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DanXIII

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Blu-ray Review: Primal (2019)

It’s not just another boy meets dino love story in Primal, the latest from animation genius Genndy Tartakovsky (Samurai Jack). Spear (Aaron LaPlante) is a caveman striding the primordial byways of ol’ planet Earth ‘round back the dawn of evolution, when he encounters Fang… a carnivorous dinosaur on his way out (via extinction ‘natch). The two just so happen to share a common enemy… a pack of prehistoric predators pulled a murder on both of their respective families… and soon become fast friends. The deadly duo then hoof it from one violence smothered scenario to the next, laying a serious ass whippin’ on all manner of monsters, dinosaurs, and evil cults. Excessive bloodletting ensues! Now, what would you say if I told you that all of the above spills n’ chills transpire without a single word uttered? Crazy right? But that shit just works… unholy hell does it ever work, with Spear emoting all over the place as he runs

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DanXIII

Jun 5, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Switchblade Sisters (1975)

Transfer student Maggie (Joanne Nail) finds herself at a high school ruled by the Silver Daggers, and their female counterparts, the Dagger Debs. Luckily for her, she’s no slouch with deadly weapons, and she soon finds herself in the good graces of the Deb’s leader, Lace (Big Bad Mama‘s Robbie Lee), and after the whole gaggle of them are sprung from Juvey, Maggie begins hanging with the Debs full time. Things go just swell until the leader of the Daggers, Dominic (Asher Brauner) starts having the hot n’ hornies for Mags. This goes over like a fart in church with Patch (Monica Gayle), the one-eyed second-in-command, and she begins lighting a fire under Lace’s ass to get Maggie out of the picture. With all of this in-fighting going on, how will the Daggers and Debs have time to put the kibosh on the machinations of Crabs (Chase Newhart), a socially conscious young man… that just so happens to get down

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DanXIII

Jun 5, 2021

Reviews

Comic Book Review: Acid Nun Issue #1 (2021)

Let me tell your arcane asses, Acid Nun, the new comic book from artist/writer Corinne Halbert is chock-a-fuckin’-block with plenty of things yours cruelly holds near and dear, such as (but not limited to): blasphemous religious iconography, drugs, sexual fuckings, demons n’ monsters, ass eatin’, skulls… and oh so much more! The best way I can describe the images contained within Acid Nun would be imagine a Chick Tract illustrated on a black light poster, but instead of being all Jesus-like we get the opposite end of the spectrum… and a hail and hardy “Ave Satanas” to that one boils n’ ghouls. But what of the story I hear you bitch n’ moan… well the long and short of the narrative goes as follows: Annie is a wicked, wicked nun who sits around, often nude, and gobbles down drugs while engaging in all manner of consciousness expansion and delicious debauchery… she also happens to be in love/lust with Eleanor, a

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DanXIII

Jun 1, 2021

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Stylist (2020)

Hair stylin’ Claire (played to lunatic perfection by Najarra Townsend) is a bit… off. See, ol’ Claire has a penchant for removing the scalps of her clients and putting them on her own noggin to… live vicariously through them? Look, shes unglued, it doesn’t have to make sense… The Stylist, the debut feature from writer/director Jill Gervargizian is nothing if not, well.. stylish. Every frame of this picture is so well realized and put together that the images become works of art (and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the impressive sets utilized here as well)… this is low-budget filmmaking that looks anything but, and was put together by a true artist. Thankfully this film has more going on besides lookin’ damn good (though Satan knows that’s usually enough for yours cruelly… )! A big boon to this production is the acting chops of Townsend who makes Claire a deft blend of pathos, madness, and sexual ambiguity, that results

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DanXIII

May 31, 2021

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

DVD Review: Face of the Devil (2014)

A those few precious days before college… not quite an adult, definitely not a child… a time to experience things purely for perhaps the last time… a chance to gather up your pals and go traipsing into a jungle for a little R n’ R, and perhaps a chance to stare into the gaping maw of hell itself, you know, for the fun of it all… So yeah, a gang of friends head down the raging rapids and end up at a hotel located deep within that verdant landscape. Of course this leads to them encountering all manner of odd occurrences that reveal there are supernatural shenanigans afoot, but is it the hotel and jungle that are cursed, or do the simply bring out the darkness that already dwells within? Let’s get the biggest challenge some of you may face with Face of the Devil; while the runtime is brief (around eighty minutes), this is definitely an entry in slow-burn

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DanXIII

May 31, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Baphomet (2021)

Man, ol’ Baphomet knows how to make a mother fuckin’ entrance! We get Satanic ritual, blood drinking, and full frontal nudity before this slice of horror biz even hits the two-minute mark! Speaking of the Big D, we’ll get back to those supernatural shenanigans in a bit, but first let’s start with the “Who, what, when, n’ why?” bag shall we boils n’ ghouls? The Richardson family are all set to celebrate the birth of their first grandchild courtesy of the wonderful womb of their daughter Rebecca (the conveniently named Rebecca Weaver). So that’s cool, and honestly, what could possibly fuck that up? Would you believe real estate? You see, those devil lovin’ high-rollers mentioned earlier want to buy the land the Richardson’s call home sweet home, but they are not keen on selling. The dark bastards take it well though, managing to keep their cool and only causing all manner of putridly paranormal mishaps to befall our heroes. To

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DanXIII

May 31, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Grizzly (1976)

After Don Stober (Andrew Prine) spits out one of, if not the most laid back environmental preservation speech ever (doubtless the helicopter he is piloting is nowhere near as high as him), we are treated to a hell of a whimsical musical ovation for a film that concerns a giant bear eating the ever-loving fuck outta people, but I digress… Enter: Smilin’ Mike Kelly (Pieces’ own Christopher George) and the other shit eatin’ grin wearing forest rangers in his employ… but fret not my wicked weirdos, those smiles will soon be wiped away, because lovely ladies are turning up mauled into hamburger thanks to the claws of a fifteen-foot grizzly bear. As the body count rises (more on that in a bit) Kelly, Stober, and resident Naturalist Arthur Scott (Richard Jaeckel) step up to the plate and attempt to end the murderous rampage of that bitch of a berserk bear! They are going to need a bigger pic-a-nic basket… Ya

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DanXIII

May 31, 2021

ReviewsStreaming TVTubi

Tubi Review: Twisted Fiction (2020)

Every once in a while, yours cruelly squeezes in a request or two, and this revotin’ review stated out as just that as I was contacted by one of the producers of the new Tubi show, Twisted Fiction and asked to slap my eerie eyeballs on it for the sake of gettin’ my two cent take on things! So what is Twisted Fiction? Well, think of it as a bit of E.C. comics by way of the grit and pulp sensibilities of a true crime rag, and if that doesn’t grab ya by the short n’ curlies I don’t know what will! Over the course of the two available episodes, The Troll and Sole Motel by name, we are treated to murder, monsters, and more (it’s like Bed, Bath, and Beyond, just with 100% additional… well… death n’ stuff… ). In The Troll, a true scumbag of a man (played to perfection by Gaetano Iacono) causes all manner of mayhem

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DanXIII

May 29, 2021

MoviesReviews

4K Ultra HD Review: The Final Countdown (1980)

‘Round about ol’ nineteen hundred and eighty, systems analyst Warren Lasky (a staggeringly young Martin Sheen) finds himself aboard the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Nimitz, led by Captain Yelland (a staggeringly not as old as he was towards the end, but still old Kirk Douglas) down Pearl Harbor way. Lasky’s job? Tell them what a gang of fuck-ups they are and how they can improve on that via efficiency or some shit… it isn’t important until it is anyway… Anyhow, the Nimitz soon finds itself in the middle of one hell of a bizarre storm, which they assume to be the result of some sort of Soviet attack or other… which unless they got their mitts on Destro’s Weather Dominator is a bit of a stretch, but regardless the Nimitz sails straight into a laser light display straight out of a Who concert. Cue: Star Trek theatrics, lazer antics, and searing pain… After all of that glorious nonsense, our heroes find

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DanXIII

May 23, 2021

IndieMoviesReviews

Short Film Review: Down the Rabbit Hole (2021)

Remember when I laid my eerie eyeballs on the genius puppet-centric short flick The Ghost of Weatherton Hall a few months back (if not head here for the revoltin’ review)? Well, that film’s creator, Mark Dickinson is back (along with Fear Incorporated‘s William Westwater, who preforms excellent narration duties as well) with his latest nice slice of horror biz, Down the Rabbit Hole; a take on Lewis Carroll’s 1865 novel; Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland! Down the Rabbit Hole catches up with Alice as she finds herself deep within the nightmarish environs of London’s Bedlam Asylum for the Insane after a nervous breakdown related to a family tragedy. To escape this hellish reality, Alice retreats to Wonderland… though that once vibrant and fantastic landscape has now become every bit as vile and wasted as Alice’s current location! The reason for Wonderland’s current state is directly related to the Queen of Hearts sanity, or lack thereof, as she’s become power drunk and

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DanXIII

May 17, 2021

DanXIII

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