bride…a rather bad one…and while Chester fucks with him, he in turn trolls the bride’s wedding website incessantly under an online alias. Things escalate….especially after Larry’s sister, Rachel (Jessica McNamee), arrives…and Chester’s nonsense grows ever more bizarre and dangerous, but at the same time he seems like a likable enough dude; just a bit much to take…but looks can be deceiving and before long our protagonist’s must decide what is real and what

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DanXIII

Mar 28, 2019

IndieMoviesParanormal

Movie Review: Blood Craft (2019)

Ol’ Grace (Madeleine Wade), your friendly neighborhood sex worker, heads back to her hometown after the passing of her pappy, Minister Hall (Dave Sheridan). Now you may think Hall was a peaceful, man o’ God sort, but he was anything but…in fact the dude was a full-on sadistic son of a bitch. Once there, Grace reunites with her equally damaged sister, Serena (Augie Duke)…and the duo start reminiscing about what a shit-heel Hall was. So, what do these sibs do to heal the wounds of the past? Why resurrect their abusive paternal unit via their legacy of witchcraft then torture his ass but good…as one does! I’m gonna level with you up front boils n’ ghouls; Blood Craft kinda hit me harder than I though it would. I was definitely expecting some straight up horror biz/E.C. Comics style action from this pic…and I definitely got that for sure…but there’s an undercurrent of incest and abuse that can definitely play on

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DanXIII

Mar 27, 2019

IndieMovies

Filmmaker Joe Badon Ready to Bring Us Another Sci-Fi/Horror Mash-Up!

Filmmaker, cartoonist, and all around cool mother fucker Joe Badon is getting ready to unleash his next film; Sister Tempest! For those of you unfamiliar with his wicked work, check out the trailer to Joe’s last flick; The God Inside My Ear right here! Pretty damn cool right? Well feast your putrid peepers on the description of Sister Tempest: You just know that’s going to be one hell of a deep dive into psychotronic cinema! Currently the film is in the funding stage, so if ya want to throw them some dough check out the film’s Kickstarter…and tell ’em XIII sent ya! For more on Sister Tempest follow the flick on Facebook!

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DanXIII

Mar 27, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Nemesis: Sequel Trilogy Nemesis 2: Nebula / Nemesis 3: Time Lapse / Nemesis 4: Cry of Angels

Remember a while back when I went on and on about what a cool-ass flick Nemesis was? Well they made three more of those shits, and MVD Entertainment is releasing them all on one handy-dandy Blu-ray! So let’s dive in, shall we boils n’ ghouls? First up comes: Nemesis 2: Nebula (1995): Decades after the first film’s hero Alex Rain (because Olivier Grunner was busy doing who knows fuckin’ what and doesn’t return for this sequel) failed to stop the cyborg revolution, outlaw scientists develop some DNA that could prove to be curtains for those pesky cyborgs so they jam that shit into a preggo lady, who naturally becomes number one with (multiple) bullet(s) on the cyborg hit list. What does our beleaguered mother do? Why time travels back to 1980’s East Africa…as one does…where she is promptly killed…but the baby lives and grows into a buff tribal warrior with a Bo Derek circa 10 hair-do also named Alex (Sue

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DanXIII

Mar 27, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Greasy Strangler (2016)

Prize-winning bullshit artist, and greasy food enthusiast Big Ronnie (Michael St. Michaels) lives with his son Big Brayden (Sky Elobar) and runs a walking tour of supposed disco hot spots around town. That’s all fine and dandy, but there is also a grease covered strangler stalking the streets…which is also Ronnie. As all that greasing and killing is going on, Brayden starts a relationship with a woman named Janet ( Elizabeth De Razzo), huge quantities of grease are consumed, we meet a man that wears a paper pig nose, cocks fill the screen (prosthetic, outrageous ones at that), Ronnie washes himself in Big Paul’s (Gil Gex) car wash…I mean basically a better synopsis would be; Penis, grease, murder. Look, I’m not going to mince words with you fine freaky fuckers…The Greasy Strangler will not…repeat WILL NOT be for everyone (some would argue anyone). It’s crude, disgusting, annoying…so who will it appeal to? Well, me for starters, but also lovers of

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DanXIII

Mar 23, 2019

MoviesParanormal

Blu-ray Review: The Vault (2017)

Leah (Francesca Eastwood), her sister Vee (Taryn Manning), their brother Michael (Scott Haze…who we interviewed right here), and a small crew decide to rob a bank to acquire half a mil to help Michael out with some vague bullshit in his life (something about owing the wrong people money). Being a bunch of disorganized, in-fighting, bad luck cases, they only find 70 large in the vault…but the bank’s assistant manager Ed (James Franco) assures them their is an older vault hidden beneath the bank that contains a small fortune. Once down there, things take a decidedly supernatural turn as our anti-heroes are menaced by a preternatural figure that is out for revenge for a robbery that was botched decades earlier! Ever since Rodriguez and Tarantino worked their magic back in ’96 with From Dusk Till Dawn, folks have been trying to mix and match their crime pictures with the horror biz to varying degrees of success. So how does The

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DanXIII

Mar 23, 2019

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Neighbors (1981)

At the end of a cul de sac sits two homes; one a picture of middle class normalcy the other a dilapidated, empty Victorian affair that Gomez Addams would dig. Well, that diabolical dwelling doesn’t stay empty for long as Vic and Ramona (Dan Aykroyd and Cathy Moriarty respectively) move in and immediately begin intruding on the lives of their neighbors the hen-pecked, milquetoast Earl and put-upon Enid Keese (John Belushi and Kathryn Walker)…with Ramona turning on the seduction and Vic fleecing Earl. Of course shit gets waaaay out of hand (and right quick too)…and soon blackmail, questionable Italian dinners, Nazi connotations, and outrageous rivalries are the order of the day…and that’s not even to mention the swamp full of chemical waste and quicksand, or the ultra-strange (and close) electrical tower that seems to electrocute animals as it sees fit. Neighbors is one hell of an underrated surreal gem…seriously, why this flick mentioned in the same breath as The Burbs

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DanXIII

Mar 21, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Depraved (2019)

Man ol’ Henry (David Call) came back from a tour of duty with two things; the knowledge of a field surgeon and a ragin’ case of PTSD. So what does he do with all of that swirlin’ around in his noxious noggin? Why he stitches together rando body parts and creates a walking cadaver named Adam (Alex Breaux) in his Brooklyn loft…as one would naturally do. Henry then spends his days giving his creation a well rounded education in everything from science, to music, and beyond. Soon Adam must deal not only with the stormy nature of his father and the machinations of his rival Polidori (Joshua Leonard). Obviously Depraved is legendary horror maestro Larry Fessenden’s take on the tried and true terror tale of Frankenstein, and what a take on the material it is! Rather than going the normal over-blown full on horror route, the film takes it’s time exploring the dynamic between the creator and his creation which

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DanXIII

Mar 21, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Street Fighter Collection (1974)

In the early to mid 1970’s Sonny Chiba kicked so many asses that there was a serious concern that their would be no more asses to kick going forward. These are the chronicles of those events…or a collection of three of his most legendary films, all falling under the Street Fighter banner on Blu-ray from Shout! Select…either/or… Let’s kick things off with: The Street Fighter (1974): Terry Tsurugi (Sonny Chiba) is one hard-ass mother fucker. Take this for an example: our hero frees a condemned man from prison by performing his “oxygen coma punch” causing him to collapse just before he can be executed, and as he is spirited to the hospital, Terry attacks the ambulance and frees him. Small problem there; the convict’s family can’t pay Terry’s fee so he goes to beat the shit out of the family which results in one fresh corpse, and a woman sold into sexual slavery courtesy of local crime boss Renzo Mutaguchi

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DanXIII

Mar 17, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Book of Monsters (2018)

Man, Birthday parties sure are different in the U.K. Check out the shindig being thrown by Sophie (Lyndsey Craine)…her friends (and some in-crowd douche nozzles) are all there to celebrate her 18th, and so are a gang o’ ghouls (whose kin murdered her mother 10 years previous) who are released thanks to some attractive fool fucking with the eponymous Book of Monsters Sophie’s family has possessed for generations, and these beasties are just aching to rip each and every reveler a brand-new asshole. What happened to spiked punch and seven minutes in heaven?!! Now it’s up to Sophie have the stones to send those vile villains back to hell, or this will be the last soiree our heroine will attend! Spoiler: I loved the ever loving shit out of Book of Monsters! How can any red-blooded horror hound resist a flick that focuses on rad-ass women kicking the arses of insanely violent monsters brought to life via gorgeous designs and

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DanXIII

Mar 15, 2019

DanXIII

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