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Movie Review: Assassinaut

The ol’ President of Earth (Irene Santiago) drops some nukes to end an alien invasion which naturally results in some friendlies getting the all over suntan. So she pops off to an orbiting space station to rule from the sweet, sweet vacuum of space. Enter Sarah (Shannon Hutchinson), a science minded teen who gets chosen to visit the space station, along with smiley genius Brooke (Yael Haskal), sullen Charlie (Jasmina Parent), and pint-sized douche-nozzle boy Tom (Johnathan Newport)…all accompanied by their hard-ass overseer Commander (Vito Trigo). Before you can say “What could go wrong in this scenario?”, an assassin shots the Prez and sets of a time bomb forcing those aboard to jettison to the beautiful, yet hostile, forest planet below. Soon our youthful heroes are up to their noses in alien parasites, body horror, and hot buttered murder…okay, the murder is just regular murder… Holy hell boils n’ ghouls; Writer/Director Drew Bolduc has really delivered with Assassinaut! While deftly

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DanXIII

Mar 29, 2019

HuluMoviesReviewsStreaming TVThriller

Movie Review: Into the Dark: I’m Just F*cking With You (2019)

Larry (Keir O’Donnell); a neurotic, extremely germophobic man, on the road to a wedding he has no desire to attend, books a room at the seedy Pink Motel and Lounge where the establishments bartender cum receptionist Chester (Hayes MacArthur) continuously engages him in bouts of April Fools ballbustery. Anyway, Larry eventually checks in and heads to his room to have a wank at photos of the bride to be (which someone films from the ventilation duct above). You see, our hero had a past relationship with the bride…a rather bad one…and while Chester fucks with him, he in turn trolls the bride’s wedding website incessantly under an online alias. Things escalate….especially after Larry’s sister, Rachel (Jessica McNamee), arrives…and Chester’s nonsense grows ever more bizarre and dangerous, but at the same time he seems like a likable enough dude; just a bit much to take…but looks can be deceiving and before long our protagonist’s must decide what is real and what

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DanXIII

Mar 28, 2019

IndieMoviesParanormal

Movie Review: Blood Craft (2019)

Ol’ Grace (Madeleine Wade), your friendly neighborhood sex worker, heads back to her hometown after the passing of her pappy, Minister Hall (Dave Sheridan). Now you may think Hall was a peaceful, man o’ God sort, but he was anything but…in fact the dude was a full-on sadistic son of a bitch. Once there, Grace reunites with her equally damaged sister, Serena (Augie Duke)…and the duo start reminiscing about what a shit-heel Hall was. So, what do these sibs do to heal the wounds of the past? Why resurrect their abusive paternal unit via their legacy of witchcraft then torture his ass but good…as one does! I’m gonna level with you up front boils n’ ghouls; Blood Craft kinda hit me harder than I though it would. I was definitely expecting some straight up horror biz/E.C. Comics style action from this pic…and I definitely got that for sure…but there’s an undercurrent of incest and abuse that can definitely play on

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DanXIII

Mar 27, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Nemesis: Sequel Trilogy Nemesis 2: Nebula / Nemesis 3: Time Lapse / Nemesis 4: Cry of Angels

Remember a while back when I went on and on about what a cool-ass flick Nemesis was? Well they made three more of those shits, and MVD Entertainment is releasing them all on one handy-dandy Blu-ray! So let’s dive in, shall we boils n’ ghouls? First up comes: Nemesis 2: Nebula (1995): Decades after the first film’s hero Alex Rain (because Olivier Grunner was busy doing who knows fuckin’ what and doesn’t return for this sequel) failed to stop the cyborg revolution, outlaw scientists develop some DNA that could prove to be curtains for those pesky cyborgs so they jam that shit into a preggo lady, who naturally becomes number one with (multiple) bullet(s) on the cyborg hit list. What does our beleaguered mother do? Why time travels back to 1980’s East Africa…as one does…where she is promptly killed…but the baby lives and grows into a buff tribal warrior with a Bo Derek circa 10 hair-do also named Alex (Sue

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DanXIII

Mar 27, 2019

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Neighbors (1981)

At the end of a cul de sac sits two homes; one a picture of middle class normalcy the other a dilapidated, empty Victorian affair that Gomez Addams would dig. Well, that diabolical dwelling doesn’t stay empty for long as Vic and Ramona (Dan Aykroyd and Cathy Moriarty respectively) move in and immediately begin intruding on the lives of their neighbors the hen-pecked, milquetoast Earl and put-upon Enid Keese (John Belushi and Kathryn Walker)…with Ramona turning on the seduction and Vic fleecing Earl. Of course shit gets waaaay out of hand (and right quick too)…and soon blackmail, questionable Italian dinners, Nazi connotations, and outrageous rivalries are the order of the day…and that’s not even to mention the swamp full of chemical waste and quicksand, or the ultra-strange (and close) electrical tower that seems to electrocute animals as it sees fit. Neighbors is one hell of an underrated surreal gem…seriously, why this flick mentioned in the same breath as The Burbs

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DanXIII

Mar 21, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Depraved (2019)

Man ol’ Henry (David Call) came back from a tour of duty with two things; the knowledge of a field surgeon and a ragin’ case of PTSD. So what does he do with all of that swirlin’ around in his noxious noggin? Why he stitches together rando body parts and creates a walking cadaver named Adam (Alex Breaux) in his Brooklyn loft…as one would naturally do. Henry then spends his days giving his creation a well rounded education in everything from science, to music, and beyond. Soon Adam must deal not only with the stormy nature of his father and the machinations of his rival Polidori (Joshua Leonard). Obviously Depraved is legendary horror maestro Larry Fessenden’s take on the tried and true terror tale of Frankenstein, and what a take on the material it is! Rather than going the normal over-blown full on horror route, the film takes it’s time exploring the dynamic between the creator and his creation which

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DanXIII

Mar 21, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Street Fighter Collection (1974)

In the early to mid 1970’s Sonny Chiba kicked so many asses that there was a serious concern that their would be no more asses to kick going forward. These are the chronicles of those events…or a collection of three of his most legendary films, all falling under the Street Fighter banner on Blu-ray from Shout! Select…either/or… Let’s kick things off with: The Street Fighter (1974): Terry Tsurugi (Sonny Chiba) is one hard-ass mother fucker. Take this for an example: our hero frees a condemned man from prison by performing his “oxygen coma punch” causing him to collapse just before he can be executed, and as he is spirited to the hospital, Terry attacks the ambulance and frees him. Small problem there; the convict’s family can’t pay Terry’s fee so he goes to beat the shit out of the family which results in one fresh corpse, and a woman sold into sexual slavery courtesy of local crime boss Renzo Mutaguchi

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DanXIII

Mar 17, 2019

MoviesReviews

Movie Review: Division 19 (2017)

In the astounding future year 2039, vox populi decides what prisoners wear, consume, watch…and most importantly who they fight via an online service called Panopticon TV. Before you can say “Fuck…The Running Man was a great film, ol’ PTV decides to increase their scope and make a whole town under their consumer’s whims as their most famous convict superstar, Hardin Jones (Jamie Draven), has gone rogue, escaped, and joined up with an underground resistance movement dedicated to put the kibosh on Panopticon. Filled with hyperactive editing, jarring tonal shifts, and an ultra-derivative plot (as well as The Running Man, District 9 is cribbed liberally as well), Division 19 has a lot going against it right out of the gate. For all of it’s high-concept, just a few minutes from now, social commentary…those elements aren’t given a chance to simmer and develop due to the fact that every time things get interesting in the ol’ world building department along comes a

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DanXIII

Mar 11, 2019

ForeignIndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Blu-ray Review: Blood Hunger: The Films Of Jose Larraz (1970 – 1978)

When I heard Arrow Video (along with our ghoulishly good pals at MVD Entertainment) were releasing a collection of films from famed genre director Jose Larraz, I was excited as…as…okay, I wasn’t excited; in fact I had barely any idea who this cat even was (though I had seen the remake of his film Vampyres back in 2015, and I dug that…but more on that title in a bit). So let’s see what all the hub bub is about this guy shall we? First on the collection is: The Coming of Sin (1978): You know shit is going to go sour when worlds collide in a film with the word “sin” in the title, and boy-fuckin’-howdy do they ever here. When an illiterate and superstitious gypsy girl comes to stay with a worldly female artist in her secluded, rural abode, the nightmares come fast and furious…like actual nightmares of a naked mother fucker on a horse who’s into the kink…and

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DanXIII

Mar 9, 2019

MusicReviews

Music Review: Johnny Unheimlich: Kintsugi (2019)

Demonic duo Johnny Unheimlich (comprised of Nick Ransom – vocals, guitar and lyrics, and Ben Hansen – bass) have strode forth from the abyss once more and have chosen to present their fiendish fans a new sonic ritual! To understand Johnny’s sinister sound; imagine a lone, leafless tree sitting under a steel grey sky while ghosts commune at it’s trunk…that kinda paints a picture of what you will get with these lads…real party music…sure it’s the Donner Party, but a party all the same! Spread out over nine tracks darker than a moonless midnight (with titles such as The Hypochondriac’s Lullaby, Scour Pads and Lye, and Agony and Atrophy ), Kintsugi grabs your very soul and takes it places it should never tread…and the journey will leave you mired in a fever dream so deviously dark you may never want to awaken. Also included on the release is the single Crooked Teeth (which we covered right here) which features accordion

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DanXIII

Mar 4, 2019

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