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DanXIII

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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Deep Blood (1990)

There’s nothing like a good, fire roasted hot dog, and Raffaele Donato… or Joe D’Amato… must have thought so too as Deep Blood opens with what seems like an eternity of kids cooking hot dogs on a beach… hell, one of the scamps manages to use one as a shield to block his vision from the suns rays. Enter: a bum… or a “native American”… yes, those quotes are denoting some of my patented, award-losing sarcasm cats n’ creeps, as this dude looks to be nothing more than an old white guy in a beaded headband arrives and tells our wiener-hungry heroes that if they do a blood oath they can bring forth an evil spirit. Sounds legit. Moving forward a bit, that shit seems to have actually worked, as a mother and her young child stop for a swim in the middle of nowhere (speaking of “swimming”, although the characters are outside, the underwater shots of the kid swimming

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Day of the Animals (1977)

Outdoors-man Steve Buckner (the ever-reliable Christopher George) treks into the mountains with a rando assortment of hikers comprised of TV actors, Georges wife Lynda (whom he also co-starred with in the absolutely sublime slasher, Pieces) and Leslie Neilson (eventually doing a pre-Airplane/Police Squad/Naked Gun heel turn… but more on that in a bit). As science wouldn’t have it, the animals on that there mountain are going blood fuckin’ simple thanks to toxins from the sun’s radiation leaking through a hole in the ozone layer (but only those at 5000 feet elevation are affected)… but first the group must wander around and make with the small talk for a sight. When the animals do begin their assault the group is left rather defenseless thanks to Steve’s bullshit rule about not carrying firearms into the woods… although to be fair, how would he guess that such a ludicrous series of events was about to go down? As much as a threat as

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 15, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Scavenger (2019)

Tisha spends her days wandering a dry, dusty, post-apocalyptic landscape engaging in the organ dealing biz… but she’s about to get a job walkin’ revenge’s road when an old woman hires her to put a murder on a certain individual that spends his time at ye olde brothel. A simple set-up to be sure, but this one is going to get super brutal in short time… and therein lies a problem or two cats n’ creeps… Scavenger is a film packed with nastiness… most of it inflicted on our heroine, who is sexually assaulted for an incredibly long time. In a film that runs roughly seventy-five minutes with credits, there is a large amount of attention given to the villain of the piece shoving various “weapons” into Tisha with violent abandon. As you lot know, I’m no prude, and I will admit this material adds to the world filmmakers Eric Fleitas and Luciana Garraza (along with co-writer Sheila Fentana) are

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 15, 2021
Horror Fuel

UHD / Blu-ray Review: Santa Sangre (1989)

Ol’ Fenix (Axel Jodorowsky, director/co-writer Alejandro Jodorowsky’s son) spends his days siting buck-ass naked in a tree located within an insane asylum noshing only on raw fish. Look, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this may be the longest play for a plate of free sushi I have ever seen cats n’ creeps… Seems our hero grew up in the circus world under the auspices of his knife-tossin’ daddy, Orgo (Guy Stockwell) and his high-flyin’ mother, Concha (Blanca Guerra)… though to be fair, Orga has been setting his eerie eyeballs on his assistant, the tattooed woman (Thelma Tixou). Speaking of “eerie”, Concha just so happens to be the head honcho of a religious cult that has a perfectly insane patron saint in the form of the eponymous Santa Sangre; a little girl who was raped and unarmed… literally… by a duo of brothers… and after a series of unfortunate events under the big top, she

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 15, 2021
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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Death Has Blue Eyes (1976)

Ex-Vietnam vest/small time conman Bob Kowalski (Peter Winter) arrives down Athens way where he reconnects with his ol’ chum Ches Gilford (Hristos Nomikos); a real sufferer of what I like to call “Buckaroo Banzai Syndrome”… in other words he’s great at all sorts of rando and ridiculous things including karate, race car driving, and being a fuck toy for old rich broads (though his wandering eye and rampant horniness fuck that up six ways to Sunday right quick). Anyway, these two cats soon find themselves balls deep in capital “T” Trouble when they meet a woman named Geraldine Steinwetz (Jessica Dublin) and her looker of a daughter Christina (Maria Aliferi)… who just so happens to be a bonafide psychic. Long story short, ol’ Xtina witnessed a touh of the assassination biz ‘round aul Poland Towne, and Geraldine wants out two slacker heroes to watch over her. This leads to all manner of psionic shenanigans, busty assassins, clandestine organizations, raunchy synth

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 14, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Hercules and the Captive Women (1961)

Affable, nonchalant, and totally sleepy-AF Hercules (Reg Park, in his debut in the role) sets sail (along with his son Hylas… who looks to be the same age as our star, and Timoteo the comedy-relief dwarf… who at the least is considerably shorter than our star) and to find out why the skies of Greece are occasionally redder than a baboon’s ass. One nasty storm later, and our heroes find themselves on an island where women are fused with stone walls, and within seconds Hercules has to tangle with a snake, a lion, a vulture, and a lizard man… like every other Tuesday. Anyway, Herc soon finds himself at the bee-hived mercy of Antinea the Queen of Atlantis (Fay Spain) who is making a race of eyebrow-less Aryan super-men thanks to a magic rock (which contains the blood of Uranus, which will undoubtedly prove to be a real pain in the ass)… do you people reading these things ever stop

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 9, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: A Scream in the Streets (1973)

This film begins with a man dressed as a cartoon Granny gingerly sexually assaulting a woman while an absolute cum load of porn guitar issues forth from the soundtrack with wild abandon. Granny laughs long and hard… Hard cut to a Michael Stivic-lookin’ mother fucker of a man exiting a barge-sized sedan in suburbia. Two minutes in and A Scream in the Streets has already given my brain a lil’ love-tap directly to the sack. The assault continues for ninety minutes of bumbling policemen, on-screen erections, wacky music stings to underscore “jokes”, shitty pseudo-Greensleeves utilized to underscore more nipple and vajay licking than it should, small-talk seemingly written by an alien computer doing the best it’s cute lil’ transistors can… and failing in breathtaking fashion, a David Cassidy lookin’ dude smokin’ grass and gettin’ ass, phone calls to the police given mid-lesbian cunnilingus (and under a not-at-all distracting asshole and vagina that fills a solid 50% of the frame), and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 19, 2021
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Flesh Contagium (2020)

In a plague-ravaged future a nomadic couple, Helmut (Lorenzo Lepori, who also co-wrote, co-produced, and directed the film) and Ornella (Shiri Binder), traverse a rural landscape trying like hell to avoid the murder-happy, haz-mat suited, gasmask sportin’ mother fuckers that eliminate the remaining populace with wild abandon. Long story short, Helmut buys the farm, and Ornella is taken in by Udolfo (Pio Bisanti in a Dafoe-level performance); a highly troubled individual who rapes her repeatedly while using her in his experiments involving nightmarish mutants and his disease-ridden wife that take place within the stone walls of the dilapidated fortress Udolfo calls home. What follows is a wicked whirlwind of brutal survival in a new world ruled by monsters and madmen! What begins with a set-up you may expect from a Bruno Mattei post-apocalyptic flick from down Italy way, soon transforms into something a bit deeper as Flesh Contagium unfolds. Sure we get mutants, naked flesh, and oh-s0-much bloodshed (more on

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 18, 2021
Horror Fuel

Lanny Grant’s The Night Terrors will Give All a Bad Night!

Screenwriter Lanny Grant has just unleashed the new bite-sized nugget of horror biz called The Night Terrors and believe your’s cruelly when I say this one is an eerily experimental punch right to your putrid peepers! Of course you lot being the way you always are, you won’t take my wicked word for it… to that end I’ve included the short right here for your vicious viewing pleasure! Be sure to like the vid and subscribe to Lanny’s page like all good cats n’ creeps should… and have pleasant nightmares, ya dig?

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 18, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Invisible Man Appears (1949)/The Invisible Man Vs. The Human Fly (1957)

New (as of 1949) from Daiei; the studio that made YOU believe a turtle can fly comes: The Invisible Man Appears, one of the earliest tokusatsu efforts that would go on to be a huge cornerstone of Japanese cinema and TV! Ol’ Doc Nakazato has invented himself a way to make living things invisible down Japan way. Well wouldn’t ya just know that a gaggle of no-good jewel thieves get wind of the discovery and put a kidnap on Nakazato lickety-split so they can use his science to make their pockets fatter with zero the risk normally associated with such deviltry. Soon a real Claude Rains 1933 type (read bandages and sunglasses) shows up in Kobe and goes on a crime spree, but of course once those bandages are off there’s no trace of the criminal responsible for the dirty deeds! The real question is, will John Q. Law (aided by Ryûko Mizuki; a stylish, highly androgynous nightclub performer played

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 18, 2021

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Deep Blood (1990)

There’s nothing like a good, fire roasted hot dog, and Raffaele Donato… or Joe D’Amato… must have thought so too as Deep Blood opens with what seems like an eternity of kids cooking hot dogs on a beach… hell, one of the scamps manages to use one as a shield to block his vision from the suns rays. Enter: a bum… or a “native American”… yes, those quotes are denoting some of my patented, award-losing sarcasm cats n’ creeps, as this dude looks to be nothing more than an old white guy in a beaded headband arrives and tells our wiener-hungry heroes that if they do a blood oath they can bring forth an evil spirit. Sounds legit. Moving forward a bit, that shit seems to have actually worked, as a mother and her young child stop for a swim in the middle of nowhere (speaking of “swimming”, although the characters are outside, the underwater shots of the kid swimming

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Day of the Animals (1977)

Outdoors-man Steve Buckner (the ever-reliable Christopher George) treks into the mountains with a rando assortment of hikers comprised of TV actors, Georges wife Lynda (whom he also co-starred with in the absolutely sublime slasher, Pieces) and Leslie Neilson (eventually doing a pre-Airplane/Police Squad/Naked Gun heel turn… but more on that in a bit). As science wouldn’t have it, the animals on that there mountain are going blood fuckin’ simple thanks to toxins from the sun’s radiation leaking through a hole in the ozone layer (but only those at 5000 feet elevation are affected)… but first the group must wander around and make with the small talk for a sight. When the animals do begin their assault the group is left rather defenseless thanks to Steve’s bullshit rule about not carrying firearms into the woods… although to be fair, how would he guess that such a ludicrous series of events was about to go down? As much as a threat as

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 15, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Scavenger (2019)

Tisha spends her days wandering a dry, dusty, post-apocalyptic landscape engaging in the organ dealing biz… but she’s about to get a job walkin’ revenge’s road when an old woman hires her to put a murder on a certain individual that spends his time at ye olde brothel. A simple set-up to be sure, but this one is going to get super brutal in short time… and therein lies a problem or two cats n’ creeps… Scavenger is a film packed with nastiness… most of it inflicted on our heroine, who is sexually assaulted for an incredibly long time. In a film that runs roughly seventy-five minutes with credits, there is a large amount of attention given to the villain of the piece shoving various “weapons” into Tisha with violent abandon. As you lot know, I’m no prude, and I will admit this material adds to the world filmmakers Eric Fleitas and Luciana Garraza (along with co-writer Sheila Fentana) are

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 15, 2021
Horror Fuel

UHD / Blu-ray Review: Santa Sangre (1989)

Ol’ Fenix (Axel Jodorowsky, director/co-writer Alejandro Jodorowsky’s son) spends his days siting buck-ass naked in a tree located within an insane asylum noshing only on raw fish. Look, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this may be the longest play for a plate of free sushi I have ever seen cats n’ creeps… Seems our hero grew up in the circus world under the auspices of his knife-tossin’ daddy, Orgo (Guy Stockwell) and his high-flyin’ mother, Concha (Blanca Guerra)… though to be fair, Orga has been setting his eerie eyeballs on his assistant, the tattooed woman (Thelma Tixou). Speaking of “eerie”, Concha just so happens to be the head honcho of a religious cult that has a perfectly insane patron saint in the form of the eponymous Santa Sangre; a little girl who was raped and unarmed… literally… by a duo of brothers… and after a series of unfortunate events under the big top, she

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 15, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Death Has Blue Eyes (1976)

Ex-Vietnam vest/small time conman Bob Kowalski (Peter Winter) arrives down Athens way where he reconnects with his ol’ chum Ches Gilford (Hristos Nomikos); a real sufferer of what I like to call “Buckaroo Banzai Syndrome”… in other words he’s great at all sorts of rando and ridiculous things including karate, race car driving, and being a fuck toy for old rich broads (though his wandering eye and rampant horniness fuck that up six ways to Sunday right quick). Anyway, these two cats soon find themselves balls deep in capital “T” Trouble when they meet a woman named Geraldine Steinwetz (Jessica Dublin) and her looker of a daughter Christina (Maria Aliferi)… who just so happens to be a bonafide psychic. Long story short, ol’ Xtina witnessed a touh of the assassination biz ‘round aul Poland Towne, and Geraldine wants out two slacker heroes to watch over her. This leads to all manner of psionic shenanigans, busty assassins, clandestine organizations, raunchy synth

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 14, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Hercules and the Captive Women (1961)

Affable, nonchalant, and totally sleepy-AF Hercules (Reg Park, in his debut in the role) sets sail (along with his son Hylas… who looks to be the same age as our star, and Timoteo the comedy-relief dwarf… who at the least is considerably shorter than our star) and to find out why the skies of Greece are occasionally redder than a baboon’s ass. One nasty storm later, and our heroes find themselves on an island where women are fused with stone walls, and within seconds Hercules has to tangle with a snake, a lion, a vulture, and a lizard man… like every other Tuesday. Anyway, Herc soon finds himself at the bee-hived mercy of Antinea the Queen of Atlantis (Fay Spain) who is making a race of eyebrow-less Aryan super-men thanks to a magic rock (which contains the blood of Uranus, which will undoubtedly prove to be a real pain in the ass)… do you people reading these things ever stop

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 9, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: A Scream in the Streets (1973)

This film begins with a man dressed as a cartoon Granny gingerly sexually assaulting a woman while an absolute cum load of porn guitar issues forth from the soundtrack with wild abandon. Granny laughs long and hard… Hard cut to a Michael Stivic-lookin’ mother fucker of a man exiting a barge-sized sedan in suburbia. Two minutes in and A Scream in the Streets has already given my brain a lil’ love-tap directly to the sack. The assault continues for ninety minutes of bumbling policemen, on-screen erections, wacky music stings to underscore “jokes”, shitty pseudo-Greensleeves utilized to underscore more nipple and vajay licking than it should, small-talk seemingly written by an alien computer doing the best it’s cute lil’ transistors can… and failing in breathtaking fashion, a David Cassidy lookin’ dude smokin’ grass and gettin’ ass, phone calls to the police given mid-lesbian cunnilingus (and under a not-at-all distracting asshole and vagina that fills a solid 50% of the frame), and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 19, 2021
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Flesh Contagium (2020)

In a plague-ravaged future a nomadic couple, Helmut (Lorenzo Lepori, who also co-wrote, co-produced, and directed the film) and Ornella (Shiri Binder), traverse a rural landscape trying like hell to avoid the murder-happy, haz-mat suited, gasmask sportin’ mother fuckers that eliminate the remaining populace with wild abandon. Long story short, Helmut buys the farm, and Ornella is taken in by Udolfo (Pio Bisanti in a Dafoe-level performance); a highly troubled individual who rapes her repeatedly while using her in his experiments involving nightmarish mutants and his disease-ridden wife that take place within the stone walls of the dilapidated fortress Udolfo calls home. What follows is a wicked whirlwind of brutal survival in a new world ruled by monsters and madmen! What begins with a set-up you may expect from a Bruno Mattei post-apocalyptic flick from down Italy way, soon transforms into something a bit deeper as Flesh Contagium unfolds. Sure we get mutants, naked flesh, and oh-s0-much bloodshed (more on

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 18, 2021
Horror Fuel

Lanny Grant’s The Night Terrors will Give All a Bad Night!

Screenwriter Lanny Grant has just unleashed the new bite-sized nugget of horror biz called The Night Terrors and believe your’s cruelly when I say this one is an eerily experimental punch right to your putrid peepers! Of course you lot being the way you always are, you won’t take my wicked word for it… to that end I’ve included the short right here for your vicious viewing pleasure! Be sure to like the vid and subscribe to Lanny’s page like all good cats n’ creeps should… and have pleasant nightmares, ya dig?

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 18, 2021
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Invisible Man Appears (1949)/The Invisible Man Vs. The Human Fly (1957)

New (as of 1949) from Daiei; the studio that made YOU believe a turtle can fly comes: The Invisible Man Appears, one of the earliest tokusatsu efforts that would go on to be a huge cornerstone of Japanese cinema and TV! Ol’ Doc Nakazato has invented himself a way to make living things invisible down Japan way. Well wouldn’t ya just know that a gaggle of no-good jewel thieves get wind of the discovery and put a kidnap on Nakazato lickety-split so they can use his science to make their pockets fatter with zero the risk normally associated with such deviltry. Soon a real Claude Rains 1933 type (read bandages and sunglasses) shows up in Kobe and goes on a crime spree, but of course once those bandages are off there’s no trace of the criminal responsible for the dirty deeds! The real question is, will John Q. Law (aided by Ryûko Mizuki; a stylish, highly androgynous nightclub performer played

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 18, 2021
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