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Blu-ray Review: The Brain (1988)

Dr. Blake (the legendary David Gale) hosts a TV show called “Independent Thinkers”…which is an absurd title as in fact the self-help program is a mind controlling transmission that Blake creates with the help of an alien brain he has holed up in his Psychological Research Institute…and the broadcast is making teens do the ol’ murder/suicide bag like a mother-fucker! Enter teen trouble-maker Jim Majelewski (Tom Breznahan) and his gal-pal Janet (Cyndy Preston) who decide to stand-up to Blake and his star-born menace after Jim has a brief stay at PRI and discovers things aren’t as they appear…but will they have what it takes to end the machinations of that devious doc and his creepy cerebellum? Look, The Brain is a picture about a giant ambulatory, people-eating, demon-faced, alien brain…that should be the only sentence I need to type to make you lot go out and add this to your creepy collection immediately! Of course there is much more this

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DanXIII

Apr 14, 2019

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Tarantula (1955)

Professor Gerald Deemer (Leo G. Carroll) is doing the dodgy science bag down Arizona way with the plan of increasing the world’s food supply via making shit large AF. Naturally being a reasonable and sane individual, one of the things the good doc has enlarged is a tarantula, because…well who the fuck knows really…I mean if I was trying to cure world hunger I’d enlarge like a steak or a banana or some shit, not a poisonous as balls eight legged killing machine, but I’m admittedly no doctor…unless it’s a doctor of love because then I got the PHd! So, where the hell was I? Oh yeah… Of course that tarantula gets loose and goes on a bovine based murder spree and soon it’s up to small town doctor Matt Hastings (John Agar), and Deemer’s comely assistant, Stephanie Clayton (Mara Corday), to attempt to save the town from that rapidly growing arachnid. Also a young Clint Eastwood takes pot shots

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DanXIII

Apr 11, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires (1974)

Professor Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) is teachin’ down China way when he finds himself books deep in the machinations of a cult of ass-ugly vampires adorned in golden half-masks and their army of zombie slaves…all under the control of a disguised count Dracula. Thankfully he joins forces with some face smashing martial artists/weapons experts and soon the battle to wrest control of the region from the legions of the night is on, but will the knowledge and strength of our heroes be enough to win the war? The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires is flat out fright flick brilliance, and contains a putrid plethora of astoundingly entertaining elements that’ll have fang bang lovers grinnin’ from ear to eerie ear! Let’s start with the gorgeous lurid colors on display; of which the beginning sequence where the Priest, Kah (Shen Chan), visits Dracula (John Forbes-Robertson…standing in for the noticeably absent Christopher Lee) in his castle in Transylvania to beg his help

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DanXIII

Apr 5, 2019

ForeignMoviesNews

The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires Debuts on Blu-Ray from Scream Factory on April 9

Hammer Film’s The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires; the greatest martial arts/fang bang mash-up to ever be put in front of the putrid peepers of mankind is winging it’s way home on Blu-ray courtesy of those fine fiends at Scream Factory on April 9th! Here’s the official low down: Black belt vs black magic. Scream Factory presents The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires on Blu-ray™ for the first time on April 9, 2019. Presented here for the first time in high definition is Hammer’s original uncut version. It was released in the US in an edited version called The 7 Brothers Meet Dracula which is also included here in high definition as a bonus feature. The complete list of bonus features also includes new interviews with actor David Chiang and Hong Kong film expert Rick Baker, and new audio commentary with film historian Bruce G. Hallenbeck. Professor Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) and Count Dracula (John Forbes-Robinson) meet again

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DanXIII

Mar 13, 2019

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Deadly Mantis (1957)

You want to know about the state of radar in late 1950’s america? Well The Deadly Mantis has your ass covered bro! The opening gives us this lesson as well as an excuse as to just what the hell our soldiers and boats would be doing the absolute middle of nowhere…not sure if the audience for a film about a giant insect needs this level of world building, but whateves. After a mammoth “bone” is discovered at the North Pole, scientists do their science bag and determine a frickin’ giant (and if the title of this baby is to be believed…deadly) prehistoric mantis has woken up from centuries of slumber and is on the loose…and if our stock-footage (of which this film contains an inordinate amount) military might, along with Paleontologist Dr. Nedrick Jackson (William Hopper) and his photo-journalist gal pal Marge Blaine (Alix Talton), can’t punch him a new asshole, civilization could very well be doomed as the creature

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DanXIII

Mar 10, 2019

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Man’s Best Friend (1993)

News reporter/animal rights advocate Lori Tanner (Ally Sheedy), who’s shoulder pads could be considered a character of their own, decides to take home (read: steal) a massive dog named Max from Ye Olde Animal Test Labbe run by your (not) so friendly neighborhood mad scientist Dr. Jarret (the legendary Lance Henriksen). Really, what could go wrong there? Sure that pooch could be riddled with Mega-A.I.D.S., or some other horrendous disease, but not to worry; the fact he’s comprised of the genetic material of all sorts of dangerous animals will ensure that most who cross his path will end up torn to pieces long before any disease sets in (owing to the fact he begins to rapidly turn into a four-legged lunatic if he’s away from the lab and his meds). Will Lori become a victim of her own good deed or will the powers that be “hound” ol’ Max until he’s neutralized? I could talk about how this film is

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DanXIII

Mar 2, 2019

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Mole People (1956)

After a quick actual science/history lesson we are presented with the unbelievable made-up bullshit mortal men hath named; The Mole People! In “Asia” (by way of some rando California canyon), archaeologists (who’s ranks include Ward Cleaver himself; Hugh Beaumont) are involved in a little soundstage based mountain climbing, a veritable ass-ton of stock footage, and “oh fuck me, when is it ever going to end” spelunking…all of which are pistol-hot to the kids today, before discovering an ornery race of subterranean-dwelling albino Sumerians who keep mole/human hybrids as slaves utilized to harvest their overlord’s primary food source; giant mushrooms (and you thought I was fucking around in that first sentence didn’t ya boils n’ ghouls?). Will our heroes make it back to the surface, or will they meet their end deep under the surface of the Earth? While a bit slow paced at times (especially during the first act), The Mole People is never-the-less an effective tale of high adventure,

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DanXIII

Feb 11, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Howling III (1987)

Anthropologist Harry Beckmeyer (Barry Otto) witnesses some old-ass footage that purportedly shows a werewolf, and hears of a lycanthrope on the prowl in Siberia, so does what any rational human being would do; contacts the President of the United States and warns him of a worldwide werewolf epidemic. Spoiler: Prez blows that shit off. Wonder why? Meanwhile, comely marsupial werewolf Jerboa (Imogen Annesley) has fled from her abusive home and has been discovered living on the streets by Donny Martin (Leigh Biolos) who gets her a gig starring in the fright flick ‘Shape Shifters Part 8′. Jerboa reveals she is a real life werewolf, but Donny being the typical red-blooded male fucks her anyway…I mean, it’s only half bestiality, so it’s all good, right bro? (shudder) Soon Jerboa’s estranged family come a-lookin’ for her, and Beckmeyer crosses their path…and falls in love with a werewolf ballerina…and then ancient phantom werewolves are summoned…and there’s an award show…and a baby werewolf…and…and…ME FUCKIN’

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DanXIII

Jan 13, 2019

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Texas Chainsaw Massacre The Next Generation (1994)

Four teenage stereotypes; the horny popular dude, the mousy girly (played by Renée Zellweger of all people), the stoner, and the beautiful good girl head out on a drive after a prom night dust-up between good n’ horny (now available at our concession stand). As they tear ass around the Texas back roads they end up having an accident and seek help at a titty-flashin’ real estate agent’s office. The agent, Darla (Tonie Perensky) by name, calls her boyfriend Vilmer (I’m not going to tell you who plays him…alright, alright, alright, it’s Matthew McConaughey) to help out the troubled teens. Of course he’s a psycho (and a partially hydraulic powered one to boot), and soon our gang of goofs run afoul of ol’ Leatherface (Robert Jacks) and the rest of Vilmer’s crazed clan. Soon you’ll be wondering who will survive, and what will be left of them…or at least how some of the people involved had such huge careers after

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DanXIII

Dec 17, 2018

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Critters Collection (1986 – 1992)

Man oh man I love me some Critters…well the first film anyway. To be truthful, I loved the sequel as well, but only ended up seeing it once or twice, and the third and fourth pics? Well, I know I saw them at some point, but I remember fuck-all about them…but that first film; my lord I must have watched that fifty times in the late eighties alone! So, since it’s obviously waaaay past time for a re-visit to the frightful franchise, and since those delicious devils at Scream Factory have just put out a new Blu-ray collection featuring all for films, we begin my latest revoltin’ review for these hallowed haunted halls! To the surprise of no one we begin with: Critters (1986): A group of intergalactic convicts, who resemble the offspring of Fizzgig mating with a porcupine (and we both know that lil’ bastard totally would too), escape a prison asteroid and land near the farm of young

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DanXIII

Dec 10, 2018

Scream Factory

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