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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Panther Squad (1984)

The New Organization Of Nations, or N.O.O.N. if you are one of those sick, sick bastards that need to abbreviate things… has a wild hair about winning the space race… too bad the terrorist group Clean Space have gone all commando and began causing static for N.O.O.N. up to and including kidnapping a lady astronaut. N.O.O.N. is N.O.N.E. too thrilled about this turn of events, so they bring in Ilona (Sybil Danning), leader of the all-girl ass-kickers known as The Panther Squad… you know, they of the skimpy costumes, bedazzled and exclusively worn with bikinis underneath… to rip Clean Space a new asshole! Boobs, bloodshed, and a motorcycle with a cute as balls duckie painted on it follow in equal measure… oh, and there’s a laser gun in there too because fuck yeah, that’s why! Coming from those paragons of cinematic top-shelfery, Eurocine (who also brought us the equally batshit insane Zombie Lake), Panther Squad is an absolute scream of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 3, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Edge of the Axe (1988)

Bizarre-ass motorcycle ridin’ computer expert Gerald (Barton Faulks), and his equally off-putting pal Richard Simmons… wait… what the fuck now? Anyway, this Richard Simmons (Page Mosely), is an exterminator by trade… though philanderer is his main occupation, and he spends his time with Ger-bear trying to score some trim, drinking beer, playing video games, and finding corpses left in the wake of a masked lunatic on a kill spree/pig bothering sesh. Soon ol’ Jerry hooks up with a comely video game lovin’ barmaid named Lillian (Christina Marie Lane)… but our heroine has a past; as a little squirt, she pushed her cuz off a swing set and fucked him up but good, and my dude just got sprung from the nuthouse! Before long, the chase is on to figure out the killer’s identity and end his reign of terror… and no one is quite what they seem! Edge of the Axe is a surreal, pseudo-giallo that really delivers an off-kilter

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: House by the Cemetery (1981)

Hot shot New York City doctor Norman Boyle (Paolo Malco) takes over the investigation of a historical home down Massachusetts way started by his pal Dr. Petersen, who just so happens to have offed himself after making his mistress extinct. I certainly hope the former owner of the house had nothing to do with all that unpleasantness… Anyhow, ol’ Norm packs up his wife Lucy (the loverly Catriona MacColl) and his son Bob (who has been having all manner of weird psychic connections to the house in the form of communications with an odd little girl named Mae (Silvia Collatina)… which as strange as that is, doesn’t even come close to matching the blazing nonsense that is his voice in the English dub) and heads to Mass to take up residence in that dread dwelling. One deranged babysitter (Ania Pieroni) and a trip to the basement later, and it becomes clear that the malevolent presence of the house’s previous owner

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 25, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Krypton: The Complete Second Season (2019)

Warner Bros. Home Entertainment provided me with a free copy of the Blu-ray I reviewed in this blog post. The opinions I share are my own. When I heard that a Superman based TV series was being produced that wouldn’t focus on ol’ Kal-El I was a bit perplexed (to be fair, that’s my normal state), but the end result was pretty damn fantastic (and you can read my thoughts on the matter right here). Well as fate and ratings would demand, our pals at SyFy gave us a second season of Krypton, and I’m fixin’ to slap my eyeballs on it post-haste! Season two drops the ol’ city of Kandor well and truly into the soup! Zod still has Big K in his iron grip of insanity, and he’s got a wild hair up his alien ass about conquering the entire universe in order to ensure a rebuilt Krypton’s security… a Krypton rebuilt to his exact specifications mind you!

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Universal Horror Collection: Volume 3 (1939 – 1941)

Straight up; the last two Universal Horror Collections brought to us courtesy of those wonderful warlocks over at Scream Factory have been nothing if not a whole monstrous mess of fright flick fun (don’t believe me? Head here and here and read my thoughts on the matter for your own sinister self!)! Let’s see if Volume 3 lives up to the legacy of it’s predecessors! First up we travel to the not-so-jolly land of 15th century England with 1939’s Tower of London! Hunchbacked Richard Duke of Gloucester (Basil Rathbone), is sixth in line in succession to the throne, and he is pretty pissed about that let me tell ya. So what does that damned deformed dastard… err, bastard do to remedy that situation? Why he begins secretly eliminating those ahead of him in line with the help of his putrid pal Mord (Boris Karloff), the bloodthirsty town executioner (equally deformed as his boss; in this case with a club-foot). Things

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 2, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Peanut Butter Solution (1985)

Mike (Mathew Mackay); junior soccer star, son to a attic-dwelling painter, and object of derision to his robe-wearin’ sister… also, friend to winos, as the children oft are. Anyway, speaking of those winos, they get burned to death in a fire, you know because that’s fun for the whole family! Long story long, Mikey goes to the scene of the immolation looking foe survivors and gets the ever-loving shit scared out of him… which causes all of his hair to fall out (no bald cap here, my dude Mackay actually shaved his head for this flick),a nd for him to lose his damn mind. To solve the prob, his sis and pops super glue a wig to his head… which of course gets as much accomplished as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest (and let me just say, when Mike’s mom gets back from her sojurn in Australia she will doubtless be hella fuckin’ pissed)… but thankfully

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 22, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Ultraman Orb (2016) and Ultraman Geed (2017)

Mill Creek Entertainment have gone done and released a dynamic duo of newer Ultra series… Ultraman Orb (2016) and Ultraman GEED (2017) respectively, and I marathoned the ever-loving shit out of them! So hunker down and read my wicked words about ’em! Created to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the ultra-franchise, ol’ Ultraman Orb follows the adventures of a new Ultraman (Orb ‘natch) who arrives on the scene all fired up to kick some monster ass, and boy will he ever get the chance as a cadre of killer kaiju known as King Demon Beasts have been set free after cooling their jets for centuries thanks to the Ultra Warriors locking their asses away and throwing away the key. Now Orb has a trick or two up his sleeve, mainly the fact he can call upon and utilize the powers of past Ultra Warriors and utilize them to inflict all manner of grave bodily harm to each and every monster

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 20, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Prophecy (1979)

Something has been ripping loggers a new asshole up in the mountains of Maine… a situation made worse by the local native population… well worse for the paper mill that is running the logging gig and fuckin’ up the land of the tribes of the region, as they try and protest every step of the operation. Enter Dr. Robert Verne (Robert Foxworth) who excepts a job from the EPA to write a report on the woodsy static going down. Once there, Rob notices a few things; the logging company are kind of complete assholes, the raccoons of the are are not to be fucked with, and the spokesperson for the tribes, John Hawks (played by Armand Assante of all people) is convinced a legendary monster roams the woods… which would surprise no one due to the amount of pollution that mill is a-churnin’ out! Also, it actually is… and it looks like the giant fuckin’ bear equivalent of Two-Face (played

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Dracula (1979)

Looking for a faithful adaptation of Bram Stoker’s masterpiece, Dracula? Well, it’s a hardy “tough shit” to you, because today we are turning our putrid peepers on John Badham’s 1979 version of that beloved terror tale! Beginning with Drac-attac’s arrival in jolly ol’ eerie England aboard the doomed ship The Demeter, this version skips that whole “journey to a foreboding castle” bag the yarn usually kicks off with. Anyhow, frail Mina van Helsing (Jan Francis… and see what I mean about “faithful”?) finds Drac’s (Frank Langella) limp form while calling on her friend Lucy Seward (Kate Nelligan… and again…), who’s pappy Dr. Jack Seward (Donald Pleasence) runs Ye Olde Local Loony Bin located within his stately clifftop mansion. Now Drac manages to fool everyone with his smooth as silk ways… but before long Mina is dead at the fangs of the that creepy count who strikes while Lucy is gallivanting about with her beau Jonathon (Trevor Eve). This results in

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 7, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak (1984)

Gwendoline (Tawny Kitaen) ships herself to China in a wooden box, and is immediately kidnapped upon her arrival to the Far East. Thankfully for her, rough and tumble sailin’ man Willard (Brent Huff) comes to her rescue and takes up the task of helping our heroine locate the butterfly her butterfly (that’s a lot of “butterfly” in one sentence… oh, shit… ) collector father went missing in the mythic land of the Yik Yak trying to find… for a fee of course. Along the way our erstwhile heroes must contend with river pirates, cannibals, poisonous clouds, and a tribe of Amazons that live in a hi-tech mine deep below the Earth… a serious ordeal all for a simple butterfly! Want to know something that exemplifies the surreal nature of The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak? The film has an easy-listenin’ synth score (totally inappropriate given it’s early 1930’s setting) that plays no matter the sitch…

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 23, 2019

More from Blu-Ray

Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Panther Squad (1984)

The New Organization Of Nations, or N.O.O.N. if you are one of those sick, sick bastards that need to abbreviate things… has a wild hair about winning the space race… too bad the terrorist group Clean Space have gone all commando and began causing static for N.O.O.N. up to and including kidnapping a lady astronaut. N.O.O.N. is N.O.N.E. too thrilled about this turn of events, so they bring in Ilona (Sybil Danning), leader of the all-girl ass-kickers known as The Panther Squad… you know, they of the skimpy costumes, bedazzled and exclusively worn with bikinis underneath… to rip Clean Space a new asshole! Boobs, bloodshed, and a motorcycle with a cute as balls duckie painted on it follow in equal measure… oh, and there’s a laser gun in there too because fuck yeah, that’s why! Coming from those paragons of cinematic top-shelfery, Eurocine (who also brought us the equally batshit insane Zombie Lake), Panther Squad is an absolute scream of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 3, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Edge of the Axe (1988)

Bizarre-ass motorcycle ridin’ computer expert Gerald (Barton Faulks), and his equally off-putting pal Richard Simmons… wait… what the fuck now? Anyway, this Richard Simmons (Page Mosely), is an exterminator by trade… though philanderer is his main occupation, and he spends his time with Ger-bear trying to score some trim, drinking beer, playing video games, and finding corpses left in the wake of a masked lunatic on a kill spree/pig bothering sesh. Soon ol’ Jerry hooks up with a comely video game lovin’ barmaid named Lillian (Christina Marie Lane)… but our heroine has a past; as a little squirt, she pushed her cuz off a swing set and fucked him up but good, and my dude just got sprung from the nuthouse! Before long, the chase is on to figure out the killer’s identity and end his reign of terror… and no one is quite what they seem! Edge of the Axe is a surreal, pseudo-giallo that really delivers an off-kilter

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: House by the Cemetery (1981)

Hot shot New York City doctor Norman Boyle (Paolo Malco) takes over the investigation of a historical home down Massachusetts way started by his pal Dr. Petersen, who just so happens to have offed himself after making his mistress extinct. I certainly hope the former owner of the house had nothing to do with all that unpleasantness… Anyhow, ol’ Norm packs up his wife Lucy (the loverly Catriona MacColl) and his son Bob (who has been having all manner of weird psychic connections to the house in the form of communications with an odd little girl named Mae (Silvia Collatina)… which as strange as that is, doesn’t even come close to matching the blazing nonsense that is his voice in the English dub) and heads to Mass to take up residence in that dread dwelling. One deranged babysitter (Ania Pieroni) and a trip to the basement later, and it becomes clear that the malevolent presence of the house’s previous owner

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 25, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Krypton: The Complete Second Season (2019)

Warner Bros. Home Entertainment provided me with a free copy of the Blu-ray I reviewed in this blog post. The opinions I share are my own. When I heard that a Superman based TV series was being produced that wouldn’t focus on ol’ Kal-El I was a bit perplexed (to be fair, that’s my normal state), but the end result was pretty damn fantastic (and you can read my thoughts on the matter right here). Well as fate and ratings would demand, our pals at SyFy gave us a second season of Krypton, and I’m fixin’ to slap my eyeballs on it post-haste! Season two drops the ol’ city of Kandor well and truly into the soup! Zod still has Big K in his iron grip of insanity, and he’s got a wild hair up his alien ass about conquering the entire universe in order to ensure a rebuilt Krypton’s security… a Krypton rebuilt to his exact specifications mind you!

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Universal Horror Collection: Volume 3 (1939 – 1941)

Straight up; the last two Universal Horror Collections brought to us courtesy of those wonderful warlocks over at Scream Factory have been nothing if not a whole monstrous mess of fright flick fun (don’t believe me? Head here and here and read my thoughts on the matter for your own sinister self!)! Let’s see if Volume 3 lives up to the legacy of it’s predecessors! First up we travel to the not-so-jolly land of 15th century England with 1939’s Tower of London! Hunchbacked Richard Duke of Gloucester (Basil Rathbone), is sixth in line in succession to the throne, and he is pretty pissed about that let me tell ya. So what does that damned deformed dastard… err, bastard do to remedy that situation? Why he begins secretly eliminating those ahead of him in line with the help of his putrid pal Mord (Boris Karloff), the bloodthirsty town executioner (equally deformed as his boss; in this case with a club-foot). Things

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 2, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Peanut Butter Solution (1985)

Mike (Mathew Mackay); junior soccer star, son to a attic-dwelling painter, and object of derision to his robe-wearin’ sister… also, friend to winos, as the children oft are. Anyway, speaking of those winos, they get burned to death in a fire, you know because that’s fun for the whole family! Long story long, Mikey goes to the scene of the immolation looking foe survivors and gets the ever-loving shit scared out of him… which causes all of his hair to fall out (no bald cap here, my dude Mackay actually shaved his head for this flick),a nd for him to lose his damn mind. To solve the prob, his sis and pops super glue a wig to his head… which of course gets as much accomplished as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest (and let me just say, when Mike’s mom gets back from her sojurn in Australia she will doubtless be hella fuckin’ pissed)… but thankfully

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 22, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Ultraman Orb (2016) and Ultraman Geed (2017)

Mill Creek Entertainment have gone done and released a dynamic duo of newer Ultra series… Ultraman Orb (2016) and Ultraman GEED (2017) respectively, and I marathoned the ever-loving shit out of them! So hunker down and read my wicked words about ’em! Created to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the ultra-franchise, ol’ Ultraman Orb follows the adventures of a new Ultraman (Orb ‘natch) who arrives on the scene all fired up to kick some monster ass, and boy will he ever get the chance as a cadre of killer kaiju known as King Demon Beasts have been set free after cooling their jets for centuries thanks to the Ultra Warriors locking their asses away and throwing away the key. Now Orb has a trick or two up his sleeve, mainly the fact he can call upon and utilize the powers of past Ultra Warriors and utilize them to inflict all manner of grave bodily harm to each and every monster

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 20, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Prophecy (1979)

Something has been ripping loggers a new asshole up in the mountains of Maine… a situation made worse by the local native population… well worse for the paper mill that is running the logging gig and fuckin’ up the land of the tribes of the region, as they try and protest every step of the operation. Enter Dr. Robert Verne (Robert Foxworth) who excepts a job from the EPA to write a report on the woodsy static going down. Once there, Rob notices a few things; the logging company are kind of complete assholes, the raccoons of the are are not to be fucked with, and the spokesperson for the tribes, John Hawks (played by Armand Assante of all people) is convinced a legendary monster roams the woods… which would surprise no one due to the amount of pollution that mill is a-churnin’ out! Also, it actually is… and it looks like the giant fuckin’ bear equivalent of Two-Face (played

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Dracula (1979)

Looking for a faithful adaptation of Bram Stoker’s masterpiece, Dracula? Well, it’s a hardy “tough shit” to you, because today we are turning our putrid peepers on John Badham’s 1979 version of that beloved terror tale! Beginning with Drac-attac’s arrival in jolly ol’ eerie England aboard the doomed ship The Demeter, this version skips that whole “journey to a foreboding castle” bag the yarn usually kicks off with. Anyhow, frail Mina van Helsing (Jan Francis… and see what I mean about “faithful”?) finds Drac’s (Frank Langella) limp form while calling on her friend Lucy Seward (Kate Nelligan… and again…), who’s pappy Dr. Jack Seward (Donald Pleasence) runs Ye Olde Local Loony Bin located within his stately clifftop mansion. Now Drac manages to fool everyone with his smooth as silk ways… but before long Mina is dead at the fangs of the that creepy count who strikes while Lucy is gallivanting about with her beau Jonathon (Trevor Eve). This results in

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 7, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak (1984)

Gwendoline (Tawny Kitaen) ships herself to China in a wooden box, and is immediately kidnapped upon her arrival to the Far East. Thankfully for her, rough and tumble sailin’ man Willard (Brent Huff) comes to her rescue and takes up the task of helping our heroine locate the butterfly her butterfly (that’s a lot of “butterfly” in one sentence… oh, shit… ) collector father went missing in the mythic land of the Yik Yak trying to find… for a fee of course. Along the way our erstwhile heroes must contend with river pirates, cannibals, poisonous clouds, and a tribe of Amazons that live in a hi-tech mine deep below the Earth… a serious ordeal all for a simple butterfly! Want to know something that exemplifies the surreal nature of The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak? The film has an easy-listenin’ synth score (totally inappropriate given it’s early 1930’s setting) that plays no matter the sitch…

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 23, 2019
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