Author

DanXIII

1,294 stories

Movie Review: Scarecrows (2018)

A group of young rascals go in search of a remote lagoon (seriously, is that a thing that college kids even do???), and along the way a thumb falls from the sky and collides with their car. Why does this happen? Well, the answer is one that these boobs and most of you could never guess (unless you read the film’s title and watched it’s cold open…fuck, okay…you could have guessed it, but the characters couldn’t)…and that answer is that a crow was feasting on a living scarecrow hanging in the field of a demented farmer and dropped that shit like a thumb turd on the hood of said automobile. Anyhow, our heroes find the lagoon, they splash around, their car gets stolen, and they of course run afoul of that freaky farmer which makes their life choice of not being turned into scarecrows a bit complicated. Scarecrows is a film of flip-floppin’ paradigms, and at that game, this fright

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DanXIII

Nov 4, 2018

ForeignMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Number 37 (2018)

Randal (Irshaad Ally) has got his ass in some dire freakin’ straits; you see, he owes money to the local loan shark, Emmie (Danny Ross), who makes late payments a death sentence and to some thugs that have broken Randal’s back and left him confined to a wheelchair. As fate (and Hitchcock) would have it; Randal’s girlfriend Pam (Monique Rockman) gives our crippled hero a pair of binoculars with which he discovers a way out of his shitty sitch as he spies the fact that his neighbor, the gangster Lawyer (David Manuel), has a sack of cash just waiting to be stolen in his apartment…more than enough to settle the score with those he owes that multitude of greenbacks, plus live the easy life. But how will he go about robbin’ that gangster and makin’ the dash? Comprised of a number of innovative trappings (that knife wielding albino springs to mind), ratcheting tension, and an effective use of a single

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DanXIII

Nov 3, 2018

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Possum (2018)

Phillip (Sean Harris), a disgraced puppeteer (are there any other kinds really…), returns to his childhood home, or to be more precise; his isolated, dilapidated former home set among the bleak and barren Norfolk landscape. Once there he reflects on his troubled childhood and deals with his last surviving relative; a real son of a bitch named Maurice (Alun Armstrong). As the days progress, Phillip continuously attempts to rid himself of the spider-like puppet, the eponymous ‘Possum’, he lugs around in a large handbag…only to have the beast reappear. Just what did Phillip due to be ostracized, and just what connection does he have to the recent disappearance of a local schoolboy? Though by no means exactly this; the best way I can describe Possum is to imagine Robin Hardy directing Basket Case for Amicus (with Pete Walker consulting). This is one grim, dreary, surreal, and absolutely compelling watch, as Harris; as our perpetually frowning, chain smoking, and quite possibly

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DanXIII

Nov 1, 2018

IndieMoviesReviews

DVD Review: Death House (2017)

Agents Toria Boon (Cortney Palm) and Jae Novak (Cody Longo) partake in a virtual tour of a high tech prison named the Death House; an underground facility where prisoners are reformed via the use of holograms that let prisoners experience their past crimes again and again (using homeless folks for victims) for scientific study. Before long an EMP device detonates, and cuts power to the prison…and releases all of the homicidal maniacs within who follow the orders of Satanic Neo-Nazi Sieg (Kane Hodder)…who isn’t so fond of Boon. The agents flee ever further into the dark depths of that hellish prison where they must appeal for a boon from The Five Evils; the meanest supernatural son of a bitches to ever stride upon the Earth! The very first thing you will notice about Death House is the absolutely bat-shit insane amount of horror biz luminaries who appear on screen. along with the aforementioned Hodder (who really gets into his role

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DanXIII

Oct 29, 2018

IndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Movie Review: Krampus Origins (2018)

As World War I rages out of control; a group of doughboys find an ancient book…which gets sent back to the good ol’ U.S. of A. after the soldiers meet their end in battle. The tome ends up in the hands of the commanding officer’s widow…who teaches at a small-town orphanage populated by the kind of dumb ass kids who can’t leave an incredibly evil artifact alone, which has the undesirable side effect of unleashing everyone’s fav Germanic Christmas demon, Krampus, which they must then try and defeat! In theory, Krampus Origins has a hell of a lot going for it. It has an original premise (kids in the early 20th Century taking on a mythical demon from Europe…right fuckin’ on!), some solid performances (especially from genre legend Maria Olsen…though the young leads are rather good as well), and solid set dressing; including period accurate costumes, and a great prop in that aforementioned evil book, which is realized in a

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DanXIII

Oct 28, 2018

IndieMovies

Movie Review: The Heretics (2017)

Gloria (Nina Kiri) has one hell of a skeleton in her closet…namely she was kidnapped by a cult during a “locust moon” and tied up on an altar, but in a unique twist; the cultists kill themselves letting their captive live! Flash forward a few years, and G-dawg has hooked up with a fellow trauma survivor named Joan (Jorja Cadence), and is livin’ all lovey-dovey in dysfunctional paradise…that is until one of those pesky cult members, a dude named Thomas (Ry Barrett), who kidnaps her to complete the ritual began years before. will Gloria survive the ordeal…and what is growing inside her, and will Joan be able to rescue her love from the grip of the arcane?!! The Heretics definitely has a few checks in the ol’ plus column; and first and foremost among them is the acting on hand. Kiri makes for a great lead who can go from vulnerable victim, to strong survivor, to off-kilter possessed with equal

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DanXIII

Oct 27, 2018

IndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Movie Review: The Dark (2018)

Ol’ Josef Hofer (Karl Markovics) is one bad hombre, and he is hell bent to get to a remote location, in this case a supposedly haunted house, where he can lie low. Once there, he finds the arcane abode inhabited by a sole occupant; Mina (Nadia Alexander) who admits to being the “monster” the locals are on about…and she is in fact an undead, flesh eatin’ ghoul who lives in her old home and munches on the occasional traveler. Buuut, no mere zombie is she; nope…she can remember her past, speak, and generally display a whole spectrum of emotions…emotions that come to the fore as she becomes attached to Josef’s teenage hostage Alex (Toby Nichols)…a boy he blinded and mentally fucked up six ways to Sunday. Speaking of fucked up, we learn that our ghastly heroine had an alcoholic mother and was sexually abused by her boyfriend. Now with John Q. Law looming near, will Mina surrender Alex over to

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DanXIII

Oct 26, 2018

MoviesParanormalReviews

Blu-ray Review: Spontaneous Combustion (1990)

Sam (Brad Dourif playing the role to the hilt…as usual) is just you normal, average, every-man type; the kind of guy who’s parents volunteered to be test subjects in nuclear experiments as they conceived him and then self immolated right after he was born…and who is now manifesting the power of psychokinesis; an ability to create and control fire (with a side order of electric discharge) whenever he gets pissed off…which is often. Besides having super powers; Sam is rapidly falling apart, as every use of his powers results in blood spurting fissures to appear on his body that subsequently start blastin’ forth massive amounts of freaky fire. Add to that a bitchy ex-wife, and a new girlfriend (Cynthia Bain) who may not be all she appears to be…not to mention a shady government organization, and you have a ticking time bomb on two legs! Following hot on the heels from legendary director Tobe Hooper’s (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist)

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DanXIII

Oct 25, 2018

IndieMoviesReviews

Short Film Review: 5:29 See the Devil’s Eyes (2018)

In 5:29 See the Devil’s Eyes, we are treated to graphic representation of a Bible passage, Matthew 5:29 “If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” to be precise. Devoid of narrative or dialog, 5:29 See the Devil’s Eyes distills the passage above to a single image; that of a woman (Kaylee Giza), mutilated in a representation of sin who steps forward to reveal an even more horrific nightmare hidden under her dark hair. Director Ryan Swnatek presents the whole grizzly tableau in a lurid color scheme straight out of the Italian fright flicks of old (with a nod to Argento if I’m not mistaken). It’s a pleasing dichotomy of beauty and ugliness which is also echoed in the main character who’s feminine charm is forever marred by grievous injury. Speaking

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DanXIII

Oct 24, 2018

IndieMoviesReviews

DVD Review: Snake Outta Compton (2018)

A snake falls from a plane over Compton and while it doesn’t survive the trip; it’s egg does and is retrieved by an uber-nerd, oh-so-subtly named Vurkel (Donte Essien), who subjects the newly hatched infant snake to experiments with a growth ray (which he intended to use on his cock) that causes it to grow uncontrollably (what else did you expect it to do dumbass). Meanwhile Vurkel’s roommates are an amateur hip hop crew that unfortunately have fallen afoul of an absolutely ridiculous criminal named Alley Jaws (Eric Paul Erickson) to whom they owe a considerable sum. Soon that snake gets free and goes on a rampage while our heroes make inept attempts to get the money owed to Jaws while dealing with the constant interference of testosterone infused crooked cop Denz (Joston Theney) and his completely idiotic rookie partner Ethan (Jon Kondelik) who arrest the group’s MC Cam (Ricky Flowers Jr.) and generally make life miserable for our protagonists.

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DanXIII

Oct 24, 2018

DanXIII

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