Blu-ray Review: Diamonds Of Kilimandjaro (1983)

September 2, 2018

Written by DanXIII

Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, director, producer, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?

Following a plane crash in deepest Africa, a young girl named Diana is taken in by a native tribe of cannibals who make her father the “Big White Chief”…yeah…Diana grows up and becomes the tripe’s eternally tits-out Goddess (as played by Katja Bienert), and word of her existence travels back to the ears of her ailing Mother. Enter some unscrupulous adventurers that promise to bring her daughter back home safe and sound, and head out into the jungle with Diana’s greedy relatives in tow; relatives that don’t want her in the picture as they are set to inherit the family fortune. As the group press on, they shoot and kill one of Diana’s tribe, which brings the full wrath of the natives down upon the heads of our gaggle of goofs…but not before they “interact” with clumsily integrated stock footage, and make sweet love directly after being almost eaten by crocodiles (see comment previous)…and let’s be honest, who doesn’t find nearly being mauled by a titanic lizard the ultimate in getting one horny?  Anyhow, will Diana stand between her tribe and the interlopers sent to find her (and return to civilization) or will she allow jungle justice to be served and remain in her emerald home?
Diamonds Of Kilimandjaro is at it’s heart a basic retelling of Tarzan with minor changes here and there (the biggest being the gender swap ‘natch). While light on the sex, the film nevertheless features that hoary ol’ (and extremely welcome) Jess Franco chestnut; namely an absolute ass-ton of naked female flesh (and a dude as well if that’s your bag, baby)! While definitely not as over-the-top as some of Fearsome Franco’s offerings ol’ Diamonds is nevertheless a pulpy action romp, well told with a nice sprinkle of sexploitation thrown right on top!
So the film is a racy romp, but what if you are looking for hidden gems as far as bonus content on this Blu-ray? Well, you can go pound sand up your ass, ‘cuz you are gettin’ some trailers. Enjoy!
If you are looking for some sexy Tarzan action, and you’ve already given that Bo Derek flick a whirl one time too many, then slap your putrid peepers on Diamonds Of Kilimandjaro; it’s filled with a dearth of blood and guts, but it more than makes up for it in ham-fisted jungle action and that sweet, sweet nudity!


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