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DanXIII

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DVD Review: Heavy Trip (2018)

Before I jump into this here review for Heavy Trip, let me state that this is definitely NOT a horror film, rather it is a comedy about black metal, but since metal and horror intersect beautifully…and…and fuck it; I do whatever the shit I want… Turo (Johannes Holopainen), and his friends Pasi (Max Ovaska), Lotvonen (Samuli Jaskio), and Jynkyy (Antti Heikkinen) have been practicing their metal chops in a basement for the better part of 12 years, but Turo’s near paralyzing shyness have kept them from recording original material or performing even a single gig. considered a joke by damn near the entire town, our heroes soon get a chance to play a large metal festival in Norway, and the town begins to change their tune and worship the boys as local legends. Sounds great right? Well, while the promoter of said festival digs their sound (after hearing their demo post-reindeer blood shower…trust me, it makes sense when you see

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DanXIII

Dec 7, 2018

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Creepshow (1982)

Creepshow, or as I like to call it; “The best mother fuckin’ horror anthology ever made…period.” You’ve seen it, I’ve sure as shit have seen it…and I know you probably love it as much as your’s cruelly! Well, it just so happens our devilish compatriots at Scream Factory have just issued a special edition Blu-ray release of ol’ Creepy-baby, and I’m fixin’ to tell you what’s what about that…but first I’ll give a quick sinister synopsis for each story contained within this arcane anthology for all none of you that haven’t seen it… After a brief intro segment where a shit heel of a father (genre icon Tom “Thrill Me” Atkins) smacks his kid Billy (Joe Hill…the son of ol’ Stephen King; who just so happened to pen this fearsome feature, and a hell of a writer himself these days) around for reading horror comics we jump into our first tale: Father’s Day is the story of a wealthy and

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DanXIII

Dec 6, 2018

Holiday HorrorIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Elves (2018)

A kid gets possessed by an elf, and gets his dunce of a brother to crawl into an oven where then proceeds to cook him. I say “What the fuck?!!”, and thus begins Elves…a sequel to a film I’ve never seen (The Elf for you keeping score at home)… Things kick into high gear once a group of friends open a chest-full of elf dolls at a holiday soiree. Each friend takes an elf with them and before long they get possessed by the effigies who make them suffer for their “naughtiness”…with predictably murderous results. Will anyone survive the arcane ordeal to see next Christmas? First things first, as mentioned up yonder, I had never laid my eerie eyeballs on The Elf, and fortunately Director Jamaal Burden has crafted a simple tale that’s easy to follow for neophytes to the franchise. What you get is a big ol’ slice of fruit cake as our troubled heroes take on the visage

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DanXIII

Dec 2, 2018

Holiday HorrorIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Slay Belles (2018)

Alexi (Kristina Klebe) heads out with her ultra-bosomy gal pals Dahlia (Susan Slaughter) and Sadie (Hannah Wagner) to help them film the latest installment of their wicked web series Adventure Girls; a show dedicated to exploring abandoned structures…like the recesses of my mind where dignity and shame once did dwell. Out on the road they stop into a local watering hole where they learn kids have turned up slaughtered before heading on to their destination, a dilapidated Christmas based theme park named Santa Land. Once there they meet the kiddie-snatchin’ (and eating) culprit; none other than everyone’s favorite Xmas demon; Krampus…as well as Santa (Barry Bostwick) himself, though he is more of a brawlin’, boozin’ , biker-type rather than the jolly ol’ St. Nick we have become accustomed to. Now it’s up to our comely heroines and Santa to put an end to that Germanic terror’s reign of evil…fuck, we are all going to die, aren’t we? As you may

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DanXIII

Dec 1, 2018

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Intensive Care (2018)

Alex (Tara Macken) earns some scratch by being the live-in nurse for an elderly woman named Claire (Leslie Easterbrook); and it seems like a rather cake assignment minus changin’ an adult diaper or two. Meanwhile Claire’s estranged, and constantly down on his luck, grandson Danny (Jai Rodriguez) has reunited with Seth and Rudy (played to the hilt by Kevin Sizemore and Jose Rosete respectively), a duo of no-good-nik townies he fucked over in the past, and the trio decide to rob the old bat, with the dastardly duo doing the deed while Danny takes Alex out on a date (plus distraction sex…Danny really suffers for his machinations, eh creeps? It’s like “You dudes get dolled up in spooky masks and struggle to open that safe…I’ll take the heat off of you by getting down and dirty with this outrageously attractive woman!” That ol’ rugged cross is a hard one to bear…). As is often the case, things go south, and

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DanXIII

Nov 29, 2018

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review Attraction (2017)

On the eve of a massive meteor shower, a titanic damaged U.F.O. crash lands in Moscow. This sets off massive confusion among the citizenry with many resisting the arrival of our new-found brothers from the stars, some out of prejudice and others out of more personal reasons, such as Julia (Irina Starshenbaum) who’s best friend Sveta (Darya Rudenok) was inadvertently killed as the craft ripped the city apart during it’s landing. Soon Julia, along with her boyfriend Tyoma (Alexander Petrov) and his friends venture into ground zero to see what just what the aliens, who claim they wish for nothing more than to be left alone and repair their ship, are really up to! Unbeknownst to her pals, Julia finds out a secret about the aliens that causes her to have a change of heart…a change that leads to the fires of revolution and even love. But will all of that be enough to save the city, and just who

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DanXIII

Nov 28, 2018

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972) and The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973)

Warner Brothers have just unleashed a real terror treat for fang bangers everywhere; a duo of discs starring that demonic Dracula and his vampire hordes courtesy of the haunted Hammer House of Horror! So let’s grab a slice or two of extra garlic pizza and give Dracula A.D. 1972 and The Satanic Rites of Dracula a wicked whirl! Dracula A.D. 1972 begins with Dracula (Christopher Lee) dying at the hands (spokes?) of a wagon wheel in the 1800’s (trust me, it plays out waaay better than it reads). Flash forward to ultra-mod London in the year 1972 where hip scenster cum Occultist Johnny Alucard (Christopher Neame) gets the shit-hot idea to perform a ritual with his chums in a deconsecrated church in the hopes of giving rise to the Devil himself, but he instead conjurs up ol’ Drac-Attack! What Johnny doesn’t know however is that his pal Jessica (Stephanie Beacham) and her grandfather Lorrimer (Peter Cushing) are part of a

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DanXIII

Nov 28, 2018

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Zombie (1979) 3-Disc Limited Edition

Lucio Fulci’s seminal gut-muncher Zombie (or Zombi 2 as it is sometimes known, as in Italy it was released as a sequel to Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, which is known there as Zombi…confused yet boils n’ ghouls?!!) has always been a favorite of your’s cruelly, and before we even get into the review proper I will whole-heartedly state that every horror hound, zombie lover, and gore aficionado should have this fright flick in their creepy collection…no excuses! For those unfamiliar with the film, the plot goes like this; Journalist Peter West (Ian McCulloch) is called on to investigate a strange ship that drifted into the waters outside of Manhattan…a ship that seemingly contained flesh hungry zombies! Before long, Peter is joined by Anne Bowles (Tisa Farrow), the daughter of the boat’s owner, and the duo make for the Caribbean to investigate just what in the hell happened to Anne’s father. Once there our heroes hook up with Brian Hull

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DanXIII

Nov 26, 2018

Holiday HorrorIndieMoviesReviews

DVD Review: All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018)

An awkward couple arrive at a playhouse presenting a series of vignettes, named after phrases from ‘The Night Before Christmas‘, and based on varying elements of the Christmas spirit (and hosted by a silent master of ceremonies portrayed by genre mainstay Maria Olsen). Thus begins the latest arcane anthology from our beloved horror biz titled All the Creatures Were Stirring. The first story up is called ‘The Stockings Were Hung‘, and concerns an office Holiday party where the gift exchange goes hideously awry as an unwanted participant turns the game into a murder packed fight for survival! This was a tale equal parts humorous and grim and a very strong start to the ho ho horror at hand. Next we have ‘Dash Away All‘ which presents the terror tale of a man trying to get home for Christmas. Things become complicated when he locks his keys in his car and seeks help from two mysterious women in a van…a van

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DanXIII

Nov 25, 2018

ForeignHoliday HorrorIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Christmas Blood (2017)

Ho, ho, mother fuckin’ ho; what do we have here boils n’ ghouls? A Christmas set thriller where a slashin’ Santa works his way through a group of victims. Good to see originality is still alive and well in the ol’ horror biz… Anyway, there is a killer Santa that terrorizes folks with a pick-ax every Yuletide, and this year he brings his murder biz to a small Norweigian town where a group of female friends have gathered for a reunion. Things get bloody for our comely heroines and soon their mortality is seriously in jeopardy. Thankfully for them, a grizzled (and alcoholic) detective and his gung-ho partner make the scene, and they are bound and determined to bring these horrible holiday homicides to a swift end! While I may have brought the sass up-top, Christmas Blood, for all of it’s trope-heavy elements, nevertheless delivers some effective storytelling and visuals. Writer/Director Reinert Kiil (with that name, fright flick Director was

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DanXIII

Nov 24, 2018

DanXIII

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