CategoryReviews
Honest horror reviews of films, series, games and books — no hype, no spoilers, just whether it is worth your time and your nerves.
3,430 stories
MoviesReviews
After one of the most unbelievably shitty faux Alice Cooper tunes ever recorded by… someone, we get down to brass fuckin’ tacks as Tammy (Denise Richards), or ‘Tanny’ as the beginning credits call her, is reticent to start a new relationship with jock Michael (the late Paul Walker) after coming of an abusive ‘sitch with her violence prone ex… an ex which damn near kills Mikey in a brawl. Thankfully for our strapping young lad, and dinophiles everywhere, local evil genius Dr. Wachenstein (Terry Kiser; Bernie himself in a role that could graciously be called slightly over the top) has a robot Tyrannosaurus lying around and he slaps Michael’s brain inside of that revoltin’ reptile. T.Rex Mike then goes on a crusade to both woo Tammy and fight evil. Based on a true story. Tammy and the T. Rex is a self-aware slice of cinematic insanity that absolutely must be seen to be believed. You have performances so broad they
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MoviesReviews
“High school student” Kayla (Airlie Dodds, who is an excellent actress, but she ain’t passing for a teenager no matter what the script says) and her gal-pal Maddie (Ebony Vagulans) find themselves in some diabolically dire straits after they are kidnapped and dumped in a forest where they are to be sport for a gaggle of guys in monster masks. Kayla must team up with the other captives on the island to try and overthrow the masked maniacs and free her friend… preferably with her hide intact. Look, The Most Dangerous Game adaptations and pastiches are a dime a demonic dozen in the ol’ horror biz, and to that end, The Furies is definitely one of those, but does it do anything to stand (severed) head and shoulder above the pack? The most obvious thing on display is a feminist take on the material. Writer/director Tony D’Aquino offers up female characters that have to become the strongest of the species
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesReviews
Two salty sea men (I just keep ’em cumming, eh boils n’ ghouls?) sit around yappin’ about mermaids as so many of us do. Well, this gets to that, and these bastards not only catch a mermaid (Alexandra Bokova), but they cut her goddamn tail off too… like seriously, who does that? A rando dude, Dr. Beyer (Burt Culver), comes to her rescue… kind of, as he doesn’t seem to be much better than her captors ,and takes her to the psychiatric hospital where he works as a psychiatrist for disturbed young women. The other patients don’t really get on with our former fish heroine (who has grown legs by the by), especially when she does shit like jumping in a pool like a lunatic and expecting her tail to return. Let me tell you lot, our heroine better try and make nice because the whole gaggle are in deep fuckery territory as the good doc is up to some
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IndieMoviesReviews
Here it comes cats n’ creeps, the latest arcane anthology to hit the horror biz; Return to Horror Hotel, a fright flick comprised of four fearsome terror tales! First out of the gate comes Sleep Tight: Disparate strangers take up temporary residence at a rundown hotel… we have a bitchy, slutty, drunken (the classic trio beloved by all!) aunt and her two young charges, a bodybuilder obsessed with his physical form, and strangely enough, two folks who’s legs are horribly infected and turning into oozing nightmares. What do all these fine folks have in common? Why they all have to contend with beastly bed bugs who have gobbled up that muscle man’s steroids and mutated! Best part, that couple with the leakin’ legs; they grind up those creepy crawlies and sell the powder as a potent drug! This is one hell of an off-the wall yarn, and a solid start to this collection… it’s like trailer park William S. Burroughs,
Continue reading →
MoviesParanormalReviews
Two Evil Eyes is an arcane anthology divided into two halves (it’s all there in the title folks), both directed by legendary horror directors (George A. Romero and Dario Argento for those keepin’ score at home) and based on the writing of Edgar Allan Poe (The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar and The Black Cat respectively). Let’s kick out the jams with Romero’s joint, shall we? Jessica Valdemar (Adrienne Barbeau) is what one would call “a reluctant shit-heel”; sure she’s conspiring with Dr. Robert Hoffman (Ramy Zada) to bilk her dying husband, Ernest (Bingo O’Malley) out of his vast fortune via hypnosis… but she doesn’t feel great about it, until the dough begins to be well in hand that is. As fate would have it, Ernest buys the farm, so Bob and Jess chuck his dead ass in a large freezer in the basement and carry on with the Devil’s business… which you’d imagine would go smoothly, but
Continue reading →
GamingHalloweenNewsProductReviews
Nintendo Switch users can now stalk their prey in the damp streets of London in time for Halloween! Focus Home Interactive and DontNod’s gothic tale of choice and consequence, Vampyr has now found its way onto the platform. Vampyr takes players to the mean streets of 1918 London during the Spanish Flu Epidemic as the newly-turned vampire Dr. Jonathan Reid. Along with the flu spreading through the city, so has vampirism, leading Reid to investigate the cause of the rise of vampires in the city, the cause of the flu outbreak, and the truth as to what happened to him. The main focus of the game’s mechanics is choices. Though Reid can hack and slash his way through the city and earn XP to build up his stats, he can meet citizens of London and after learning more about them, players are met with a choice, just leave them be or…prey on them. Though players will receive a lot of
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MoviesNewsReviewsTrailers
From director Nick Powell comes Primal starring Nicolas Cage (Mandy), Famke Janssen “How to Get Away with Murder”), and Kevin Durand (“The Strain”). The film tells the story of an animal trafficker (Cage) who boards a ship that is also carrying an ex-military assassin (Durand) taken into custody, a few soldiers and a doctor (Janssen), along with ship’s crew and the trafficker’s cargo which includes a rare white jaguar. As the journey begins, the assassin breaks free unleashes the Jaguar and begins killing people off one by one. Everyone knows who Nicolas Cage is and his reputation for his films being hit or miss. In the case of Primal, it’s a big miss. Cage’s dialogue and acting is so forced that it’s almost painful. The only thing worse is the spray-on-beard he’s wearing. There are zero redeeming qualities about his character Frank Walsh. He’s a dick who traffics animals, but we’re expected to cheer for him or identify with him
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MoviesReviews
Lon Chaney was one of the undisputed greats in our beloved horror biz for his legendary performances as Quasimodo in 1923’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and as the titular character in 1925’s The Phantom of the Opera. So integral a part of the industry was Chaney that in 1957 Universal made a biopic and that brings us to today’s revoltin’ review of Man of a Thousand Faces! Born to deaf/mute parents, ol’ Lon has a tough go of it… but, he doesn’t let it get him down as he goes on to be a top vaudeville performer with a knack for taking on multiple characters with ease. Along for the ride is his pregnant wife Cleva (Dorothy Malone) who upon discovering our hero’s parent’s condition completely loses her shit and becomes one of the most annoying individuals in the known universe (seriously, you’ll be begging Lon to leave her ass in the dust at every turn). Life at home
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MoviesReviews
Ida (Kerstin Jannerup Gjesing) is a cherubic tyke that is getting some serious static in her life thanks to some dreadful dreams of a monster that has it out for her. Her mother, Leonora (Molly Blixt Egelind), assures her that there are no monsters… as she herself battles the demon in a bottle; I’m talkin’ booze boils n’ ghouls! Let me tell you lot; this sinister short really plays with ya! This thing enters some dark, psychologically fucked-up territory and smacks you right in the gut, while playing out in sun dappled rooms full of bright, cheery color. It’s that dichotomy that makes the entire affair so damn unsettling… well, that and the fact young Ida has no skills to help her cope with the horrors of her dreams and her reality. Speaking of Ida, Gjesing is one hell of a fantastic actor who’s tender age belies her acting prowess, and Egelind as her beleaguered mother is no slouch either
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MoviesReviewsThriller
Cast your monstrous mind back to 2015… okay, are ya there? Remember that Angry Hank Rollins vampire joint He Never Died? Well, guess what; we are taking a look at a semi-sequel to that terror tale, but it’s been all gender-swaped, both in front of and behind the camera… but more on that in a bit) as I cast my eerie eyeballs on She Never Died! Long story short, this entry focuses on the immortal Lacey (Olunike Adeliyi), a lone wolf with a major case of boredom with her never-ending existence. So what does she do to try and help her ennui? Why devouring the worst that humanity has to offer of course… which in turn causes her to battle her own demons in the process. So how does this hold up to the first, admittedly excellent, chapter? Pretty damn well! End of review. Alright, because you are surely setting on your couch literally begging for more of my wicked
Continue reading →
More from Reviews
MoviesReviews
After one of the most unbelievably shitty faux Alice Cooper tunes ever recorded by… someone, we get down to brass fuckin’ tacks as Tammy (Denise Richards), or ‘Tanny’ as the beginning credits call her, is reticent to start a new relationship with jock Michael (the late Paul Walker) after coming of an abusive ‘sitch with her violence prone ex… an ex which damn near kills Mikey in a brawl. Thankfully for our strapping young lad, and dinophiles everywhere, local evil genius Dr. Wachenstein (Terry Kiser; Bernie himself in a role that could graciously be called slightly over the top) has a robot Tyrannosaurus lying around and he slaps Michael’s brain inside of that revoltin’ reptile. T.Rex Mike then goes on a crusade to both woo Tammy and fight evil. Based on a true story. Tammy and the T. Rex is a self-aware slice of cinematic insanity that absolutely must be seen to be believed. You have performances so broad they
Continue reading →
MoviesReviews
“High school student” Kayla (Airlie Dodds, who is an excellent actress, but she ain’t passing for a teenager no matter what the script says) and her gal-pal Maddie (Ebony Vagulans) find themselves in some diabolically dire straits after they are kidnapped and dumped in a forest where they are to be sport for a gaggle of guys in monster masks. Kayla must team up with the other captives on the island to try and overthrow the masked maniacs and free her friend… preferably with her hide intact. Look, The Most Dangerous Game adaptations and pastiches are a dime a demonic dozen in the ol’ horror biz, and to that end, The Furies is definitely one of those, but does it do anything to stand (severed) head and shoulder above the pack? The most obvious thing on display is a feminist take on the material. Writer/director Tony D’Aquino offers up female characters that have to become the strongest of the species
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesReviews
Two salty sea men (I just keep ’em cumming, eh boils n’ ghouls?) sit around yappin’ about mermaids as so many of us do. Well, this gets to that, and these bastards not only catch a mermaid (Alexandra Bokova), but they cut her goddamn tail off too… like seriously, who does that? A rando dude, Dr. Beyer (Burt Culver), comes to her rescue… kind of, as he doesn’t seem to be much better than her captors ,and takes her to the psychiatric hospital where he works as a psychiatrist for disturbed young women. The other patients don’t really get on with our former fish heroine (who has grown legs by the by), especially when she does shit like jumping in a pool like a lunatic and expecting her tail to return. Let me tell you lot, our heroine better try and make nice because the whole gaggle are in deep fuckery territory as the good doc is up to some
Continue reading →
IndieMoviesReviews
Here it comes cats n’ creeps, the latest arcane anthology to hit the horror biz; Return to Horror Hotel, a fright flick comprised of four fearsome terror tales! First out of the gate comes Sleep Tight: Disparate strangers take up temporary residence at a rundown hotel… we have a bitchy, slutty, drunken (the classic trio beloved by all!) aunt and her two young charges, a bodybuilder obsessed with his physical form, and strangely enough, two folks who’s legs are horribly infected and turning into oozing nightmares. What do all these fine folks have in common? Why they all have to contend with beastly bed bugs who have gobbled up that muscle man’s steroids and mutated! Best part, that couple with the leakin’ legs; they grind up those creepy crawlies and sell the powder as a potent drug! This is one hell of an off-the wall yarn, and a solid start to this collection… it’s like trailer park William S. Burroughs,
Continue reading →
MoviesParanormalReviews
Two Evil Eyes is an arcane anthology divided into two halves (it’s all there in the title folks), both directed by legendary horror directors (George A. Romero and Dario Argento for those keepin’ score at home) and based on the writing of Edgar Allan Poe (The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar and The Black Cat respectively). Let’s kick out the jams with Romero’s joint, shall we? Jessica Valdemar (Adrienne Barbeau) is what one would call “a reluctant shit-heel”; sure she’s conspiring with Dr. Robert Hoffman (Ramy Zada) to bilk her dying husband, Ernest (Bingo O’Malley) out of his vast fortune via hypnosis… but she doesn’t feel great about it, until the dough begins to be well in hand that is. As fate would have it, Ernest buys the farm, so Bob and Jess chuck his dead ass in a large freezer in the basement and carry on with the Devil’s business… which you’d imagine would go smoothly, but
Continue reading →
GamingHalloweenNewsProductReviews
Nintendo Switch users can now stalk their prey in the damp streets of London in time for Halloween! Focus Home Interactive and DontNod’s gothic tale of choice and consequence, Vampyr has now found its way onto the platform. Vampyr takes players to the mean streets of 1918 London during the Spanish Flu Epidemic as the newly-turned vampire Dr. Jonathan Reid. Along with the flu spreading through the city, so has vampirism, leading Reid to investigate the cause of the rise of vampires in the city, the cause of the flu outbreak, and the truth as to what happened to him. The main focus of the game’s mechanics is choices. Though Reid can hack and slash his way through the city and earn XP to build up his stats, he can meet citizens of London and after learning more about them, players are met with a choice, just leave them be or…prey on them. Though players will receive a lot of
Continue reading →
MoviesNewsReviewsTrailers
From director Nick Powell comes Primal starring Nicolas Cage (Mandy), Famke Janssen “How to Get Away with Murder”), and Kevin Durand (“The Strain”). The film tells the story of an animal trafficker (Cage) who boards a ship that is also carrying an ex-military assassin (Durand) taken into custody, a few soldiers and a doctor (Janssen), along with ship’s crew and the trafficker’s cargo which includes a rare white jaguar. As the journey begins, the assassin breaks free unleashes the Jaguar and begins killing people off one by one. Everyone knows who Nicolas Cage is and his reputation for his films being hit or miss. In the case of Primal, it’s a big miss. Cage’s dialogue and acting is so forced that it’s almost painful. The only thing worse is the spray-on-beard he’s wearing. There are zero redeeming qualities about his character Frank Walsh. He’s a dick who traffics animals, but we’re expected to cheer for him or identify with him
Continue reading →
MoviesReviews
Lon Chaney was one of the undisputed greats in our beloved horror biz for his legendary performances as Quasimodo in 1923’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and as the titular character in 1925’s The Phantom of the Opera. So integral a part of the industry was Chaney that in 1957 Universal made a biopic and that brings us to today’s revoltin’ review of Man of a Thousand Faces! Born to deaf/mute parents, ol’ Lon has a tough go of it… but, he doesn’t let it get him down as he goes on to be a top vaudeville performer with a knack for taking on multiple characters with ease. Along for the ride is his pregnant wife Cleva (Dorothy Malone) who upon discovering our hero’s parent’s condition completely loses her shit and becomes one of the most annoying individuals in the known universe (seriously, you’ll be begging Lon to leave her ass in the dust at every turn). Life at home
Continue reading →
MoviesReviews
Ida (Kerstin Jannerup Gjesing) is a cherubic tyke that is getting some serious static in her life thanks to some dreadful dreams of a monster that has it out for her. Her mother, Leonora (Molly Blixt Egelind), assures her that there are no monsters… as she herself battles the demon in a bottle; I’m talkin’ booze boils n’ ghouls! Let me tell you lot; this sinister short really plays with ya! This thing enters some dark, psychologically fucked-up territory and smacks you right in the gut, while playing out in sun dappled rooms full of bright, cheery color. It’s that dichotomy that makes the entire affair so damn unsettling… well, that and the fact young Ida has no skills to help her cope with the horrors of her dreams and her reality. Speaking of Ida, Gjesing is one hell of a fantastic actor who’s tender age belies her acting prowess, and Egelind as her beleaguered mother is no slouch either
Continue reading →
MoviesReviewsThriller
Cast your monstrous mind back to 2015… okay, are ya there? Remember that Angry Hank Rollins vampire joint He Never Died? Well, guess what; we are taking a look at a semi-sequel to that terror tale, but it’s been all gender-swaped, both in front of and behind the camera… but more on that in a bit) as I cast my eerie eyeballs on She Never Died! Long story short, this entry focuses on the immortal Lacey (Olunike Adeliyi), a lone wolf with a major case of boredom with her never-ending existence. So what does she do to try and help her ennui? Why devouring the worst that humanity has to offer of course… which in turn causes her to battle her own demons in the process. So how does this hold up to the first, admittedly excellent, chapter? Pretty damn well! End of review. Alright, because you are surely setting on your couch literally begging for more of my wicked
Continue reading →
