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Severin

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Blu-ray Review: Deep Blood (1990)

There’s nothing like a good, fire roasted hot dog, and Raffaele Donato… or Joe D’Amato… must have thought so too as Deep Blood opens with what seems like an eternity of kids cooking hot dogs on a beach… hell, one of the scamps manages to use one as a shield to block his vision from the suns rays. Enter: a bum… or a “native American”… yes, those quotes are denoting some of my patented, award-losing sarcasm cats n’ creeps, as this dude looks to be nothing more than an old white guy in a beaded headband arrives and tells our wiener-hungry heroes that if they do a blood oath they can bring forth an evil spirit. Sounds legit. Moving forward a bit, that shit seems to have actually worked, as a mother and her young child stop for a swim in the middle of nowhere (speaking of “swimming”, although the characters are outside, the underwater shots of the kid swimming

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DanXIII

May 16, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Day of the Animals (1977)

Outdoors-man Steve Buckner (the ever-reliable Christopher George) treks into the mountains with a rando assortment of hikers comprised of TV actors, Georges wife Lynda (whom he also co-starred with in the absolutely sublime slasher, Pieces) and Leslie Neilson (eventually doing a pre-Airplane/Police Squad/Naked Gun heel turn… but more on that in a bit). As science wouldn’t have it, the animals on that there mountain are going blood fuckin’ simple thanks to toxins from the sun’s radiation leaking through a hole in the ozone layer (but only those at 5000 feet elevation are affected)… but first the group must wander around and make with the small talk for a sight. When the animals do begin their assault the group is left rather defenseless thanks to Steve’s bullshit rule about not carrying firearms into the woods… although to be fair, how would he guess that such a ludicrous series of events was about to go down? As much as a threat as

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DanXIII

May 15, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

UHD / Blu-ray Review: Santa Sangre (1989)

Ol’ Fenix (Axel Jodorowsky, director/co-writer Alejandro Jodorowsky’s son) spends his days siting buck-ass naked in a tree located within an insane asylum noshing only on raw fish. Look, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this may be the longest play for a plate of free sushi I have ever seen cats n’ creeps… Seems our hero grew up in the circus world under the auspices of his knife-tossin’ daddy, Orgo (Guy Stockwell) and his high-flyin’ mother, Concha (Blanca Guerra)… though to be fair, Orga has been setting his eerie eyeballs on his assistant, the tattooed woman (Thelma Tixou). Speaking of “eerie”, Concha just so happens to be the head honcho of a religious cult that has a perfectly insane patron saint in the form of the eponymous Santa Sangre; a little girl who was raped and unarmed… literally… by a duo of brothers… and after a series of unfortunate events under the big top, she

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DanXIII

May 15, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: A Scream in the Streets (1973)

This film begins with a man dressed as a cartoon Granny gingerly sexually assaulting a woman while an absolute cum load of porn guitar issues forth from the soundtrack with wild abandon. Granny laughs long and hard… Hard cut to a Michael Stivic-lookin’ mother fucker of a man exiting a barge-sized sedan in suburbia. Two minutes in and A Scream in the Streets has already given my brain a lil’ love-tap directly to the sack. The assault continues for ninety minutes of bumbling policemen, on-screen erections, wacky music stings to underscore “jokes”, shitty pseudo-Greensleeves utilized to underscore more nipple and vajay licking than it should, small-talk seemingly written by an alien computer doing the best it’s cute lil’ transistors can… and failing in breathtaking fashion, a David Cassidy lookin’ dude smokin’ grass and gettin’ ass, phone calls to the police given mid-lesbian cunnilingus (and under a not-at-all distracting asshole and vagina that fills a solid 50% of the frame), and

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DanXIII

Apr 19, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Nosferatu in Venice (1988)

Some duck hunters shoot down a bat which a dog then eats like a complete mother fucker. Thus begins 1988’s Nosferatu in Venice in the only way it possibly could. Next up we have the arrival of the that most Van Helsing of Van Helsings; Professor Paris mother fucking Catalano… yeah I have no clue either, but he’s played by Christopher Plummer (Starcrash) so bonus… and the way he glides into Venice standing straight as an arrow on a fast moving gondola is some big dick energy for sure (and there’s a mirror image of it utilized later in the film that is jaw-droppingly beautiful). Anyway; Catalano is down Venice way to research the last recorded appearance of that dread vampire Nosferatu (Klaus Kinski, who you can bet we’ll be talking more about soon) in the plague-ridden late 1700’s… and yes, the vampire’s name is Nosferatu… not Count Orlok… not Dracula… mother fucking Nosferatu… which just means vampire. Yes indeed…

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DanXIII

Mar 21, 2021

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

4K Ultra HD Review: The Day of the Beast (1995)

After deciphering an ancient text, a priest (Álex Angulo) sets about to avert the birth of the antichrist on Christmas Day of 1995 in Madrid, but there’s just one problem… he must summon the devil to accomplish his goal, and he has no fuckin’ clue on how to pull off that unholy miracle! After blowin’ into town, our pugnacious padre decides to commit as many sins as possible so that when Big D does make the scene, he’ll think him a staunch ally. He also sets about enlisting some assistance in his upcoming infernal summoning by way of local violence prone (and often drug addled) metal head José María (Santiago Segura of Guillermo Del Toro’s Blade II & Hellboy films, and Beyond Re-Animator to name but a few), and the man that dynamite duo kidnap; TV Psychic and Occultist Professor Cavan (Armando De Razza). Amazingly enough, these absolutely absurd individuals manage a level of success, and soon they are off

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DanXIII

Mar 20, 2021

IndieMoviesReviewsThriller

4K Ultra HD Review: Perdita Durango (1997)

Perdita Durango (Rosie Perez), that jaguar lovin’, do-whatever-the-fuck she pleases badass has truly met her match in blood-crazed, self-proclaimed sorcerer (of a rather unpleasant version of Santeria he has bastardized) and crime spree enthusiast Romeo (Javier Bardem), and the world is all the worse for it! What does Satan’s favorite power couple get up to you may ask? Well, Romeo gets a gig transporting fetuses for illegal use by a cosmetics company, but before engaging in that bit o’ biz; he and his lady-fare decide to kidnap a ridiculous duo of college kids, lovers Duane (Harley Cross) and Estelle… who’s lives mirror a sitcom, in order to eat one of them (they haven’t decided on which one) and use them as sacrifices in one of Romeo’s Santeria shows. Hot on their trail is ridiculous, yet doggedly determined DEA agent Dumas (James Gandolfini) who can take cartoon levels of abuse and keep on truckin’. All of this collides and gets fucked

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DanXIII

Mar 19, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Castle of the Creeping Flesh (1968)

Ever-horny Baron Brack (Michel Lemoine), he of the atrocious dubbing and wild hootenannies, leads a group of revelers to the ornate, though dilapidated, home of Count Graf Saxon (Howard Vernon) to continue the party-hardy fracas. What does Saxon think of the swingin’ sumbitches who have invited themselves in? He seems to give not a single fuck… rather, he does the Chatty Cathy bag and fills the gang in on his family history and the fate of his daughter who was recently (like an hour ago) raped and killed in the nearby woods. I’m sure he has no plans for all of the sexy ladies that have fallen into his lap… Naturally he does have a plan… a batshit crazy one too, involving resurrecting his daughter with all of his new found female flesh! Oh, and a bear is involved as is so often the case… If Castle of the Creeping Flesh is anything it’s atmospheric. The sets utilized to bring

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DanXIII

Feb 21, 2021

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: A Slaughter in Plague Town (2008)

A bickering family of American tourists decide to stop off in a small Irish village located in a picturesque, verdant landscape. Seems prosaic enough, but as horror movies oft times go; this village has a deep, dark (in this case mutant) based secret that will put that vacay in a serious dovetail right quick! As you may surmise from that sinister synopsis, Plague Town (or A Slaughter in Plague Town) is a fright flick positively dripping with atmosphere. This is nowhere as evident in the locales utilized to bring this terror tale to life; all wicked woods and dark, almost monotone environs. It’s drab, it’s dreary, and it looks exactly like the place you’d run into some good ol’ folk horror madness! Adding to the positives are the lean n’ mean flow of the film delivered by co-writer (along with John Cregan)/director David Gregory keeps things disturbing and moving like a spectral locomotive from hell, so this one never becomes

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DanXIII

Feb 7, 2021

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Attic Expeditions (2001)

Our boy Trevor (Andras Jones) is coolin’ his heels in Ye Olde Insane Asylum after having supposedly murdered his girlfriend. While there he is plagued by nightmares about black magic (and murder ‘natch). Trevor’s doc, Dr. Ek (the legend himself, Jeffrey Combs) is hellbent on plundering all of Trevor’s subconscious secrets and utilize it for his own dark purposes… so things are looking grim as fuck for our hero indeed! What I feel is The Attic Expeditions‘ greatest stumbling block may be what you cats n’ creeps dig the most; namely the fact that the narrative is told from Trevor’s highly suspect perspective, so we never know if the images he sees are fact or just the result of his mental condition… and you cats n’ creeps know if there is something supernatural afoot I like it to be the real deal, no ifs, ands, or buts! Thankfully the film is jam packed with surreal images and some great co-stars

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DanXIII

Feb 7, 2021

Severin

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