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DanXIII

1,300 stories

Blu-ray Review: Threshold (2020)

Beleaguered teacher Leo (Joey Millin) hates his job, is estranged from his sister Virginia (Madison West) and going through a divorce… but, at least one of those things is about to change as Leo’s mom calls to tell her he needs to pick his sister up as she’s made her dramatic reappearance. Everything fails to come up Leo however, as his sister appears to be going through substance abuse withdrawal, though she claims this is the result of being bonded to a male member of some sort of coo-coo cult that performed a revoltin’ ritual to get her off drugs. I’m going to say she was probably better off high off her tits… Leo of course thinks this a heapin’ helpin’ of complete festering bullshit, but he agrees to take Virginia to seek out the man, and hopefully end her ability to see and feel what he does (and vice versa) on the stipulation that she trots her ass straight

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DanXIII

Jun 27, 2021

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Hanger: 2 Disc Collector’s Edition (2009)

Break out the valium, cuz here comes good ol’ Hanger! Hanger (Nathan Dashwood) is an ultra-deformed, survived back alley abortion raised to adulthood by a lunatic of a homeless mother fucker… though his honest-to-jizzum pappy soon reapers to usher his beloved son back into society… or what passes for it in his world (think a populace comprised of horny huge-breasted women, even huger seafood, and a whole mess of vicious violence)! Anyhow, once back on the scene, Hanger befriends the equally repulsive Russell (Wade Gibb), a real knee-slapper of a mother fucker (seriously, some of this cat’s dialog is absolutely priceless) who’s tastes run towards microwaved puppies and tampon tea (Celestial Seasonings Blend-Masters take note!) What could these lunatics get up to you may ask? Softcore porn and some revenge-based shenanigans mostly… though Hanger has a life goal of eating a baby, so there’s that too… it’s all an absolute, completely rude mess, but what a monstrous mess it is!

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DanXIII

Jun 26, 2021

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Ten Minutes to Midnight (2020)

Amy Marlowe (Caroline Williams, of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2) is getting the boot from her late-night heavy metal radio show, Ten Minutes to Midnight after 30 years on WLST radio… which will doubtless come as a huge surprise to her as the sleazy station manager, Bob (William Youmans), has decided to keep it all a secret until the night of. You know what else probably surprised Amy? The fact that she was bitten on the neck by a rabid bat on the way to work. I know that would raise my fuckin’ eyebrows… Causing our heroine even more static is the bright young recent graduate Sienna (Nicole Kang) whom Bob forces on her as a job shadow… but it’s obvious she is to be Amy’s replacement. Speaking of Sienna, Amy straight-up bites her ass (well her hand to be precise, but you cats n’ creeps know what I mean… ) after a disastrous show, after which she eats a

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DanXIII

Jun 26, 2021

MoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: The Ringmaster (2018)

Seemingly all of Denmark is balls deep into the finals of the nondescript European Championships. Speaking of “games”, our heroine, the studious Agnes (Anne Bergfeld), is hoping for an easy night at the gas station in which she works… since everyone should be home watching feet colliding with balls, as previously established, but wouldn’t you just know it, things become a bit more hectic for our heroine and her co-worker, Belinda (Karin Michelsen) as they soon find themselves besieged by intense folks coming through those damned doors all night long… and as is so often the case, Agnes soon finds herself at the (not so) tender mercies of a sadistic, greasepaint adorned Ringmaster (Damon Younger) and his torture-porn emporium! Let’s look at the positive aspects of this film before I slam you with what’s wrong here… In the hands of co-writer/director Søren Juul Petersen and his co-writer Carsten Juul Bladt (working from a novel by Steen Langstrup, The Ringmaster has

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DanXIII

Jun 26, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

DVD Review: Incarnation (2016)

Down Serbia way, a dude keeps doing the wakey-wakey bag in town square and immediately gets ventilated by a mysterious cadre of well-dressed masked gunman. Then he wakes up and has to do that shit over, and over, and even mother fuckin’ over, and peep this, he gets closer to solving the mystery of his demise with each go around! Making good use of that aforementioned square (although our hero gets further away with each dose of the ol’ murder biz, we always go back to that central location), Incarnation, the debut feature from Filip Kovacevic (who also co-wrote the film with Masa Senicic and Ivan Senicic) is a tense, fast-paced mystery that will have your ass on the eerie edge of your seat from start to finish! Sure we’ve seen flicks like this before (Groundhog Day immediately comes to mind… though that one is a damn sight lighter than this nail-biter), but this picture has so many interesting angles

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DanXIII

Jun 25, 2021

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Werewolves Within (2021)

My dude Finn (Sam Richardson) has just taken on the role of forest ranger in Beaverfield… a rural town crucial to the plans of Sam Parker (Wayne Duvall), an oil tycoon that wants to run his pipe straight through B-field’s sweet spot! This has the populace at odds and on edge, and an encroaching storm and a growing number of dead bodies aren’t helping matters. Soon Finn and local mail-person Cecily (Milana Vayntrub) are balls deep in the murder biz as they try and suss out just who… or more precisely, what… is behind these savage attacks! I’ll say one thing about Werewolves Within… it sure as shit has a literal ass-load of heart! Every character, even the real shit-heels are presented as pretty damn likable… or ridiculous… or an unholy combination of the two, and the actors present truly give it everything they have (special shout out to leads Richardson and Vayntrub who have undeniable chemistry and miles of

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DanXIII

Jun 25, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Years Of Lead: Five Classic Italian Crime Thrillers 1973-1977

Coming from a period of massive social upheaval in 1970’s Italy, the “Years of Lead” as they were called, inspired filmmakers of the time to dip their toes in all-manner brutal crime pictures (the poliziotteschi genre), and our fine fiends at Arrow Video have collected some of them in the aptly named Years of Lead collection, a series of five films on Blu-ray that represent the era to a “T”! First up comes 1975’s Savage Three which concerns Turin-based computer programmer Ovidio (Joe Dallesandro), and his two pals Peppi (Guido Di Carli) and Giacomo (Gianfranco De Grassi); a trio of bored-ass mother fuckers that aren’t above starting a soccer riot, stealing a car, and riding folks down if they like their wheels better… ya know, just for kicks! Making matter worse, the men all have shitty home lives, and are in danger of being replaced by machines at work, which in turn fuels larger and larger crime sprees featuring those

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DanXIII

Jun 13, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Irezumi (1966)

Otsuya (Ayako Wakao) has it all, being the daughter of a well-off merchant type back in the days of yore down Japan-way. Not content to live a life on Easy Street, Otsuya falls head over ass for one of her father’s employees (read dirt-poor bastard), Shinsuke ( Akio Hasegawa) to be precise. Anyway, the dynamic duo decide to beat feet and elope, because you can bet demons to diamonds that Daddy Dearest would never approve of that bit of bad romance. Speaking of “bad”, that whole eloping idea was right shit and long story short; Otsuya ends up a prostitute who’s fortune gets even more like a puddle of puke when she meets a shady-as-fuck master tattooist who decides Otsuya’s ivory-white skin would make one hell of a canvas for his latest work; a big-ass monster spider with a human face, and right on her back that shit goes. Along with her new ink comes the ire of nearly fuckin’

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DanXIII

Jun 12, 2021

GamingReviews

Comic Book Review: Attaboy (2021)

Artist extraordinaire Tony McMillen (creator of the horror effects biz/coming of age tale Serious Creatures that every, single one of you monster mother fuckers need on your beastly bookshelves right away) is getting ready to launch a Kickstarter campaign to get his latest creation, the ’80s video game influenced Attaboy in your hairy lil’ hands, and he just so happened to grant yours cruelly an advanced look-see at his tale of advanced robots and the perils of fatherhood… Presented in an over-sized “treasury” format, Attaboy relates the tale of the eponymous robot boy; the creation of a kindly scientist and a soon-to-turn rogue Motherboard, who must stand against a fleet of mechanical menaces. It’s also about exploring the existence of a game that might be completely hallucinatory (even the name of the games supposed creators, Alucinari offers credence to this)… and I haven’t gotten to the juicy part yet cats n’ creeps! At it’s center, Attaboy is a story of

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DanXIII

Jun 12, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: King Kong (1976)

Fred Wilson (played to the scenery chewing ultimate by the late Charles Grodin), an executive douche-nozzle of the Petrox Oil Company, believes a mysterious and uncharted island, surrounded by a permanent bank of thick-ass fog (official meteorologist lingo), may be the source of a huge oil deposit, and sets sail with a full crew at his disposal. But alas, the crew is not all that’s aboard, as primate paleontologist Jack Prescott (a mega-laid back Jeff Bridges… yes, I know that’s can go without saying… ) has stowed away on the vessel, and he has all manner of historical accounts of the island they are heading to es no bueno… oh, and that fog mentioned up yonder may be caused by the breath of a giant creature. As if that weren’t enough in the uninvited guests department, the ship also picks up a castaway, an actress named Dwan (don’t ask, it’s fuckin’ stupid… oh and she’s played by the ever-awesome Jessica

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DanXIII

Jun 9, 2021

DanXIII

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