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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Beast in Heat (1977)

During the final days of World War II; top Nazi scientist Dr. Ellen Kratsch (Macha Magall) gets a wild hair up her ass to create a horny as-all-fuck Neanderthal (Salvatore Baccaro) that humps it’s victims to death. What practical wartime application could this have? None…but Nazis are always up to ridiculous horseshit, so why should this film be any different? Anyway, some partisans from a nearby Italian village are causing those goose-steppin’ lunkheads some static, so the Ratzis naturally round-up every woman they can find (while shooting old ladies and babies) and systematically torture them to quell that pesky uprising. Along the way we are treated to some of the classic hits as only The Beast in Heat can do them including; Luger blast to the va-jay, tons of naked flesh (both female and male, because unlike actual Nazis, this flick is all about feel-good equality…or something like that), crappy-ass stock footage, people emoting during torture with the exuberance of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Night of the Creeps (1986)

In 1959, some naked-ass alien bastards chuck an experiment from their spacecraft which crashes on Earth…where some young lovers, Pam and Johnny believe it is a falling star. As her date investigates, Pam is murdered by an ax-wielding maniac on the loose (that her ex-beau police officer Ray Cameron warned the duo about earlier in the evening). Meanwhile Johnny is infected by an alien slug that hops down his throat…so the night is pretty much a bust for both of them. Flash forward to 1986, and college students Chris (Jason Lively) and J.C. (Steve Marshall) try and join a douchey fraternity to impress Cynthia Cronenberg (Jill Whitlow), the woman of Chris’ dreams. In order to complete that task, our heroes are tasked with stealing a corpse and placing it in front of a rival fraternity…which they fuck up in spectacular fashion when they free Johnny’s cryogenically frozen body…which isn’t as dead as everyone would hope. Soon Johnny has released his

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 29, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: American Horror Project: Volume 2 (1970 -1977)

A few years back, those freaky fiends at Arrow Video released a collection of three lesser-seen fringe fright flicks under the name American Horror Project: Volume 1. As you can tell by the title of this review, they have gone done and released a new collection of weird ass shit, and it’s up to your’s cruelly to take the ol’ deep dive and see what these putrid pictures are all about! First up we get: Dream No Evil (1970): An orphan girl spends her days keepin’ the faith that her daddy dearest will re-appear and sweep her away. Well that shit doesn’t come to pass; but she does get adopted and joins a revivalist Preacher in his carny existence. A few doomed romances later, and our heroine finds her daddy all right…laid right out on the mortician’s (who is also a pimp…because…well…) slab. Anyway, her grief resurrects him and he goes on a murder spree as one does. On the

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 26, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Universal Horror Collection Volume 1

Ol’ Scream Factory are unleashing a slew of second tier terror tales featuring two of the grand champions of the horror biz; Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff in one handy package dubbed Universal Horror Collection Volume 1. The set contains four fearsome features which I will be setting my eerie eyeballs on post haste! First up comes: The Black Cat (1934): Young newlyweds Peter (David Manners) and Joan Alison (Julie Bishop), are on their honeymoon in Hungary, where they meet the most Hungarian of Hungarians Dr. Vitus Werdegast (Béla Lugosi), who explains he’s been locked up for 15 years in a Siberian prison and is travelling to visit an old friend; one Hjalmar Poelzig (Boris Karloff), an Austrian architect. Soon all become stranded at Poelzig’s art deco mansion, where Werdegast accuses ol’ P-dawg of stealing his wife while he was in prison, and just for shits (and because his terrified of pussies) kills his host’s black cat…good thing Poelzig has

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 22, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Ghosts of Mars (2001)

Lieutenant Melanie Ballard (Natasha Henstridge) and a cadre of Mars cops are called out to a remote mining colony to pick up a prisoner, one Desolation Williams (Ice Cube), and transport him back to civilization…and more thorough incarceration. Once there they discover that nothing is left of the colony but mutilated corpses. Our heroes all have their theories as to what happened, but the simplest explanation eludes them…centuries old space lizard ghosts have possessed the miners and turned them into some sort of primal street gang lead by Big Daddy Mars (Richard Cetrone)…you know, like any other given Tuesday. Of course this makes survival a bit dicey for our heroes, but thankfully Desolation’s hard-ass pals show up to form an uneasy alliance making Operation: Save Ass a smidge more doable. I’m just going to come out and say it; Ghosts of Mars takes waaaay more shit from horror hounds than it deserves. While admittedly not one of John Carpenter’s best

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 16, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Frankenstein Created Woman (1967)

Baron Frankenstein (the legendary Peter Cushing) is resurrected from the dead (what a twist!) by his colleague Dr. Hertz (Thorley Walters) as part of an experiment involving the retention of one’s soul over a specified period of death (science…dodgy…making my…brain seize). So what does ol’ Franky-baby do when he’s up and about? Well he goes out for dinner…yeah, not really what I was expecting either…but eventually he gets up to the devil’s business we paid for as Hertz’s assistant Hans (Robert Morris) is wrongfully accused of murder and executed…which causes his girlfriend, the lovely yet disfigured Christina (Susan Denberg) to commit suicide…and the doomed lovers become the Baron’s next pet project. Soon ol’ Chrissy is back among the living; her face fixed, her hair now blonde (science!), and her subconscious packed fat with Hans’ soul…and this comely lass is hellbent on murderous revenge! Now you may wonder how a Frankenstein pic will fair with nary a stitched together man-monster shamblin’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Andromeda Strain (1971)

The US Air Force’s Project Scoop deploys a small unit to retrieve a satellite that has crashed back to Earth near Piedmont, New Mexico. Sounds easy enough; except the entire town is now dead A.F. and the folks sent to investigate end up the same thanks to something that hitched a ride on said satellite. Enter: Dr. Jeremy Stone (Arthur Hill) who warned this type of shit would go down years previous and was ostracized for his trouble. Now Uncle Sam comes practically begging for his assistance; and that of his team; Drs. Dutton, the brassy Leavitt and Hall (David Wayne, Kate Reid, and James Olson, respectively) and ships them off to the high tech underground facility known as Wildfire. Once there the work begins (after a series of wacky…and hilarious tests and decontamination protocols) to isolate the lethal life form (which of course is mutating) while determining why two people from Piedmont (an old drunk and a six-month-old baby)

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 9, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Lords of Chaos (2018)

Ol’ Øystein “Euronymous “Aarseth (Rory Culkin) lives a rather bland existence in late ’80’s Norway doing the typical teen biz; drinking, smoking, starting Mayhem…a legendary Satanic Black Metal band…the usual. The days are filled with fun, gifts of crucified mice from fanatical fans, and endless practice sessions. Enter: new vocalist Pelle ‘Dead’ Ohlin (Jack Kilmer)…a real ray of sunshine that brings with him a heavy cloud of darkness and depression…and a real move forward for the band musically and visually. Of course tragedy soon follows and things begin to really go off the rails once the eager-to-please Kristian ‘Varg’ Vikernes (Emory Cohen) makes the scene along with some radical ideas (read: fucked-up) that soon have him and Euronymous at odds and things falling desperately out of control (to put it mildly). First things first; does Lords of Chaos fuck with the facts surrounding Mayhem? Sure it does…but this is a movie version of reality, not a documentary…and what a movie

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Earthquake (1974)

Ahh…the classic, star-studded disaster movie; they sure don’t make them like that anymore…well, sure they do make star-studded movies that are disasters, just not specifically about disasters. This seems like a long reach for a chuckle from you lot, so let’s just jump into my revoltin’ review of 1974’s Earthquake! Our story begins with Graff (Charlton fuckin’ Heston baby) getting nagged by his wife Remy (Ava Gardner)…because that’s what the kids dig; hen pecked husbands and their pill-poppin’ wives. Following that we get a “high speed” police chase (complete with Zsa Zsa Gabor’s bush…technically a hedge) and that heart-warming ol’ chestnut; a dead child, a mustachioed Marjoe Gortner giving a lady with a sky-high perm (Dallas‘ Victoria Principle) a big slab of his free meat (it involves store credit), Richard Roundtree sportin’ the slickest motorcycle threads/Black Vulcan costume known to mankind and doing his best Evel Knievel bit, Walter Matthau dressed like a pimp sipping booze…pretty much every rando (and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Room 37: The Mysterious Death of Johnny Thunders (2019)

On April 23rd, 1991, former New York Dolls guitarist and notorious heroin addict Johnny Thunders was found dead at the St Peter House in New Orleans. How this happened as long been one of rock n’ roll’s greatest unsolved mysteries, as an autopsy report found only a minimal amount of drugs in his system (he was attempting to get clean at the time)…but murder has always been a strong contender in his demise. Written and directed by The Cordero Brothers, Room 37: The Mysterious Death of Johnny Thunders presents a fictionalized version of the events surrounding Johnny’s (played to razor sharp perfection by Leo Ramsey) exit from this mortal coil. As our protagonist rolls into town he’s a broken man; his wife has left him, he hasn’t seen his kid in ages, and he’s trying to give up chasing the dragon. Johnny manages to continue his career in The Big Easy, and find some small companionship with hotel staffer Iris

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 18, 2019

More from Blu-Ray

Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Beast in Heat (1977)

During the final days of World War II; top Nazi scientist Dr. Ellen Kratsch (Macha Magall) gets a wild hair up her ass to create a horny as-all-fuck Neanderthal (Salvatore Baccaro) that humps it’s victims to death. What practical wartime application could this have? None…but Nazis are always up to ridiculous horseshit, so why should this film be any different? Anyway, some partisans from a nearby Italian village are causing those goose-steppin’ lunkheads some static, so the Ratzis naturally round-up every woman they can find (while shooting old ladies and babies) and systematically torture them to quell that pesky uprising. Along the way we are treated to some of the classic hits as only The Beast in Heat can do them including; Luger blast to the va-jay, tons of naked flesh (both female and male, because unlike actual Nazis, this flick is all about feel-good equality…or something like that), crappy-ass stock footage, people emoting during torture with the exuberance of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Night of the Creeps (1986)

In 1959, some naked-ass alien bastards chuck an experiment from their spacecraft which crashes on Earth…where some young lovers, Pam and Johnny believe it is a falling star. As her date investigates, Pam is murdered by an ax-wielding maniac on the loose (that her ex-beau police officer Ray Cameron warned the duo about earlier in the evening). Meanwhile Johnny is infected by an alien slug that hops down his throat…so the night is pretty much a bust for both of them. Flash forward to 1986, and college students Chris (Jason Lively) and J.C. (Steve Marshall) try and join a douchey fraternity to impress Cynthia Cronenberg (Jill Whitlow), the woman of Chris’ dreams. In order to complete that task, our heroes are tasked with stealing a corpse and placing it in front of a rival fraternity…which they fuck up in spectacular fashion when they free Johnny’s cryogenically frozen body…which isn’t as dead as everyone would hope. Soon Johnny has released his

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 29, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: American Horror Project: Volume 2 (1970 -1977)

A few years back, those freaky fiends at Arrow Video released a collection of three lesser-seen fringe fright flicks under the name American Horror Project: Volume 1. As you can tell by the title of this review, they have gone done and released a new collection of weird ass shit, and it’s up to your’s cruelly to take the ol’ deep dive and see what these putrid pictures are all about! First up we get: Dream No Evil (1970): An orphan girl spends her days keepin’ the faith that her daddy dearest will re-appear and sweep her away. Well that shit doesn’t come to pass; but she does get adopted and joins a revivalist Preacher in his carny existence. A few doomed romances later, and our heroine finds her daddy all right…laid right out on the mortician’s (who is also a pimp…because…well…) slab. Anyway, her grief resurrects him and he goes on a murder spree as one does. On the

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 26, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Universal Horror Collection Volume 1

Ol’ Scream Factory are unleashing a slew of second tier terror tales featuring two of the grand champions of the horror biz; Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff in one handy package dubbed Universal Horror Collection Volume 1. The set contains four fearsome features which I will be setting my eerie eyeballs on post haste! First up comes: The Black Cat (1934): Young newlyweds Peter (David Manners) and Joan Alison (Julie Bishop), are on their honeymoon in Hungary, where they meet the most Hungarian of Hungarians Dr. Vitus Werdegast (Béla Lugosi), who explains he’s been locked up for 15 years in a Siberian prison and is travelling to visit an old friend; one Hjalmar Poelzig (Boris Karloff), an Austrian architect. Soon all become stranded at Poelzig’s art deco mansion, where Werdegast accuses ol’ P-dawg of stealing his wife while he was in prison, and just for shits (and because his terrified of pussies) kills his host’s black cat…good thing Poelzig has

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 22, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Ghosts of Mars (2001)

Lieutenant Melanie Ballard (Natasha Henstridge) and a cadre of Mars cops are called out to a remote mining colony to pick up a prisoner, one Desolation Williams (Ice Cube), and transport him back to civilization…and more thorough incarceration. Once there they discover that nothing is left of the colony but mutilated corpses. Our heroes all have their theories as to what happened, but the simplest explanation eludes them…centuries old space lizard ghosts have possessed the miners and turned them into some sort of primal street gang lead by Big Daddy Mars (Richard Cetrone)…you know, like any other given Tuesday. Of course this makes survival a bit dicey for our heroes, but thankfully Desolation’s hard-ass pals show up to form an uneasy alliance making Operation: Save Ass a smidge more doable. I’m just going to come out and say it; Ghosts of Mars takes waaaay more shit from horror hounds than it deserves. While admittedly not one of John Carpenter’s best

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 16, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Frankenstein Created Woman (1967)

Baron Frankenstein (the legendary Peter Cushing) is resurrected from the dead (what a twist!) by his colleague Dr. Hertz (Thorley Walters) as part of an experiment involving the retention of one’s soul over a specified period of death (science…dodgy…making my…brain seize). So what does ol’ Franky-baby do when he’s up and about? Well he goes out for dinner…yeah, not really what I was expecting either…but eventually he gets up to the devil’s business we paid for as Hertz’s assistant Hans (Robert Morris) is wrongfully accused of murder and executed…which causes his girlfriend, the lovely yet disfigured Christina (Susan Denberg) to commit suicide…and the doomed lovers become the Baron’s next pet project. Soon ol’ Chrissy is back among the living; her face fixed, her hair now blonde (science!), and her subconscious packed fat with Hans’ soul…and this comely lass is hellbent on murderous revenge! Now you may wonder how a Frankenstein pic will fair with nary a stitched together man-monster shamblin’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Andromeda Strain (1971)

The US Air Force’s Project Scoop deploys a small unit to retrieve a satellite that has crashed back to Earth near Piedmont, New Mexico. Sounds easy enough; except the entire town is now dead A.F. and the folks sent to investigate end up the same thanks to something that hitched a ride on said satellite. Enter: Dr. Jeremy Stone (Arthur Hill) who warned this type of shit would go down years previous and was ostracized for his trouble. Now Uncle Sam comes practically begging for his assistance; and that of his team; Drs. Dutton, the brassy Leavitt and Hall (David Wayne, Kate Reid, and James Olson, respectively) and ships them off to the high tech underground facility known as Wildfire. Once there the work begins (after a series of wacky…and hilarious tests and decontamination protocols) to isolate the lethal life form (which of course is mutating) while determining why two people from Piedmont (an old drunk and a six-month-old baby)

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 9, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Lords of Chaos (2018)

Ol’ Øystein “Euronymous “Aarseth (Rory Culkin) lives a rather bland existence in late ’80’s Norway doing the typical teen biz; drinking, smoking, starting Mayhem…a legendary Satanic Black Metal band…the usual. The days are filled with fun, gifts of crucified mice from fanatical fans, and endless practice sessions. Enter: new vocalist Pelle ‘Dead’ Ohlin (Jack Kilmer)…a real ray of sunshine that brings with him a heavy cloud of darkness and depression…and a real move forward for the band musically and visually. Of course tragedy soon follows and things begin to really go off the rails once the eager-to-please Kristian ‘Varg’ Vikernes (Emory Cohen) makes the scene along with some radical ideas (read: fucked-up) that soon have him and Euronymous at odds and things falling desperately out of control (to put it mildly). First things first; does Lords of Chaos fuck with the facts surrounding Mayhem? Sure it does…but this is a movie version of reality, not a documentary…and what a movie

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Earthquake (1974)

Ahh…the classic, star-studded disaster movie; they sure don’t make them like that anymore…well, sure they do make star-studded movies that are disasters, just not specifically about disasters. This seems like a long reach for a chuckle from you lot, so let’s just jump into my revoltin’ review of 1974’s Earthquake! Our story begins with Graff (Charlton fuckin’ Heston baby) getting nagged by his wife Remy (Ava Gardner)…because that’s what the kids dig; hen pecked husbands and their pill-poppin’ wives. Following that we get a “high speed” police chase (complete with Zsa Zsa Gabor’s bush…technically a hedge) and that heart-warming ol’ chestnut; a dead child, a mustachioed Marjoe Gortner giving a lady with a sky-high perm (Dallas‘ Victoria Principle) a big slab of his free meat (it involves store credit), Richard Roundtree sportin’ the slickest motorcycle threads/Black Vulcan costume known to mankind and doing his best Evel Knievel bit, Walter Matthau dressed like a pimp sipping booze…pretty much every rando (and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Room 37: The Mysterious Death of Johnny Thunders (2019)

On April 23rd, 1991, former New York Dolls guitarist and notorious heroin addict Johnny Thunders was found dead at the St Peter House in New Orleans. How this happened as long been one of rock n’ roll’s greatest unsolved mysteries, as an autopsy report found only a minimal amount of drugs in his system (he was attempting to get clean at the time)…but murder has always been a strong contender in his demise. Written and directed by The Cordero Brothers, Room 37: The Mysterious Death of Johnny Thunders presents a fictionalized version of the events surrounding Johnny’s (played to razor sharp perfection by Leo Ramsey) exit from this mortal coil. As our protagonist rolls into town he’s a broken man; his wife has left him, he hasn’t seen his kid in ages, and he’s trying to give up chasing the dragon. Johnny manages to continue his career in The Big Easy, and find some small companionship with hotel staffer Iris

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 18, 2019
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