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DanXIII

1,294 stories

Movie Review: The Bellwether (2019)

I got sent the screener for The Bellwether and my heart sank. Reading the description I could see this was going to be some real soul searching, feminist-based examination of the dire effects tragedy can have on a woman…and when faced with serious, gravitas-heavy material like this my review style is completely thrown for a loop. You lot know I’m world famous for my award losing hodgepodge of smart assery, pop culture deep dives, and horror host punnery, and this material definitely won’t bring the grins…so with that disclaimer I’ll do my best to entertain here boils n’ ghouls… Bookstore owner Joanne (Alex Reid) is having one of those days. She awakes to find herself within a Gothic chapel fitted with a TV screen, through which The Conspiracy conveys that they have photographic evidence of every moment of her life…including that pesky baby she aborted a few years previous, and intends to challenge her life’s path. Why are they fuckin’

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DanXIII

Jan 24, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Short Film Review: Bible Black (2017)

Buckle up boils n’ ghouls ‘cuz we are going to dive deep into Bible Black; a motion comic about…dark religious things…and stuff… After an opening narration so overwrought it becomes parody, and a musical selection that sounds like a selection from a Broadway show about Lucifer we begin Bible Black proper; an arcane anthology that promises to be edgy-dark…like a frowny girl buying a Goth attired Hello Kitty figurine at Hot Topic dark if that intro is any indication… Story one is a short piece about God committing suicide…okay, that is a rather attention grabbing way to start things, but it’s shock value is minimal…and you’ll see that is an issue throughout this short… Following that is some shit about a girl with nightmares. While neither of these amount to much, I’ll admit the one piece of art we get for each tale are both strong images. Next up comes Lobster Girl; the tale of a deformed stripper with claws

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DanXIII

Jan 23, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Caesar And Otto’s Paranormal Halloween (2015)

Well, this ought to be a real treat; I get to review the sixth film in a series I have never heard of! It’s also a horror comedy, which I run hot and cold on (although there have been some good ‘uns as of late). Anyway, let me shift my ghoulish gaze upon Caesar and Otto’s Paranormal Halloween. CAOPH (I’m not writin’ that title out e’ery time… I just don’t have the stamina or a handle on that whole “copy”/”paste” sorcery the kids are all into these days) concerns the wacky misadventures of a couple of jack asses (the eponymous Caesar and Otto) as they are charged with care-taking a haunted house. What follows is nearly 90 minutes of supernatural shenanigans, famous fright flick parodies, and meta nonsense. Honestly, ol’ Caesar and Otto’s Paranormal Halloween ain’t half bad. The cast (comprised of folks I don’t know and folks I certainly do, like scream queens Felissa Rose, Tiffany Shepis, Brinke Stevens,

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DanXIII

Jan 20, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Short Film Review: Shovel (2018)

A little girl (Aeona Cruz) skips merrily on her way among the flowers while a blood soaked brute of a man (Doug Newville…who also wrote the short) with one hell of an angry lookin’ shovel does the devil’s business on anyone unlucky enough to find themselves in his way. These disparate characters of course collide; and I guarantee more than one of you lot will dig the outcome! Running a compact six minutes, Shovel is one hell of a fine fright flick…even if it is bite-sized. The pace is brisk, the story is on point, and the cinematography is slicker than shit through a ghoulish goose’s ass…all of which will doubtless please horror hounds (though the solid make-up and effects won’t hurt things either); and in my opinion ol’ Shovel (that’s the name of the aforementioned monster man as well as the film) has what it takes to be a full-on slasher heartthrob like his closest antecedent Leatherface (this yarn

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DanXIII

Jan 16, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Short Film Review: Slapface (2017)

Things ain’t exactly peachy for the young protagonist (Joshua Kaufman) of the short film Slapface; he spends the late afternoons wandering the cold, dead forest that surrounds his home pining for his dead mother. Nights are spent refusing medication and playing an abusive face slapping game with his distant father (Nick Gregory)…so that’s double depressin’. What makes life tolerable for our hero is the relationship he develops with the monster (Lukas Hassel) that dwells in those aforementioned wicked woods…but just what is the nature of his beastly bestie? Comprised of an extremely somber aesthetic, emphasized not only by the pitch-black elements, but also by the gorgeous muted color palette (featuring cool greys, stark browns, and plenty of twilight skies), Writer/Director Jeremiah Kipp has presented something truly memorable for horror hounds to enjoy; particularly those that enjoy a strong human element running through their creature feature. Speaking of that, the creature presented here is also understated, and features a nice, subtle

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DanXIII

Jan 15, 2019

Movies

Todd Sheets Clownado Set to Have it’s Hollywood Premier!

Todd Sheets, the mad maniac that brought us the wicked werewolf shocker Bonehill Road (reviewed by your’s cruelly right here), is ready to unleash his newest monsterpiece, Clownado upon horror hounds everywhere…and what better location than good ol’ Hollyweird U.S. of A.! Check out the ghoulish graphic below for all the deets on how you can attend what is sure to be a piece of horror history!

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DanXIII

Jan 15, 2019

IndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Movie Review: Blood Bound (2019)

A gang of home invaders, some local sad-sack kids…who’s ranks include Kerry (Eden Brolin) the local Chief of Police’s daughter…who like to go out into the woods and trip balls, and a new couple in town. What do these disparate factions have in common? Well they all get caught up in one of those ancient pacts that require human sacrifice every 25 years that are all the rage with the youths of today. Long story short; the kids are the home invaders, they set out to rob the new folks in town, and quickly discover those folks are not to be fucked with as they are practitioners of the dark arts, and as said, those arts require sacrifice…and more, as Kerry becomes impregnated by the cult. Man-oh-man is Blood Bound ever a mixed bag (though mostly a negative bag) of a motion picture. The idea of the ancient rites and those that practice them blowing into town to stir shit

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DanXIII

Jan 15, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

DVD Review: American Nightmares (2018)

Two computer hackers run afoul of Mister Malevolent (the legend himself Danny Trejo) and his sidekick (Nichelle Nichols…I know, what the actual fuck, amirite?) who subject them to tales o’ terror in the mighty arcane anthology manner! Thus begins the new fright flick from Rusty Cundieff and Darin Scott (Tales From The Hood and Tales From The Hood 2). First up is Mates; the tale of a woman trying out a new online dating site after experiencing a bad romance (and raising a glass to her love of dick…and no, I’m not kidding). Well the date has an electrifying secret to say the least… This was a bit of a lackluster way to start the collection of tales, as this one isn’t great…or bad…it just…is. Next up comes The Prosecution, which involves an Attorney General setting his sights on becoming the Governor of Texas after a high profile conviction. As you can easily guess, that guilty party makes an escape

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DanXIII

Jan 13, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviewsTrue Crime

Blu-ray Review: The Fifth Cord (1971)

After a New Year’s Eve murder attempt goes tits-up, booze-soaked journalistic fuck-up par excellence Andrea Bild (Franco Nero) is called upon to report on the case. As fate, and the screenplay, would have it, the killer strikes again, this time sealing the deal. Before long the body count rises as does suspicion against our boy Andrea; which makes him rather keen on solving the case! Much closer to the giallo genre…in fact with it’s black gloved killer and jaw-dropping style it definitely is one, then the previous Luigi Bazzoni flick we examined in this creepy column (The Possessed for those keeping score at home…the review for which can be found right here!), The Fifth Cord is a pretty solid fright flick. Though filmed in color, the film’s limited palette offers the same chiaroscuro visuals that made the aforementioned The Possessed so gorgeous, and Nero turns in yet another world-weary and brilliant performance. Adding to the surreal aesthetics are a pre-occupation

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DanXIII

Jan 13, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviewsTrue CrimeTrue Story

Blu-ray Review: The Possessed (1965)

Bernard (Peter Baldwin), a sad sack novelist, decides to use that classic cure-all, namely horniness, and sets off to rekindle a relationship with his ex-lover Tilda (Virna Lisi); who works as a maid at a remote hotel located next to a lake. Everything seems hunky-goddammned-dory with the hotel’s owner, Enrico (Salvo Randone) and his daughter Irma (Valentina Cortese)…but it seems Tilda has pulled a David Copperfield and vanished. Having fuck-all to do, Bernard begins investigating the disappearance and ends up spiraling farther down a rabbit hole of perversion, insanity, and murder! The Possessed, comprised of it’s heavily art house influenced style and dark and deadly themes definitely stands as a strong and stylish fore-runner of the beloved murder heavy giallo genre. Directors Luigi Bazzoni, Franco Rossellini present the material with gobs of style and chiaroscuro visuals, but there are definitely moments where the concentration on aesthetics definitely hamper the clarity of the film’s storytelling (a problem also present in a

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DanXIII

Jan 13, 2019

DanXIII

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