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DanXIII

1,300 stories

Blu-ray Review: Vengeance Trails Collection (1966 – 1970)

Saddle up to this new collection of cowpokes wanderin’ Revenge Road; Vengeance Trails, which comes our way courtesy of Arrow Video (along with MVD Entertainment) and contains four big features for us to slap our putrid peepers on! Kicking things off we have 1966’s Massacre Time; which tells the tale of ol’ prospectin’ man Tom (Franco Nero, Django himself) who heads home to peep that tyrannical douche Scott (Giuseppe Addobbati) has taken over his land, along with a gang of hench-type folks lead by Scott’s son; the diabolical… Jason ((Nino Castelnuovo)… the evil names could admittedly use a bit of a punch in this one cats n’ creeps… Adding to Tom’s static is some additional family trouble in the form of his brother Jeff (George Hilton), a drunken lout who blames Tom for all their woes… though to be fair, that kinda goes both ways. The problem is, Tom will need Jeff’s help if they are to overthrow Scott and

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DanXIII

Jul 15, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviews

4k Ultra-HD Review: Django (1966)

Django begins with a mother fuckin’ banger of an opening where our titular hero (Franco Nero) drags a coffin through a muddy hellscape as what is inarguably the greatest opening theme in the history of mother fuckin’ anything belts out of your speakers like a hot blast of lead to your eerie earholes! Soon Django comes upon Maria (Loredana Nusciak), a woman beleaguered by Mexican revolutionaries, subsequently rescued by a racist, ex-Confederate posse, and then put to the torch by the same… well, at least she would have been if not for the lightning gunwork of our hero, himself a soldier of the North at one time. The duo soon wander into a dilapidated nightmare of a town… a town caught in the middle of the war between those two faction mentioned up yonder, though the local saloon/whorehouse is considered neutral territory… and it’s there he runs afoul of the leader of those Confederate soldiers, Major Jackson (Eduardo Fajardo)… who’s

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DanXIII

Jul 11, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: House of Wax (2005)

Six incredibly good-looking young folks are on their way to a football game, but they get sleepy and shit, so they camp out under the stars… where they encounter the ultimate evil! I’m just fucking with you… rather they rough it for a night, and the next morning they discover their car has shit the bed. A quick journey into the nearby town of Ambrose courtesy of a local yokel, where certainly a garage or service station will have them back on the road in no time! Well, that would be the case if anyone actually lived there. You see, Ambrose is complete Tumbleweedsville, minus the one structure that does seem to have a sign of life, the eponymous House of Wax… a dread domicile packed to the rafters with wax figures that seem just a tad too realistic! Soon our heroes will be doing their level-headed best to survive their stay in Ambrose, as the proprietors of the waxworks

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DanXIII

Jul 10, 2021

MoviesReviews

4K UltraHD Review: Dead & Buried (1981)

People keep rollin’ on up to small coastal town of Potters Bluff to find themselves tortured and murdered by some of the locals… who also happen to be film buffs judging by the amount of photo’s they take of their dastardly deeds! Enter: Sheriff Dan Gillis (James Farentino), who is gettin’ a tad bit worried that folks are turning-up looking like raw ass… plus his wife (Melody Anderson of 1980’s Flash Gordon fame) is acting bizarre as well. Speaking of “bizarre”, Dobbs (Jack Albertson) the town mortician is one hell of a weirdo as well, and he is absolutely balls deep into his job (not literally… this isn’t a Jörg Buttgereit jam), but he’s more than eager to help our hero solve this monstrous mystery! Oh, you know what else is odd? Some of those dead folks turn up alive and well around town! As you probably have guessed, Dead & Buried is some serious Twilight Zone by way of

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DanXIII

Jul 10, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Strike Commando 2 (1988)

Everyone’s favorite Rambo surrogate, Ransom, is back on the scene in Bruno Mattei’s 1988 follow-up to his batshit action pic Strike Commando (which I reviewed right here), the reasonably titled Strike Commando 2! While Ransom may be back, Reb Brown sure as shit isn’t… so this time we follow The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak’s Brent Huff (who looks more like Solid Snake than Rambo once kitted up) on a mission to rescue Maj. Vic Jenkins (Richard Harris… yeah, the actual one from Camelot and the first couple of Harry Potter Pictures… not to mention dozens upon dozens of other memorable performances), his old squad leader from ‘Nam from a group of ninja warriors with KGB ties (there’s heroin smuggling mixed up in this hot mess as well)… this is the most fucking ’80s plot I have ever witnessed… Anyway, the kidnappers are demanding a cool ten million in diamonds, so the CIA sends in

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DanXIII

Jul 5, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Strike Commando (1986)

You know who was shit-hot in the 1980’s? John mother fuckin’ Rambo… we all loved his PTSD-infused spots of rough n’ tumble fun n’ games (mostly involving murdering large swaths of human beings post his first outing in 1982’s First Blood). You know who else loved his ass? The fucking creative team behind Troll 2, and my personal fav, Uncle Bruno Mattei… How do I know this? Because I just watched the most Rambo thing ever created that doesn’t have jack-shit to do with Sly; 1986’s Strike Commando, and those are the cats that made it! Ransom (Jesus, they aren’t even trying to hide it… anyway, he’s played by Yor: The Hunter From the Future himself, Reb Brown) is the sole survivor of a botched mission in ‘Nam while the war was raging hot n’ heavy. Soon Ransom finds himself in the savior-biz as he ends up in a small village, who’s residents include the missionary Le Due (Luciano Pigozzi,

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DanXIII

Jul 4, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The House on Sorority Row (1982)

Vicki (Eileen Davidson) and her sorority sisters are ready to have a little bit of that ol’ party-hardy magic that all graduating college students are so damn balls deep into, but one thing stands in their way to achieving all of that flip-cup nirvana… Mrs. Slater (Lois Kelso Hunt), a real bitch of a house mother if ever there was one… and also the victim of some sort of birthing mishap which I’m positive won’t factor into this narrative at all… Anyway, Vicki’s got a gun, and after a half-assed prank gone wrong, Ironbox Slater finds herself tits up in the sorority house’s swimming pool. Oh well, time to have a rager! Accidental death or not, someone must have witnessed that murder biz, because soon someone is offing our heroines one by one in various and sundry violent ways, and not even the soul-stirring tunes of 4 Out of 5 Doctors (think a Nick Gilder cover-band that decided writing their

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DanXIII

Jul 4, 2021

News

Short Film Review: A Most Unruly Guest (2021)

Remember when I laid my eerie eyeballs on the genius puppet-centric short flicks The Ghost of Weatherton Hall and Down the Rabbit Hole awhile back (if not head here and here for the revoltin’ reviews)? Mark Dickinson, the mastermind between that deadly dup mentioned above, is back (along with Fear Incorporated‘s William Westwater, who once again performs superb narration duties as he did previously) with his latest noxious nugget of horror biz goodness; A Most Unruly Guest! The long and short of this terror tale goes as follows: Young Fredrick answers a call to the manse of Lord Bentley who is preparing to host an unwrapping party… which if you fine fiends didn’t know was the Victorian-era practice of obtaining an honest to Satan Egyptian mummy which one would then de-bandage during a swanky soiree. Of course this goes slightly askew, and before the night ends, the dead will rise and all may be eternal nightmares for our dashing hero!

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DanXIII

Jul 3, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Mortuary (1983)

That slap-happy duo of lovers Christopher George and Lynda Day George (Pieces, Grizzly) are lighting up the silver screen once again in 1983’s Mortuary, but happy that sure as shit are not… but more on that soon… Greg (David Wysocki) follows his dumb-ass friend Josh (Denis Mandel) into a warehouse for the local mortuary… an establishment that had the common sense to send Josh’s ass packing mind you… to get some payback in the form of some sweet-ass, pie-bald, steel belted radials that have gotten J-dawg a case of the hot n’ hornies. Only problem with all of this is, the owner of the mortuary, Hank Andrews (George), is some sort of fucked-up Satanic sorcerer-type and Josh was fired after witnessing one of his black rituals involving the women of the town… and he’s up to the same horror biz at the warehouse! Long story short, Josh goes missing (in truth the result of a violent, fatal attack by a

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DanXIII

Jul 2, 2021

Comic Books/Graphic NovelsReviews

Prepare to Consume Rasputin’s Seed!

You all know of my insatiable love of both jizz and Russian history… but for the longest time I just couldn’t see how they could cum together… that was until I was able to slap my eerie eyeballs on the latest graphically embellished periodical about the insanely huge cock of that lovable wizard to the court of the Romanov dynasty; Rasputin’s Seed! Picture this; a young woman studying abroad happens to encounter the severed and preserved phallus of the aforementioned Big R. On the dare of a jilted lover, our heroine attempts to take a selfie with the member well in hand… but that demon dong has a monstrous mind all it’s own, and one bit o’ beastly bukkake later Rasputin is back on the scene and ready to cause all manner of shenanigans via his newly acquired avatar! As conjured forth from the aether by Andrew Saiger and Jason Keen (who also lettered and edited the terror tome) Rasputin’s

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DanXIII

Jun 29, 2021

DanXIII

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