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DanXIII

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Blu-ray Review: Dis (2017)

An ex soldier named Ariel (played by genre legend Bill Oberst Jr.) strolls through a forest, unaware he is about to enter hell…or a very close approximation of it. You see, those trees hide one bad motherfucker that is cultivating a garden of magical mandrakes, and he needs killer kum to make those wicked weeds grow strong and tall! While the above sinister synopsis may seem a tad light (and with a film that runs sixty minutes light plot can be expected) I can promise you that you are in for one hell of a fucked up ride with Dis. Let’s start off with the more refined side of things and offer praise for leading man Oberst Jr.; this dude is an acting powerhouse and always brings a sense of weight and realism to any role he plays, and this is no exception…hell he brings a ton of gravitas to the first twenty minutes of the film and he doesn’t

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DanXIII

Jan 13, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Howling III (1987)

Anthropologist Harry Beckmeyer (Barry Otto) witnesses some old-ass footage that purportedly shows a werewolf, and hears of a lycanthrope on the prowl in Siberia, so does what any rational human being would do; contacts the President of the United States and warns him of a worldwide werewolf epidemic. Spoiler: Prez blows that shit off. Wonder why? Meanwhile, comely marsupial werewolf Jerboa (Imogen Annesley) has fled from her abusive home and has been discovered living on the streets by Donny Martin (Leigh Biolos) who gets her a gig starring in the fright flick ‘Shape Shifters Part 8′. Jerboa reveals she is a real life werewolf, but Donny being the typical red-blooded male fucks her anyway…I mean, it’s only half bestiality, so it’s all good, right bro? (shudder) Soon Jerboa’s estranged family come a-lookin’ for her, and Beckmeyer crosses their path…and falls in love with a werewolf ballerina…and then ancient phantom werewolves are summoned…and there’s an award show…and a baby werewolf…and…and…ME FUCKIN’

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DanXIII

Jan 13, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Dry Blood (2017)

Brian Barnes (Clint Carney, who also wrote the film) is a major league fuck-up. He’s pissed his life away with drugs n’ drink…and now he’s decided to retreat to a remote cabin (always a shit-hot idea in a fright flick) to try and dry his ass out with the help of his pal Anna (Jaymie Valentine). Complicating matters is the constant intrusion of a local sheriff (Kelton Jones, who directed the film as well), and some pesky, and sanity threatening, hallucinations and ghosts that may just reduce Barnes to a quivering mass of jelly before the yarn unspools! Oh Dry Blood, you magnificent, wildly uneven, bastard. For the first half of this film, you will doubtless ask yourself “Why on Earth am I trudging through this nonsense?” Scenes go on forever, Carney is a rather unlikable lead, and Valentine…well, let’s just be charitable and say her acting (and wig???) leave a shit-ton to be desired (though after the picture ends

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DanXIII

Jan 11, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Sinister Shorts Featuring: Slash (2018), Stay Quiet (2018), and Innards (2014)

With the new year comes a veritable ass-load of short fright flicks that fine fiends have asked me to lay my putrid peepers upon (or like three…but one man’s small amount is another man’s ass-load I never say…). So without further ado, here comes some bite-sized revoltin’ reviews! Slash (2018): Callum (Michael Mowen) is just tryin’ to enjoy a sinister slasher pic, but his gal pal Sydney (Chloe Carroll…who also produced the film) is riding his ass like a cheap suit calling out every beloved stalk n’ slay trope and giving it a savage roasting that will have you wishing ol’ C-dawg would throw her out on her ear. Of course soon the tables turn, and Sydney finds herself in just the situation she so mercilessly took jabs at, but will she fare any better than the characters on the silver screen? Running at a brief eight minutes and change, Slash is a great skewering of that one mother fucker

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DanXIII

Jan 8, 2019

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Willie Dynamite (1974)

Willie Dynamite (Roscoe Orman…who you may know as Gordon from Sesame Street) cruises the streets in a lavender automobile roughly the size of a small continent while wearing a lampshade as a hat (go ahead and convince me otherwise) as his theme song plays (Willie! Oh, Willie D.!!) before collecting a hefty sum for the snapper he sold the local Shriner convention. But as fate would have it, pimpin’ ain’t easy, and Willie must contend with a late trick…and not a top earner as well. At least he can rely on the camaraderie of his pimp peers…peers who take the advice of Bell (Roger Robinson in a performance so flamboyant it would make Elton John blush) and decide to play the game in delineated territories in order to maximize profits and stay ahead of the law…a plan that goes over like a fart in a submarine to enterprisin’ Willie D. Before long, our hero has to deal with the ever-growing

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DanXIII

Jan 5, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Bloody Birthday (1981)

In 1970, three children were born during an eclipse (presented in the cheapest way imaginable, and a real treat for those of you that dig on still photos of a solar eclipse and V.O. exposition…). Flash forward ten years, and these hellions (played by Elizabeth Hoy, Billy Jayne, and Andrew Freeman respectively) are making 1980 a real shitty year for their suburban neighborhood. Engaging in everything from spying on Julie Brown (Earth Girls Are Easy variety, not ‘Downtown’…) dancing around naked, to locking other kids in abandoned refrigerators, to straight up murder (victims include, but are not limited to: their parents, teachers, and rando horny teens). Soon it’s up to Timmy (K.C. Martel) and his sister Joyce (Lori Lethin) to try and put an end to these tiny terrors armed only with astrology (?!!) and their wits…my money’s on the killer kids… The first thing that will doubtless pop into your fevered lil’ brains as you watch Bloody Birthday is

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DanXIII

Jan 4, 2019

News

Johnny Unheimlich Conjure New Single ‘Crooked Teeth’

Dark acoustic duo Johnny Unheimlich have reached deep into the abyss of arcane audio and pulled forth their latest offering to the Dark Master (and your eerie earholes ‘natch); Crooked Teeth! The best way I can describe ol’ Johnny’s sinister sound is; imagine if David Lynch was the musical director of a coffee shop/occult bookstore in Hell…that kinda scratches the surface of what these dudes sound like, but their genius runs much, much deeper. Why not give ‘Crooked Teeth’ a listen for yourself and fall deep under their sonic spell?!! Head here to begin your journey into the wicked world of Johnny Unheimlich!

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DanXIII

Jan 1, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion (1970)

Lonely (and rich) housewife Minou (Dagmar Lassander) spends her time pining for the affection of her husband Peter (Pier Paolo Capponi) who is never around. While walking alone one night, Minou is accosted by a weirdo who tells her Peter is, in fact, a murderer. She pays this insanity no mind, but soon the evidence appears to back up the stranger’s claims, and Minou finds herself tumbling into an ever deeper abyss of blackmail at the hands of the devious (and horny) creeper. Will Minou be able to regain a semblance of a normal life and escape this ordeal with her sanity intact or will she be destroyed by the blackmailer’s game? The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion appears to be a giallo, but honestly it isn’t; no black gloved killer appears…hell, no murder appears in the film at all…but what the film is is a mystery with giallo window dressing. Director Luciano Ercoli has infused the piece

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DanXIII

Dec 30, 2018

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Waterworld (1995)

In the future (or like next Tuesday the way shit is going) the polar ice caps have melted flooding the planet. Folks now live on floating islands of scrap called atolls and hold a belief that a mythical “Dryland” must exist out there…somewhere. Enter The Mariner (Kevin Costner); a dirt trader (yeah…dirt is a commodity because…water reasons…) and gill havin’ mutant to the atoll. Very, very long story short; pirates lead by Deacon (Dennis Hopper) invade the atoll looking to kidnap a girl named Enola (Tina Majorino) who just so happens to have a map to Dryland tattooed on her back, and it’s up to Mariner to protect her while hopefully leading the remnants of humanity to Dryland. I’m not going to tell you that Waterworld is a perfect film; it’s bloated as all fuck, is obviously a vanity project for Costner, and is derivative of the Mad Max franchise to the point of distraction…it also isn’t the Kong-sized piece

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DanXIII

Dec 30, 2018

IndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Movie Review: Doom Room (2019)

A nameless woman (Johanna Stanton) wakes up in a locked room in some place or another (she has no fuckin’ clue, and neither do we). I guess that’s cool…just chill the F out and get to really know yourself kind of ‘sitch…of course she has shit-all as far as memories are concerned…and she’s not really alone. You see these “beings” with catchy handles such as Husband (Matthew Tompkins), Wife (genre legend Debbie Rochon) and Innocence (Hayden Tweedie) keep appearing in the room to give our heroine static. Who or what are they? How did they get in there? Is our protagonist encountering demons or is she merely insane? Those questions will have to be answered with the fuckin’ quickness if our Jane Doe is going to make it through this ordeal! Comprised of a style that could best be described as arthouse with a sprinkle of grindhouse for flavor; Doom Room is one odd duck of a fright flick. The

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DanXIII

Dec 30, 2018

DanXIII

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